Somebody to Love
by ChicagoGirl85
Summary: "Somebody to Love" follows the twenty year breakup of Rufus and Lily. Starting 3 months after Lily left to have her child and delves into the lives of four main people—Rufus Humphrey, Alison Richards, Lily Rhodes, and William van der Woodsen.
1. Preface

**Preface**

"Somebody to Love" is a fanfiction three years in the making. I started this endeavor November, 7th 2010, one day after my 25th birthday. I had a head full of ideas and plans that I couldn't wait to get out on paper. Looking back, I had no idea it would be such a bitch to write. After the first year it steadily started to decline and I became less prolific. I was at the tail end of finishing up my degree and life just started to take over. I was lucky if I pushed out a chapter a month. As I took steps into the real world to find a job, my hobbies took a backseat.

A year and a half after graduation, I finally settled into my career and moved into a new apartment, some 300 miles away from friends and family. I was ready to jump back into the passion of writing one of my most favorite stories.

You maybe wondering have I written stories before and the answer is… yes. I have another account on here but I have chosen to keep my identity under wraps. Why? Who knows? Perhaps, because, after all this is a Gossip Girl FanFiction. I'm sure I have spoken one time or another to many of you and have told you I'm writing this story so it may not be hard to find out.

My only hopes with this story is that you keep an open mind and stick with it. I promised myself that I wasn't going to post this story until it was finished in its entirety, but after 3 long years I'm afraid that if I do that it'll never get finish. Like any writer I need feedback and a swift kick in the ass to finish.

I would like to stay on a rhythm and post a chapter once a week on a Sunday. I have over 20 chapters written so I have a 5 month run on this to get it finished, and I think now is the time. With Gossip Girl's run over I have no idea if people are even reading, but I'm hoping the die hard fans are still out there.

Now, the important part. What is this story even about? "Somebody to Love" follows the twenty year breakup of Rufus and Lily. It starts 3 months after Lily left to have her child and delves into the lives of four main people—Rufus Humphrey, Alison Richards, Lily Rhodes, and William van der Woodsen. This is my attempt to fill in the blanks of those twenty lost years. This is the prologue to the lives that we now know.

Now, this is where it gets dicey because I'm sure you're probably thinking, "Well Rufus and Lily won't be together in your story, they're with other people and I don't want to read that!" Which, yes, is true…..almost. My number one goal in this story was to be true to life. People move on and find love. People grow up and want different things out of life. People evolve. Do I think that Rufus loved Alison? Yes, of course and very deeply so. And I think the same about Lily and Will. This story will show that.

But it will also show that just because your heart moves on doesn't mean places aren't kept for individuals. Not only am I trying to stay true to life but also to the show. We all know how Rufus and Lily felt about each other; that's a given. This, my friends, just fills in the holes of the heart.

I hope that doesn't scare too many people away and starting March, 3rd 2013 you come back to read, "Somebody to Love."

* * *

In the mean time here is a little teaser from **Chapter One** titled: "He's all yours..."

_"Steve get me two pitchers," Rufus walked up to the bar leaning over it a little. "We go on in ten."_

_Throwing his rag over his shoulder he cleared a few shot glasses from the counter."Sure thing Humphrey, give me two minutes," he turned to Alison. "And what about you? What do you want sweets?"_

_"I…I…umm…," She looked back and forth, trying in vain not to stumble over her words and act like she knew what she was talking about. "I…I'll have a…"_

_"Get her a Heineken," Rufus looked over at her shaking his head._

_Alison looked over instantly recognizing the voice. He didn't look up, his hair was a bit disheveled and in his eyes. He picked up a few peanuts and popped them into his mouth, a sly, cocky, smile playing on his lips. "Rufus…."He looked up for the first time and she could just barely see his hazel eyes peaking from beneath his brown hair._

_"Don't get out much?" he asked looking downward again._

_His question threw her and she didn't quite know what to say. "No, I…ummm…" she laughed. "I suppose not."_

_He laughed inwardly and finally turned to her and smiled. "How you doin?"_

_"Good," she smiled sincerely. "You?"_

_"Fine."_

_She looked around the bar trying to see if anyone was looking at them. "What…what are you doing here?"_

_"We got a small gig to play at a few bars down here this month," he nodded. "Nothing big. What are you doin' in a place like this?"_

_"Humphrey come on!" Mike walked passed. "Stop looking for your rebound fuck and come do sound check."_

_Alison didn't look over, but stared at her hands that were placed in her lap. She twisted her thumb ring around her finger and pursed her lips to keep from saying something._

_Rufus looked from Mike back to Alison instantly feeling bad. "Hey…don't listen to him he doesn't know what he's talking about. Mike's just….he's an ass."_

_She nodded not looking at him. "It's…it's fine."_

_He moved closer to her so she'd look at him. "No it's not. I'm sorry. Mike's the drummer in my band. He's always in a bad mood cause nobody likes him."_

_"Here you go," Steve sat down two overflowing pitches of beer and Alison's bottle of Heineken._

_"I got em' both," Rufus pulled money from his back pocket placing it down on the bar._

_Alison held out her hand. "Oh no, you don't have to do that."_

_"Don't worry about it," he half shook his head. "You…you should stay and listen."_

_"Well I'm here with a friend," she turned around and looked for Katie._

_"A guy?" Rufus looked around, wondering whom it could be._

_"No," she shook her head. "Katie, my roommate. Is umm…Lily here?" she swallowed._

_He sighed looking down a knot forming in his stomach. "We broke up a couple months ago," he swallowed._

_"Oh," she bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." She never really cared much for Lily. She had only seen her a few times, and each time she always had something smart to stay to her, or would make sure it was known that Rufus was hers to everyone around._

_"Humphrey! Beer!" Mike shouted again. "Come on!"_

_Rufus grabbed both pitchers and pushed the stool out of his way. "I play here every Thursday night till the first week of May. You should come back."_

_She nodded as he walked away. She touched her bottle of Heineken looking at the green bottle for a moment before looking at Rufus's retreating form, strange, old feelings coming over her._


	2. He's all yours

**When writing I do as much research as possible to be historically accurate. Every town, venue, bar, restaurant and 'celebrity' person in "Somebody to Love" is a real. Check for facts at the bottom of each chapter for more info. I also took some creative license with the dates in this story. The timeline of Gossip Girl could not have been right so I made my own version. Also, I changed Hudson to New Jersey instead of upstate New York. I have my little quirks. **

**Prologue**

_The rain was pouring down all around him as he snuck out the back door of the concert venue. He quickly jogged across the street dodging the raindrops and puddles as he jumped into the empty telephone booth. He wiped the water from his face and blew into his hands, rubbing them together to create warmth. Picking up the phone he held it in his hand for a few moments before hanging up. Swallowing hard, he stared at it for a moment trying to decide what he wanted to do. "Idiot…." He shook his head laughing in spite of himself before picking it back up. _

_Holding it between his ear and shoulder he grabbed a quarter from his pocket and slid it into the phone. Pulling the crumpled paper before him he slowly pushed in the numbers, his finger holding each digit longer than necessary. Taking a deep breath he turned around looking at the lights of the building across the street, one hand tucked under his arm. He listened to the phone ring a few times before someone picked up. _

"_Rhode's Residence," a woman's rich, velvety, southern accent spoke out._

_He was silent for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. It had been almost a month since he'd heard anything from Lily and his desperation was growing. He had absolutely no idea where she was or if she was okay. So he decided to call the last possible place he thought she could be…her parents home in Montecito. He had tried calling a few times with no luck. _

"Hello?"

_Full of uncertainty he tried to speak with conviction. "Can…can I talk with Lily please." _

"_Miss Lily is not home," the woman spoke slowly. _

"_Do you know when she will be?" he pressed. "I'll call back then." _

"_Mr. Rufus is dis you again? I told you, you better stop this callin'," she shook her head. "Miss Lily is done gone! I tell ya!" _

"_Constance please," Rufus pleaded. He knew he was running out of time and that Constance would be the only person that would give him an honest answer. She was Lily's childhood nanny turned housekeeper and Lily once told him she was her saving grace. "I know she'd want you to tell me. Just tell me where she is. Is she okay?" _

"_Mr. Rufus I say—"_

_Rufus heard her voice cut out by the sounds of an older man. The line was silent for a moment and he thought she hung up until a voice came on the line. "Rufus we had this conversation before and if you don't stop calling my house I'll have to take legal action. Do you know what legal action is son?"_

_Rufus winced at his words, "Rick just tell me where she is. That's all I want to know." Rufus turned around in the small telephone booth, his air feeling restricted. "Is she okay?"_

_Rick sighed, "She's traveling with her mother. Lily is checking out schools. She's thinking of furthering her education. She wanted a change Rufus. She doesn't want to see you." _

"_You're lyin'," he shook his head. "Lily would never just up and leave with Cece. Never. Just tell me the truth."_

"_I'm not going around in circles with you here Rufus. If you don't believe me that's your own fault. Now stop calling my house or I will press legal action. And when I say I'll do something, I will." _

"_Rick!" _

_The line went dead before he could finish. "Damn it! God damn it!" He slammed the phone down as he kicked the side of the phone booth. He knew that her father was lying. Lily would never just up and leave him. She wouldn't. They were so happy and had just returned from Paris only a few weeks before. It was there that he realized he wanted to marry her. He had even looked at rings. He thought it was the right time for them. _

_What happened? _

**Chapter 1**

**He's all yours...**

**April 3****rd,**** 1990**

**Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts**

**The Drinking Fountain Bar**

Her name was Alison Richards.

She was known as the leggy, willowy, blonde. Classified as far too thin; pretty, but not beautiful; soft-spoken and never crass. She hated the "F" word and would never say it unless warranted, and even then she would apologize for using it. She grew up in a good, upper-middle class family in Hudson, New Jersey. Raised catholic, she attended Sunday School each week without reserve, and was always praised as the "good girl."

Not to say if you got her mad she wouldn't try and defend herself, but that wouldn't come until later in life.

She practiced dance throughout her adolescent years and excelled in art. Her paintings hung in her parent's house with pride and esteem. In all accounts she was very talented in what she did, but was always overshadowed by someone who was just that much better; an actuality that she had come to accept over the years.

She had two older sisters, Carrie and Anna and a younger brother John. They all looked alike with their dark brown hair and chocolate eyes that resembled their mother, Elaine. It was Alison that took after her father Michael, with their strawberry blonde hair and chestnut eyes. And was probably why to this day they were so close. They shared everything as she grew up, especially their love of the boathouse.

The boathouse had been in Richards family for generations and it was stoically placed on the coast of the Hudson River in Cape Mae, New Jersey. She had spent every summer there as far as she could remember; it was her favorite place in the entire world. When she was seventeen her father had told her that in his will he was leaving it to her—she knew without a doubt it would be one of the most important gifts of her entire life.

Alison had dated a few guys throughout her teenage years, and only one that would be classified as serious. His name was Rufus Humphrey. She had dated Rufus for almost two years in high-school. They were total opposites in nature, but got each other in a way most didn't understand. She was quiet and good, he a little bit of a rebel but a true heart of gold. They broke up because they both knew they wouldn't last long distance when Alison went to college and Rufus decided to stay and work on his music.

It was soon after that Rufus found what he would call the love of his life, his first real love. Her name was Lily Rhodes and she was totally different than anyone he had ever met and they instantly fell in love. Alison on the other hand had only dated casually and committed herself to her love of dance and art.

Alison attended Boston Conservatory and the night she met up with Rufus was totally by chance and it happened on a night that was totally out of character for her. She had just finished her last exam of the semester and her roommate dragged her to a little hole in the wall bar on a seedy side of Boston.

"Katie," Alison looked around. "This place is disgusting." Holding her purse close to her chest she slowly looked around. "I don't like it here."

Katie rolled her eyes, pushing her dark brown hair off her shoulders. "Oh come on. I told you we wouldn't stay long. I just want to meet up with Steve. He told me he tends here on Thursdays." She looked around seeing him wiping down the bar.

"And how old does he think you are?" she crossed her arms.

"Well tonight I'm 21," she pulled a fake ID from her pocket. "And your name is Jessica and you're 23."

"Katie," Alison gave her an annoyed look before checking out the ID. "Are you kidding me? Katie, she looks nothing like me, she's like 200 pounds!"

"Al come on," she pulled her further into the bar. "You can't be good all the time. Come on."

Alison rolled her eyes and followed her into the bar and sat down at a table and took off her coat. "I'm not good all the time."

"Yes you are. Now go get a drink and loosen up. I'm going to go to the bathroom and freshen up." Pointing her finger at her she spoke low. "And don't you dare leave me here alone." She gave her the eye before walking off.

Alison bit the inside of her lip as she saw a bunch of bikers in the back playing pool. They were staring at her as soon as she had walked in. They could tell she looked like a fish out of water. Taking a deep breath she got up and walked over to the bar. She looked around at all the different liquors on the shelf, not really knowing what she wanted because she hardly ever drank.

"Steve get me two pitchers," Rufus walked up to the bar leaning over it a little. "We go on in ten."

Throwing a rag over his shoulder he cleared a few shot glasses from the counter. "Sure thing Humphrey, give me two minutes," he turned to Alison. "And what about you? What do you want sweets?"

"I…I…umm…," She looked back and forth, trying in vain not to stumble over her words and act like she knew what she was talking about. "I…I'll have a…"

"Get her a beer," Rufus looked over at her shaking his head.

Alison looked over instantly recognizing the voice. He didn't look up, his hair was a bit disheveled and in his eyes. He picked up a few peanuts and popped them into his mouth, a sly, cocky, smile playing on his lips.

"Rufus…."He looked up for the first time and she could just barely see his hazel eyes peaking from beneath his brown hair.

"Don't get out much?" he asked looking downward again.

His question threw her and she didn't quite know what to say. "No, I…ummm…" she laughed. "I suppose not."

He laughed inwardly and finally turned to her and smiled. "How you doin' Al?"

"Good," she smiled sincerely. "You?"

"Fine."

She looked around the bar trying to see if anyone was looking at them. "What…what are you doing here? I haven't seen you in….What? Over a year?"

"Yep," he nodded. We got a small gig to play at a few bars down here this month, nothing big. What are you doin' in a place like this?"

"Humphrey come on!" Mike walked passed. "Stop looking for your rebound fuck and come do sound check."

Alison didn't look over, but stared at her hands that were placed in her lap. She twisted her thumb ring around her finger and pursed her lips to keep from saying something.

Rufus looked from Mike back to Alison feeling awkward. "Hey…don't listen to him he doesn't know what he's talking about. Mike's just….he's an ass."

She nodded looking away. "It's…it's fine."

He moved in closer so she'd look at him. "No it's not. I'm sorry. Mike's the drummer in my band. He's always in a bad mood cause nobody likes him."

"Here you go," Steve sat down two overflowing pitches of beer and Alison's bottle of Heineken.

"I got em' both," Rufus pulled money from his back pocket placing it down on the bar.

Alison held out her hand. "Oh no, you don't have to do that."

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged. "You…you should stay and listen. It's been awhile. "

"Well I'm here with a friend," she swiveled on her stool looking for Katie.

"A guy?" Rufus looked around, wondering whom it could be, trying to follow her gaze.

"No," she shook her head looking at the restroom door. "Katie, my roommate. Is umm…Lily here?" she swallowed.

He sighed looking down, a knot forming in his stomach hearing her name. "We broke up a couple months ago," he swallowed.

"Oh," she bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." She never really cared much for Lily. She had only seen her a few times, and each time she always had something smart to stay to her, or would make sure it was known that Rufus was hers to everyone around.

"Humphrey! Beer!" Mike shouted again. "Come on!"

Rufus grabbed both pitchers and pushed the stool out of his way. "I play here every Thursday night till the first week of May. You should come back."

She nodded as he walked away. She touched her bottle of Heineken looking at the green bottle for a moment before looking at Rufus's retreating form, strange, old feelings coming over her.

"…..and who were you talking to?" Katie asked as she snuck up behind Alison.

"Oh…oh no one." Alison shook her head, spinning the bottom of her bottle on the bar trying to act casual.

"You met someone," she smiled, hopping on the stool next to her. "You met a boy! Where did he go?" she looked around.

"Katie shut up," she took a drink of her beer. "How old are you?"

"Oh come on, who was it? Tell me! Tell me!" she slapped her hand on the bar. "I wanna know!"

Alison rolled her eyes. "His name is Rufus. He plays in the band that's preforming tonight. That's all," she laughed. "Chill out."

"You mean Rufus Humphrey from Lincoln Hawk?" her eyed grew wide. "Really? Like really?" Katie sat closer.

"Yeah," she eyed her. "Why?"

"He's hot Alison!" she laughed. "But I thought he was taken. Like totally taken," she thought for a moment. "His girlfriend is always watching him play. She's kinda a stuck up bitch though."

"They broke up," she took another drink. "Besides, I know Rufus…..from a long time ago."

"What do you mean know him?" she eyed her.

She brushed it off, "We used to date in high school."

"What!" she was amazed. "For how long?"

"Two years," she said softly, thinking about it.

Katie eyed her for a moment, "You're still in love with him!" she pushed her. "Alison Elaine Richards you are still in love with him!"

"What!" Her eyes shot up making sure no one was paying attention to their conversation. "No, no I'm not. We were in high school. No one knows what love is then."

"Oh please," she eyed her. "You are so transparent." "So who paid for your beer?"

"He did. Why?"

"Uh-huh."

"Whatever," she got off the stool and went back to her table.

"Shit Alison," Katie followed her to the table. "If he is single I'd be back on that if I were you. His band is going places."

She looked back to where Rufus was standing. "He just broke up with Lily. And isn't your number one rule not to go out with ex's.

"Other's ex's," she rolled her eyes. "Now, tell me was it a nasty break up? Or mutual?"

"Mutual, I suppose," she thought back.

'So…." She tossed her head back and forth. "No harboring of bad feelings or resentment. I'd say go for it."

She took another drink of her beer. "No, Katie. Besides Rufus does plenty of things I don't like, and it seems like it's only gotten worse."

Katie rolled her eyes. "You're so damn picky. I might just hit that up myself."

Alison turned to look at her. "What about Steve?"

"What? We're not exclusive or anything." She looked over to the bar seeing him talking to a few girls. "I can see who I want and so can he."

"Well be my guest he's all yours…" Turning away from her she watched as Rufus and his band members walked on stage and started to set up.

Both Katie and Alison stayed that night and listened to Lincoln Hawk play. It had been a long time since Alison had watched Rufus play with his band. She had remembered a few of its members and tried to steer clear of Mike, who seemed to be giving her an ominous look the entire night. She actually enjoyed herself, but something seemed different about Rufus. He wasn't the way she remembered him. He appeared a little down, more angsty and not into the music.

It seemed like his eyes scanned the crowd as if he were waiting for someone to walk in. Their eyes met once and he smiled at her and she waved back, and for a moment it seemed like they were back in high school. She thought back to her relationship with Rufus, and she always felt that she liked him a bit more than he did her. Their relationship was easy and comforting and after they broke up and she found out about his new girlfriend, she often wondered what they were like together. And when she did see them it broke her heart a little bit to see how close he was with her, and even more how much Lily liked to remind her of it. She left that night without saying goodbye and when she returned home her mind drifted to him wondering what he was doing at that moment.

She laid in bed thinking about him before she finally got up and walked into her closet. Turning on the light she stood on her tip toes and pushed a few boxes out of the way before she found a small shoe box in the back corner. Pulling it down she turned off the light and went to sit on her bed. She touched the edges of her box and looked at it for awhile before opening the top. So many memories started to come back to her as she looked at the contents.

Pictures of her and Rufus on her boat, tickets to a Bon Jovi concert, a string a beads, a commencement program, and a poster to the first concert she attended of Rufus's after they broke up. She remembered that day and the entire night she spent crying afterwards….

**July 4****th****, 1988**

**Ruby's Bar**

**Coney Island Boardwalk**

**Brooklyn, NY**

Lincoln Hawk was on the final song of their set list. The band was playing outside on the boardwalk in Coney Island. Alison had drove from the boathouse in Cape May and took the train into the city after hearing from a friend that Rufus would be playing over the holiday weekend. It had been a few months since they had broken up and she was miserable and couldn't help but wonder how he was feeling. She wanted to see if maybe they could work it out. Boston wasn't that far away.

The song was just about over and she started to push her way through the crowd to the side of the stage. Looking around to see if anyone noticed her she slipped between the taped off barriers and made her way behind the stage just as they were walking off. She spotted him right away. "Rufus!" She jumped waving her hand in the air.

"Rufus!" Lily grinned as she jumped into his arms. "Baby you were great!" she kissed him as he spun her around.

Alison stood still feeling like someone had just punctured her lungs and the air was slowly seeping out. He had met someone else. She was gorgeous, tan, beautifully dressed, and in Rufus's arms. Her shoulders slumped and she could feel the lump in her throat growing. She knew she was going to be sick. She was just about to run when she heard her name.

"Al?" Rufus sat Lily down on her feet and moved his head to the side as he took a step forward. "Al?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around. "Rufus," she smiled. "Hi."

"Hey," he smiled and have her a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I…ah…I," she fidgeted, her feet feeling sweaty in her sandals. "I was just in the city for the weekend with my family. And I saw you guys and…." Her voice trailed off as she shrugged.

Lily came from around his back and wrapped her arm around his waist. She looked Alison up and down, giving her a once over. She had heard Rufus's band members mention his ex before but she had never given her much thought. And from the look on Alison's face it didn't look like she had either. "Hi," she grinned. "Lily….Rufus's girlfriend," she pronounced the words evenly.

Alison bit the inside of her lip, trying her hardest to smile. "Alison," she said softly.

Lily half smiled and turned her attention back to Rufus. "Honey you have to get over to the merch table," she rubbed his back. They want you to sign posters. And a few of the pictures I took at the show last week."

"Oh, yeah that's right," he turned back to Alison. "You want to meet up later? We're all going to go down to the Carnival tonight. Suz would love to see you."

She looked at Rufus then to Lily who rolled her eyes. "That sounds like fun, but I can't. Umm…my family is here. We're…having a little vacation. I should really be with them," she nodded as she dropped her eye contact with him. "Maybe next time."

"Alright, it was good seeing you Al." He took Lily's hand and they started to cross the back stage area toward the merch table. Lily turned her head to discreetly catch a glimpse of Alison and watched how her shoulders slumped, and her chin just slightly quivering. It was obvious to her that Alison still had feelings for Rufus and was probably trying to get him back. She was going to have to watch out for her. Giving Rufus's hand a squeezed she followed him to the table.

Alison watched as they walked away hand in hand and her heart was breaking. He had already found someone else. He had already moved on. Without her. She looked around noticing everyone going on about their business and she never felt smaller in her life. Grabbing what little dignity she felt she had left she started to walk back toward the train station.

* * *

**The Drinking Fountain is a little dive bar in the neighborhood of Jamaica Plain in Boston, MA. It's known for it's casual atmosphere and happy hour. What you see is what you get with this local bar. **

**Ruby's is now a Bar and Grill on the Coney Island Boardwalk. It's been in business since 1932 and is the oldest bar on the boardwalk. It's famously located directly in front of the Atlantic Ocean.**

_**~Have you ever wondered what turned Rufus from Rock 'n' Roll frontman to gallery owner? Or what was really the story of "Rosewood"? Did you ever want to know what prompted Alison to write "Mily" or why Lily couldn't just find happiness? What happened to end the van der Woodsen marriage and caused Will to leave his young children? Find out all that and more in the upcoming chapters of "Somebody to Love." ~**_


	3. Same old Richards

**May 6****th,**** 1990**

**Toulouse, France**

**Hôtel-Dieu Saint-Jacques**

Lily laid on the couch in her private room of the hospital flipping through French Vogue. She was waiting for Cece to pick her up because she had promised to take her out for lunch. Even though she was in a sequestered section of the hospital that had her every whim taken care of, the food was absolutely terrible.

She looked over at the clock realizing Cece was already over thirty minutes late. Looking down she felt the baby kick and the side of her belly do a slight roll. Even though it had been doing that for weeks now it still amazed her every time. Sighing she looked around her almost empty room. It was so quiet all the time and she barely left her space. So many things were happening to her and she wished she had someone to share them with. She wished Rufus was with her. He would talk to her. He would calm her fears about everything.

She ran a finger across the length of her belly counting the number of kicks that she felt. "You're active in there today," she said softly. "Are you restless too?"

"Who are you talking to?" Cece walked into the room, her arms full of shopping bags."

"No one," she sat up slowly. "You're late and I'm hungry."

Cece started to rummage through her purchases. "I want to change my shoes. I found this fabulous pair of Manolos at this boutique in the square," she sat down next to her on the couch.

"Did you get me anything?" Lily peaked in her bags.

"No," she slipped off her shoes. "You don't need any clothes right now. They're not going to fit you for long anyways. You can go shopping after."

Lily gave her a look and rolled her eyes before standing up. "Can we just go please? I told you how hungry I was."

"Lily just wait a minute," she took her new shoes out of the box. "You act like they never feed you here, when I know that's not true. Do you know how much your father and I are spending to have you here?"

"No mother," she folded her arms. 'Why don't you tell me again? Why don't you tell me about all the wonderful things you and daddy are doing for me?" she grew angry. She hated when her mother hung money over her head.

"If I were you I would act a little more grateful towards me, Lillian. Your father and I are giving you a future." Cece pulled a compact from her purse and started to redo her lipstick. "Now, brush your hair before we go. I can't have you going out looking like a bird made a nest in your hair."

"Mother please."

Cece pulled a brush from her purse and held it before her. "Brush your hair."

Lily looked at the brush and took it knowing she had to start picking the battles with her mother if she ever wanted to make it out of the hospital alive.

"Thank you," she pursed her lips together and checked her lipstick one last time before closing her compact. "I'm going back to the states tomorrow. I have to slate the new board for the Junior League."

"What?" Lily turned towards her. "For how long? When were you going to tell me about this."

"Now, just calm down, I'll be back in time for the birth," she shook her head. "Don't go into hysterics."

"But I'm all by myself here," she looked at her. "And you know they won't let me leave here unless you sign me out. Mother!"

"What do you need to leave for?" Cece hung her purse on her shoulder. "Everything you need is here. Come now, let's lunch."

Lily looked at her mother. She couldn't believe she was going to leave her there alone to deal with everything. Not that her mother was any kind of help, but that wasn't the point. She was still a face of someone she knew, but she also should have expected this. Whenever things got too hard her mother would always bolt, or pay someone else to take care of it. Apparently she had just done both.

**Boston, Massachusetts **

In the weeks following her encounter with Rufus, Alison started to apply for summer dancing spots and workshops to keep her competitive edge. With school on hiatus for the summer and the boathouse being under renovation she decided to stay in Boston. Katie also decided to say for the summer as well, but was never home due to her blossoming romance with Steve the bartender.

It wasn't until the first Thursday of the month that Alison remembered it was Lincoln Hawks last show. Kate was out of town for the week, and she almost decided not to go, but had nothing else to do and was sick and tired of being cooped up in her apartment. So she thought what the heck and got ready. She put a little more effort into her wardrobe and makeup. She curled her hair and pined it up halfway on the side, remembering Rufus liked it that way. She dabbed on a little of her favorite perfume and then headed to the bar.

When she was half way there she started to have doubts about going. She realized that getting ready took twice as long as it usually did and she also had on twice the amount of makeup that she usually wore. She hadn't curled her hair or worn it that way since high school. What was she doing?

Standing outside of her car in the half lit parking lot she took a deep breath before she went inside. What was her problem? It was only Rufus. And they were only friends. She could hear the band playing before she even stepped into the bar. Rufus's strong voice played in her ears and she couldn't help but smile a little. The bar was crowded and she figured because it was their last night everyone wanted to see them off. She found a spot near the side of the stage and leaned against a beam watching them play.

Rufus seemed a little more energized than the last time she saw him. And it made her smile. She watched how he leaned into the microphone and held the stand between his legs, his hair falling into his eyes. She must have seen him do that a million times. She looked at each member of his band; Dusty, Aaron and so many memories came back to her. It was almost like high school had never ended and it was now just a continuation of her past coming back to her.

Rufus was just finishing up his second to last song when he turned to pick up his guitar and he saw Aaron nodding over to the side of the stage. He turned and saw Alison. He smiled inwardly, glad that she came again. He started up his last number and looked over to her often. For a moment it felt strangely familiar because that was the same place that Lily used to stand when she came to watch him. Seeing her face was oddly comforting but to be completely honest not the face he wished it was.

After his final number was over he went directly back stage and started to down another beer. It was his last show before the band took a month break from gigs to work on songs and to put together another set list before they went on the road for a month. He needed the time to just chill out and take a break and hopefully put himself back together.

Alison watched as the band started to pack up. She thought for a moment before deciding to go back stage. She looked around before slipping around the corner. She was almost to the empty garage like area when she felt a hand clench tightly around her arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" A deep smoke-filled voice breathed down the back of her neck.

She turned, looking at him, and then down to her arm. She recognized him as Mike the drummer. "I'm going to see Rufus," she yanked her arm away.

"Yeah you and every other damn girl in this place," he stood in her way. "We just don't let any girl back here," he looked her up and down.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes.

"Richards!" Aaron walked from behind the stage. "I knew that was you out there. How the hell are you?"

"Aaron," she smiled giving him a hug. "I'm good, you?"

"You know, keeping it real here in Boston," he laughed taking a drink of his beer and leaning against the wall. "You still dancing?"

"Mmhmm," she nodded. "Still getting into trouble?"

"Wouldn't be me if it wasn't," he shook his head. "So what are you doing here?"

"Well I wanted to go back and see Rufus," she eyed Mike.

He placed his hand on her back and pushed her past Mike. "Well come on then. Everyone's back here I'm sure they'll be happy to see you. Especially Mary Sue."

"She's still dating Dustin?" she asked, following him down the dark hall.

"Five years," he laughed. "Who would have thought huh? She's ways too good for that drunk."

"Aaron…," she shook her head.

"What?" he opened the door for her and laughed. "Hey Humphrey you got a visitor."

Rufus looked up from his beer and smiled. "Hey. You came back. I thought you'd forget."

"Course not," she smiled not moving. "Last show."

"Yeah," he nodded moving over on the couch. "Sit down. We really didn't get to talk much last time. "

She slowly moved closer and sat down next to him. She looked down at her shoes before looking at him. "It's been awhile."

He nodded, "It has." He looked at her. Her hair was a little longer than he remembered and she was wearing more makeup than she used to, but she looked good, really good actually. "So what have you been up to?"

"Not much, you know school, dance," she smiled. "Well not so much school now."

"That's right, why are you not in Cape May? The boat house?" he wondered.

"My fathers renovating it this summer. I might go down there before school starts back up. But it's been nice here in Boston. I've been able to teach a few dance classes for the littler kids in exchange for lessons for myself. I've been in a few shows," she smiled.

"Living your dream," he smiled.

"Almost," she nodded. "I'm working at it. And the same could be said for you."

"Yeah," he laughed. "Well, not quite, but things are going better than when we were in high school."

"Looks like it," she smiled. She looked at him for a minute and bit her lip. Aaron was talking to a girl in the corner of the room and Mike stood in the doorway glancing at them. "Hey you want to…maybe get out of here for awhile?"

He looked around. "Yeah why not, I'm kinda hungry.

"Well…umm….Katie is out of town. We could go back to my place and I could cook. I mean…if that's okay with you." Her stomach was in knots, wondering what the heck she was even doing.

He thought for a moment, looking her up and down before getting up. "You still remember how to cook your mothers lasagna?"

"Still my specialty," she laughed. "And I'm pretty sure I have everything for it at home."

He got off the couch and held his hand out for her. "Lead the way."

She took his hand getting off the couch when she heard two voices yelling at each other.

"I don't care if he was fucking Bon Jovi Suz you were still staring at him!" Dusty walked into the room and threw his guitar strap on the couch.

"Well maybe if you looked a little like Bon Jovi I'd stare at you too! Or just lose ten pounds!" she threw her purse on the couch. "Damn it Dusty!"

Alison turned to Rufus and laughed. "Still fighting I see."

He rolled his eyes, "All the damn time."

Mary Sue looked up when she heard talking. "Alison!" she blinked. "What…what are you doing here?" She looked at her and Rufus standing next to each other before running over and engulfing her in a hug. "Alison!"

Alison laughed and hugged her back. "Oh you know, running down memory lane."

Mary Sue pulled back and looked at her. "God look at you and your dancers body," she laughed trying to stand on her toes. "How are you!"

Alison continued to laugh, "I'm good. I'm on summer break right now. Thought I'd come and see the last show."

Mary Sue looked at her for a moment before pulling her by the arm and into the corner. "What is going on?" she said in a whisper between her teeth.

She looked at her shaking her head. "W-what are you talking about."

"You and Rufus…." She smiled at her. "Mmm…."

"What?" she looked at her for a moment before realizing what she meant. "No!" she laughed. "Suz, no."

"Uh-huh," she laughed. "I saw you holding his hand."

"He was helping me off the couch," she rolled her eyes. "I was here a few weeks ago and decided to come back and see the last show. That's all."

"Yeah," she shook her head, not believing her. "And where you two going?"

She sighed, "Back to my apartment. We're just going to have a late dinner. Catch up…..that's it."

"Uh-huh," she said again, shaking her hips.

"I'm serious," she laughed.

"Hey you ready?" Rufus walked up to them. "I'm hungry."

"Yes," she smiled. "Let's go." Alison turned around and smiled at Dustin. "See you around?"

"You need to come around more Al," he laughed. "We've missed ya. Movie night hasn't been the same without you. Lily was never down for that."

"Dusty!" Mary Sue hit him in the stomach. "Shut up!" she said through her teeth.

Rufus sighed and looked away. "Ready?"

Alison looked over at him. "Yes, let's go." She looked over to Dusty and Mary Sue. "I'll see you guys later, okay?"

"Have fun you two," Mary Sue smiled and waved her fingers at them as they left.

Alison rolled her eyes and walked out of the bar. She felt Rufus's hand on the small of her back as they walked through the parking lot and to her car. It felt oddly familiar, but strange at the same time. He opened her car door for her before getting into the passenger side. She started up her jeep and drove out of the parking lot.

Rufus turned to her, "How's your family doing?"

"Good," she smiled. "My dad just retired, but I think he's working now building and making designs more than ever for friends," she laughed. "Can't take an architect out of a man."

Rufus laughed, "No, guess not. And your mom?"

"Still teaching," she nodded. "She'll probably do it till she dies…or until the school kicks her out for being too old. What about your parents? I…I miss them."

"Yeah, they miss you too," he was honest. "But they're doing good. Dad still has the hardware store on 5th. My mom is still baking pies," he laughed.

Alison smiled and laughed with him. She felt herself relax as the time went by. She always felt safe when she was around Rufus, like nothing could hurt her and she relished in the feeling. Just talking about normal things and laughing is what she missed the most about him. She pulled into her apartment complex and cut the engine before getting out. "So when was the last time you go a home cooked meal?" she asked fishing her keys from her purse.

"I went home last month and my mom cooked," he shrugged, looking at her again getting closer.

Alison opened the door and let him in and as soon as the door closed she felt herself being pushed up against it and Rufus's lips on hers. She was taken completely off guard and didn't have a moment to think before she started to kiss him back. She had forgotten what it was like to kiss him; he was always so good at it. Suddenly she felt his hand go up the back of her shirt.

"Rufus…." She tried to pull away a bit to look at him.

"What?" he started to kiss down her neck.

"What…what are you doing?" she breathed, trying to concentrate. Her hand trying to hold onto the wall.

"I know you didn't bring me here to make me dinner," his other hand trailed up her skirt.

"Rufus!" she pushed him back. "What are you talking about!"

"Oh come on," he moved back in touching her up her thigh. "Where's your bedroom?"

"Rufus," she frowned, pushing him away. "Stop."

He rolled his eyes, sighing as he pushed his hair back. "Still the same old Richards."

She crossed her arms over chest. "And what is that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing," he sighed.

She looked at him growing mad. "What did you think was going to happen? Did you just come over here thinking that I was going to sleep with you?"

He didn't look up.

"Wow," she shook her head. "I'm not…I'm not one of your slutty groupies Rufus!"

He looked up. "I never thought that!"

"Well you just acted like it," becoming furious she started to walk to her room. "I thought I meant a little more to you than that."

"Fuck," he swore under his breath. "Alison wait," he followed her into her room.

"You should go," she stood by her window looking outside.

He walked up to her. "I'm sorry," his voice was low. "I know you're not like that. I know. I'm stupid….I…I don't know what I was thinking. I respect you more than anyone. I'm sorry."

She really didn't know what to say to him. So much had happened in the short amount of time that her head was spinning from it all. "I just…I missed you and I wanted to spend some time with you….It's been so long…" She looked up just barely meeting his eyes.

"Shh….," he sighed. "I know. I wanted to talk with you too. I don't know what I was thinking. It's just seeing you after all this time and…you look so good. "

She looked down trying not to smile. "You think I was trying to woo you over here with my lasagna," she laughed.

"Sometimes I never know with you, Richards," he shook his head.

She rolled her eyes and looked away, still feeling a bit uncomfortable with the entire situation.

Rufus looked at her and he could tell that she was still upset and hurt and that caused him to feel like even more of an ass. He couldn't believe that he did that. He literally treated her like she was a back stage groupie, one of the many girls he had been with since his break up with Lily. He thought being with women, feeling nothing was what he needed to get over Lily, and within a month he became sick of it. That wasn't him.

"Alison," he lifted her chin. "I'm really sorry," he was trying to put as much honesty and sincerity into it as he possibility could. "I honestly wasn't thinking. You know I wouldn't treat you like that. "

She looked up at him searching his eyes. "I know," she whispered. "I forgive you."

He looked at her and half smiled. She was still the same old caring, forgiving, Alison that he remembered from high school. "Thank you," he looked at her. "And this probably means I don't get my lasagna anymore doesn't it?"

She laughed again. "Do you still want it?"

"Do you still want to cook it for me?"

"Come on Humphrey," she pushed him out of the room. "You're going to help me make it now."

"I guess I can do that," he laughed, nudging her shoulder.

That night they cooked dinner together and talked well into the morning. They chatted about old friends from high school and their families. Dates they used to go on and places they went to. Rufus even spoke about Lily, a subject that was hard for Alison, but she listened anyways. She even shared about the few guys she casually dated that never really turned into anything else. The conversation was cathartic for them both, and they enjoyed the familiarity and comfort it brought.

They both had ended up falling asleep on the couch that night sharing a blanket. They hadn't considered anything more than friendship that night, too wrapped up in their own worlds and problems to see their past bringing them back together.

* * *

**Up Next: **

**Chapter Three- Do you mind if i kiss you?**

***Snippet***

_"Hey," Dusty looked over to Rufus._

_"I don't need to be yelled at by you too." Rufus moved a few boxes around in the back of the van._

_"I'm not gonna yell," he put his hands up. "I just wondered how things went last night is all."_

_Rufus rolled his eye, "Fine."_

_"That's all you're gonna give me?" he laughed. "After you spent the entire night with Alison. Something you never did in the entire two years that you two dated. Come on man."_

_Rufus turned to him. "What do you want me to say?"_

_"Did ya sleep with her?" he went straight to the point._

_"No," he said as he taped up a box of music. "I didn't."_

_"Shot you down again," he laughed. "She is something else. So what the fuck did you do the entire night?"_

_Rufus stopped taping up the box and looked up at him. 'Why do you care so much?"_

_"Dude we haven't seen her in two years and all of a sudden she shows up back stage and you leave with her and don't come back till morning."_

_Rufus couldn't help but laugh, "You sound like a damn girl wanting to know what I did last night."_

_"Shit, forget I asked," he threw a box in the back of the van._

_"We made dinner and just talked," he sat down in the back of the van not really looking at anything. "And we just fell asleep on the couch."_

_"How Brady Bunch," he laughed. "Sounds like Alison."_

_Rufus shook his head and pushed passed him. "Sometimes it's nice to have that. You don't have to be fucking insane all the time."_

_"Hey," Dusty followed him. "I didn't say there was. You know I like Alison. __She's a real nice girl. But come on Rufus, you need someone like Lily."_

_"I do?" he laughed turning around. "And where the fuck did that get me? She left me. She's gone. "_

_"You know girls, Rufus. She'll probably come crawlin' back on her knees wanting you back."_

_Rufus shook his head as he entered the building. "She's not coming back," he whispered. "She's gone." _


	4. Do you mind if i kiss you?

**Chapter 3**

**Do you mind if I kiss you?**

**May 7****th**** 1990**

**Beacon Hill, Massachusetts**

Rufus had awoken the next morning to the feeling of Alison's legs moving next to his head. He turned to his side just as she was waking up.

"Hi," she said, biting her lip. "We umm…we fell asleep."

Rufus itched the back of his head. "Yeah we did," he laughed. "It was the poison dinner you fed me last night."

"Oh be quiet," she poked him.

"Don't poke me!" he moved in closer and started to tickle her.

"No!" she laughed squirming away. "Don't…..don't tickle me," she breathed. "I…I hate it….RUFUS!" she laughed, trying to jump from the couch.

He let go and couldn't help but laugh at her. "You still haven't changed."

"And what's that suppose to mean?" she put her hand on her hip, eying him trying to look stern.

"Just the same things that bugged you in high school still do. And I can always tell when you're lying," he laughed.

"Well that makes two of us Humphrey. You always scratch the back of your neck when you're lying. You can always fake a smile when your mad, but you'll never quite look at me in the eye," she crossed her arms. "So don't think you're the only one that can read people."

He rolled his eyes and got off the couch, stretching his arms out. He glanced down at his watch and noticed that it was after ten o'clock. "Shit," he looked for his shoes. "I was supposed to be at Aarons at nine. We were supposed to pack up the vans."

She looked at him and quickly got off the couch grabbing her keys. "Here take my jeep and go."

He looked at her, "You sure?"

"Yeah, Katie left her car here if I need one. Just bring it back in one piece alright," she smirked. "I don't think my father would enjoy you totaling another car of his."

He looked up at her as he tied his shoe. "That was not my fault!" he laughed. "That ditch came out of nowhere!"

"Yeah and it decided to do donuts in that field on its own as well, right?" she opened the fridge and pulled out some orange juice.

Exactly, he laughed grabbing a banana from the counter. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"I'll be here," she started to pour herself some cereal. "And remember what I said!"

"Yeah, yeah" he said as he walked out the front door. He walked down the sidewalk and to her car. He couldn't believe that he was late. He knew the guys were going to give him crap for it. Driving down the road he thought about the previous night. He actually had fun. He had forgotten what it was like to hang out with her.

Lily had always been go, go, go, not that he minded, she was damn exciting and it thrilled him. But it was nice to have someone take care of him, something that Alison always did for him. Not that Alison didn't like to have fun, she was just more quiet and reserved, but when she let her hair down she was a lot of fun too.

He started to think about Lily again. It had been a little over three months now and he still thought about her everyday. He just didn't know what happened between them. He never thought their worlds were that much different. Maybe his mother was right. Money liked money and that's how it always would be. Sighing, he didn't know what to think. Lily was always throwing him for a loop.

He pulled into the parking garage and then ran across the street to the warehouse behind the bar. Aaron was the first to see him. "Where the hell have you been Humphrey? This is taking us forever!"

"Hey sorry," he hurried and picked up a speaker lifting it into the van.

"Yeah man," Dusty looked at him. "You never came back to the house last night."

Mike looked up from behind the back of the van and grinned. "You were out with that blonde," he remembered. "You must have been hittin' it all night," he slapped him on the back.

Dusty looked up surprised. "Really?"

"Shut up," Rufus looked at Mike, as he closed the van door.

"What," he laughed. "I know she's like rest of the hookers that come back looking for you after the shows. Gotta love the groupies."

"Shut the hell up," Rufus looked him straight in the eye. "Don't talk about Alison like that. "

"Hey," he held his hands up. "What the hell is your problem?"

"Nothing, just shut up," he walked back into the building.

Mike turned to look at Dusty. "What's the deal with that chic?" he asked.

"Alison?" he asked. "They dated for like one…two years back in high school."

"So what are they like together now?" he looked around. "Cause she ain't no Lily."

"Nah, I don't think so," he shook his head. 'As much as I like Alison, she's too serious for him. She likes structure. That's why him and Lily worked out so well. That chic was crazy."

"She was," he grinned. "Rufus fucked that up. It's not the same without her."

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah…yeah we all know you wanted her."

"What can I say?" he smirked. "She was hot."

Rufus walked back out to the van carrying a few guitar stands. He loaded them back into the second van when Aaron walked up to him. "So last night we were talking and we wanted to know what you think about staying here and working on our demo instead of going back to New York? He could get another month lease on the house, it'd be cheaper than rent in the city."

"That's fine, whatever," he moved a few things around in the van.

"You sure man? I mean we were just tossin' out ideas last night. We want to know what you think. You haven't really said much lately. So….yeah." Aaron looked at him trying to gauge his reaction. He has no idea what he was thinking lately.

"Yeah I know," he looked down. He knew he hadn't been the same since Lily broke up with him and he would often just go out with girls to try and forget her. It had been hard the past three months but slowly he was starting to feel better, and each day was hurting less and less. "No, really it's fine. I'd like to stay here. I don't want to go back to New York yet."

"Okay," he nodded. "Good."

Rufus watched as Aaron jumped off the van and headed back into the building. He was actually relived that he didn't have to go back to the city yet. He had no idea where Lily was; If she went back home to California or in New York.

"Hey," Dusty looked over to Rufus.

"I don't need to be yelled at by you too," Rufus moved a few boxes around

in the back of the van.

"I'm not gonna yell," he put his hands up. "I just wondered how things went last night is all."

Rufus rolled his eye, "Fine."

"That's all you're gonna give me?" he laughed. "After you spent the entire night with Alison. Something you never did in the entire two years that you two dated. Come on man."

Rufus turned to him. "What do you want me to say?"

"Did ya sleep with her?" he went straight to the point.

"No," he said as he taped up a box of music. "I didn't."

"Shot you down again," he laughed. "She is something else. So what the hell did you do the entire night?"

Rufus stopped taping up the box and looked up at him. 'Why do you care so much?"

"Dude we haven't seen her in two years and all of a sudden she shows up back stage and you leave with her and don't come back till morning."

Rufus couldn't help but laugh, "You sound like a girl wanting to know what I did last night."

"Shit, forget I asked," he threw a box in the back of the van.

"We made dinner and just talked." He sat down in the back of the van not really looking at anything. "And we just fell asleep on the couch."

"How Brady Bunch," he laughed. "Sounds like Alison."

Rufus shook his head and pushed passed him. "Sometimes it's nice to have that. You don't have to be insane all the time."

"Hey," Dusty followed him. "I didn't say there was. You know I like Alison.

She's a real nice girl. But come on Rufus, you need someone like Lily."

"I do?" he laughed turning around. "And where did that get me? She left me. She's gone. "

"You know girls, Rufus. She'll probably come crawlin' back on her knees wanting you back."

Rufus shook his head as he entered the building. "She's not coming back," he whispered. "She's gone."

Dusty looked at him. "Then you need to stop moping around like the fucking death, man. You're right it has been three months. I know you loved her and all that shit and you went out for two years, but come on. You need to get your head back into the game. We're trying to get picked up here. And we can't do that with you draggin' us down."

Rufus sighed, he wanted to yell at him and tell him to fuck off, but he knew he was telling the truth. And after last night, how he treated Alison, he knew he had to stop. He couldn't wait around hoping that Lily would come back. He couldn't go out with a different girl every night to try and fill some void that never quite went away no matter how drunk or high he was. "I know."

"Listen we're all going out tonight. I think we all just need to get out and chill for a night. We've all been at each other's throats," he looked at him.

"Why don't you ask Alison to come? It'll be like high school," he laughed.

Rufus ran his hands threw his hair and looked at Aaron and Mike as they started to pack up the sub woofers. "Yeah, okay….I'll ask her."

"Good," he nodded. "We'll be down at the Bell around nine."

He pushed the box to the back of the van. "Okay."

The band had spent the morning and a good part of the afternoon packing up all of their equipment and placing it in storage until they went on the road again. None of them really said much to each other, just wanting to get everything finished. It gave Rufus time to think. He realized that Lily must be moving on with her life, so he should do the same with his. He hadn't been enjoying anything lately not even himself. It had been three months and it was time to move on.

* * *

Rufus got back to Alison's around three o'clock that afternoon and knocked on her door.

She opened the door. "Hey," she smiled.

He dangled the keys in front of her. "Only lost a hubcap."

"Stop it," she rolled her eyes snatching the keys. "Do you want to come in?"

"No, I can't," he shook his head. "Aaron followed me over here, he's going to take me back home."

"Oh, okay," she nodded.

He looked down and then back up at her. "But umm…. Later tonight we're all going out tonight to the Bell. Just to chill….hang out. Are…are you busy?"

She leaned against the door thinking for a moment. "No, I'm not busy."

"Pick you up at eight-thirty?" he looked at her.

"Sure," she smiled. "It'll be nice to hang out with everyone again."

"Yeah it will be," he nodded.

"I didn't realize how much I've missed everyone until I saw them all."

"Yeah, they missed you too," he laughed. "Even Dusty."

"Oh I'm sure that he does," she rolled her eyes. 'What about Mike?"

"Like I said, Mike is an ass. Don't pay any attention to him," he looked at her. "Just stay away from him."

She laughed, "I don't think that'll be a problem."

"Right," he looked at her. "I should probably go. Eight-thirty?"

"Eight-thirty."

She watched as Rufus turned and walked down the side walk and into Aaron's truck. Closing the door she leaned up against it for a moment thinking about everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. It was nice being around the gang again and catching up on old times. She wasn't expecting anything out of it, and she knew that Rufus felt the same way.

She decided to take a little nap before tonight because she didn't get much the night before and she would probably be staying out late again tonight. She walked into her room and got under the covers, falling asleep soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Rufus knocked on her door at quarter to nine. He quickly glanced as his watch when he heard her voice.

"Come in," she called from her bedroom. "Rufus? I'm almost ready I just have to get my shoes."

"Take your time," he sat on the couch. "No hurry."

She quickly came out of the bed room putting her earrings on and grabbing her purse off the kitchen table. "Ready," she smiled.

Rufus looked at her and grabbed her keys locking the door. "You look nice," he smiled.

"You don't look half bad yourself, Humphrey," she smiled jumping up into his truck.

He rolled his eyes and started the engine. "So what did you do today?"

"Took a nap," she laughed. "I was so tired."

He shook his head laughing back. "I did the same thing when I got back to

the house."

"What happened to the Rufus that would stay up for days on end writing music," she looked at him. "Grow soft?"

"Grew old," he snickered.

"Yes you're right, twenty is so old. You might need a walker soon to hold yourself up when you sing."

"Shut up," he pushed her lightly.

She smiled and looked out the window as they drove. She was glad to finally be able to spend some time with old friends. It was definitely something she needed. "So where are we going again?"

"The Bell in Hand Tavern," he looked at her. "It's a bar in the West End over on Union. You've never been there?"

She shook her head. "I usually stay around campus here in Beacon Hill and over in Back Bay."

"You should branch out more," he laughed.

"Yeah I know you told me that," she rolled her eyes turning to him. "So when are you going back to New York?"

"I'm not," he looked back to the road. "We decided to stay here and work on our set lists and stuff. We'll be here for at least another month."

She nodded as he drove into the parking lot of the bar. She looked around and noticed there weren't many cars. "Not very busy."

"Nope," he smiled. "We like to come here and chill," he turned off the car.

"It's pretty mellow here. 'You eat dinner?"

"No," she shook her head opening the door. "I didn't get a chance to. I was running a bit behind."

He rounded the car and they walked inside. "They have good pizza here."

"I shouldn't be eating pizza," she laughed. "When you're in training pretty much everything is off limits."

He rolled his eyes. "One time is not going to kill you. Besides you look great, you could never get fat."

"We'll see," she walked through the door, looking around.

Rufus looked around noticing everyone toward the back. "Over there," he pointed, putting his hand on her back leading her toward them.

"Hey!" Dusty looked up. "Blast from the past seeing you two walk in together."

"I bet it was," he laughed and turned to Alison. "You want a beer, or is that off the list too?"

"I'll make an exception tonight," she sat down on the overstuffed leather couch. "I might even drink two."

"Dangerous," he laughed, giving the bartender their orders before sitting down next to her.

Alison turned to Aaron, "So I heard that you guys are staying."

He took a drink of beer. "We are. Rent's a hell of a lot cheaper here. And we still have the lease on our house."

"Yeah what about you?" Mary Sue looked at her. "Don't you usually go up to your boathouse for the summer?"

"It's being renovated this summer, so I just decided to stay here."

"I remember when we used to go up there on your dad's boat," Dusty laughed. "God those were some good summers."

"They were," Rufus nodded. The waitress came with their drinks and set them down at the table next to them. "Thanks, Hannah," he smiled.

"Sure thing," she smiled back at him.

"You do come here a lot," she laughed, watching the waitress's eyes linger on Rufus.

"Mmm…." he nodded taking a long drink of his beer.

She rolled her eyes and picked up her beer taking a sip. They all sat in the bar for a few hours laughing and talking about the past, and catching Alison up to the present. There was a comfortable air about them all, each feeling they could truly be themselves around one another.

For the first time in a long time Rufus finally felt like there wasn't some ugly mass hanging over him, that if he thought about would bring him down. He was with the people he knew he could count on and would always be there. It felt good to finally be free and just laugh and truly feel it. Not to say that he still didn't miss Lily, because he did. He knew he would always miss her, love her, but he knew he could no longer be with her. And he knew for a while that made him angry, and he was still angry, but he also realized that he couldn't take it out on others anymore. He wasn't going to hurt people because of a Lily's selfishness.

Alison had forgotten what it was like to hang out with everyone. They were so different than rest of her friends that she had in high school and in college. She remembered all her friends back in high school were so surprised when she started to hang out and then date Rufus. She was the quiet good girl, but she slowly came out of her shell a bit with him, they just worked in an easy kind of way. She was intimidated by them all at first, but soon came to learn they were quite real and what you saw with them you got, which was a refreshing change to the people she knew.

She couldn't help but laugh remembering when she brought Rufus home to meet her parents; his torn jeans and rocker shirt, and the hair that hastily covered his eyes. Her mother's first reaction was absolutely not, that is after her mouth closed from hanging agape for a few moments, but it was her father's reaction that she would truly never forget. He kind of just looked at him for a moment then held out his hand giving him a firm shake before dragging him out to the shed to help him "fix" a few things. She never did find out what was said that afternoon, but they never said a cross word about one another the entire time they were together. And her father even said he missed him after they went their separate ways.

In the two years that she dated Rufus they also had never slept together—came close, but never did. She just wasn't ready for that step, not while she was in high school. Even though Rufus never pushed her, and always respected that part of her, she knew it took a toll on their relationship. Sex was something she always had mixed emotions about. She grew up Catholic, and was taught it was wrong before marriage, and she knew that was probably part of the reason why she could never go through with it. When she reached collage age, it was definitely more about love for her and she never met that special person that quite made her feel like Rufus did.

"So do you have any show's coming up?" Mary Sue asked Alison. "I'd like to see how good you've gotten since I've last seen you."

"Yeah," Dusty laughed. "Can you still do that leg thing?" He tried to lift his leg up but ended up spilling his beer on the ground.

"Look what you did you idiot!" Mary Sue picked his empty bottle up off the floor.

"What," he shrugged his shoulders. "Richard's got great legs."

Rufus took another chug of beer and took his hand running it up Alison's calf. "She's always had great legs."

Alison rolled her eyes pushing his hand away. "I think you've had enough," she took his beer.

"Hey," he looked at her.

"You had enough," she stared back at him. "You're suppose to drive me home remember?"

"Fine," he sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"You gonna let a woman take your beer away, Humphrey," Mike took another swig from his drink. "Pussy."

Rufus didn't pay him any attention and turned back to Alison. "You wanna get out of here?"

Mike looked at him growing irritated, something that always happened when he got drunk. "If it were Lily she'd be doing you beer for beer. That girl knew how to party."

"Mike, come on man," Aaron looked at him. "Give it a rest."

Alison looked between Mike and Rufus. "Yeah, let's go," she looked at her watch. "It's already after one."

"Past your bed time?" Mike smirked.

Rufus stood up and walked over to Mike, his fist balled at his side. "Rufus," Alison took his arm. "Please, let's just go." He turned and looked at her and she smiled softly at him. "Come on."

He took her hand and led her out of the bar. She turned and waved at the rest of them, mouthing that she was sorry. When they reached his truck Rufus stopped for a moment then kicked his tire a few times. She stood off to the side not really knowing if she should approach him or not. She watched him for a few seconds as he stared out onto the road. She bit her lip then went over to him placing a hand on his shoulder. "He was drunk. Don't let him get to you."

"I don't know why he always has to bring her up. I was finally getting over it," he sighed. "And I don't want him talking to you like that either."

"I'm fine," she shook her head. "I've dealt with worse."

He turned at looked at her. "You shouldn't have to."

She half smiled, "You want me to drive?"

"No I'm fine," he opened her door for her. "Let's go."

She quietly got in the car. They drove back to her apartment in silence, both thinking about the same thing. When they got back to her place Rufus cut the engine and quickly got out opening her door for her. "Thanks," she got out walking with him to her door. She opened her purse fumbling around looking for her keys.

Rufus looked at her for a moment. "I did have fun tonight."

Alison pulled out her keys and smiled at him. "I had a nice time too. Let's just not invite Mike next time."

He laughed and leaned closer to her. "Alison?"

"Yeah," she looked at him.

He lightly took her hand just barely holding it. "Do you mind if I kiss you?"

She sighed and shook her head softly. "No."

He smiled a little and kissed her on her cheek. He stood close to her for a moment before pulling back to look at her. "I'm really sorry for the other night. I never should have done that. You didn't deserve to be treated like that."

She looked down not knowing what to say so she just looked at him and nodded.

"Thanks for helping me keep my cool tonight. And for taking my beer away," he laughed. "Always looking out for me."

"Of course."

"You wanna do this again?" he asked. "Maybe just me and you next time?"

"Yeah," she shook her head. "I'd like that."

"Tuesday maybe?" he wondered. "Go see a movie or something. I mean if you're not busy…I don't really know your schedule. I know you're usually busy with rehearsals and stuff."

"Tuesdays fine," she smiled.

"Good."

She turned to unlock her door and turn on the light. "Good night, Rufus."

He started to walk down the sidewalk. "Night Al," he waved.

* * *

**_Up Next_**

**_Chapter 5- Humphrey's and Tour Buses _**

**_*Snippet*_**

_Rufus walked into the kitchen of his family home and saw his mom standing over the stove. "Hey mom," he smiled from the entryway._

_She quickly turned around. "Rufus!" she smiled. "Oh my son!"_

_He laughed walking into the kitchen giving her a hug. "Hi."_

_"Oh Rufus," she hugged him tightly. "I didn't know you were coming. Why didn't you tell me!" _

_He shrugged his shoulders, "Thought I'd surprise ya."_

_"Well this is a surprise," she pulled away looking at him. "Are you hungry? Want me to cook for you? You look so thin! What do you want?"_

_He shook his head not able to stop from laughing. "I'm fine mom."_

_"I wish you would have told me you were coming. I would have had things ready for you."_

_"Don't worry mom. I just came for the afternoon. I got some good news."_

_"Good news?" she smiled sitting at the kitchen table. Do I need to get your father?"_

_"I saw him coming in," he nodded. "He said he'd be in, in a second. But first I actually have a surprise for you."_

_"For me?" she smiled._

_"Yeah, I brought someone with me."_

* * *

**_The Bell-in-Hand Tavern is known as Americans first Tavern. The Tavern has been around since 1795. A gathering place for printers and politicians, sailors and students, it quickly became the most famous alehouse in the city. Today, the tradition continues. The patrons still come to eat, drink and enjoy each other's company. Live music and DJ on the weekends adds to the festivities. Bell is located on Union Street in Boston, MA. _**


	5. Humphrey's and Tour Buses

**Chapter Four**

**Humphrey's and Tour Buses**

**July 30****th**** 1990**

**Beacon Hill, Massachusetts **

Two and a half months went by and summer was almost coming to a close on the east coast. Lincoln Hawk went through a bit of a dry spell that summer and hadn't been picked up to go on tour or open for any bands. Spending their time in Boston working on a demo and creating new songs was as far as they got. Though it brought them back to their roots and gave them a leg up on new material they itched for release and the thrill of a crowd. It wasn't until the last day in July when they got a call to be one of the opening bands for a new band called Hootie and the Blowfish starting in Chicago on Friday. It was only a three-week stint but it was better than nothing and they needed the cash.

Alison and Rufus had started dating again, but never gave themselves the actual title of being a couple. They had each seen other people in-between going out on dates with each other and it wasn't until the past few weeks that they started to see each other exclusively. They kind of fell into the same patterns as they did in high school, finding the comfortable medium they brought to each other's lives.

Rufus was on his way to Alison's to tell her the news about the band and he hoped she would come with them. He parked his motorcycle in front of her complex and quickly jogged up to the door. He rang the door bell waiting for her to open it.

Katie opened the door. "Hey Rufus," she smiled.

"Alison here?" he looked inside.

"Yeah in her room," she opened the door wider to let him in.

"Thanks," he walked passed her and down the hall into her room and saw her laying on her bed fast asleep, a book resting next to her. He smiled and crossed the room, sitting down next to her. "Hey sleeping beauty," he squeezed her hand.

"Mmm…" she stirred, before opening her eyes. "R-rufus?"

"Guess what?" he smiled

She sat up a bit rubbing her eyes. "What?

"We're opening for Hootie and the Blowfish," he squeezed her hand. "We finally got something."

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. "Oh, I'm so happy for you. You guys really needed this."

He held her tight before letting her go. "Yeah, we really did."

She looked at him a moment, touching his hand. "How long are you going to be gone for?"

"Three weeks," he looked at her. "And I was wondering…"

"What?" she looked up at him.

"Well I know that you just finished your show and you don't have anything until school starts up next month….so I….I'd like you to go with us," he searched her eyes.

"On tour?" she was taken aback. "I don't…."

"It'll be fun," he smiled. "Suz is going so you won't be the only girl. And we got a huge motor bus this time around so they'll be more privacy. And you've never gone before."

"Rufus…"

He squeezed her hand, "I would really like you to come. You know things have been going well for us."

"When are you leaving?" She sighed, trying to go over her schedule in her head.

"Mmm….Friday," he laughed.

"Rufus!" she exclaimed. "It's Wednesday."

"Livin' on the edge," he smiled goofily.

She bit her lip, "Can I think about it?"

"If you say yes."

"Rufus."

"Fine," he laughed. "Also I was wondering. I'm gonna take the noon train in and see my parents. Do you wanna come? Surprise them? My mom would love to see you."

She smiled big. "That I can do. God, I miss your mom."

"Yeah she always asks about you."

"She does?"

"Yeah, she took it really hard when we broke up," he laughed. "She was mad at me."

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. "You're lucky I got up early and got ready," she looked at herself in the mirror.

He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Make up your mind yet?"

"Rufus!"

"Fine," he back away holding his hands up. "Fine…fine."

**Essex, New Jersey**

Rufus walked into the kitchen of his family home and saw his mom standing over the stove. "Hey mom," he smiled from the entryway.

She quickly turned around. "Rufus!" she smiled. "Oh my son!"

He laughed walking into the kitchen giving her a hug. "Hi."

"Oh Rufus," she hugged him tightly. "I didn't know you were coming. Why didn't you tell me!" She wiped her hands on her apron before pushing back a few stray gray hairs into her bun.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Thought I'd surprise ya."

"Well this is a surprise," she pulled away looking at him. "Are you hungry? Want me to cook for you? You look so thin! What do you want?"

He shook his head not able to stop from laughing. "I'm fine mom."

"I wish you would have told me you were coming. I would have had things ready for you. And you just missed your sister. "

"Don't worry mom. I just came for the afternoon. I got some good news."

"Good news?" she smiled sitting at the kitchen table. Do I need to get your father?"

"I saw him coming in," he nodded. "He said he'd be in, in a second. But first I actually have a surprise for you."

"For me?" she smiled.

"Yeah, I brought someone with me."

Mrs. Humphrey looked at her son. She knew that he had broken up with Lily almost 6 months ago and took it really hard. She swallowed wondering if they had gotten back together. "Who?" she looked into the hall.

"Al," he called.

Alison slowly rounded the corner and walked in the kitchen, carrying a small basket. "Hi Mrs. Humphrey"

"Oh my dear lord," she put her hand to her chest getting up and throwing her arms around her. "Honey child!"

Alison laughed as she hugged her and caught a glimpse of Rufus in the corner smiling. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just fine….just fine. Let me look at you," she pulled back, holding her hands. "Still as thin as ever," Mrs. Humphrey shook her head. "Have you been eating?"

"Yes I have, I promise," she held her basket in front of her. "This is for you and Mr. Humphrey. Rufus and I stopped at Apple Valley Farm on the way here. I got your favorite jam and those pralines Mr. Humphrey likes…oh and that honey butter."

"You didn't have to do that," she looked at her. "Though I'm sure Sam will be more than glad you did!"

Alison laughed, "That's what I figured."

Mrs. Humphrey smiled looking at her son and Alison. There were so many things that she wanted to ask…and know. "So what's this good news that you wanted to tell me?"

"Well Lincoln Hawk finally got a gig!" he was excited. "We're opening for Hootie and the Blowfish. We're going to be on the road for three weeks starting in Chicago on Friday."

"Oh," she looked at her son, then to Alison again. "Well that's wonderful honey. Are you going to get a haircut before you go?"

"Mom," Rufus sighed. "Come on."

Alison looked away trying to keep her laughter in. She bit the inside of her lip and then looked at Rufus who rolled his eyes at her.

"Honey I just can't see your face," she brushed his bangs from his eyes. "But I know it's a rocker thing." She turned to Alison, "So are you going with them?"

"I'm umm…." she swallowed.

"I asked her to," he reached across the table to take her hand.

Mrs. Humphrey eyed her son as he took Alison's hand and she swallowed inwardly, not missing a beat. "Honey I think you should go. I need someone to keep an eye on my son and as much as I adore Mary Sue, I think she's a little bit wild and has such a potty mouth."

Rufus couldn't help but laugh at that. "We'll all be fine mom."

"I know, I just worry about you when you're on the road. I don't think you eat properly," Katherine shook her head.

"I eat fine mom."

"Well can you two at least stay for dinner?" she hoped.

"Yes of course we can," Alison got up. "Let me help you make dinner."

"You're still such a darling girl," Mrs. Humphrey smiled moving back further into the kitchen. "I would love your help. Rufus why don't you go help your father out in the yard," she waved him off.

He rolled his eyes. "Well I won't stay where I'm not wanted," he gave Alison a wink and walked out of the kitchen.

**Toulouse, France**

**Hôtel-Dieu Saint-Jacques**

Lily moved around in her bed trying to find a comfortable position in which to lay. Nine months of pregnancy had not prepared her for the absolute agony of what she would feel in the last few weeks. She was hot, irritable, and just wanted it to come out.

She had been feeling contractions for the past couple hours but the doctor said it was normal and she still had at least a week. She had not seen her mother since she left two months ago. Cece had kept saying she would be here, but now she wasn't so sure and she didn't know if that was a blessing or not. Sighing she looked out the window and noticed it was starting to rain. It always rained. She missed California. She missed the sunshine and the beach and the carefree summers. She also missed New York with it's bustling vibe and erratic atmosphere. Her heart belonged in both places. And most of all she missed Rufus. She wished she was strong enough to make her own decisions about her life. She wished she was strong enough to make her own decisions about a lot of things.

She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the knock on her door. "Lily?" a soft voice called to her. "Lil?"

"Mmm?" she turned.

"Hey."

"Oh, Ann," she smiled. "Hi." Ann was the only other American girl staying at the hospital. Her circumstances were almost identical to Lily's and they soon became fast friends. Ann was about three months behind Lily but twice as large because she was having twins. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a freaking whale," she waddled across the room and sat on the couch. "Sometimes I forget that I have feet." Ann was short, standing just over five feet tall. Her long brown hair hung to her waist which was a stark contrast to her deep blue eyes. "Why is it so damn hot in his hospital all the time? I tell those nuns to turn it down," she made a face. "I can't understand anything they say."

"They don't say much," Lily shook her head and laughed. "They're nuns."

"Good point," Ann put her feet up. "Mind if I put the TV on? MTV is premiering Madonna's new song."

Lily put down her magazine. "Sure," she turned towards the TV. "Is this the Vogue song she's been talking about?"

"Mmhmm," Ann flipped through the channels. "It's finally being released here."

It had been awhile since Lily let herself enjoy anything that had to do with music. It was just too painful. Looking up at the TV she saw a bleached blonde Madonna who looked just like Marilyn. "Doesn't she ever wear a bra?" she commented on her sheer lace blouse. "I mean really," she rolled her eyes.

"If I had Madonna's boobs I wouldn't either," she laughed.

"True," she shrugged.

Ann turned to her, "You okay? The baby giving you a hard time?"

"When isn't it?" she moved to sit up. "But no…I just…"

"Oh," Ann realized. "We don't have to watch MTV I can change it. No big deal."

"No, its fine," Lily shook her head. She knew she was just being childish. It had been almost 7 months since she left. It was time to get over it. "I'll survive."

"Have you….have you got in touch with Rufus. At least try?" Ann looked at her. "I mean who cares what your mother says."

"I'd have no idea where to reach him. He's always on the road. He barely gets on a payphone to call his mother," she thought for a moment. "Besides what would I tell him? 'Hey, I know we haven't talked in 7 months but I'm having your baby. By the way I'm in France.' "

"That's a start."

"No," Lily shook her head. "I'm not ruining Rufus's career for this. This is the best for both of us."

"You sound like Cece," Ann was frank.

"I sound like who I'm becoming."

* * *

Rufus closed the front door of his parents house and sighed. "That was draining."

Alison leaned against the railing of the porch. "She's just worried about you. She's cute. "

"She didn't ask you five million times to cut your hair," he crossed his arms.

Alison moved closer to him and brushed his bangs to the side. "Well you could stand for a little bit of a trim."

"Not you too," he rolled his eyes.

She looked down at the ground and smiled. "Rufus?"

"Mmm…." He moved closer trying to look at her.

"I'll go," she whispered, slowly bringing her eyes to meet his.

"You'll go?"

"On tour with you," she smiled softly. "I'll go."

"Really?" he grinned.

"Yes."

He wrapped his arms around her waist drawing her into his chest before kissing her softly on the lips. "Good."

She touched his cheek and kissed him again. "Your mom's paying me a hundred dollars to babysit you."

"What?" he pulled away and looked at her.

She laughed, "I'm just kidding."

"Come here," he laughed, kissing her again. "I'll give you babysitting," he tickled her.

"Rufus stop!" she laughed. "Not….not again….come on!"

He stopped tickling her, and looked at her for a moment. "I'm really glad you're coming. I'd missed you."

"I'd miss you too," she rested her arms on his shoulders leaning in for another kiss.

"You do know my mothers watching from her bedroom window," he smirked.

She froze inches away from his face.

He laughed again and swung her around and kissing her softly.

"Rufus!" she hung upside down trying to look up at the house. "Stop it!"

He lifted her back up and took her hand. "Let's get out of here."

**August 2****nd**** 1990**

"You got all your shit on here?" Mike looked at everyone. "We gotta get the fuck out of here."

Alison walked onto the motorbus holding a small carry-on. She looked at Mike for a moment before walking passed him.

"Got all your girly crap?" he rolled his eyes.

"I'm ready to go Mike," she sighed. "Besides I didn't bring that much."

"And what's all that art shit over there," he pointed to the built in table that turned into a bed. "Did you need to bring all that nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense," she turned around. "I need something to do while you guys are off rehearsing and doing your thing."

"Whatever." He opened the cooler looking for something to drink. "Just put it someplace else before I go to sleep."

Rufus hopped up onto the bus making his way toward the back. "You all set?" he smiled. "Need me to get you anything before we go?"

"No, I'm all right, thank you."

"Good, well our room's back here," he picked up his bag.

"Our….room?" she looked at him, swallowing.

"Yeah come on, grab your bags," he looked at her.

"Where's….where is Suz staying?" she looked around.

"With Dusty in the other room," he laughed. "And Mike and Aaron are sleeping on the fold out beds in the kitchen. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…nothing," she followed him to the very back of the bus.

"That's Dusty and Suz's room and that's the bathroom," he pointed before pushing back an accordion style door. "I know, it's not big, but at least there's a little more privacy than a regular bus we usually take."

Alison looked inside and saw a small dresser built into the side of the bus, a mirror bolded to it and a bed….a very small bed. "Mmm….cozy."

Rufus looked at her and sat on the bed. "You didn't think we'd actually be staying together, did you?"

"I umm…I don't really know what I thought," she laughed nervously.

He took her hand and had her sit next to him. "It's me," he looked at her. "I would hope you'd feel comfortable around me by now. You know I wouldn't make you do anything you don't want to do."

"Rufus I…"

"I can sleep out there," he shrugged his shoulders. "It's no big deal."

She shook her head. "I'm not having you sleep on the floor. It's fine," she squeezed his hand. 'I am comfortable around you."

He smiled at her and kissed her softly. "Good."

She looked back onto the bed. "I don't know how we're both going to fit in this thing," she laughed.

"Real close," he wiggled his eye brows.

Alison rolled her eyes. "Help me get my stuff Humphrey."

* * *

"You hungry?" Rufus looked over at Alison as he played cards with Aaron.

"A little," she nodded. "I haven't eaten since breakfast." She looked at the clock and noticed it was almost after seven.

"You guys wanna stop and get some food?"

Suz looked up from her Cosmo, "Yeah, I'm starving."

"Make it quick," Mike eyed Rufus. "We're already behind. We have to be in Chicago by morning."

"I know," he rolled his eyes before looking back at Alison. "What do you want?"

"I don't care," she shook her head. "Why don't we get off at the next exit and see what they have."

"Alright," Rufus got up and told the driver.

"Alison come here," Suz waved her over.

Alison got up and sat down next to Suz by the window looking at her magazine. "Mmm?"

"Read this," she pointed to a paragraph in the magazine then handed it to her.

Alison quickly scanned the page and thought about it for a moment. "So?"

"Doesn't it remind you of Rufus and yourself?" she looked at her.

"A little," she looked over at Rufus talking to the driver.

"So what are you guys?" Suz asked. "You never said if you guys were a couple or not."

She shrugged her shoulders looking back at her. "He hasn't really asked me, but I'm not seeing anyone else."

"I haven't see him with anyone else either," she looked at Alison.

"I just…" she sighed. "Sometimes I get the feeling he's still not over Lily. I'm not sure if he ever will."

"I'm going to tell you a secret," Suz looked over at her.

"What?"

"I hated that bitch."

"Suz!" she laughed, looking around seeing if anyone heard."

"What? She thought she was the shit," she rolled her eyes. "And of course everyone else just adored her."

Alison nodded and looked down. She knew how Rufus felt about Lily. She saw the way he looked at her. She knew that he felt more for Lily than he ever did for her when they dated in high school. She looked at Suz and spoke softly, "Do you think he'll ever love me the way he did her?"

"Would you want him to?" she questioned.

"I ummm….I missed him a lot," she looked down playing with her hands. "And….and I…we've kind of fallen back into this…this …comfortable pattern."

"You don't want comfortable do you?"

"I umm….Rufus he's the same but…different. If that makes sense," she looked up. "I don't know if…he'll get bored with me."

"So you don't want comfortable," she laughed.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want comfortable."

Suz smiled at her, "So you want to be sexy. You want to spice things up a bit."

Alison blushed a nodded her head.

"Well," she closed her Cosmo and handed it to her. "First thing you need to do is read this."

Alison took the magazine and looked at the front cover, silently reading it to herself. _"Forty-two ways to drive your man crazy in bed,"_ wonderful she thought.

Suz put her hand on her shoulder, "How about we do a little shopping before tomorrow nights show? They're in sound check all day. I bet we could find you something to wear to the concert…something Rufus might like."

Alison bit her lip then looked at Suz and smiled. "Okay."

The bus pulled into a gas station and stopped. Alison got up and took the magazine placing it into her purse. She walked off the bus and looked around.

Dusty walked up to them, "Aaron and I are going to get some burgers. You guys want some?"

"Yeah get me two," he looked at Alison.

"Umm…there's a deli across the street over there. I think I'll run and see what they have. Thanks though."

"I'll go with you," Rufus took her hand. "This doesn't look like the safest place."

They walked hand in hand across the street and into the deli. "Do you think you guys will be in sound check all day tomorrow before the show?"

He looked over at her. "Afraid so, but we'll have some breaks."

"Well Suz and I are going to do some shopping. So don't worry about us," she smiled.

"Oh here I was feeling like I was neglecting you," he laughed.

"Don't worry about me," she looked up at the menu. "I'll be fine."

He wrapped his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. "I'm real glad you came."

She looked over at him and smiled. "I am too."

* * *

Alison sat on the bed brushing her hair after changing out of her clothes. She thought about the days ahead and wondered what they would bring. She was excited to go shopping with Mary Sue the next day. She wanted Rufus to see her differently and if she had to change a little then she would. He was worth it to her. She pulled the Cosmo from her purse and started to flip through it.

"Alison?" Rufus knock on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Umm…." She hurried and shoved the magazine into the drawer of the bedside table. "Yeah, come in."

Rufus pushed the door aside and came in pulling it closed behind him. "God, I'm exhausted," he kicked off his shoes.

"Me too," she nodded. "You have a long day tomorrow."

"Yeah first days always suck," he took off his shirt and threw it aside.

She watched as he took off his pants and got into bed with just his boxers on. She wished she could be as comfortable in her own skin as he was in his.

"You excited?" she looked down at him.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to finally be in front of a crowd again. It's no fun rehearsing when no one's there to watch you."

"Tell me about it," she laughed.

"You gonna sleep?"

"Yes," she said tentatively. She leaned up and turned off the built-in light. She pulled back the covers and slowly eased herself in bed. She could feel Rufus's stomach touch her side as the bus moved back and forth. She took a deep breath trying to relax.

"Al?"

"Mmm?"

He turned and looked at her in the darkness, he thought about things he wanted to say but held off. "Good night."

"Good night," she whispered, closing her eyes.


	6. Show off Those Legs!

**Chapter Five**

**Show off Those Legs!**

**August 3****rd****, 1990**

**Chicago, Illinois **

Rufus woke the next morning and saw Alison curled up on her side. For a split second after seeing her blonde hair he thought it was Lily. He shook his head thinking back to all the times they spent together on tour. They were on the road, stuck on a cramped bus more often than not. He figured that was why they were so close. They would often talk all night or make love whenever they had the chance and that is what he missed the most about her. Just her being there, the closeness, the Thursday night Chinese rituals, and the lazy Sundays in bed.

He sighed and looked back at Alison. He was sick of being alone. He was never good at it. He loved Alison, not the way he loved Lily, but maybe in time he could. He just didn't feel like starting over. He kind of liked the comfort she brought to his life. It might lack the passion he shared with Lily, but in time he hoped that would come too. He was with Alison once before, there was no reason he couldn't try and do it again.

He looked over at the clock and realized he should probably get out of bed. He quietly changed his boxers and found a pair a jeans and a shirt and put them on before running his hand through his hair. He looked back at Alison before opening the door and walking out seeing Mike and Aaron standing in the kitchen eating cold pizza.

"Ready to get out of here?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah," he pulled his belt around his pants and buckled it. 'When did we get in?"

"About a quarter to six," Mike looked out the window. "Dusty better hurry the fuck up."

"Where'd he go?" Rufus grabbed a slice of pizza from the counter.

"To get his fat ass some donuts from across the street," he shook his head.

'Let's just get out of here," Aaron grabbed his guitar and handed Mike his drumsticks. "He knows where to go."

"Alright let me just tell Alison I'm leaving and I'll be out in the minute," he started to walk back to his room.

"Got his ass whipped already," Mike rolled his eyes walking off the bus.

Rufus walked back into his room and sat at the edge of the bed. "Alison?" he brushed her hair from her face. "Al?"

"Mmm…." her eyes slowly opened.

"I gotta get going okay?"

She rolled on her back and rubbed her eyes a bit. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine."

She looked at him, "Okay."

"You have fun with Suz today," he smiled.

"I will. And I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course," he leaned down and kissed her. "You got your passes and everything?"

"In my purse," she nodded.

"Alright I'll see you at eight?" he got up.

"See you then."

* * *

"What about this?" Suz held a dress up next to Alison. "It brings out the green in your eyes."

"Mmm…" she frowned. "I don't think so."

"You are so damn picky!' she laughed.

"I just…I don't know," she looked through the racks. "Everything is so…so…"

"Slutty," she laughed. "Well good."

Alison rolled her eyes and walked across the boutique looking at a dress that was on a mannequin. She looked at it for a few moments, tilting her head to the side, trying to picture herself in it.

"Well you definitely need to go with something short," Suz looked at her. "Because you have the legs so you need to show them off. "

"Mmm…." Alison turned a red dress catching her eye.

Suz followed Alison's stare. "That one!" she pulled it from the rack. "Go, go try it on."

She laughed as Suz pushed her into the dressing room. She held the dress up to herself and looked into the mirror before trying it on. It was short and red, dipped low in the front and was a little silky to the touch. She quickly undressed and slipped the dress on. She looked again at herself in the mirror, pulling the dress down and then realizing that it pulled it down in front as well.

"Are you dressed?" Suz sighed. "I'm coming in," she opened the door and hopped inside.

Alison quickly spun around, "Mary Sue!"

"Wow!" she eyed her. "Sexy girlfriend!"

"I don't know," she looked down. "It's really short and the top…" she frowned.

"Nothing a good pushup bra won't fix," she smiled. "Come on, get it. I'll tell you right now Rufus will love it."

She thought for a moment, looking at herself in the mirror. "I need shoes."

Suz smiled, "My specialty."

"God, I'm glad you're here. I don't really know anything about this. You'd be good friends with my sister."

"Anna maybe," she laughed. "Carrie I don't know."

Alison nodded, understanding. "She is a little bit of a-"

"Bitch," Suz finished her sentence.

Alison laughed, "Am I aloud to say that?"

"You are if it's true," she giggled. "Come on get changed so we can get out of here," she walked out of her dressing room.

Alison looked at herself one last time in the mirror and smiled before taking the dress off and changing back into her own clothes. She went up to the register and paid for it before walking out and following Suz into the shop across the street.

"Okay let's go in here," Suz pulled her into a lingerie shop. "Lets get you a bra."

Alison followed her in and looked around at all the lingerie. She chewed on her bottom lip wondering if she'd ever be bold enough to wear any of it in front of Rufus. She found a few cute bras that she liked and picked them up.

"Take this," Suz handed her a black lacy bra. "And these go with it."

"Black?"

"Black is sexy," she grinned. "Black is mysterious." She looked at Alison for a moment and could tell she was contemplating. "You and Rufus haven't yet, have you?"

Alison looked up at her and sighed before shaking her head.

"Do you want to?" Suz wondered.

Alison looked at her. "Do you think if I don't I'd lose him?"

"No," Suz shook her head. "You know Rufus isn't like other guys. He'd never hold that against you. "

She looked up at her and smiled before taking the bra and panties. "But I didn't say I didn't want to."

Suz laughed, "That a girl!"

* * *

Rufus sat on top of the speaker listening to his guitar as he tuned up the scale. He could hear the crowd cheering and his adrenaline started to pump. He didn't know how he went so long without the thrill of a crowd. Looking over at the set list next to him he started to memorize their order.

"Rufus," Mary Sue walked up to him. "Dusty said he wants to change the order up a bit. "Flip song five with song three"

"Five with three?" he looked down. "Okay."

"Alright you got two minutes before you go on," she looked at him before she started to walk away.

"Alright," he looked up. "Hey where's Alison?"

"Ummm…." She looked around. "Over there talking with Aaron," she pointed.

"Where?" he didn't see her.

"Red dress, Humphrey," she laughed.

Rufus set down his guitar and looked around the crowd of people backstage.

"Alison?" He walked closer to her, before placing a hand on her bare shoulder.

Alison turned hearing her name being called. She saw Rufus and smiled.

"Hi."

"Wow," he looked her up and down. "Hey."

"Getting excited?"

"Mmm…." He kept staring at her. "Nice dress."

"Thanks," she smiled. "You better get up there. The lead singer can't be late."

"Kiss for good luck?" he smirked, moving in closer.

Alison looked at him a slight gleam in her eye. She pulled him by his shirt, wrapping an arm around him and pushing herself into him. She kissed him passionately as her other hand lightly played in his hair. She moaned softly into his mouth when she felt his tongue just barely touch her lips.

Rufus was taken completely off guard again, but he definitely wasn't complaining. He could feel the curve of Alison's hip as he held her close and her chest as it lay against his own. He could smell her intoxicating smell, a familiar scent that always reminded him of her, but never quite knew what it was.

"Get your fucking lips back Humphrey and lets go!" Mike yelled, as he slapped him on the ass with his drumstick.

They both broke apart instantly and out of breath. Alison reached her hand up and rubbed her lipstick off the sides of his lips. "Good luck," she winked before walking away.

Rufus stood there for a second a goofy grin on his face. He looked down and laughed before turning around.

"Some one is getting lucky tonight!" Aaron slapped him on the back before jumping on stage.

"Shut up," Rufus rolled his eyes before throwing his guitar strap around his shoulder.

Alison stood backstage as Lincoln Hawk did their set list. She could tell that Rufus was in his element; all the guys were. The crowd was amazing and cheered them on as they sang. Rufus turned to her a few times as he sang and she smiled. After their five songs were over they started to move backstage when a rush of girls started to mob the group as they made their way to the tour bus. This was the part Alison always hated; the girls that would always hang all over Rufus.

She sighed and started to make her way over to the bus. She moved passed a few girls when she felt herself being pushed backward. Alison turned around and saw a girl staring at her.

"Excuse you!" the girl eyed her up and down. "I was standing there."

"Sorry," she apologized and kept walking. She got toward the bus when she saw Rufus and Aaron talking to a few girls. She got closer to hear what they were saying.

"What's your names?" Aaron asked the girls.

"I'm Brooke," the brunette said. "And this is Lindsey."

"I'm Aaron and this is Rufus," he smiled.

Brooke went up to Rufus and played with the bottom of his shirt. "You have a nice bus," she smiled. "Wanna give us a tour?"

"Sure we can," Aaron smiled, placing his arm around Lindsey.

Just then Rufus looked up and saw Alison standing a few feet away.

"Umm…why don't you go with Aaron. He'll show you around. "

"I think I'd rather stay with you," Brooke snaked her arms around Rufus's torso.

Alison rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She couldn't believe how forward some girls could be with guys they didn't even know.

Suddenly Alison felt a hand touch her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Mary Sue asked.

"Oh," Alison shook her head. "Nothing."

Mary Sue eyed her and then followed her gaze to the bus. "Who the hell are they?"

"Brooke and Lindsey," she rolled her eyes again.

"Oh, hell no." She walked toward the bus when she saw Brooke touch Rufus again. "Excuse me, excuse me. You two can leave now. The slut show is over."

Alison couldn't help but laugh when she saw the look on the girl's faces. She watched as Rufus untangled Brooke from his waist and walked over to her much to her chagrin.

"Hey," he smiled. "I wondered where you were."

"You know how it is trying to get through the mob," she laughed. "All those fans."

He put his arm around her and walked back toward the bus. "Have security walk you out next time if you don't see me. It isn't always safe. You never know who's walking around in the back parking lots."

"Alright," she nodded.

They both walked onto the bus and yawned. "Long day?" he laughed.

"Probably not as long as yours. The show was great you know. You guys did a really awesome job," she commented. "The crowd really liked you."

"Yeah," he thought back. "It felt good. Must have been from that good luck kiss," he winked.

"Maybe," she grinned. "So, Detroit in the morning?" she looked out the window.

"Yep. We're leaving soon as Dusty talks to the driver. We have to drive through the night again. But then we get a day break."

"That'll be nice," she thought. "To stay in a city more than a few hours."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Paris is still a blur to me. I didn't get to see any of it."

"Suz told me about Paris. That must have been amazing."

Rufus thought back to Paris and the time he spent with Lily. He did barely get to see Paris because if he wasn't playing in some dirty nightclub he and

Lily were often holed up in some hotel room. "Yeah…yeah it was."

She looked at him for a moment. "I think I'm going to try and get some sleep."

"Me too," he sighed. "First days on the road are always draining. And with being a few hours behind I'm bushed."

"Alright."

He followed her to the back of the bus and into their room closing the door behind him. "Alison?"

"Mmm…?" she turned around.

Rufus moved closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "You look amazing in that dress. I umm…I didn't even know that was you at first," he laughed.

"No?" she smiled, moving in a bit closer.

"Nope," he shook his head, closing the gap between them and kissing her. "It was a good surprise," he breathed against her lips.

"Good," she told him as she sat back on the bed bringing him with her. "Kiss me."

Rufus picked her up a little by her waist moving her back further on the bed as he continued to kiss her. He could feel her heavy breathing against his cheek and he slowly lowered himself on top of her as she laid back in the middle of the bed.

She brought her hand up and touched his cheek as he kissed her down her neck. She closed her eyes as familiar sensations started to fill her. She could feel Rufus's hand trail up her leg, slowly touching her thigh and bringing up the hem of her dress. She bent her leg up, the dress pooling at her waist.

"Rufus," she moaned softly.

"Mmm…." he started to kiss down the front of her dress.

Suddenly their door was pushed to the side. "Hey Rufus did you get…." Dusty stopped mid sentence, his mouth dropping. "Oh shit…I….I ahhh….I didn't think you two would actually be…Ahhh…." he swallowed. "Sorry….carry on," he quickly pulled the door closed.

They both looked at one another and burst out laughing. "I ummm….I think we scared him," she giggled.

He sat up a little, "I think so."

She pursed her lips and looked over to him. "Rufus?"

"Yeah," he played with a strand of her blonde hair before looking at her.

"I was just wondering are you and I….are we…"she licked her lips. "I mean…"

Rufus laughed again and brought his hand to touch her cheek. "Together?"

She nodded.

"You wanna try this again?" he wondered.

"I would," she looked into his eyes hoping he felt the same. "Would you like that?"

"Yeah," he nodded I would. "I missed ya."

"I missed you too," she hugged him.

Rufus wrapped his arms around Alison just as Lily flashed into his head. He swallowed hard. He hoped he was making the right decision. In his heart he always feared that she would never come back. Now, he feared that she would. He truly had no idea what he would do if that happened. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he tried to focus on Alison. "So where were we?" he lightly pushed her back on the bed, kissing her neck.

"Rufus," she sighed, placing her hand to his chest.

"What?"

"I…" she swallowed a little embarrassed. "I'm not ready for this yet."

He stopped kissing her, moving his hand off her leg. "Umm….alright," he sighed.

"I mean I am….just…just not here," she looked at him for understanding. "Not on this bus…where people can walk in on us. Not…not here."

He brought his hand back to her cheek and kissed her softly. "I understand. I don't want it to be here on this lumpy bed either."

"Thank you," she kissed him back.

"But we can still make out though right?" he grinned.

"Make out?" she laughed. "Yeah we can pretend we're 15 again."

Rufus rolled over and turned off the light before pulling back the covers and taking off his shirt. "Yeah but 15 year olds probably shouldn't be sharing a bed," he laughed. He noticed a shopping bag sitting on the floor next to him. "So did you have a fun time shopping with Suz?

She got off the bed, "I did. It was like old times."

"So what did you get?" he looked into the bag.

She quickly turned around. "Never mind what I got."

Rufus pulled out a bra and a few pair of lacy panties from the bag. "Mmm…" he looked at them grinning. "Need someone to tell you how they look on?"

She walked up to him snatching them from his hand. "No," she eyed him. "I already modeled them for some guy I met earlier today. He said they fit perfectly." She turned, trying to keep a smile from playing on her lips. "But thank-you anyways."

"You better not have," he walked over to her, pulling his belt off before he sat on the bed.

"I guess you'll never know," she kicked off her shoes.

Rufus took his watch off and opened the side table drawer to place it inside. Looking inside his eyes grew large. "Well, well what do we have in here?"

Alison turned around and saw Rufus looking in the drawer and she remembered she threw her Cosmo in there the night before. "Rufus it's just-"

He turned back around tossing a handful of condoms on the bed and looking at her. "Holding out on me huh?"

"Rufus," she looked at him. "You're the presumptions one. "

"What are you talking about?" he laughed. "That's your drawer."

"Those aren't mine," she crossed her hands over her chest.

"They aren't mine," he laughed.

Alison sat on the bed and they each picked one up and then looked at each other. "Mike," they both said in unison.

"He's such a shit," Rufus laughed picking them up and tossing them back in the drawer. He got back up and unzipped his pants tossing them on the floor before getting in bed.

Alison grinned and turned her back to him. She pulled her nightgown from her bag and slowly stepped out of her dress and unhooked her bra, taking it off and tossing it aside before pulling her nightgown on.

Rufus watched as best as he could in the darkness, and was a little surprised at her boldness. He pulled back the covers as she got in and then covered them both. He looked at her as she turned to him. "Come here," he pulled her in. "Kiss me."

She smiled and scooted as close as she could to him. "I thought about you a lot after we broke up," she told him. "I wanted to come back home so many times after I left for school," she kissed him. "I didn't know how I was going to get over you."

Rufus listened to her talk and he felt a bit guilty. Yeah he missed her after they broke up, but he had met Lily fairly quickly and really hadn't given her much of a thought after that. He was too consumed with Lily and their whirlwind romance for thoughts of other girls to even enter his mind. He just nodded and wrapped his arms around her.

Alison continued to kiss him then pulled back. "Have you been smoking?"

"Mmm…." he looked at her.

She frowned, "Don't smoke."

"Trying to change me already," he joked.

"It doesn't taste good, Humphrey. I believe we've had this talk before," she was serious. "I get the whole rock and roll thing and I know what you guys do….you know I don't like it."

"I really don't do the hard stuff anymore," he was honest. "That was a little too much."

"Good," she searched for his hand under the covers and squeezed it.

He leaned over and kissed her, enjoying the feeling of being close to someone again. Wrapping his arms back around her he had forgotten how small she actually was. She always kinda fit into his arms. They kissed and touched for awhile before they both fell asleep content in the moments they shared that day.

**Toulouse, France**

**Hôtel-Dieu Saint-Jacques**

"Alright Lillian just a few more pushes and the baby will be out. I just need you to concentrate and bear down as much as you can." The doctor grabbed another cloth putting it underneath her as he grabbed an instrument. He placed his hand on the top of her belly. "Alright Lillian come on."

"Pousser!" a nun nodded at Lily as she held her hand. "Pousser!"

"I don't want to do this anymore," Lily cried out in pain. "It hurts!"

"Pousser!" the nun yelled at her.

Crying out, Lily bore down with all of her might as she squeezed the nuns hand. She had never known such blinding pain in her entire life. The doctors had refused to give her any medication and she thought she might just pass out from the sheer agony of it all.

"Un...deux…trois…" the nun counted. "Presque!"

"Mmm….ahhh….." Lily laid back into the pillows. She could feel the sweat dripping from her forehead and down the back of her neck. "Get it out," she cried. "Please!"

"One more push," the doctor instructed. "The shoulder is just about out." He pushed Lily's shaking leg upward as he held onto the baby's head. "Now Lillian, right now!"

Lily bunched her fists as she pressed them into the mattress and pushed as hard as she could just wanting it to be over. She felt the shoulder of the baby pass through her and then a rush of fluid. She knew without a doubt that last moment was the absolute worst feeling. She thought she had split apart. "Holy Jesus!" She said through gritted teeth almost forgetting to breathe.

"On my God," she laid back, her eyes closing. "Oh my god."

"Tout est fait," the nun nodded as she patted her hand.

Trying to gather up as much strength as she could she lifted her head. "What is it? A girl? Boy?" she tried to look between the doctor and the few nurses that were surrounding the baby and cleaning it off. She didn't hear any crying or gurgling. "Is it okay?" she talked louder. "My baby, is it okay!"

"Shh…shhh…," the nun fluffed her pillow. "Clame….shhh…."

"I want know know if it's okay!," Lily looked at the nun. "C'est mon bébé va bien?" she pleaded.

The nun looked over at the baby and then heard a shrill cry and she turned to Lily. "Garçon."

"A boy?" she smiled tears in her yes. "It's a boy?"

"Oui," the nun tried to push her back down on the bed. "Reste."

"I want to see him," she held her arms out. "I want to see my baby." Looking back and forth between the doctor and the nurses she saw them swaddle up the baby and place him in a bassinet before pushing him toward the door.

"No!" she tried to sit up. "I want to see him! I want to see him!" she pleaded. "Doctor! Please! Let me see my son! Please!"

"Lillian just calm down," the doctor walked towards her. "You just had a harrowing experience. You need your rest."

"I want to see my baby! Where are you talking him? I just want to see him. Please." Swallowing hard Lily started to get a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. She was starting to have second thoughts about everything. "I change my mind! I don't want to give him away. I change my mind! I want my baby!"

"I'm sorry Lillian," the doctor shook his head. "You've already signed away your rights. He's already going to his family. It's done."

"What," she gasped. "I haven't signed anything yet. They said it would be done after. They said after!" she started to panic.

"No you signed the papers when you were first admitted here," he started to check Lily's monitors. "You signed your rights away to your mother. She made the decision."

"No I didn't!" she sat up. "That's not what I signed," she shook her head. "She told me I was signing my right for treatment and adoption would be made final after. I did not sign away my rights to Cece! I didn't!" Lily started to get agitated and her heart monitor went off causing more distress. "Now I want to see my baby!"

"Lily that's not possible," he turned toward the nurse and nodded toward Lily.

"What are you doing?" she noticed the exchange. "What are you doing!"

"We're just going to give you a little something to help you sleep. You'll feel a lot better once you have a little rest and put this all behind you."

"No!" she shouted. "I want to see my baby! I want my son!"

"Nurse!" he quickly changed her IV bag.

"Stop it! I don't want it!" she felt the doctor holding her arm down. "I just want my baby! Let me see my baby!

* * *

**Happy Easter Everyone!**

I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday if you celebrate Easter. If you have time, please let me know how you're enjoying the chapters so far.

See you all next week with Chapter 6- _Don't Fuck it up Humphrey_

_"There they are!" Alison heard a female voice shout before she heard the clacking of heels on the pavement. Turning around she saw Jody and her two friends walking up to them. "Wonderful," she sighed._

_Jody walked right up to Rufus and smiled, batting her eyelashes. "Hey."_

_"Hi," Rufus smiled. "How are you?"_

_"Good," she moved in closer. "I enjoyed your show. You're an amazing singer."_

_"Well thanks," he laughed. "The band makes me sound good."_

_"I'm sure that isn't it," she laid her hand on his chest. "I think you're making them look good."_

_Alison ran her tongue across her teeth and rolled her eyes. She moved closer to Rufus and took his hand interlacing her fingers with his. "Honey we have to get going."_

_Jody looked at Alison, noticing her for the first time and realizing she was the same girl from the bathroom. She noticed Alison take his hand and slightly pull him backward. "So where are you playing next?" she ignored Alison._

_"Pittsburg," he smiled. "Last show."_

_"Well that's a shame," she frowned pulling a piece of paper and pen from her purse. "Well if you ever get bored," she started to write. "Give me a call. I'm sure we could find something fun to do." She dropped the pen back in her purse and walked back to Rufus slipping her phone number into the front pocket of his jeans. Her fingers lingered their a moment as she looked up to him. "Oh and my names Jody."_

_Rufus swallowed hard as he watched her walk away._

_"Close your mouth," Alison dropped his hand and started to walk toward the bus. _


	7. Don't Fuck it up Humphrey

**Chapter Six**

**Don't Fuck it up Humphrey**

**Aug 17****th****, 1990**

**St. Paul, Minnesota **

Two and a half weeks went by and it was now the second to last day before Lincoln Hawk was to return back to Boston. The band had a really good run and made many contacts along the way. They had two more tour dates scheduled for the beginning of spring and another after the first of the year. Alison and Rufus had settled well into their relationship. Things were familiar to them, but new and exciting at the same time. Spending their first few weeks as a couple completely together on the tour bus had brought them closer together and their relationship had definitely changed directions.

It was their last night in St. Paul and Lincoln Hawk was just about to go on stage.

"Where the hell is Humphrey at?" Dusty walked down the hallway of the event center.

Mike pulled his drumsticks from his back pocket opening the door. "Check a closet some where," he sneered.

Dusty shook his head. He was still a little surprised that Rufus and Alison had gotten back together, but he was happy for them both. Everything was just working in an easy kind of way, and it was nice everyone was seemingly getting along. He walked backstage and saw Rufus sitting on the stage, with Alison standing in-between his legs.

"Are you excited to get back to Boston?" Rufus asked.

"Mmm….a little," she looked up at him. "But I'm definitely going to miss this."

"Me too," he leaned down and kissed her. "You seem….you seem different."

"Different?" she looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," he shrugged his shoulders. "You…seem more free. Like you…you let go a bit." Rufus looked at her for a moment. "It's just something about you."

"I'm not as up tight," she laughed.

"You weren't up tight," he smiled. "Just reserved. I think the tour did you some good. Us some good."

She looked at him and smiled brushing his hair from his eyes. "I think it did too. It's been a wonderful three weeks."

Rufus leaned his forehead against hers when he heard people start to enter the stage. "'bout that time," he laughed.

"Mmm…." she sighed moving away. "I'll be backstage when you get done."

He hopped off the stage and pulled her hand. "You forgetting something?"

Alison turned back around and looked at him. "Am I?"

He pulled her in quickly and he kissed her. "Don't be cute."

"I thought you liked me that way," she smiled at him and kissed him again. "Good luck, Rufus."

Rufus pushed her hair over her shoulders as he looked at her. He enjoyed their moments before he went on stage. It became kind of a routine, her kissing him good luck before a show. And he did have to say he thought it worked. "See ya in a bit."

**Oct. 8****th**** 1990**

**Roslindale, Massachusetts **

Rufus started to take the stairs two at a time. "Al," he called out.

Mikes hand stopped as he heard Rufus's voice at the top of the stairs. "Fuck," he pulled his hand out from under Alison's skirt and got up quickly and walked into the bathroom. He closed the door and peeked into the conjoining room just as Rufus closed the door.

"Al," Rufus said again. He opened the last door on the right and looked into the room and he didn't see her. He got an uneasy feeling and he turned around noticing a faint light coming from Mike's room.

He walked across the hall and didn't bother to knock before throwing open the door. His eyes quickly scanned the room before he heard a soft moan.

"Al?" He moved further into the room and that's when he saw her. She was on the floor leaning against the wall next to the window. "Oh my God, Alison," he rushed in quickly dropping to his knees. "Al?"

"Mmm… Rufus," she didn't open her eyes.

"Al?" he swallowed looking down and that's when he noticed the scattered needles and cotton balls. "What the…"

"Rufus…." she said again.

He noticed Mikes box sitting next to her and a freshly cut balloon of Heroin. "No way…" he shook his head looking and her. "Alison?"

**Aug 17****th****, 1990**

**St. Paul, Minnesota **

Alison walked into the bathroom of the event center after the concert. She was in the stall when she heard a group of girls come in.

"Did you see the drummer in that opening band?" One of the girls said. "The Lincoln Hawk band? Someone said his name was Mike."

Alison rolled her eyes from inside her stall. If only they knew, she thought.

"No, I don't care about him," another girl with a higher voice broke in. "I was too busy watching the lead singer. And I'm pretty sure he was watching me too."

"Oh, Jody," another girl said. "I'm sure out of all the girls out there he was looking at you."

"He was!" she was adamant. "I'll prove it. Let's go find their bus. He'll remember me."

Alison walked out of her stall and up to the sinks where the girls were. She quickly looked at them both trying to figure out which one was Jody. The girls turned and looked at her, not realizing someone was in the bathroom with them. Jody turned at looked at Alison noticing she had a Lincoln Hawk stage pass around her neck.

"Hey, are you with Lincoln Hawk?" Jody walked up to her.

Alison pulled her hands out from underneath the water and took a towel drying her hands. "Yes."

"What's umm…the name of the lead singer?" she asked. "The one with the brown hair?"

Alison bit her lip for a moment before answering. "Rufus."

"Mmm…" she smiled looking at her friends. "He single?"

"No," Alison said a little too quickly. "No, he's not."

"That never stopped you before," one of the girls looked at Jody and laughed.

"Right," she smirked. "Come on, I think I know where their bus is."

Alison watched the girls leave and rolled her eyes in disgust. She didn't know if she could ever get used to this part. Rufus was just like any normal person. And she knew he liked the attention and wasn't so sure he would always fight it off. Beautiful girls always threw themselves at him and it made her feel uncomfortable and inferior. She looked at herself in the mirror and swallowed before quickly leaving the bathroom and going backstage to find Rufus.

She walked down the long hall and found Rufus standing by the back door waiting for her and talking with Dusty. **"**Hey where were you?" he asked.

"I was in the ladies room," she took is hand. "Are we going to watch rest of the show?"

"No," he shook his head. "We gotta go. We have to be in Pittsburg by tomorrow afternoon now for the last show. We have to go now."

She sighed dreading another long night on the road. "Alright."

He put his arm around her as they walked out the door. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I think the lack of sleep and all the hours on the road are starting to catch up on me."

He squeezed the curve of her hip. "Need me to tuck you in?"

"Mmm…that would be nice," she moved her hand over his.

"There they are!" Alison heard a female voice shout before she heard the clacking of heels on the pavement. Turning around she saw Jody and her two friends walking up to them. "Wonderful," she sighed.

Jody walked right up to Rufus and smiled, batting her eyelashes. "Hey."

"Hi," Rufus smiled. "How are you?"

"Good," she moved in closer. "I enjoyed your show. You're an amazing singer."

"Well thanks," he laughed. "The band makes me sound good."

"I'm sure that isn't it," she laid her hand on his chest. "I think you're making them look good."

Alison ran her tongue across her teeth and rolled her eyes. She moved closer to Rufus and took his hand interlacing her fingers with his. "Honey we have to get going."

Jody looked at Alison, noticing her for the first time and realizing she was the same girl from the bathroom. She noticed Alison take his hand and slightly pull him backward. "So where are you playing next?" she ignored Alison.

"Pittsburg," he smiled. "Last show."

"Well that's a shame," she frowned pulling a piece of paper and pen from her purse. "Well if you ever get bored and are in town," she started to write. "Give me a call. I'm sure we could find something fun to do." She dropped the pen back in her purse and walked back to Rufus slipping her phone number into the front pocket of his jeans. Her fingers lingered their a moment as she looked up to him. "Oh and my names Jody."

Rufus swallowed hard as he watched her walk away.

"Close your mouth," Alison dropped his hand and started to walk toward the bus.

Rufus looked over at Jody one last time before turning. "Al come on," he caught up to her. "Al?"

"What?" she stopped and turned to face him. "She was all over you."

"You know how those girls are," he took her hand.

She looked down at their hands. "Well you surely seemed to like it. You didn't even notice I was there."

He closed the gap between them, and touched her cheek. "You're jealous," he grinned.

"Am not," she huffed.

"Really," he leaned his forehead against hers."

She sighed, "Well maybe a little. She was gorgeous and you were looking at her and she-"

"…and I have the most amazing girlfriend anyone could ever ask for," he finished her sentence. "Al come on. We've gone though this before. Don't be so insecure."

She sighed looking downward, "I'm trying."

"You trust me don't you?" He picked up her chin to look at her. "I wouldn't cheat on you."

She met his eyes trying to see the truth in them. "I trust you…but I still don't like it," she held back a slight smile.

"Well I don't like when guys look at you either," he told her.

"Guys don't look at me," she shook her head.

"Yeah they do!" he laughed. "Especially lately. All these…sexy clothes you've been wearing," he touched the bottom of her dress. "They definitely look."

"Well Humphrey you're the only one I'm looking at," she took his hand walking onto the bus.

He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and walked into the bus. "Good to know," he kissed her neck. "Why don't you get ready for bed and I'll be in a minute to tuck you in."

"You're not going to stay with me?" she frowned.

"The guys want to change up the set list and choreograph a few steps for the last show. I'll be in after that."

"Mmm…okay." She let go of his hand and walked to the back of the bus and into their room.

Closing the door behind her Alison opened her bag and pulled out her short black satin nightgown. She quickly unzipped her dress and folded it in her bag. She unhooked her bra and set it aside before slipping on her nightgown. She looked in the mirror and took off her earrings placing them in a drawer. She grabbed her brush and started to brush her hair out when she saw the door slide to the side.

"Ready for bed?" Rufus slipped inside.

"Mmm…" she nodded placing her brush in the drawer.

He moved into the room and he looked her up and down. "I love this," he touched the hem of her gown. "Shows off those legs."

"I know," she eyed him moving over to the bed and pulling back the covers. She sat on the bed and slipped her legs under and laid back, sighing contently.

Rufus pulled the covers up to her chest and tucked them to the side before kneeling down next to the bed. "Comfortable?"

"Yes," she yawned.

"One more day," he twirled a piece of her hair around his finger. "I know it's been kinda hard."

"It hasn't been bad. I love being here with you. But," she smiled. "I'll love to have my own shower…and closet."

He laughed, "Me too. But I'll miss sharing a bed with you."

She bit her lip looking at him. "Sleepover's could be arranged."

"Yeah," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yes," she laughed.

He leaned over and kissed her a few times. "I look forward to it."

"Me too," she yawn again.

"Get some sleep," he reached up turning off the light. **"**I'll be in, in about an hour."

"Okay," she closed her eyes turning to her side."

He leaned in and kissed her temple before getting up and leaving the room. Closing the door behind him he saw Mary Sue.

"Alison in there?" she asked.

"She's tired," he told her. "She went to bed early."

"Oh," she looked at the door. "She did say she was tired."

"Yeah," he walked back toward the kitchen. "She's ready to go home."

Mary Sue laughed, "Yeah this life takes some getting used to."

"You can say that again," he nodded. "I think she's ready to get back to school and dance."

"I can imagine," she sat down. "Alison's usually so structured. But she's changed a lot during this trip."

"I told her the same thing," he smiled picking up his guitar. "She's gotten more jealous though," he laughed thinking about Jody and her friends. "A little feisty too."

Mary Sue laughed, "You know we all wondered what made you pick her back in high school. I've never seen anymore more different than you two."

"We're not so different," he thought about it. "And she was sweet, she wasn't full of drama like the rest of the girls we went to school with."

"That's true," she nodded. "And she does like to take care of you. Of all of us." Mary Sue moved a little closer to Rufus. "I…I know that breaking up with Lily was hard for you. And I know how you felt about her….we all did."

Rufus turned his head to look at her. "I thought you didn't like Lily," he laughed.

"Just because I didn't like her doesn't mean I didn't think you guys were good together," she rolled her eyes. "But she's gone now and I know I don't know entirely what went on with her…or you but….as hard as she tried to fit in you could tell deep down she was still Lillian Rhodes. California queen. Rich daddy. Fast Cars. House in the Hampton's."

Rufus swallowed hard as he looked up at her, "I never thought that mattered to her though."

"Well apparently-"

"…it did," he sighed. "Suz….I don't even know what happened. Or where she is for that matter. And as the days go by I find myself getting more angry at her and I told myself I would never do that."

She nodded, "Just don't be consumed by that. Don't go backwards. You don't deserve that. And….and neither does Alison," Suz looked Rufus in the eyes. "She is so crazy about you. She always thinks about you. Puts you first. She doesn't deserve to be second."

"Do you think I'm putting her second?" he asked.

"Not intentionally. I think you two getting back together is a good thing. But only if both of you want that," she looked at him trying to read his reaction. "I hope you're not trying to fill in some void."

"I was lonely," he swallowed. "I'll admit that. You saw all those girls I went out with soon as Lily dumped me."

"Is Alison any different?"

"Course she is," he didn't hesitate. "I don't regret my decision about asking her out again."

Mary Sue bit her lip wondering if she should go any further. "But…but you don't feel the same for her as you did….do for Lily."

"What do you want me to say?" he shrugged his shoulders. "I thought Lily was the one. When we were together I saw us getting married. She was my perfect one…" he couldn't go on.

"Do you see that with Alison? Did you ever see that?"

"I loved Alison back in high school. I did. But it was different when I met Lily. I don't know how to explain it," he lowered his voice. "Lily was my first love…love…I was in love with her," he felt stupid after he said that. "You know? I never felt that way towards Alison."

"You didn't answer my question," she probed.

He sighed looking around before he looked back at Mary Sue. "I'd like to be. She's good for me, you know," he smiled. "We're not there yet Suz."

"I understand," she nodded. "Alison's my friend. Probably the best friend I got and I don't want to see her hurt. And I honestly think you guys could make it work. I think you could do it. Don't fuck it up Humphrey," she laughed.

He couldn't help but laugh in spite of himself. "Thanks Suz," he touched her hand. "I think you're right and I don't want to mess things up. I don't want to go back to how I was a few months ago."

"Good, I was getting real sick of angsty, bitter, Humphrey."

Rufus rolled his eyes and strummed a few chords on his guitar. "You really think we could work?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she got up. "I do." Wrapping a blanket around her shoulders she started to walk toward the back of the bus. "Tell Dusty I went to bed too."

"Okay," he looked back at his guitar. "Oh, Suz?"

"Yeah?" she turned around.

"Thanks," he smiled.

"Good talk Humphrey," she nodded before walking into her room. "Good talk."

It was after two in the morning when Rufus finally made his way to the back of the bus and into his room. He had thought about what Mary Sue had told him. As much as he didn't want to admit it he was still holding out hope that Lily would come back. He knew he couldn't do that anymore. He couldn't hurt Alison like that. The thought that he would actually just drop her and go back to Lily disturbed him. What kind of person would do that?

He quickly threw off his shirt and pants before rounding the bed. He looked down at Alison and saw her curled up in bed facing his side. He smiled softly and pulled the covers back a little and got in bed. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheek. "Night Al."

* * *

Check back next week for Chapter 7- Black Velvet

_Rufus could hear the crowd cheering for Lincoln Hawk even after their second encore. He pushed his guitar behind himself and took a chug of his beer._

_"That's the fuckin' best crowd yet!" Mike hit is drumsticks against his leg. _

_Suz ran in from backstage and wrapped her arms around Dusty and kissed him. "They're cheering for you baby!" she giggled, clearly drunk._

_Dusty grinned and spun her around alittle. "Let's go party!" he hollered, raising his beer in the air. "Midwest tour '90 is over!"_

_"Woo!" Suz threw her hands in the air and danced around. "Hotel room party!"_

_Aaron grinned and started to pack up his things. "I'm so ready to party. We need something man."_

_Unlatching his strap Rufus, placed his guitar in the case and fastened it up. Tossing it on the cart, he hurried and unhooked a few of the speakers before he felt someone walk behind him._

_ "I got you another beer," Alison handed him a cup, smiling. "Nice and cold," she slurred a little._

_"Have you been drinking?" he looked at her._

_"Alittle," she pinched her fingers together. "Suz told me to."_

_"Sure she did," he laughed. "Do you hear the crowd out there! They're still yellin for us!"_

_She laughed, "That's because you're great! This is the best show you guys have done this tour. It's a great way to end."_

_"It sure is," he took a drink. "And we're having a party tonight back at the hotel._

_"Yeah?" she laughed. "Who's coming? Us six?"_

_"You think you're so funny!" he set his beer down and tickled her. "No, some guys from the other bands are coming over. Whoever show's up."_

_"Don't tickle!" she squirmed. "I have to go to the bathroom!"_

_Rufus looked at her and started to laugh. "We wouldn't want you to have an accident."_

_Alison rolled her eyes._

_"Go to the bathroom," he laughed. "And when you come back we can get out of here."_

_"Bathroom," she nodded, turning around and walking off the stage._

_ "Al!," Rufus called after her._

_ "Yeah?" she slowly turned around._

_ "It's that way," he pointed in the opposite direction._

_ "I…I knew that," she turned around walking out of the arena._

_ He laughed and shook his head as he started to pack up his equipment. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a couple girls walk back stage and go up to Mike._

_ "Hey ladies," Mike grinned and wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders. "What are you two doin' tonight?"_


	8. Black Velvet

**Chapter Seven**

**Black Velvet**

**August 18****th****, 1990**

**Pittsburg, Pennsylvania **

Waking up the next morning Rufus stretched a little and was about to pull Alison back into his arms when he noticed she was gone. "Al?" he blinked a few times as he pushed himself up a bit looking around. "Alison?"

He laid back down and waited for a few moments and when she didn't come in he slowly got out of bed. Stretching his arms he slid the door open and walked further into the bus. Not seeing her, he went over to Mike and shook him.

"Hey….what!" Mike rolled over and squinted. "I'm fucking sleeping."

"Have you seen Alison?" he asked looking around.

"Ugh..she went running a couple hours ago…or something," he rolled back over.

"Hours ago?" he looked out the window noticing they were parked in front of a hotel. "Mike!"

"What!" he grew annoyed. "She asked to borrow my walkman and I haven't seen her since! She's not my girlfriend. I don't keep tabs on her."

Rufus sighed and he hurried and slipped his shoes on before jogging outside. "Al," he called out. He looked around the bus and didn't see her. He couldn't believe that she would just go off by herself in a strange town. That wasn't like her and not knowing how long she was gone for was making him nervous.

He started to walk around the hotel and to the back by the pool, but it wasn't open yet. It was only a little after eight. He wondered what time she could haven woken up. Deciding to cross the street Rufus noticed there were a few shops that lined the street and a large building off to the left. Making his way down the street he realized the shops were also not open. He slipped in-between the buildings and around back in the alleyways.

Trash and broken bottles lined the buildings and it smelled too. "Damn it, Al where are you?" he cursed as he walked behind the buildings. He made his way to the end of the street when he noticed a door behind the large building was propped open with a large rock. Getting closer he could faintly hear the sounds of classical music coming from within. As he got closer he peeked inside and saw Alison. She had her pointe shoes on and was dancing gracefully to the music. He watched for a moment as she extended her arms and legs before spinning a few times on one leg and then coming down. She stopped for a moment as if she were thinking.

Rufus stepped inside and smiled. "Try not to think too hard."

Alison looked up and saw Rufus in the wall of mirrors. "Hey," she laughed. "How'd you find me?"

"Wasn't easy," he looked at her. "I was getting kinda worried. I didn't know where you were."

"I'm sorry," she walked toward him. "I just went for a quick run around the block and then I saw this dance studio and the owner was coming in at the same time. We started talking and he said I could use the back studio to just rehearse a little bit today. I haven't danced in 3 weeks."

He looked down. "And you brought your shoes."

"I was optimistic," she laughed.

He placed his hands to her hips, "You looked good."

"And you're blind," she shook her head.

"You looked good from where I was standing," he wrapped his arms around her waist and started to kiss her neck.

"You're awfully grabby lately," she laughed as she turned her head to kiss him.

"Only with you," he smiled against her lips. "I got a surprise for ya."

"What? Tell me?" she turned in his arms. "Tell me."

"Mmm…I might wait till later, he laughed.

"Rufus you know I hate surprises. Come on. Tell me. Please."

"Well the guys and I were talking last night and we made a little extra money so we decided to stay tonight in a hotel," he smiled. "Hot shower, nice 'big' bed."

"Really!" she was excited.

"Yeah, we figured we could use one good night of sleep before we head back to Boston. What do ya say?"

"I say yes!" she jumped.

"You'd still have to share a room with me," he pulled her back in his arms.

"Mmm…that's no hardship," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I've gotten used to you Humphrey."

"You gonna be here much longer?"

"A little," she nodded I need to work on my Fouetté en tournant."

"Ummm yeah," he laughed. "You….you do that."

"When do you have sound check today?" she asked.

"I have to be there at noon," he replied. "How about you and Suz check into the hotel and just relax by the pool. And I'll take a break around two or three and come see ya."

"That sounds nice," she thought about it. "It's been so hot lately. The pool sounds great."

"Yeah it does," he agreed. "There's an envelope with some money in it in the drawer next to our bed. Use that to get three rooms for tonight okay?"

"Alright," she took his hand and spun herself around standing on pointe. "I'll see you in a little bit."

"See ya in a bit," he laughed and watched her for a second. "And be careful. We don't know this town."

She stood on her toes and twisted around to face him. "Okay mom."

He rolled his eyes and walked out the back door of the studio. Walking back across the street he headed toward the bus when he saw Mike leaning against it smoking.

"Find her? Mike threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it before looking at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She's was in the dance studio across the street."

"Figures," he looked across the street. "She better bring back my walkman."

Rufus rolled his eyes as he walked back on the bus. "I'm sure she will." Entering his room he pulled the door behind him and grabbed his duffle bag. Turning it upside down he emptied out the entire bag. Looking inside he saw something stuck to the bottom under the flap. Pulling it out it turned it around and saw himself and Lily staring back at him. He recognized the picture instantly. It was taken in Atlantic City last summer in one of those cheesy photo booths.

**July, 1989**

**Atlantic City Boardwalk**

**Atlantic City, New Jersey**

"I think we're lost," Lily looked around as they walked outside of The Showboat Casino. "This doesn't look anything like where we were at this morning."

"We are not lost," Rufus turned around. "I know where we are at exactly. I came here all the time as a kid." Looking down the road he tried to find a street sign. He didn't want to admit it but things sure seemed different than the last time he was in Atlantic City.

"Oh then where are we Humphrey?" she laughed.

"We are where we are," he started down the boardwalk. "Come on we have to get back to the hotel before dinner."

"But we came from that way before and it just took us in a big circle. I think we have to go that way," she pointed towards the opposite direction. "I think we were closer to the water."

'Lil that's definitely the wrong way," he took her hand. "I think I know Jersey a little better than you, Miss California."

"Shut up," she pulled him. We're going this way. I'm hungry and I want to get back. Walking down the opposite end of the boardwalk she looked into the shop windows admiring the shoes and dresses she saw.

Rufus looked down the boardwalk and watched as a contortionist flipped onto his back and made his toes touch his head. Making a face, he nodded at Lily toward the freak show booth. "Look it's the bearded lady," he smirked. "She looks like Carol."

"Rufus!" she laughed hitting him in the stomach. "That wasn't nice."

Taking Rufus's hand she interlaced their fingers and swung their hands back and forth as they walked. "Hey look!" she pointed as she dragged him across the boardwalk. "Let's get our picture taken really quick. I've always wanted to do one of these!" She threw back the curtain and pulled Rufus inside. "Give me a quarter," she held out her hand.

Rolling his eyes he reached into his pocket for some change and handed her a quarter. "I can't believe you're making me do this." He sat back looking at the camera behind the glass. "Can't you just take our picture?"

"That's no fun," she leaned in. "Stick out your tongue!"

"What?" he looked at her just as a flash went off.

She started to laugh and quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and squished their cheeks together as she smiled.

Grinning, Rufus turned his head and kissed her on the lips as another flash went off.

"Last one!" she said quickly and smiled at the camera.

Rufus turned, looking directly at her, a smile playing on his lips as the last flash went off.

She turned and looked at him looking at her. "What?" she smiled.

"Nothing," he shook his head running his hand through her hair. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**Crown Plaza Hotel Pittsburg**

**August 18****th****, 1990**

**Pittsburg, Pennsylvania **

"Can I have some more of that sun tan lotion?" Alison pulled her sunglasses down and looked over at Mary Sue.

"Yeah, here," she tossed it to her. "It's it great to finally be able to relax and not sit on a sweaty bus all day."

"Mmm…" Alison nodded as she poured some lotion onto her arms. "And we would be leaving tomorrow."

"Eh," she brushed it off. "It'll be nice to be home for awhile."

"I'm so excited to get home." She sat the suntan lotion down and laid back further in her lounge. "I can't wait to get back to school and my art."

"Mmmm….school was just not for me," she shook her head. "And as much as Dusty and I fight I couldn't go for months without seeing that jerk," she laughed.

Alison sighed, "I don't know what I'm going to do once school starts and he's gone for months at a time."

Mary Sue looked over to Alison, "I'll keep an eye on him for ya."

"Thanks," she smiled, not wanting to think about it. "I'm sure it'll be fine." Closing her eyes she let her thoughts drift off as the sun washed over her body and warmed her. She had missed laying out and being by the water. It was the first summer since she could remember that she didn't spend at the boathouse. It had actually been months since she'd seen her family because she hadn't gone back to Hudson all summer. Just as she started to nod off she felt two strong arms pick her up under her knees and behind her back and she quickly opened her eyes.

"Rufus!"

He started to walk toward the pool with a large smirk on his face. "What?"

"Don't you dare," she held tightly on to his neck.

"Don't I dare what?" he loomed closely

"Please don't. I don't want to get my hair wet," she tried to get down.

He looked at her and laughed and she knew in that second he was going to jump. Holding onto him even tighter she buried her head into his neck "Too bad," he grinned and jumped in as he held her.

She felt the coolness rush through her as soon as her body hit the water. She looked over at Rufus under the water and he smiled at her before kissing her. She continued to look at him as she kissed him. He slowly brought them up and floated to the top. "You're not funny," she breathed.

"Then why did you kiss me?" he asked.

"You kissed me, I was just being polite."

"So you kiss back anyone who kisses you?" his brow furled.

"Of course," she kissed him again. "Especially if he's cute."

"Oh, good because I do too," he acted serious. "It's actually one of my favorite things to do."

"Shut up Rufus," she dunked his head under the water. She felt his arms circle around her waist dragging her back under the water. She kicked a little trying to get away and looked at him as he held her close. He smiled a little and she couldn't help but smile back. She pushed herself away and started to swim to the opposite side of the pool where she got out.

"You're no fun," he swam a lap across the pool.

"Too bad," she laughed as she laid back in her lounge.

Rufus swam a few laps around the pool trying to cool off and relax after a long morning of sound check. As much as he loved being on the road and performing, the thought of being in his own house and bed sounded really good. He climbed the ladder and walked toward Alison. He noticed that she wasn't paying any attention so he slowly started to climb on top of her as she laid on the lounge.

"Rufus!" she jumped up. "You're getting me wet! It's cold!"

"You were already wet," he smirked as his entire body leaned over hers.

"Rufus…." She wiggled under him. "It's cold! Come on! You're dripping all over me!"

"Kiss me," he puckered.

"Rufus," she looked over at Mary Sue. "Come on."

"What?" he knew he was getting to her. "She's seen us kiss before."

"Oh, don't let me stop you," Suz laughed as she got up and jumped in the pool.

Rufus puckered his lips again. "Come on," he laughed even harder. "I'll just stay here all day getting you wet."

She rolled her eyes and quickly pecked him on the lips. "Happy?"

"Nope," he shook his head as he leaned down and kissed her. "I want to kiss my girlfriend."

Alison leaned up and took Rufus's cheeks and pulled him down and kissed him soundly. She felt his wet body lean against hers and it turned her on. She smiled against his lips before kissing him again a few times before letting him go. "Better?" she grinned.

"Much," he ran his hand up her leg.

Alison shifted under him a bit to draw him in closer. "I'm so glad we're staying here tonight. I think I already took like three showers today," she laughed.

"A hot shower sounds nice. What room are we in?" he rolled to his side, keeping his eyes on her.

"218," she rolled to her side as well. "I have an extra key for you in my bag. I thought you might like to rest a bit before tonight. Suz and I stopped at the store across the street and got some groceries. I picked up some sandwiches and that juice you like and it's in the room."

"Thanks," he smiled. "You're always thinking of me."

"Of course," she nodded. "Your mom told me to take care of you remember?"

He laughed, "She'd never speak to you again if I didn't come home in one piece."

"I know! She's one serious lady when it comes to her only son. You're her world you know."

"Yeah I know," he rolled his eyes. "She's pretty serious about you too. She'd kill me if anything happened to you."

"Mmm, well so far so good Humphrey," she smiled. "You've taken excellent care of me. "

He smiled in return, "I'm going to go up and take a nap for awhile. I'm kinda tired. "You gonna stay down here with Suz?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm going to try and get some more sun. I'll be up later. I want to take another shower before tonight."

Getting off the lounge he took a look around and stretched. "Don't let me sleep past five o'clock."

"I'll be up before then," she pulled her sunglasses back on and settled back into her chair. "Go rest."

"Okay," he waved good bye to Suz and then pulled the key out of Alison's bag before jogging up to his room.

* * *

Rufus could hear the crowd cheering for Lincoln Hawk even after their second encore. He pushed his guitar behind himself and took a chug of his beer.

"That's the fuckin' best crowd yet!" Mike hit is drumsticks against his leg. "Fuck!"

Suz ran in from backstage and wrapped her arms around Dusty and kissed him. "They're cheering for you baby!" she giggled, clearly drunk.

Dusty grinned and spun her around alittle. "Let's go party!" he hollered, raising his beer in the air. "Midwest tour '90 is over!"

"Woo!" Suz threw her hands in the air and danced around. "Hotel room party!"

Aaron grinned and started to pack up his things. "I'm so ready to party. We need something man."

Unlatching his strap, Rufus placed his guitar in the case and fastened it up. Tossing it on the cart, he hurried and unhooked a few of the speakers before he felt someone walk behind him.

"I got you another beer," Alison handed him a cup, smiling. "Nice and cold," she slurred a little.

"Have you been drinking?" he looked at her.

"Alittle," she pinched her fingers together. "Suz told me to."

"Sure she did," he laughed. "Do you hear the crowd out there? They're still yellin for us!"

She laughed, "That's because you're great! This is the best show you guys have done this tour. It's a great way to end."

"It sure is," he took a drink. "And we're having a party tonight back at the hotel.

"Yeah?" she laughed. "Who's coming? Us six?"

"You think you're so funny!" he set his beer down and tickled her. "No, some guys from the other bands are coming over. Whoever show's up."

"Don't tickle!" she squirmed. "I have to go to the bathroom!"

Rufus looked at her and started to laugh. "We wouldn't want you to have an accident."

Alison rolled her eyes.

"Go to the bathroom," he laughed. "And when you come back we can get out of here."

"Bathroom," she nodded, turning around and walking off the stage.

"Al!," Rufus called after her.

"Yeah?" she slowly turned around.

"It's that way," he pointed in the opposite direction.

"I…I knew that," she turned around walking out of the arena.

He laughed and shook his head as he started to pack up his equipment. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a couple girls walk back stage and go up to Mike.

"Hey ladies," Mike grinned and wrapped his arms around both of their shoulders. "What are you two doin' tonight?"

* * *

"Turn it up Humphrey!" Mike yelled from across the room. He was sitting in a chair with some girl in his lap. "This is a good song," he kissed her neck. "You should listen to it."

"I think I'm concentrating on something else right now," she turned and started to kiss him on the mouth.

Mike's hand reached down to squeeze her ass. "Mmm…you're right baby."

Rufus shook his head as he watched Mike make out with yet another girl. Pouring himself another beer he looked around and saw Alison in the corner talking to some guy from Hootie and the Blowfish. He could tell the guy kept inching his way closer to her and Alison was obvious to it all because she was drinking. He watched as he poured her another drink and held onto her hand longer than necessary. Eyeing him, Rufus quickly walked over to them and wrapped his arm around Alison's waist. "Hey I missed you."

"Hey," she smiled touching his hand. "I was just talking to…Jim here," she pointed. "I was telling him how amazing you guys did tonight."

"That so," Rufus eyed him.

Jim looked at Rufus and smirked at him as he eyed Alison up and down. "Yeah your girl is great company."

Rufus rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Alison. "Wanna dance?"

"Yes," she smiled big. "Of course I do."

"Excuse us," Rufus glanced at him before walking to where the other couples were dancing. Alison wrapped her arms around Rufus as the song changed to _Black Velvet. _

"Mmm….I love this song," she titled back a bit, her midsection pushing into Rufus's abdomen.

Rufus looked at her as her eyes slowly closed. He opened his legs as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Girly rock band," he laughed.

"Shh…her band is all guys," she leaned up kissing him, her lips lingering on his as she swayed to the music.

Rufus held her closer as she rubbed her body against his. He could just about feel every inch of her through her dress as he slowly crept his hands up and down her sides. He could tell that she was a different person when she danced and never in his life had he seen her dance like this. For in that moment she was such a free spirit and he knew he was slowly, but surely falling in love with her.

"Black velvet and that little boy's smile…." Alison whispered in Rufus's ear. "Black Velvet with that slow…southern…..style."

Rufus broke into a wide grin as he felt her hot breath touch the side of his neck. "Alison…." He moaned as he turned his head to kiss her.

She kissed him back before she leaned further back again, her head leaning backward and her hair dangling in the air. Rufus took the chance to slowly kiss down the front of her dress.

"Suz!" Dusty turned her around and slowly stepped back. "Look at those two."

Mary Sue turned her attention to Alison and Rufus. "Damn!," she laughed. "Dirty dancing!"

"What the hell is in her drink?" Dusty ogled her.

"Shit I don't know," she smiled. "But I want some! Why don't you ever dance with me like that? Huh?"

"What and make a fool of myself. I don't think so," he took a drink of his beer.

"What! It's sexy!" she stomped her foot.

"Whatever," Dusty rolled his eyes. "I want some food."

Rufus turned Alison around pulling her body close to his so he could wrap his arms around her from behind. She draped an arm around his neck as she laid her head against his collar bone. "A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees," Alison continued to sing as she slowly dipped downward, bringing Rufus down with her. "Black velvet if you please…."

Rufus closed his eyes again, barely able to take it anymore. "Let's get out of here," he breathed into her neck.

"Okay," she nodded, turning around and taking his hand. Rufus opened the hotel room door and quickly walked down the hall to his own room. Alison opened the door and quickly closed it behind them.

Rufus pushed Alison gently against the door and kissed her soundly. She wrapped her arms around him and ran her hands through his hair. "Rufus…." She sighed, as he started to kiss her neck.

"Mmmm?" he ran his hands up her leg slowly bringing her dress with him.

"Nothing," she shook her head as her eyes closed again. She could feel Rufus's hand on the top of her thigh and her breathing picked up.

He continued to kiss her as he brought her dress up and over her head. He watched as it slowly fell to the ground. His eyes raked down her body and back up to her eyes. "God you're beautiful."

She smiled and brought her hands up to slowly unbutton Rufus shirt. She bit her lip as she undid the last button and pushed it off his shoulders. Rufus smiled back at her and pulled her by her hips back to the bed. He laid back and pulled her on top of him and smiled up at her.

She placed her legs on either side of him and straddled his waist. He placed his hands on her hips, his thumbs looping inside of her underwear. Alison leaned down and started to kiss him feverishly. Her head was screaming at her, but her body was bubbly with desire. All she could feel was Rufus's hot breath on her and his hands running up and down her body. As she kissed him she felt like she couldn't get enough of him.

Rufus's hands roamed up her back as he clasped the back of her bra and quickly unhooked it. He watched as it fell into his chest and he tossed it to the side. He flipped them over and he saw her how her chest heaved back and forth as she breathed deeply. Leaning into kiss her again he felt her hands at the zipper of his jeans slowly bringing them down. He was again surprised at her boldness, something that was returning every so often. He moaned deep in his throat as he brought his hand up to softly caress her breast.

Alison felt as though she was in a haze. She barely knew what she was doing anymore. Her body just sort of took over. All she knew was she was with Rufus. And that she loved him. She just wished her mind was more concentrated on what was going on at the time, and that her memories weren't vanishing after each second.

Rufus leaned up and took off his boxers tossing them with rest of his clothes. Laying back on top of her he propped himself on his elbows as he kissed her between the valley of her breasts.

Alison's head tossed back in pleasure as she ran her hands through his hair. She could feel his length resting lightly against her leg and she bit her lip, contemplating on what was about to happen.

Rufus worked his hands downward and again looped his fingers into her underwear and slowly teased them downward as he kissed her stomach. He pushed them past her thighs, down her legs, and over her feet. Kissing his way back up her body he finally met her eyes and looked down at her. Her eyes were glazed and he could tell that she wasn't really looking at him. He brought his hand to her cheek and her voice ran though her head. "Not here….not now. I want it to be special."

He bit his lip, his senses slowly coming to him. Alison was drunk and he knew it. Would she regret this in the morning? Would she even remember? He sighed as he felt her body underneath him, it took everything he had within him to slowly fight off the temptation. He couldn't do this to her. Not when he knew she was drunk. He knew her, and he knew she wouldn't want it to be when she was drunk after some hotel party. He took a long deep breath and slowly rolled to his side.

"Rufus?" she looked at him. "What…."

"We…we shouldn't do this," he swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on something else.

She pulled the sheets up over her. "You don't find me-"

"Sweetie," Rufus moved back toward her and cupped her cheek. "Of course I find you attractive," he knew what she was going to say. "It's just…you drank a lot tonight and…well you're not thinking clearly. I'm not sure if this is what you want right now. I don't want to take something away from you when you're not ready."

She looked at him, her lip trembling slightly.

"I want things to be special and right for you. I want you to remember and know what's going on," he tried to make her see. "You deserve that more than anything."

She looked away before looking back at him again, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Rufus could read her mind. "Hey it's okay," he pulled her into his arms. "Can I just hold you tonight?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

"This is nice too, you know," he smiled and kissed her temple. "I don't need anything more than this."

* * *

Alison awoke the next morning to a terrible headache. Swallowing, her mouth was dry and bitter tasting. She felt Rufus's arm around her stomach and smiled, but then soon became aware that it was touching her bare skin. She tensed for a moment and pulled back the covers, revealing that she was completely naked. Her eyes shot open wide as she tried to remember what happened the night before.

…_Concert….drinking….hotel party….drinking….dancing…..drinking…_

She couldn't really remember much past that point. She had flashes of kissing Rufus against the door and his hands…god she remembered his hands. Biting her lip she closed her eyes and slowly turned around. Rufus was still asleep, his head resting on her pillow. She looked downward at the gap between them and noticed he was also naked.

Her breathing started to increase as she became more nervous. Did her and Rufus have sex last night? Did it hurt? Did they use….anything? Her mind ran a millions miles a minute and she didn't even realize that Rufus woke up and was contently looking at her.

"Hey," he smiled resting his hand on her bare stomach, his thumb lightly touching the underside of her breast.

Alison moved away slightly.

Rufus's brow furled, "What's wrong?"

She pulled the sheet up to her chest. "W-what happened last night?" she stammered.

Rufus saw her eyes dart back and forth and he could tell she didn't remember anything. "We didn't have sex," he shook his head. "It's okay."

She sat up a bit, pushing her matted hair back. "Then why don't we have any clothes on?"

Rufus looked at her. "You really don't remember what happened last night?"

Her lip trembled slightly and she held the sheet around her tightly.

"Hey," Rufus sat up and cupped her cheek. "Nothing happened last night. I mean, we got a little carried away for awhile. But we…I stopped us. I knew that wasn't want you would have wanted. We both drank too much, maybe you a little more," he smiled.

She swallowed, looking at her. "We really didn't?"

"No," he shook his head. "I wouldn't take advantage of you like that."

"Thank you," she took his hand. "I…I was nervous. Not being able to remember anything. Not knowing…."

"I bet," he understood.

"I'd want to remember," she smiled slightly. "I wouldn't want to forget if we did."

"Well you seem pretty alert now," he laughed, tickling her up her leg.

"Sorry Humphrey," she pushed his hand away. "The moods been broken."

"I was afraid of that," he laughed, turning toward her. "So, did you have a good time? You think you might wanna do this again?"

"I had a wonderful time," she nodded. "I'd love to come with you again….I…I just….I have school now. We're kinda at the same crossroads we were at 2 years ago," she swallowed hard. "What are we going to do?"

Rufus had been trying to push that into the back of his mind for sometime now, but he knew he needed to talk about it. "We'll make it work. We're not on the road all that much. And I think Aaron and I are going to keep our apartment in Boston rather than staying in the city. And you can come with us on breaks and I'll come see your shows," he gave her a tight squeeze.

She nodded, "I'm just used to seeing you every day now." She looked down her fingers lightly making circles on his chest. You know how I feel about all those…those girls that chase you after the concerts. They all want you."

"But I don't want them," he lifted her chin. "Come on now. What are you afraid of? That I'm gonna cheat on you? Sleep with all those girls? Forget about you?"

She looked away.

"Al we're never going to make it if you don't trust me," he sighed.

"It's just…I'm nobody special. I'm not beautiful like those girls that chase after you. I'm not offering you anything wonderful. I've…I've stopped us from having sex so many times because I'm not ready. I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"Hey, hey don't talk like that," he pulled her closer. "You are beautiful to me. And those girls can't even measure up to half the person you are. They don't want a relationship," he laughed. "Look at you here taking care of me, doing everything you do for me. I can't even begin to thank you." He kissed her softly, "And as for the sex…I know you're not ready yet and that's fine because that's you. You respect yourself, unlike those other girls. You have moral and values and are actually a real person."

"Rufus…." She blushed.

"Besides," he laughed. "I like the chase. And I almost got ya didn't I?" His hand reached down and squeezed her behind.

Alison's face turned redder when she felt Rufus's hand rubbing her ass. "You know….if you…if you want to. We…we could right now. It would be okay."

"Shh…." He stoked her cheek. "I want it to be special. I want to take you out, maybe a little dinner….some dancing," he smiled. "I want candles…music."

Her smile turned bigger as she snuggled under the covers closer to him. "That…that would be nice."

"Good," he ran his hands up and down her back. "I want you to be comfortable with me. I don't want you to feel shy or embarrassed about anything."

"I do feel comfortable around you," she looked at him. "It's just a big step you know. I mean I feel closer to you now and we've only been together for three weeks, compared to the almost 2 years we dated in high school. I'm here naked in bed with you aren't I?" she laughed.

"Yeah I guess you are," he laughed. "And I like it. I like it a lot!" He moved his hand around to the front and gently moved his thumb around her nipple. "Now I know what you have hiding under all those clothes," he joked.

She bit her lip grinning before lowering her hand and lightly stroking him. "Me too."

Rufus gulped his eyes opening wide as he was taken off guard. "Al…" he moaned.

"I'm comfortable," she grinned. "Are you?"

"I'm not going to be in a couple minutes," he eyed her.

She laughed harder. "We better get up. Or I might be tempted to stay in here with you all day."

"Mmm….and I don't feel like Mike coming in here yellin' at us for being late," he sighed.

"Ugh…"

He turned to his side and propped himself up on his elbows. "You get up first," he grinned.

"Why don't you?" she eyed him back. "You're already half way there."

"Alison!" he laughed. "I'm shocked at you."

"Good," she laughed wrapping the sheet all the way around her and pulling it off the bed leaving Rufus completely naked. She picked up her bag and walked into the bathroom. "I'll be ready in twenty. You might want to take care of that," she nodded to him laughing.

Rufus jumped off the bed and ran toward the bathroom.

"Ah!" she shrieked, trying to close the door.

Rufus laughed, as he stood on the opposite side of the door. "You can't leave me naked out here!"

The bathroom door opened slowly and Alison's hand reached out dropping the sheet on the ground.

Rufus growled and picked up the sheet sitting back down on the bed. What was he going to do with that one?

* * *

**The Warfield **

**San Francisco, California **

**December 31st 1990**

He turned around and saw the girl that was following him backstage. "Persistent aren't we?"

"When it's something I want." She pushed her body against his and kissed him hard on the mouth as they tumbled against the side of the bus.

Rufus was about to push her away when he suddenly felt his body responding to hers. He felt her large breasts against his chest as her hands tangled in his hair. He moaned in the back of his throat as her hands played with the hair on the back of his neck. "I can't be doing this," he kissed her along her neck. "I told you I have a girlfriend."

"But it feels so good," she started to unbutton Rufus's shirt. "I can make you feel good."

Rufus's hands moved down her sides and cupped her ass giving it a squeeze. "That so," he kissed her hard.

She pushed his shirt to the sides and started to kiss his chest. "Uh-huh."

Rufus closed his eyes, becoming alert to everything she was doing to him. He swallowed hard and pulled her back up before quickly pulling her shirt over her head and grabbing her breasts.

She started to giggle in excitement as Rufus fondled her. "Get right to it don't you Humphrey?"

Rufus started to nip her skin right above her breasts. "Mmm…what's your name?"

She titled her head back as Rufus made his ways up to her neck. "I like to keep the mystery." She unbuckled his belt.

"Mmm…come on," he kissed her behind her ear, his face in her hair. "Tell me."

* * *

****Black Velvet By Alannah Myles hit #1 on Billboards Chart in 1990 and was song #11 for the year.****


	9. Playing House

**Chapter Eight**

**Playing House**

**September 1****st**** 1990**

**Beacon Hill, Massachusetts **

"Nice apartment you got here, Richards," Aaron smiled as he walked in carrying a 12 pack of beer and some chips. "I know where we're partying from now on."

"I don't think so," she laughed. "I like to keep my place in one piece."

"Yah, yah, yah," he crashed on the couch. "Where is everyone?"

"Rufus is on his way and Dusty and Suz went to get a pizza and the movies." She walked into the kitchen pouring herself some iced tea. "I invited Mike but I don't think he'll come."

"Probably not," he opened his bag of chips. "Did Rufus tell you we got some gigs around Boston? We'll be sticking around here for the next few months at least."

"Yes he did." She walked into the living room sitting in a chair next to the television, tucking her legs underneath her. "Are you happy about that?"

"We don't make as much as going on tour, but it's cheaper than touring. I don't know. They both got trade offs."

"Mmm…." She nodded hearing someone knock on the front door. "Come in."

"Hey," Rufus walked in carrying a bag.

Setting down her drink she following him into the kitchen. "Hi," she smiled.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Brought ya something."

She looked down at the bag. "JP Licks!" she was excited. "Don't tell me you went all the way to Jamaica Plain to get me frozen yogurt?"

"Do I get extra points if I say yes?" he grinned putting his arm around her.

"Quite possibility," she leaned into kiss him. "It depends if you got me my favorite."

"Black Raspberry…." He wiggled his eyebrows.

She smiled, "Very good, Humphrey."

"I thought I'd get you something special on your first day of classes. How'd they go?"

"Okay," she shrugged. "I only had two today. Psychology and Communications."

"Fun," he laughed.

"Mmm…and can I tell you something?" she opened up her yogurt and found a spoon.

"Uh-huh," he eyed her.

"They just opened a JP Licks here in Beacon Hill. It's over on Mission," she giggled.

"Of course they did," he sighed. "Oh well, you're worth it."

"Good to know," she smiled. "I really appreciate it."

"Can I have some?" he opened his mouth.

She placed a small amount on her spoon and fed him some. "That's all you get."

He placed his hands on each side of the counter trapping her in the middle.

"What?" she giggled, holding her yogurt close. "You know I'm not good at sharing."

"Okay break it up you two," Dusty and Mary Sue walked in. "Pizza's here, get it while it's hot."

Alison held her yogurt in the air and pushed her hips against Rufus's arms. "You heard the man, now let me out."

Rufus sighed and shook his head as they walked into the living room.

"Okay," Dusty held the movies in the air. "I got three to pick from. Dances with Wolves, Pretty Woman," he rolled his eyes. "And Edward Scissorhands."

"Edward Scissorhands," Aaron and Rufus both shouted.

"I want to see Pretty Woman," Alison turned to Rufus. "I love Richard Gere."

"Me too," Suz said. "It got great reviews."

"Pussy movie!" Mike walked through the front door. He kicked his shoes off and took the movie out of Dusty's hands and stuck it in the VCR. "Edward Fucking Scissorhands."

Alison rolled her eyes as she saw Mike land in her chair. She laid back in Rufus's arms on the floor and turned the volume up.

"Comfortable?" Rufus asked as he wrapped his arms around her resting them on her legs.

"Yes," she whispered, grabbing a blanket and throwing it across them. She started to eat her yogurt as the previews started.

Rufus leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "How about I stay over tonight and we can snuggle in bed and I'll watch Pretty Woman with you?

"You would?" she smiled, licking her spoon.

"Course."

"Mmm…it's a date then," she smiled.

"You know Al," Suz looked down at her from the couch. "Johnny Depp from 21 Jump Street is in this movie. So it won't be all bad."

"It's a Tim Burton movie," she laughed. "He's not going to look like Officer Tom Hanson."

"I can dream can't I," she fluttered her eye lids. "He's so hot."

"He is," she agreed.

"What about me?" Dusty turned to look at her.

"What about you," she rolled her eyes and took a slice of pizza.

"I'm your boyfriend. You should be saying those things about me."

"Oh you're sexy too baby," she laughed. "Now shut up and eat your pizza."

"See what I have to put up with?" Dusty grabbed a slice of pizza.

"Shut your face," Mike threw a pillow at him. "I can't hear."

Alison shook her head and turned her attention back to the television. "I don't know about this movie," she turned up her nose.

"We could just skip this movie entirely," Rufus told her. "Kick everyone out. Go to your room."

"Shh…" she blushed. "Rufus, I'm so sure."

"Just a suggestion," he said, nuzzling his nose in her hair.

She laid back into his arms and tried to pay attention to the movie. They had been back from tour now for about two weeks. She had been working feverishly on getting ready to go back to school and ease her way back into dance. She forgot what it was like trying to balance a relationship along with her often hectic schedule. She wanted to make sure she made more time for Rufus this time around. She wanted to make it work.

Since coming home Rufus and been working on getting the band gigs around town. The band had decided to stay around Boston and just commute into the city when they got offers. He would often ride the train into the city and works some shifts at his dads hardware store to make some extra cash. He and Aaron had been saving up to get a better apartment on the opposite side of town. He would love to live in the same apartment complex as Alison but he knew he could never afford the month-to-month payments.

The movie was almost over when Alison turned to Rufus. "This is really kind of sad. They're all so quick to turn on him just because he's different."

"Mmm…." Rufus nodded as he watched Edward run back to his castle.

"Is he going to scissor someone up or what?" Mike huffed. "I'm over this sentimental bullshit. We should have watched Pretty Woman. At least I'd get to see some hookers."

Alison felt Rufus's hands snake around her sides and pull her closer, interlacing their fingers. She watched as the little old woman finished telling her story to her granddaughter and slowly danced again in the falling snow. "Mmm….that was good," she smiled into his neck.

"Yes, it was," he nodded.

"At least someone got killed in the end," Mike got up stretching. "Alright who's up for the bar?"

"Mmm…I am," Suz got up.

"Yeah we'll go," Dusty picked up the empty pizza box.

"I'm in," Aaron started putting on his shoes.

"What about you two?" Dusty looked down at them.

"We're gonna stay here," Rufus told him. "I'm gonna stay here tonight so I'll see ya tomorrow sometime."

Suz grinned and winked at Alison. "Well okay then," she grabbed her coat. "Let's go."

Alison got up and threw her blanket on the couch. "Thanks for coming you guys. I've missed this."

"Next week, same time, same place," Suz laughed as she hugged Alison. "And we need to talk," she whispered in her ear before she left.

"Bye Al," Aaron hugged her. "See ya around."

"Bye," she waved.

"Come on I'll help ya clean up," Rufus headed back into the living room.

"Ah, leave it," she waved her hand. "I'll get to it tomorrow."

"Okay," he shrugged his shoulders picking up Pretty Woman. He followed Alison in her room and closed the door. "Katie coming home tonight?"

"She working the late shift at the restaurant tonight," she took off her earrings. "She won't get home till after two."

Rufus turned on her tv and stuck the tape in the VCR and pressed pause. Turning toward the bed he picked up a couple of the throw pillows and tossed them in the chair next to the bed. He pulled back the comforter and sheets and then took off his shirt and jeans.

Alison walked into her bathroom and started to wash her face and brush her teeth. "I'm surprised Mike showed up," she leaned against the doorway brushing her teeth.

Rufus propped some pillows behind him and laid back. "Who else is he going to hang around with. He doesn't have any friends."

"True," she laughed. She quickly changed into her pajamas and went to the bathroom before getting in bed. "Mmm…I might fall asleep," she smiled. "It was kinda a long day."

"That's okay," he pull her into his arms and lightly stroked her back. "What time do you have class tomorrow?"

"Nine o'clock," she sighed. "So you just stay sleeping and leave whenever."

"I'll get up when you do," he kissed her cheek.

She smiled back at him and picked up the remote pressing play. "Thanks for staying with me tonight. You could've went out with them."

"And miss the first time playing house with you," he grinned. "No way."

"Playing house?" she eyed him.

"Yeah, first time staying over here. Sharing a bed," he pulled her close. "Waking up together, eating breakfast….you know. Playing house."

She smiled, "I like this game."

"Me too," he turned so his back was to the tv. He started to kiss her down her neck and his other hand slowly creeping into her pajama top.

Alison moved her head so she could kiss him on the lips, leaving a soft moan of pleasure. She could feel his hand softly rubbing her breast. "Mmm….that feels good," she grinned against his lips.

Rufus slowly started to unbutton her top pushing the material aside and placing kisses along her chest. He watched as a smile crept to her lips and she closed her eyes. He started to kiss lower, his hands moving to slightly tug her pants down. "If…if you want me to stop….just say so," he looked at her.

"Don't stop," she breathed. "Not…not yet."

He moved back up toward her face kissing her soundly on the lips. Alison wrapped her arms around him and they slowly turned over so she was on top. "Hi," she giggled against him.

"Mmm….hi," he smiled as he slowly worked her pants down to around her ankles. "You smell sweet," he slowly sucked on her neck. "Taste pretty good too."

"Do I?" she grinned.

He looked at her for a second before pushing her panties aside and softly stroking her. "Feel pretty good too."

"Ohh…" her breath caught in the back of her throat.

Rufus rolled them over again so they were laying side by side. He wrapped one of her legs around him as he gently entered his middle finger in her.

"Mmm…." Alison sighed, slightly pushing her hips toward his hand. She was nervous and eager at the same time. She had her wits about her this time, and was a little timid when she thought about how no one had ever touched her there before.

He slowly moved his finger in and out before, going a little deeper each time. He watched as her body started to slowly change and her nipples hardened beneath his tongue.

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. "Kiss…kiss me."

He moved upward and started to kiss her. Slowly on the side of her lips, then to the other side before placing a hand to her cheek and passionately kissing her over and over.

Rufus pulled his other hand from between her legs and ran it up her hip, pulling both legs around him. "We have to stop," he breathed for the first time in what seemed like minutes.

"No we don't," she continued to kiss him.

"Hey what kind of man do you think I am," he smirked, kissing her nose." I want romance. I want to be wined and dined."

"You were serious about that," she looked down at him.

"Course I was. You pick the time and place and I'll be there. Anywhere you wanna go."

"You don't have to take me to some fancy place you know," she looked at him. "It's not that big of a deal."

"I want to take you out," he pulled her close. "It doesn't have to be dinner. We can do whatever you want."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll just have to let you spoil me."

"Good."

She laid her head on his chest and yawned. "Mmm…so much for the movie huh?"

He looked over at the screen and saw Julia Roberts kneeling in front of Richard Gere, unbuckling his belt. He laughed and turned it off. "Let's save it for tomorrow."

"You wanna play house again?" she smiled, lightly touching his chest. "I don't have classes on Wednesdays. Maybe we can go up to the common for the afternoon or even get out of town for the day."

"That sounds nice," he continued to rub her back. "You wanna take this off?" he tugged at her night shirt. "I like how you feel next to me."

She bit her lip and pulled her arms out of her sleeves and tossed her shirt into the chair and then snuggled back into his chest. "Mmm….you're warm."

Rufus pulled the covers over them and closed his eyes. He turned and kissed her. "Night."

"Mmm…good night."

* * *

"_Lil, let's turn the movie off you're falling asleep," he brushed her skin next to her eyes. "We can finish it tomorrow. It's late."_

"_Mmm…." her eyes fluttered open. "I'm awake….I'm awake," she licked her lips trying to focus on the tv. "Did they catch him yet?"_

_Rufus laughed and nuzzled his nose in her hair. "Yeah about forty-five minutes ago. You've been out for awhile."_

"_Really?" she rubbed her eyes. "I swear we just put it in." _

"_You were out the moment I pressed play." Rufus sat up and pulled his blanket from the foot of the bed over their covers. "It's alright. We had a long day. Here it's cold." _

_She snuggled closer to Rufus and rested her head in the crook of his neck. "What's on the agenda for tomorrow? Are you going to be in sound check all day again?"_

"_Afraid so," he kissed her temple. "I'm sure Suz will keep you company." _

"_Sure she will," she rolled her eyes. "I don't think she likes me very much."_

"_Suz? Of course she does," he looked at her. "She just….she takes a while to warm up to." _

"_Rufus it's been two years." _

"_Suz doesn't like anyone," he chuckled. _

_Poking Rufus in the ribs she laughed with him. "Now there is an understatement!" _

"_Hey," he squeezed her. "No poking." _

_Looking into his eyes, she touched the side of his face. She knew she would never tire of seeing him, laughing with him, being with him. Every part of her was intertwined with him._

"_What?" he moved his face to kiss her palm. "Why are you staring at me like that?"_

"_I just love you." She leaned in and pecked him on the lips. _

"_Good to know," he closed his eyes._

"_Good to know!" she sat up and looked down at him. "Is that all you have to say?"_

"_Good to know…baby?" he kept his eyes closed. _

"_Oh don't you baby me!" she hit him with a pillow. _

"_Hey!" he laughed. "Stop that!"_

"_No."_

"_Stop it," he wrapped his arms around her and moved on top of her. "What now!"_

"Now, I can't breathe," she squirmed.

_Rufus leaned down and kissed her. "I love you too. Now go to bed." _

"_And how much?" she smirked._

"_You know how much I love you," he kissed her cheeks. "We're going to be together…."_

"_Forever," she whispered, grinning. _

"_Forever." _

* * *

Katie was pouring herself some coffee when she heard Alison's door open. "Well good morning to…" she stopped herself when she saw Rufus walk into the kitchen with just his boxers on. "….to you."

"Morning," he said sheepishly. "Can I have some coffee?"

She was stunned for a moment. "Umm…yeah," she pulled him down a mug and poured him some. "Sugars right there. And milk is in the fridge."

"Blacks fine," he took a sip. "Thanks."

"Umm…where's Al?" she looked around.

"In the shower," he sat down his coffee. "I thought I'd make her breakfast. You want something?" he opened the fridge.

She smiled at him. "No I'm good. Al usually just eats some oatmeal with…."

"…brown sugar on the top," Rufus laughed.

"Yeah," she laughed with him.

"I think I can handle that," he pulled out a pan, placing it on the stove.

"Well I'm going to go work on some homework. Call if you need anything," she grabbed her books.

"Thanks, Katie."

Alison turned off the water and hopped out of the shower. She threw on her robe and draped her hair up in the towel. Opening her door she looked at her bed and noticed Rufus was gone. She opened her bedroom door and walked down the hall. "Rufus?"

"In the kitchen," he called.

She turned the corner and saw him stirring a pot on the stove. "What are you doing?"

"Making you some oatmeal " he smiled up at her.

"Rufus," she rubbed his arm. "Thank you."

"No problem," he kissed her cheek. "Bowls?"

"Top left," she pointed. Opening the fridge she pulled out some orange juice and poured herself a glass. "Do you have any plans today?"

"No," Rufus shook his head as he spooned some oatmeal into two bowls. "I just told Aaron I'd help him work on his car this morning. So I should probably get over there soon."

"Okay," she nodded pulling out the sugar canister and a spoon. She sat down at the kitchen table with him and looked at him. "Sugar?"

"Of course," he laughed.

She spooned some brown sugar over his oatmeal before giving him the spoon. "So I kinda like this playing house thing," she laughed. "I could get used to you making me breakfast in the morning."

"I bet you could," he laughed, eating his oatmeal.

She smiled looking down, wondering if this is what married life would be like. "You wanna go out for awhile tonight? Maybe see what Dusty and Suz are doing?"

"They still have that old fashioned drive-in over on Ashcroft?"

"Mmhmm," she nodded. "You want to go there?"

"That could be fun. I can look up what's playin'. You can pick this time," he laughed.

Alison looked down and finished up her oatmeal. "I think I can handle that." She looked over at the clock. "Oh my God, I'm late! Rufus!" she jumped up and pulled the towel from her hair.

"Need help getting dressed?" he called after her. Laughing he picked up their bowls and washed them out in the sink. He cleaned the pot and put it back on the hook. Pouring himself another mug of coffee he walked back to her room. "You want me to drop you off? That way you don't have to park and stuff?"

She pulled her hair back and grabbed her dance bag and shoes. "That would be great," she looked around her room making sure she didn't forget anything. "Would you mind picking me up at four o'clock?," she looked at him. "At the studio behind campus on 7th?"

"Yeah sure come on," he grabbed her bag.

"Rufus."

"What?" he turned around.

"Put some pants on!" she shook her head laughing as she walked out of her room.

* * *

***** Edward Scissorhands, Pretty Woman, and Dancing With Wolves, were three of the top grossing movies of 1990.*****

**Sorry for the delay in chapters this week. I had the flu and the sight of my computer screen just made me sick! Chapter Nine will be posted on time this Sunday. Which just happens to be my favorite chapter thus far.**

**Chapter Nine- HEROIN**

***Snippet***

_Alison held onto the railing of the stairs as she tried to put her foot on the first step missing it a few times. "What the…" she looked down, her foot seeming to move back and forth._

_"Come on," Mike put his arm around her waist lifting her a bit onto the steps. "We don't have all night."_

_"Miiiike," she sighed, her head falling a bit to the side. "Where we's goin'?"_

_"Upstairs," he breathed into her ear. "I have something that'll make you feel better. _

_"Mmm…" she nodded. "I think I need an aspirin."_

_"This is better than aspirin," he nodded. He walked passed the guest bedroom and opened the door to his room. He walked in and turned on the lamp next to his bed. Alison walked in and started to look around. _

_"Is…is this your room?"_

_"Ah yeah," he lightly closed the door. "I…I have a great view of Boston Common. I thought you'd liked to see," he pointed to his window._

_"Oh, I love the common," she smiled. Walking toward the window she tripped slightly and landed on the bed. "Oops," she laughed pushing herself off. "I just can not walk."_

_Mike rolled his eyes and opened his closet door. Pulling out a shoebox he opened the top and looked inside. He pushed around a few of the items and smiled. He brought the box out with him and closed the door. Turning around he didn't see her._

_"Alison?"_

_"Mmm…." Her voice came from the ground._

_He rounded the bed and found her sitting on the ground leaning against the wall between the bed and the window. He sat down next to her and put the box between them. "Alison," he looked at her._

_"Mmm…." She didn't move, her eyes closed. "I'm…I…sleepy."_

_"I have something to make you sleep easier," he opened the box._


	10. Heroin

**Chapter Nine**

**Heroin**

**Oct. 8****th**** 1990**

**Roslindale****, Massachusetts **

"I'm not feeling so good," Alison turned to Mary Sue "I think I drank a little too much," she laughed, her words slurring.

Mary Sue laughed with her and shook her head, not remembering if she'd ever seen Alison this drunk before. "You had a hard day. You deserve it."

"I did, didn't I?" she nodded, taking another drink and relaxing further into the chair, closing her eyes.

Mary Sue checked her watch. "What time did Rufus say he'd be here?"

"Mmmm…. Eleven o'clock I think," she tried to remember. "I think. He said his dad needed him to close the store tonight. So he had to take a later train home."

Mike took another drink from his beer eyeing Alison from across the room as he sat in his recliner. He had never really given her much thought. It annoyed him at times when she was around because it reminded him that Lily was gone. He took a deep breath, Lily again entering his mind. Looking out the window he saw a car pull up into his driveway. "Dusty's here."

"About damn time," she got up and went to the door. "He said he'd be here an hour ago."

Alison laughed and looked at her now empty glass. "Oh," she frowned getting up and stumbling a bit into the kitchen to get more.

Mike continued to watch her as she made her way into the kitchen. He grinned a little to himself looking at her legs. Getting up off the couch he followed her in. "Drinking an awful lot tonight Richards," he smiled at her.

Alison spun around. "Not that much," she rolled her eyes as she held onto the counter.

"Here," he pulled out a bottle of Vodka. "Let me make you a Mikey Special."

"A Mikey Special?" she was skeptical.

"Yeah." He poured a generous amount of vodka in a glass along with a tiny amount of juice. "It's a tradition here in my house. And I don't think you've been inducted yet."

"Is this some sort of secret Lincoln Hawk society?" she laughed.

He eyed her, "Sure is. You're Rufus's girl. You can join the club."

She took the glass from him looking at it. "I feels so s-special," she slurred.

Mike laughed inwardly. "The only thing about this is you have to down it all in one drink. It's the rules."

"This drink comes with rules now?" she swayed a bit to the side.

"Whoa there," he held onto her arm. "Here I'll do it with ya."

She held the glass to her lips and could smell the strongness of it. "I...I don't know Mike. I…I can't barely see straight now. And Rufus will be here soon."

"Oh come on Al," he held his glass up. "I'll take you up to the spare room after this and you can sleep it off before he gets here."

She eyed the glass again. What could it hurt she was already drunk and didn't really care. Her inhabitations left her hours ago. "Cheers Mike."

"Cheers Al," he smiled as he watched her swallow down her shot.

It burned her throat as it went down causing her to almost gag. "Mike that….that was awful," she sat the empty glass on the counter. "Why'd you make me do that?" she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"You're one of us now," he took her hand. "Come on lets get you in bed."

Alison made her way out of the kitchen and stumbled into the living room as Mike held onto her arm. Mary Sue looked up from the couch where she was making out with Dusty. "Where you two going?"

Mike rolled his eyed trying to seem annoyed. "I'm going to put her in the guest room. She needs to sleep this off before Rufus gets here. I'll be down in the minute," he started for the stairs.

"Take your time man," Dusty gave him a look before wrapping his arms back around Mary Sue.

Alison held onto the railing of the stairs as she tried to put her foot on the first step missing a few times. "What the…" she looked down her foot seeming to move back and forth.

"Come on," Mike put his arm around her waist lifting her a bit onto the steps. "We don't have all night."

"Miiiike," she sighed, her head falling a bit to the side. "Where we's goin'?"

"Upstairs," he breathed into her ear. "I have something that'll make you feel better."

"Mmm…" she nodded. "I think I need an aspirin."

"This is better than aspirin." He walked passed the guest bedroom and opened the door to his room. Walking in he turned on the lamp next to his bed. Alison walked in and started to look around.

"Is…is this your room?"

"Ah yeah," he lightly closed the door behind him. "I…I have a great view of Boston Common. I thought you'd liked to see," he pointed to his window.

"Oh, I love the common," Alison smiled. She walked toward the window tripping slightly and landing on the bed. "Oops," she laughed pushing herself off. "I just can not walk."

Mike rolled his eyes and opened his closet door. Pulling out a shoebox he opened the top and looked inside. He pushed around a few of the items and smiled. He brought the box out with him and closed the door. Turning around Alison was no where in sight.

"Alison?"

"Mmm…." Her voice came from the ground.

He rounded the bed and found her sitting on the ground leaning against the wall between the bed and the window. He sat down next to her and put the box between them. "Alison," he looked at her.

"Mmm…." She didn't move, her eyes closed. "I…I'm…sleepy."

"I have something to make you sleep easier," he opened the box.

Falling in and out of sleep she smiled softly. "That….that would….nice,"

Mike pulled a pair of scissors and a tiny balloon from the bottom of the box. He cut off the top where it tied, and pulled out a few small rocks of Heroin setting them on top of a cotton ball. He then pulled out a small bottle of rubbing alcohol and a spoon. He wiped down the spoon with the alcohol and then took another cotton ball and rubbed it on the crook of Alison's arm.

Alison woke suddenly from the coolness, yanking her arm back. "What….."

"Shh…" it's okay," Mike took her arm back. "It's just me."

"It's cold," she frowned, her eyes still closed.

"You'll feel warm soon," I promise. He picked the Heroin back up and placed the tiny rocks in the bottom of the spoon. Then he picked up a needle and injected some of water in the spoon as well. He set the spoon down watching it dissolve for a second. He pulled his tourniquet from the box and pulled Alison's sleeve a little higher and tied it tightly around her arm.

"Mmm…" she moaned "That hurts. Wha…what…. are you doing?" she opened her eyes.

"Nothing go back to sleep. Rufus is almost here," he told her.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Wake…wake me when…he…he get's here. I want to see him."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes and tied off the tourniquet. He pulled a lighter from his pocket and picked up the spoon beginning to heat it from underneath. He watched as the Heroin started to dissolve faster. He took a stray piece of cotton and placed it in the bubbling liquid and watched as it puffed up.

He quickly picked up another needle and yanked off the cap with his teeth before spitting it out. He sat the spoon down, took the needle, and placed the tip inside the cotton and slowly pulled the plunger back sucking the heroin into the syringe.

He held the syringe up to the light and flick it a few times to get out the air bubbles. He looked at Alison for a few seconds before taking her arm and pulling it straight. He laid the needle flat against her skin and quickly jabbed it into her vein.

Alison's eyes quickly shot open and she looked down at her arm. "Owe!" she cried out. 'What…what are….Mike!"

"Hold the fuck still," he held tightly onto her wrist."

"Mike…." She wined trying to keep her eyes open. "Stop…"

He pulled the needle out looking for her vein again before jabbing it back in. He couldn't tell if he was in, but he started to pull back the syringe and watched her blood seep into the needle before he injected it back into her with the Heroin.

Alison started to drift in and out again. "Mike stop it hurts…please…I…I don't understand…"

"It'll feel good soon," he watched as the plunger went down. "Real good."

"I…I don't…I don't do this. Mike let go," she tried to take her arm back.

"Bitch stop!" he squeezed her wrist and pulled out the needle. "God you're so fucking annoying. I'm doing you a favor here."

"It burns," she touched her arm.

"Damn it," he looked at her arm, noticing he missed the vein the first time around.

"Mmmm…" she moaned as her head rolled to the side. "Rufus…."

He watched her for a few seconds and touched her cheek. "You're going to start to feel real good, Alison." He continued to watch her knowing it only took about 8 seconds for the body to feel the effects of Heroin.

She smiled as her eyes fluttered. "Is Rufus here…"

"Not yet," he got closer to her. He looked down at her chest and noticed her breathing started to pick up and a slight pink color filled her cheeks. He smiled realizing it was already affecting her.

"Alison…." He breathed into her ear.

"Mmm…" her eyes started to flutter, as Mikes voiced started to float around the room. "I…I feel warm."

"Yeah," his hand trailed up her leg and to her inner thigh. "You feel good?" he whispered before kissing her neck.

"Mike," her eyes started to close again. "Stop that," she tried lifting her arm but it felt so heavy she couldn't move it.

"Uh-huh," he kissed her as his other hand trailed under her skirt.

* * *

Rufus parked his car in front of Mike's house and quickly ran inside. As the door slammed Mary Sue and Dusty broke apart. "Uggg…" Dusty groaned.

Rufus appeared in the doorway. "Hey," he brushed his hand through his disheveled hair looking around. 'What's goin on?"

"Not much," Dusty eyed him angrily.

"Al here?" he peeked into the kitchen.

"Shit," Dusty laughed. "She's wasted."

"What?" Rufus walked back into the living room. "Al?"

"She had a rough day," Mary Sue sat up. "She didn't think her audition went well."

"Oh shit," Rufus swore. "That was today. I told her I'd be there for her," he hit the side of the couch. "I forgot."

"She…she didn't seem mad," Mary Sue was honest. "She said you had to close at the hardware store. She understood."

"Course she did," he looked down feeling guilty. "Where is she?"

"Mike took her up to the guest room to sleep it off," Dusty told him. "You should have seen her, she couldn't even find the step!"

"Dustin!" Mary Sue hit him. "Shush!"

"Mike took her up there?" he frowned walking toward the steps.

"Yeah he said he was coming back down. I don't know where the hell he's at."

Rufus started to take the stairs two at a time. "Al," he called out.

Mikes hand stopped as he heard Rufus's voice at the top of the stairs. "Fuck," he pulled his hand out from under Alison's skirt and got up quickly walking into the bathroom. He closed the door and peeked into the conjoining room just as Rufus closed the door.

"Al," Rufus said again. He opened the last door on the right and looked into the room and didn't see her. He got an uneasy feeling and he turned around noticing a faint light coming from Mike's room.

He walked across the hall and didn't bother to knock before throwing open the door. His eyes quickly scanned the room before he heard a soft moan.

"Al?" He moved further in and that's when he saw her. She was on the floor leaning against the wall next to the window. "Oh my God, Alison," he rushed in quickly dropping to his knees. "Al?"

"Mmm… Rufus," she didn't open her eyes, a smiled playing on her lips.

"Al?" he swallowed looking down and that's when he noticed the scattered needles and cotton balls. "What the…"

"Rufus…." She said again.

He noticed Mikes box sitting next to her and freshly cut balloon of Heroin. "No way…" he shook his head looking and her. "Alison?"

"My…my arm burns Rufus…" she twitched a little as she tried to hold up her arm.

He looked at her arm noticing it was a funny color and realized it was still wrapped in the tourniquet. "What the hell?" he quickly untied it and rubbed her arm, trying to stimulate the blood flow. "Where's Mike at?" he grew angry. "Where is he?"

"I…I told him no," she tried to keep her eyes open. "No…"

"Dusty!" he yelled. "Suz! Help!"

He placed his hands on her cheeks, "Alison….wake up. Look at me."

Her eyes started to flutter, his voiced sounded so far away and everything felt so light and airy. "Rufus…."

"Did Mike do this to you?" he was furious. "Did he!"

His voice was suddenly loud and it frighten her. She opened her eyes and looked at him trying to process what he was saying. "He…he said he'd make me feel better…" she tried to remember. "He squeezed my arm tight…it hurt," she made a face, her forehead crinkling.

He bit his lip, anger washed over him as well as fright. He couldn't believe that Mike would do that to her. He knew Alison wasn't like that. He took advantage of her.

Suddenly both Mary Sue and Dusty burst into the room. "What? What is it?" Mary Sue asked.

"Where the fuck is Mike?" he turned around.

Dustin walked further into the room and noticed Alison passed out at his feet, needles and Heroin next to her. "What the….I didn't know Alison shot up."

"What?" Mary Sue's brow furled. 'She doesn't do that shit." She moved into the room and immediately saw her. "Oh my God, Alison."

"Mike fucking shot her up!" tears came to Rufus's eyes. "The damn tourniquet was still wrapped around her arm."

"What man?" Dusty frowned. "No."

"Where the hell is he?" Mary Sue looked around. "Mike!"

"I don't know," he didn't take his eyes off Alison. "I looked in all the rooms."

"Rufus…." Alison moaned. "It itches," she started to scratch her arm.

Dustin knelt down and took her arm. "He nicked a vein," he shook his head. "That shits gonna burn."

Rufus shook his head and lightly ran his finger over the injection.

"Alison…baby," he choked out, touching her cheek. "Honey, do you know where Mike went?"

She smiled at him feeling such a rush of euphoria. "He said…said you were coming." She reached up to touch his hand on her cheek. "I missed you….I…I haven't seen you."

He watched her eyes cloud over as she stared at the wall not even seeing him. He had seen more people than he could count on Heroin, but a few times he was too, so he never paid attention to what people actually looked like. Seeing Alison like this, someone he cared a lot for, so out of it, while he was clean, scared the shit out of him.

He looked down picking up the spoon and noticed the amount of residue on it. It almost covered the entire base of the spoon. "Did he give this all to you? Alison?"

Dusty looked at the spoon. "Rufus that's a lot. He knows better. He know's you don't give a first timer that much," he shook his head.

"Mary Sue," Rufus's voice shook.

She knelt down next to him. "What?" she looked between him and Alison.

"I…I need you to watch her. Just…just for a bit."

"Where are you going?" she wondered. "I…I think she needs you."

"I need to find Mike," his voice was full of distain. "His car is still here, he couldn't have gotten far."

Mary Sue looked up at Dustin.

"I'll go with him," he nodded. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"Sweetie come on," Rufus placed an arm under her legs and around her back as he picked her up. "Let's get you in a bed."

She laid her head against his chest. "Mmm…you smell good," she smiled. His scent was almost overpowering to her, it filled her entire being.

Rufus kicked open the door to the guest room and pulled back the covers laying her lightly on the bed. He looked up to Dusty and Mary Sue. "Can…can you give me a minute?"

"Yeah, sure man," he led Mary Sue out and closed the door behind him.

Rufus turned his attention back to Alison. "Baby I'm so sorry," he finally let a tear fall. "I promise I won't let him get away with this. I'll find him."

Alison opened her eyes and looked at Rufus. She was starting to make sense of the things he was saying to her. But everything just felt so heavy and the burning sensation in her arm was becoming worse. "Rufus my arm hurts…" tears started to form in her eyes. "Please make it go away."

He bit his lip knowing there wasn't anything he could do because the pain was coming from within the skin. He took her arm and kissed it. "I…I have to go away for a minute. Suz is gonna stay with you."

"Don't go," she frowned, her eyes starting to close again.

He leaned down kissing her cheek softly and whispering in her ear. "I love you Alison…I'll be back." He quickly pushed himself off the bed and wiped the tears from his eyes. That was the first time he had told her he loved her out loud. And she probably didn't even hear it. He took a deep breath and opened the door. He saw Mary Sue and Dusty standing in the hall. "Let's go."

"Be careful," Mary Sue looked at them.

"I want you to go in that room and lock the door. If he comes back don't open it. Don't let him ANYWHERE near her," Rufus pointed at her.

"I…I know," she nodded. "I won't let anything happen to her. I know what to do."

He took one last look at her lying on the bed and then started down the stairs taking three at a time. "Rufus, slow down, man."

"I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him," Rufus opened the front door running outside. "Mike!"

"Hey, whoa, Rufus slow down. You have to think about what your doin'."

"What I'm doing!" he turned around. "He fucking shot her up with Heroin, Dustin! With lord knows how much. I don't even want to know if that needle was clean or not."

"He knows better than that."

"Oh does he," he laughed. "Then tell me why he would shoot a clean person up. Let alone Alison…while she was drunk and couldn't defend herself!"

Dustin sighed, "Dude I don't know," he shook his head. "That was fucked up."

Rufus started to walk down the road keeping his eyes on each side, looking for any sign of Mike. "Did he say he was going somewhere? Did he say anything to you?"

"No…I…I got here late and Alison and Mike were in the kitchen and…"

"Doing what?" Rufus turned to look at him.

"I don't know," he held his hand up. "Probably getting a drink or some food or something."

"I should have just told her I'd pick her up at her place," he shook his head. "This is my fault."

He started to look around. "This isn't your fault you didn't know Alison was going to get hammered."

"I feel like-MIKE!" Rufus took off behind a garage.

Mike was leaning beside his neighbors garage smoking a cigarette when he heard someone coming toward him.

"You son of a bitch!" Rufus came rushing toward him.

"Whoa man," Mike backed up. "What is wrong with you."

"Are you kidding me!" he got in his face. "What the hell did you do to Alison?"

"Hey," he held his hands up. "She wanted it."

Rufus couldn't take it any longer and punched him squarely in the jaw. "If I see you anywhere near her again I swear to God I'll kill you!"

Mike touched his jaw feeling the taste of blood in his mouth. "I was doing your ass a favor," he eyed him.

"A favor," he was disgusted. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"We all know that you've tried to get in her pants and she won't let you," he grinned. "I was just making it easier for you. I was loosening her up, she was gettin' there. She let me touch her…"

That was Rufus's undoing, he rushed Mike to the ground and started punching him in the face. "You sick bastard! You better not have touched her!" He continued to pummel him. Mike quickly regained his wits and pushed Rufus off of him and punched him in the gut. "Come on!" He pushed Rufus into the ground, before punching him in the stomach again.

Rufus flipped them over in a fit of rage and started to punch Mike repeatedly in his side.

"Rufus!" Dustin pulled Rufus off of Mike. "It's not worth it man. Get off of him!"

Rufus punched him once more before letting up. "You're done!" he told him. "You're out of the band. You're done!"

"What!" he hunched over, trying to breathe. "You can't kick me out of the band. Who you gonna get huh? Their ain't no drummers around here."

"I don't care," he shook his head.

"Dusty! Come on!" Mike looked up at him.

Dusty looked down at him. "That was pretty fucked up man."

Mike looked at them both as he wiped the blood from his nose with the back of his hand. "You're going to regret this," he pointed at Rufus. "You and that bitch of yours."

Rufus was about to jump on Mike again when he felt himself being pulled back by Dustin. "Rufus, stop, you made your point," he held onto his arm. "He's just doing it to get a rise out of you."

Rufus looked down at Mike and saw him smirking. "If I see you around her…I swear to God," he pointed at him.

Mike slowly got up and started to walk away. "Yeah, you said that already."

Rufus's jaw clenched as he watched him. "Let's get back to the house. I need to get Alison out of there before he gets back."

Dustin followed Rufus back down the street towards Mike's house. "You know I think you did the right thing about kicking Mike out. I mean, shit if he did that to Suz," he shook his head. "Besides Aaron hate's him anyways, he won't care he's gone."

"I should never have let him join in the first place," he shook his head. "I heard he was like this."

Dustin and Rufus made their way back up the driveway and into the house. They jogged up the stairs and as Rufus made his way down the hall he could hear Alison crying out. He hurried up and knocked on the door. "Suz open up it's me."

She quickly opened the door and took in his disheveled appearance. "She' s starting to come down," she told him. "Her arm is on fire and she has a couple track marks."

He sighed, "I'm going to take her home. Katie is gone for the weekend I'll take care of her there."

Mary Sue wrapped her arms around herself. "She's really out of it Rufus," she shook her head. "She really wasn't making any sense. She's gonna fall hard when it wears off."

He knelt down next to her. "I'm sure the alcohol didn't help it much," he shook his head. "Alison," he pulled the covers down. "Come on I'm gonna take you home. Can you stand?"

She looked over at him and he noticed her blood shot eyes staring blankly at him. "Rufus," her voice was raspy.

"Yeah, it's me," he tried to smile. "Come on I'm gonna take you home." He pulled her from the bed helping her stand. "Home?" he looked at her.

She leaned on him her eyes not making contact with anything. "I want to go home," she agreed.

He wrapped his arm around her back keeping her steady. "I'll take you. Let's go," he started down the stairs.

She slowly walked down the stairs and stopped by the door. Her arm started to itch again and it felt raw from scratching it, making it hurt more. She started to come down off her high a bit and things started to become more lucid to her and the pain really started to irritate her. "Why does my arm itch so much?" she turned to Rufus.

He looked at her not knowing what she remembered. "Let's…lets get you home and we can talk about it," he took her hand and let her outside. "I know it's hard but try not to itch it, it'll only make it worse. He opened his car door and helped her in then jogged around to the other side and quickly got in and started up the car.

She held her head in her hand and looked at him. "Rufus I think that I drank too much. I really….I…I feel weird. Everything is so…so heavy and slow."

"I know honey," he sighed, looking down the road. He didn't even know what to say to her when they got back to her place. She was going to be furious when she found out what Mike did to her. He also knew that she was probably going to be scared as well.

He drove into her apartment complex and parked the car in Katies spot. "How you feeling?" he turned to her.

"I'm okay," she turned to look at him.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and hers as well before getting out of the car and getting her. "Do you have your keys?"

She looked at him a moment before handing him her purse. "Somewhere…in there," she leaned against the wall."

He fished her keys from the bottom of her purse and opened the door. He turned on her lights and then sat her purse on the table and locked the door. "Come on lets get you to bed," he led her into her room.

She walked into her room and sat on the bed. "Will you stay until I at least fall…asleep," she laid her head against the headboard.

"Move over," he sat on the bed. "I'm going to stay here tonight."

"Stay?" she looked at him.

'That okay?"

She laid back and snuggled into his arms. "Yeah…"

He pulled the covers up over them and drew her into his arms. "Just try and get some sleep okay?"

"Mmm," she yawned. "I'm so tired," she shivered.

He rubbed her arms, knowing her body temp was going to drop as the Heroin wore off.

She turned in his arms to look at him and then kissed him softly. "I'm glad you're here," she kissed him again.

He kissed her back. "I'm glad I'm here too," he smiled brushing the hair from her face. He looked at her for a moment and she looked like the normal Alison. The one that he knew, the one that always smiled, and knew how to drive him crazy, or say the perfect thing. "Damn it," he whispered, dreading the morning."

* * *

It was around three in the morning when Rufus was woken up to Alison pushing back the covers and running to the bathroom. "Al," he jumped up. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to be sick!" she cried, as she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and started to throw up. "Oh God."

Rufus sighed and knelt down beside her holding her hair back. "Just get it out," he rubbed her back.

She continued to throw up until her throat burned from the acid. Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to breathe. Swallowing a few times she started to gag from the dry heaves. Rufus quickly got up and opened her medicine cabinet and pulled out a glass filling it with water. "Drink this," he handed it to her. "Slowly," he cautioned.

She breathed heavy and leaned against the tub and took the glass, slowly drinking the water. "Ugh…." She swallowed. "Oh that was awful. Oh."

"Yeah that didn't look like too much fun," he cleaned around the toilet and flushed it. "You okay?"

"Don't ever….ever let me drink again," she closed her eyes. "Ever."

"Okay," he chuckled, sitting down next to her against the tub. "He didn't know if she was having effects from the Heroin or the alcohol, knowing both would make her sick to her stomach.

"Rufus?" she leaned her head upon his shoulder.

"Yeah."

"What happened tonight?" she asked, her voice low and almost child like. 'What happened at Mikes?"

He sighed and looked down. He felt so guilty for what had happened. If he would have just been there. Hell, if he would have remembered her damn audition, none of this would of happened. "Do…do you remember anything?"

She looked up thinking about it for a moment. "I just…everything is so hazy," she shook her head. "I remember watching MTV with Dusty and Suz…and Mike. We were drinking and then….I…I was waiting for you…Mike he…he took me up stairs," she nodded. "I remember looking out at the Common. And my…my arm," she looked down and as soon as she saw her arm she gasped.

Her forearm was all bruised and swollen. She saw nail marks up and down the inside of her arm and dry blood caked along the scratches. "Rufus…" she looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears.

He looked down at her and he had never seen such terror in someone's eyes before. It shook him right to his core. "Honey….I'm….I'm so sorry."

"What happened," she lightly touched her arm fingering the trail of dried blood.

He took her hands and took a deep breath as he looked her in the eyes. He knew there was no easy way to do this. "I want you to listen to me okay?" he squeezed her hand. "You are going to be fine."

"Rufus," her brow wrinkled. "You're scaring me."

He bit his lip, "When Mike took you up into his room…he…he shot you up with some Heroin."

"What…." she whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she looked from Rufus to her arm. 'What…"

"Baby I'm so sorry," he pulled her into his arms. "It's my fault. I didn't get there in time. I should have been there," he breathed. "I should have been there."

She pushed herself out of his arms, slowly standing up, holding onto the wall for support. "Heroin…" she dragged her fingers through her hair. "Oh my God…oh my God!"

Rufus stood up and took her by the arms. "Look at me," he held her chin. "You are going to be fine. You shouldn't have anymore effects from it. You're okay."

"Rufus it…it scares me," she let her tears fall. "It's…heroin. It's not like it's pot." She looked back at her arm and noticed two injection sites. "He…he used a needle Rufus. Was it even clean? Was it?"

He swallowed, "I…I don't know."

She turned around and started to cry harder. She had never been so scared in her life. Such a myriad of emotions started to cross her mind and she didn't know which one to grab onto first.

"Al, Mike really does know better," he said. "He's not going to use dirty needles. He's been using for a long time. He knows."

"He knows better!" she whipped around. "He knows better! He injected me with heroin Rufus! He knows I don't do that! He knows it!" she continued to cry. "I hate him…I hate him. I knew I shouldn't trust him," she started to pace the bathroom. "I knew something was going to….."

"I know…I know," he couldn't take it any longer and pulled her back into his arms. "And he's gone. He's gone. You don't have to see him any more. He's gone."

"What?" she looked up at him.

"I kicked him out of the band. He's not in it anymore," he looked at her. "He's out."

"Who's going to be your drummer?" she looked at him. "You have gigs. What are you going to do?"

He shook his head. It was so like Alison to be concern for someone else, even when she was going through something herself. "Don't worry about it," he shrugged. "Mike's not the only drummer out there. I have people in mind. Remember Justin? He always said he wanted to come back."

She swallowed hard and nodded. "So I'll…I'll be okay," she looked at him. "I…I don't know anything about Heroin…or what it does. I don't know…"

"Come on." He wrapped his arm around her and grabbed a waste paper basket before leading her back into her room. He fixed the covers on the bed. "Climb in."

She did as she was told and scooted to the other side. Rufus got in bed and pulled the covers over them before turning to Alison. He touched a strand of her blonde hair. "It's gonna be in your system for a few days, but you won't feel anything. Not like tonight. You're active, have a fast metabolism, I'd say probably forty-eight hours."

"Okay," she bit her lip, feeling slightly relived.

"Let's just hope you don't need a drug test for anything," he rolled his eyes.

"Why?"

"It can stay in your hair for up to three months," he frowned.

"Really," she was surprised.

"Yeah."

"Rufus?"

"Mmm?"

"You don't…you don't use Heroin, do you?" she wondered.

"Just like two times," he was honest. "For awhile, we did other things. Me and Dusty. Suz did too."

"But you don't anymore."

"Suz and I don't," he shook his head. "I don't think Dusty does it much. It was just hard not to once we started. It's always there you know. That and Coke. You saw it."

She reached for his hand. "Don't do it," she interlaced their fingers, looking at them. "Just…don't do it."

"I won't," he shook his head. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Good," she laid back, trying to relax a bit. She looked down at her arm and noticed for the first time it stung a little. "My arm is it…is it suppose to sting?"

Rufus took her arm and looked at it. "I think he missed a vein," he lightly touched it. "That's what's causing it to burn. Just…just try not to touch it."

"Is that bad," she worried.

"No," he shook his head. "You just want to get the Heroin in the vein because it travels through your body faster. It gives you a better high."

"Oh," she frowned, disgusted at the thought.

He lightly rubbed her arm. "Come on, let's get some sleep. I don't want you worrying about it. You're fine and I promise I won't let anything like that happen again."

She nodded, and curled up on her side, looking at the wall.

Rufus slowly brought his hand around her waist not sure if she wanted to be touched. He felt her fingers intertwine with his. "Night Al."

* * *

*****Heroin ****is an opiate drug. Heroin can be injected, snorted/sniffed, or smoked—routes of administration that rapidly deliver the drug to the brain. ****After the injection of heroin euphoria is felt. This can take place within eight seconds after the injection. The euphoria felt after the injection of the heroin comes with dry mouth, warm flushing on the skin and the feeling that your extremities (feet and hands) are heavy. After the initial "rush" wears off, one's state fluctuates between drowsy and alert. This is called being "on the nod." In this state, judgment is clouded, and the feeling of heaviness in the extremities may persist. This leads to a surreal experience that some users find attractive.*********

**I hope everyone enjoyed their week! Please leave some feedback and let me know what you think of the chapters thus far.**

***Coming up***

**Alison and Rufus take a step forward in their relationship**

**Lily returns**

**Rosewood**

**Trent, Layne, Perry**


	11. The Boathouse

**Chapter 10**

**The Boathouse**

**October 29th 1990**

**The Richards Boathouse**

**Cape Mae, New Jersey**

"Rufus we need to tack the sail!" Alison called over the heavy winds. Looking at the sky she knew it was going to start down pouring any minute. "Hurry!"

Rufus ran down to the bow of the boat and noticed the change of wind, and it nearly blew him over. "There isn't enough time!" he yelled back. He quickly started to untie the ropes. "We need to jibe!" he turned around making sure she was paying attention. He saw her nod and he pushed the jib across the boat. "Jibe-ho," he yelled, watching the pole and sail switch directions.

Alison caught the pole just as it started to down pour. She knotted the foresail to the opposite side of the mainsail. She looked up to the boom and made sure the sail was flat. "And who's idea was this?" Alison yelled across the boat as she tried to see through the rain.

"You wanted to sail up the coast for dinner!" he yelled back laughing, checking the mast as he walked down the boat. "I told you the waters were too choppy!"

Running her hands over her face she rolled her eyes. "It wasn't suppose to rain!" she shivered. "It's freezing!" she jumped up and down.

He turned them from the rain trying to shield her from the ocean spray. "You and your lobster!"

"It sounded good!" The rain dripped from her face as she turned toward the shoreline. "We need to hurry and drop the mainsail. We're coming into shore too fast."

Rufus looked off into the distance and he could see the dock covered in fog. "I don't see the navigation light from the boathouse."

She looked toward the top of the boathouse and noticed it was dark. "Oh no," she turned toward the helm. "No one's been at the boathouse all summer, my father must of never turned it on."

"Blind drive," he worked his way back up to the bow. "I'm going to throw the anchor out now. We need to slow this thing down."

"I can't see Rufus," the rain pelted down on her back. "Between the fog and the rain," she yelled. "I'm never going to be able to dock this."

"Yes you can," he picked up the anchor and threw it out as far as he could. "I'll guide you!"

She took a hold of the steering wheel and tried her best to maneuver the boat on the course of the wind.

"Stay left!" Rufus yelled. "Left!"

She held tightly onto the wheel letting the wind drag them to shore. "How close are we?" she started to pull back.

"A couple hundred feet," he yelled. "Drop the back anchor!"

Alison locked the steering into place and quickly turned and threw the back anchor off the stern, immediately feeling the boat slow.

"You got it…you got it," Rufus called again. "Hurry and make a sharp right," he looked at the sail. "Now!"

She quickly unlocked the steering and turned the wheel to the right watching the boat slowly turn into the wind and come to a stop mere inches from the dock. "Whoa," she laughed to herself.

Rufus quickly roped the boat to the dock and set the anchor. Alison locked the steering and closed the helm. She quickly walked toward the bow and smiled ear to ear. "Thank goodness for those docking and mooring lessons my father made us take."

Rufus laughed and helped her down onto the dock. "It must be some of that birthday luck."

"Maybe," she laughed, hearing thunder rolling in the distance. "We better get inside."

"I thought you wanted to go to your parents," he looked at her.

She shook her head, "I don't want to drive up the coast in this. We'll wait till it passes. Besides they're not expecting me till tomorrow anyways. You know my mom. We'll knock her all of schedule coming too early."

They ran up the porch and she grabbed her bag she left on the chair. Fishing out her keys she quickly unlocked the door and walked inside. "Mmm…" she smiled. "I missed this place."

Rufus looked around noticing it looked different than he remembered. "Looks good," he nodded. "Your father did a good job."

"Can you turn on the light?" she asked, dropping her bag by the door.

Rufus turned and felt along the wall for the switch. He flicked it up and nothing happened. "Uh-oh," he laughed, flicking it up and down. "No power."

"What!" she went over to the side table and tried to turn on the lamp. "Oh no!"

"The rain must have knocked it out," he shrugged.

'What are we going to do now?"

"I could….build us a fire," he walked into the living room. "We need to get warm somehow."

She sighed, "I really didn't want to go to my parent's tonight. I wanted to stay here with you because once we get to my house it's going to be sofa city for you."

"Sofa city," he laughed. "What did your mom say when you said I was coming?"

"She kinda doesn't know about us yet," she bit her lip.

"What!" he looked at her. "Al we've been going out for months now. You never told her?

She shrugged her shoulders. "Between being gone with you, and school…dance. I haven't even talked to my mom more than a few times. I didn't go home all summer."

He tried to gauge her reaction. "Is there a reason you're not telling her? She doesn't like me does she?"

"What? Rufus no of course she does…she does. It's just….I don't know. I've kinda like just being in our own little world in Boston. You know how my mother is. How she hovers. If she knew I was dating someone she would probably move in next door."

Rufus laughed, "Good thinking, I still have time to escape home you know."

"Don't even think about it," she shivered. "Now, where is that fire you promised me?"

"Do we have any dry clothes?" he turned around, gathering some wood.

"In the car….outside," she sighed.

"Wonderful," he laughed, taking off his shirt.

Alison walked down to the linen closet and pulled out some extra blankets and pillows. Bringing them back into the living room she started to lay them out in front of the fire. She watched as he shoved newspaper under the wood stack and then reached up onto the mantle and grabbed the matches. "Expert woodsmen," she laughed.

"Nah," he chuckled. "Doesn't take much to build a fire. "

She watched as the fire started out small as he blew on it. "I think this wood is old," he laughed.

"Doesn't take much huh?"

"Shut up," he kept blowing until it got bigger.

She rested her chin on her knees and looked outside. The sky was almost black now, making it incredibly dark in the boathouse. She shivered again and inched her way closer to the fire.

Rufus turned around and saw her shiver. "Al, you're all wet," he brushed away her wet hair from her face. Take those off."

She looked at him her eyes traveling down his bare chest. "Your pants are all wet too," she shook her eye brows.

"I can take care of that," he laughed. He unbuckled his belt and pushed his wet pants off and tossed them aside. He looked at her for a moment. "Come here."

"What," she smiled.

"Take this off," he started to unbutton her shirt. "It's all wet."

She watched as he started to take her shirt off. Her breathing started to quicken as she felt similar longings starting to stir within her. He pushed her shirt past her shoulders and started to kiss her neck. "Rufus…" she whispered.

"Mmm…." He kissed her cheek.

"How…how do you feel about me?" she bit her lip looking down at him.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. Cupping her cheek he looked in her eyes. "I love you," he said softly.

Her eyes met his and she smiled, she had waited a long time to hear that. "I love you too."

He smiled back and played with her hand for a moment.

Alison took a deep breath. "I'm…I'm ready," she looked at him.

Rufus studied her face for a moment before he realized what she meant. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "We had a wonderful dinner. Almost died on the way home," she laughed. "We have the house to ourselves….a cozy fire…it's a few hours before my birthday. I think it's perfect."

He started to rub her shoulders. "I'm a little bit nervous," he laughed.

"You!" she shook her head. "What do you have to be nervous about?"

He touched her cheek. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," she shook her head. "We'll just…go slowly alright?"

"Of course," he kissed her. "As slow as you want."

"Okay," she breathed.

"Okay," he smiled as he kissed her. He looked at her once more before he slowly kissed her cheek and then her chin. He pushed gently so she laid on her back. "Let's get these wet clothes off of you Mmm?"

She chewed on her bottom lip watching him undress her. She was glad that he had already seen her naked, it took some of the awkwardness away. She just wanted to focus on her and Rufus being together and nothing else.

He slowly undid her pants and started to ease them down her legs, finding it hard from the wetness. "This is killing me here," he laughed. "It's taking me longer than I want to undress you."

She laughed and helped to push her pants down, kicking them aside. "Come here," she inched her finger.

Rufus crawled over her, placing an arm and a leg on each side of her. "Mmmm?"

She pointed to her lips. "Kiss me."

He lower his lips onto hers and kissed her soft and slowly. He moved his right hand down the side of her torso stopping at the edge of her panties. He massaged her hip for a moment before he started to lower them. His kisses moved from her lips to her neck and slowly to her chest.

Alison's eyes closed, the familiar feel of Rufus's lips on her body sent her tumbling on a downward spiral. His warm hands tugged her panties down past her thighs and he soon discarded them to the pile of ever growing clothes. She felt his lips traveling further, kissing the inside of her thighs. "Rufus…."

"Mmm…" he grinned, slowly darting his tongue out to taste her skin.

"Nothing," she opened her eyes looking down at him.

He sat up and pulled her with him. He kissed her shoulder as his hand moved behind her and unhooked her bra in one swift movement.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you've done that before," she laughed.

Rufus rolled his eyes laughing and tossing her bra on the opposite side of the blanket. He looked at her in the darkness, the only light emitting was the fire directly behind her. It casted a glow on her golden blonde hair and Rufus moved his hands through it. "You look beautiful right now," he looked at her. "Really pretty."

"Thank you." She looked at him and moved her hand to the waistband of his boxers. They loomed there a moment before she started to push them down, her hands shaking softly.

Rufus looked down and noticed her hands shaking a bit. He clasped them with his own. "You okay?"

She looked at him, "Little nervous."

"It's just me," he slowly pushed his boxers down with her hands.

She looked into his eyes and moved her hand to softly stroke him up and down. She bit her bottom lip as she watched his eyes close and his breath turn uneven.

"Al…" he moaned, leaning his forehead against hers.

"What?"

He blindly kissed her lips, "Thank God we don't have to stop."

"I know," she arched her leg so he could drop in-between them.

He moved his lips to her chest again and kissed around her breasts before taking a nipple in his mouth and gently sucking on it.

"Mmm…." Alison whimpered as she arched her back into him. "Rufus?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you…do you have a…a condom?" she looked at him.

"Right…right," he shook his head. Leaning over he picked up his pants and pulled his wallet out.

"Prepared?" she laughed.

"Always," he pulled it out and threw his wallet back. He quickly ripped open the packet, tossing it aside. "You wanna do it?"

She looked down at the condom in his hands.

"Come here," he took her hand.

She sat up a little and watched as he took her hand. He placed the condom in her hand and pinched the top as she slowly eased it down. She held her hand at his base a few seconds before looking at him.

"Thanks."

She leaned up further and kissed him, pressing her body against his.

Feeling her body tight against his own spurred Rufus on and he moved his hand between her legs. He could barely take it anymore, but wanted to make sure she was ready. He laid her back down and looked into her eyes

"Tell…tell me what to do," she looked at him.

"Shhh…" he breathed against her lips. "This is about you tonight." He gently slipped his finger inside her, and used his thumb to caress her. He watched as she closed her eyes again and her stomach quickly moved up and down. He inserted another finger and moved a bit faster against her.

"Rufus…" she muttered. "Oh."

Seeing her body writhe under him cause his pulse to start racing. He removed his fingers and ran both his hands up her body and then kissed her soundly on the mouth. "Ready?"

She opened her eyes and shook her head yes. "Slowly…."

He gradually parted her legs and moved between them. He lowered himself on her and whispered in her ear. "If anything hurts we'll stop. Just tell me."

"Okay."

He gripped her thigh and slowly moved toward her entrance. He held himself above her so not to put weight on her. He eased his tip in watching to make sure she wasn't in any pain. He leaned back down to kiss her as he pushed himself further in.

"Mm," Alison moved under him.

"You okay?" he pulled back.

She bit her lip. "I'm okay, I'm….okay," she gritted her teeth a bit. Her mind was reeling a mile a minute and she couldn't believe it was actually happening. She held her breath as he entered her. She felt some pressure and then a lot when he was fully in her. "Oh," she bit her lip as she held her breath. Her hand slowly balled into a fist at her side.

"I'm hurting you," Rufus realized, seeing her face, he pulled out. "Let's stop."

"No," she held onto his arm. "I don't want to. I…I want to do this."

"Al," he touched her cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded. "It's normal. I'm fine."

He looked at her for a few seconds before he leaned down to kiss her again. He dragged his hands down her side and started to massage her between her legs again. He slowly drew his lips down her neck, tasting her skin. Taking his time, he could feel himself throbbing against her. He looked down and slowly parted her legs again. This time he entered her little by little letting her adjust to his length. "Better?"

"Mmhmm," she kissed him. She felt the intense pressure again, but it slowly started to ease with each tiny thrust he made.

He watched her facial expressions as he slowly moved in and out of her.  
"Al," he moaned.

She took a few deep breaths trying to stay relaxed, knowing if she was tense it would only hurt more. She concentrated on his hand that was slowly rubbing her in sync with his thrusts. On instinct her back arched into him and he took her leg wrapping it around his waist. As he did, she took him in completely, causing tingles to go up her spine. "Rufus…" she moaned.

He opened his eyes for the first time, not knowing if that was a cry of pleasure or pain. "You okay?"

"Yes…yes," she licked her lips. "Don't stop."

His thrusts soon became faster and more direct. Their hands moved around each others body, learning what each other felt like, and what they liked. "Feel good?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes," she said breathlessly and she started to move her hips with his. The pain of what was happening slowly started to ebb much to her delight. She was surprised at how her body took over and responded to his. She always wondered what it would be like and how it would feel, and now it was finally happening. She loved how gentle he was with her, and how his hands softly moved down her body, touching her, loving her. She was so glad it was with Rufus, the only man she really ever loved.

He pushed himself up on his elbows before grabbing her hips and directing his thrusts to her center. "Alison….' He breathed. "I'm…I'm close…" He was surprised that he could barely hold out.

She nodded as she moved a little faster. Waves of pleasure started to course through her. She quietly started to whimper as he made the last few thrusts in her. She felt her toes curl under and her hand griped the edges of the pillow next to her head. "Ruuufus…" she panted, feeling slightly out of breath.

Rufus moaned, tilting his head back as he came. He said her name over and over as he slowly pulled all the way out of her then quickly back in her one last time.

Alison held him between her thighs as he collapsed on her. She could feel his heavy breathing on her stomach as it quickly rose up and down.

"Baby," he kissed her stomach as he laid between her legs.

Alison looked up at the ceiling trying to catch her breath. She watched as the flickers from the fire danced around creating a dreamy like atmosphere. She could feel Rufus's heart beating against her thigh, the feeling of him resting between her legs was almost too much for her. She put her hand down and started to run her hands through his hair at the base of his neck.

He kissed the curve of her hip and looked up at her. "Happy Birthday," he told her.

She looked over at the clock. "It isn't my birthday yet," she smiled.

She pushed himself downward so he was lying next to her. "Close enough," he kissed her. He ran his hand down her body. "How do you feel?"

"Mmm…good," she smiled. "Out of breath….but relaxed."

"So…it didn't hurt…too much?" he was still worried.

"I'm fine," she snuggled up next to him. "It actually didn't hurt as much as I was expecting. Then…it started to feel good," she blushed a little.

"It did feel pretty good," he smiled. "We just need to work on our timing a bit, and I think it'll be pretty close to perfect."

She kissed him again. "Mmm…you taste like sea salt," she laughed.

He thought for a moment," I got a way to take care of that."

"You do?"

"Let's go upstairs and take a shower," he grinned.

"It's pitch black up there."

"You never took a shower in the dark before?"

"No," she eyed him. "But I have a feeling tonight's the first time for a lot of things."

He grinned and stood up pulling her with him. "You want to light a candle or something so we don't try and kill ourselves again."

She reached down for her shirt when she felt Rufus pull her back up. "Leave them there," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled mischievously and then grabbed a crystal candelabra off the dining room table and stuck a candle stick in it. Rufus grabbed the matches off the mantle and lit it. Grabbing her hand he led her upstairs. "Remember when your dad caught us kissing upstairs in your room when we were like fifteen?"

"He was so upset," she laughed. "My mom came in my room that night giving me the talk."

He laughed walking into the bathroom. "I don't think I've ever been so afraid of your dad. Well that is unless he finds out what we just did on his floor."

"Hush!" she laughed. Setting down the candle she turned on the shower letting it get warm. "We're really not going to be able to see anything in there."

"No," he smiled. "But we can feel our way around."

She stuck her hand in the water feeling it. "Come on, Humphrey."

* * *

Carrie drove her car up and parked in front of the boathouse. "Did mom say where she left all the linens?"

Anna looked at her sister. "I think she said some where in the hall closet by the back staircase and some were in the study."

"She would make us drive all the way here in the freaking rain," she sighed. "Just because it's Al's twentieth birthday. Well excuse me I didn't get some special party for my twentieth."

"Jealous much," Anna laughed opening her door.

"She's always been the favorite. Dad has her up on some pedestal."

Anna shook her head as she followed Carrie up the walk. "Oh get over it, how old are you 10?"

Carrie rolled her eyes, grabbing her key out of her purse. "I'm just glad at the end of the day I can go home to my own place and not see mom and dad fawning all over her."

"Open the door," she pushed her.

Placing the key in the door she pushed it open. "Let's just hurry up. I'll go in the study and you hit the hall closet." He went to turn on the lights and noticed they weren't working. "What the hell!"

"What?"

"The lights don't work!" she huffed. "You have got to be kidding me!" She walked further into the house. "How the hell are we suppose to see anything," she fumbled her way into the living room.

Anna got half way into the living room when she smelled smoke. Looking around the corner she saw the fireplace alit. "Carrie!" she whispered. "Carrie!"

"What!"

"Shhh…." she grabbed her arm. "Someone's in the house…." she whispered.

Carrie turned around following her gaze seeing the fire.

"Someone's living in the house! Maybe it's a homeless person! Call the police!" Anna started to make her way back toward the door.

"Wait!" she grabbed her hand. "Look," she pointed to all the pillows and blankets laid out by the fire. Walking further into the room she noticed all the clothes thrown about. "Wait a minute."

"What?" Anna followed her. She slowly walked around the couch and noticed Alison's bag sitting by the back door. "That's Al's bag. What's she doing here alone?"

Carrie bent over and picked up Rufus's boxers and Alison's bra. "She's not," Carrie sneered.

"What!" Anna's eyes grew wide. "No way!"

"That little tramp!" She threw the clothes on the ground. "Tries to act all innocent! I knew it! I bet dad's not going to leave her the house now! Not when he finds out she's using it for some….some sex house!"

"Carrie come on," Anna looked at her. "She's not a baby. And if I remember correctly you were doing a lot worse at her age."

"Shut up," she rummaged through the clothes.

"What are you doing?" Anna looked at her.

"I want to know who it is!" she picked up Rufus's pants when his wallet fell to the ground in a thud.

They both looked down.

Carrie bent over and picked it up smiling. "Mmm….lets see." She opened the wallet when 2 condoms dropped out. "Ugh….classy."

Anna laughed thinking It was funny, secretly happy for her sister. "Who…who is it?"

Carrie pulled his license out and moved toward the fire to see better. "No way!" she was stunned. "No freaking way!"

"Who is it," Anna moved closer.

Carrie turned the license over. "Rufus Humphrey."

"Shut up!" Anna pulled the license from her hands and looked at it. "But…I thought…."

"I bet you they never even broke up and she's off living with him in Boston or something…living some double life!"

"Oh stop….you watch too much Days of our Lives," she grabbed his wallet and put his license back in. "I think it's nice they're back together. I liked Rufus."

"He's a pot head," Carried rolled her eyes. "Al could do so much better. I don't know what she ever saw in him. I can't believe this!"

Anna was just about to ask where they were when she heard giggling come from upstairs.

"They're still in the house!" she ran toward the stairs.

"Carrie no," Anna pulled on her arm. "Leave them alone. Come on."

Carrie pulled her toward the stairs and slowly walked half way up looking through the rungs of the staircase. She noticed a low light flickering from the bathroom and the sound of the shower running. "They're in the shower together!" she stomped her foot.

"Carrie come down from there! Let's get the stuff and go," Anna pleaded.

Carrie looked at her for a few seconds. "You know what? Fine. It will be much more fun messing with them tomorrow," she grinned. "I can't wait to make her uncomfortable."

Anna started to walk away. "You know what? Al has always supported you in all your crummy relationships. And she came all the way home for you when you broke up with Landon. Remember when I was studying aboard and couldn't be there? Mom told me she laid in bed with you and kept you company.

"Oh so what!" she snapped, opening the linen closet pulling out a few table cloths. "She still annoys me. Her and her stupid art and her stupid dance and whatever else she does."

"God you're jealous," Anna walked down the hall to the study. "John was right."

"Oh what does John know?" she followed her. "He's fifteen."

"More than you think." She opened a cabinet, feeling her way around finding a few placemats and cloth napkins. "Besides I don't know why you even care if she's seeing Rufus. It's not your life," she closed the cabinet, walking out of the room.

"Cause he's stupid," she walked toward the door.

"There's a good reason," she rolled her eyes.

"Let's just go," she grabbed her purse and opened the front door. "Let's just hope she's not being stupid."

"I'm sure she's not," Anna followed, closing the door behind her. She watched and quickly locked the door and then ran back to the car. Getting in they both threw the linens in the back seat.

"She better be careful," Carrie started the car. "We don't need any little Humphrey's running around.

* * *

He pushed her back under the water, kissing her soundly. He could feel the warm water rushing down them both. "Mmm…this was a good idea," he smiled against her lips.

"It was," she grinned.

"I'm glad we decided to stay here tonight."

"I'm sure you did," she laughed.

"Mmm…" he growled pushing himself back into her. He started to move his hands down her body, caressing her as he worked his way down. He pushed her back further so her back was touching the wall.

"Oh, that's cold," she jumped.

He laughed and wrapped his arms back around her before he pushed his mid section into her and slowly parted her legs.

"Rufus we can't…" she said into his mouth.

"Why not," he started to massage her between her legs.

"You…you didn't bring any…any…." Her breathing turned hard as Rufus slipped two fingers in her. "Oh…."

"It'll be okay," he started to stroke himself, bringing him near her entrance.

"Rufus," she fought with her emotions. "No…I don't want to take that chance….Okay?" She placed her hands on his chest. "Okay."

He sighed, "You're right. You just…you get me all excited," he laughed a little. "I've been wanting to be like this with you for awhlle."

"I know," she kissed him. "Thank you for being patient…for waiting till I was ready….for not pressuring me."

He touched her cheek and kissed her softly. "You have some soap still in your hair."

"Do I?"

"Yeah come here." He picked up the cup filling it with water. "Close your eyes." He looked at her and made sure her eyes were shut and then poured the water over her head washing the soap out.

"All gone?"

"All gone," he smiled. "I think we're all clean."

She smiled and turned around turning off the water. He helped her out of the shower and picked a towel up off the counter. He wrapped it around his waist then took another towel and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms up and down quickly. "Wanna go lay by the fire and get warm?"

"That sounds nice," she nodded leaning in his arms.

Walking down the steps Alison noticed the flickers lights of the fire were almost out. "We're going to need more wood," she looked around.

"I saw some by the back door. Go get under the blankets. I'll be there in a second."

"Okay." Alison sat down on the ground and covered herself when a blanket. She took her towel and started to dry her hair. She moved closer to the fire hoping to warm herself up.

Rufus came back over and tossed a couple logs onto the fire. Then filled up the wood bin. "That should get us through the night," he sighed sitting down next to her.

"Good," she nodded.

He noticed the far off look in her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled leaning on him. "Just tired."

"Here," he pulled her down. "Let's go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow."

"You don't mind?" She rested her head near his shoulder.

"Course not," he covered them.

They both stared into the fire for awhile when the clock chimed. Rufus looked up and smiled. "Happy birthday Al." He squeezed her and tuned her chin to the side so he could kiss her.

"Mmm…." she smiled. "Thank you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Chapter Eleven **

**I used to be that girl...**

**(The return of Lily)**

***SNIPPET***

_"Where is she?" Rufus kept his voice even._

_"Still keeping tabs on her," he laughed, shoving him out of the way._

_Suddenly Lily emerged from the back room. Her shoes in one hand and her sliver hoop earrings in the other._

_"Lily…" Rufus looked at her._

_"Hey!" Trent yelled from the front of the bus. "You better bring that back when you're done." He pointed to Lily. "I ain't done with her yet," he laughed humping the air._

_Lily rolled her eyes and kept staring straight ahead. She would be fine as long as she didn't look at Rufus. She pushed passed him and went after Trent. "Hey wait up!"_

_"Lily!" Rufus said again, following her._

_"What do you want Rufus?" she turned around her head cocking to the side. "I'm in a hurry."_

_He looked at her, words escaping him for the moment. Her hair was a mess, the buttons on her shirt were uneven and her skirt was twisted to the side. 'What…..why…." he sighed. "I…"_

_"What?" she laughed. "Cat got your tongue?"_

_"Rufus?" Alison's voice was heard over the fighting from out side. "Rufus are you in here?" she walked onto the bus._

_Lily turned around, the voice slightly familiar to her. She blinked a few times and saw Alison. She turned to look at Rufus then back to Alison again. "You have be kidding me," she laughed. _


	12. I used to be that girl

**Chapter Eleven**

**I used to be that girl...**

**(The Return of Lily)**

**November 6****th****, 1990**

**New York City, New York**

**Madison Square Garden **

"So why did you want to come here?" Emily asked Lily for the millionth time.

Lily walked through the door of the arena. "I told you I heard this band was good. I haven't been in the city in almost a year and I wanted to get away from Cece."

"I'm glad Cece isn't my mother," Emily laughed. "What's the band called again?"

"Lincoln Hawk," Lily said as she looked around.

"Rock and Roll?" Emily eyed her. "Didn't know that was your scene."

"Yeah well there's a lot you don't know about me," she continued looked around the venue.

"I guess not," Emily laughed looking around. "You looking for someone?"

Lily had decided to go back to the city. She had told her mother she needed to gather up a few things from their Upper East Side apartment before heading back to Montecito. But in reality all she wanted to do was go see Rufus and see if he would take her back. That was all she wanted. After having the baby she couldn't stop thinking about him. She must have changed her mind a million times about what she wanted to do, but all her thoughts kept coming back to him.

She pulled out her Chanel compact and checked her makeup and hair. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back in loose curls. She hadn't cut her hair since going to Paris. Rufus always said he loved it long. He loved running his fingers through it. Lily pursed her lips after applying some lipstick then closed her compact. She had rehearsed over and over what she was going to say to Rufus when she saw him.

She wanted to say that she was sorry and that she should have never left and she was stupid and it was a horrible mistake. She realized now that she could never live without him. She knew that it sounded half pathetic and lame but it was the closest to the truth that she could muster without telling him about the baby.

"…Lily," Emily called her name again. "Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick before they start, do you think you'll be okay for a couple minutes?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Lily said, not paying attention. "I'm going to walk around." Tossing her hair back Lily started to make her way toward the side of the stage. She noticed the lights flicker giving the band their two minute warning. She tried to see backstage but all she could see were the dark outlines of people walking around. She knew that she didn't have enough time to try and get backstage to talk to him before he went on. So she decided to wait and watch the show before making her move. She wanted to see Rufus sing again…pretend everything was perfect again…she wanted that moment.

Emily walked out of the stall in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. The curls in her short brown hair were starting to fall and she needed to reapply lipstick. Her mind turned back to Lily. She hadn't seen her since she was expulsed from school in Santa Barbara almost 4 years ago. So when she had called and asked if she wanted to take a trip to New York, she jumped at the opportunity to see her friend again and visit her favorite city.

Lily had changed a lot since she had last seen her. Something about her seemed sad and missing but she couldn't quite pin point what it was and she didn't feel like she could ask after such a long time apart. She pulled her lipstick out of her purse when the door to the bathroom opened.

Alison walked into the bathroom and checked her hair in the mirror. She knew she had to hurry because she wanted to see Rufus before he went on. Emily turned to her side when Alison walked in and quickly noticed the Lincoln Hawk VIP lanyard around her neck.

"You with Lincoln Hawk?" Emily turned to her and asked.

Alison sighed, knowing the girl probably wanted to know about Rufus, but was nice none the less. "Yes," she smiled.

"My friend loves the band. We're here from California. I personally never heard of them, but my friend says she loves their music."

"All the way from California," she was surprised and turned toward her.

"Mmmhmm…" she nodded. "She seemed kind of down before we got here but when she found out they were playing she perked up."

"She must really enjoy them," Alison smiled.

"Now me on the other hand," she laughed. "I wouldn't mind seeing Mr. Trent Reznor sing tonight. I'm excited for that."

Alison laughed. "Yeah, he is really cute."

"Yeah…" Emily smiled looking in the mirror.

Alison thought for a minute then opened her purse. "You know what," she pulled out two backstage passes. "Why don't you and your friend come back after the show." She handed them to her. "You guys can come and meet the band. I'm sure that would make your friend really happy."

Emily looked at the passes before she took them. "Really," she was surprised. "Thank you….that's….wow that's really nice of you."

"Of course," she nodded. "And maybe you'll see Trent!"

"Oh God," Emily turned back to the mirror trying in vain to fix her hair.

"Here," Alison laughed pulling out some hairspray and spritzing the back of her hair and holding it for a moment.

Emily laughed teasing it up a bit. "Thanks."

"No problem," Alison looked in the mirror one last time. "Well I have to go," she moved toward the door. "See you back stage. Oh, my names Alison."

* * *

Lily stood off to the side a bit in the middle of the crowd. The lights were down and the crowd was chanting for both Lincoln Hawk and Nine Inch Nails. She watched as Aaron walked on stage and then Dusty. She bit her lip looking around for Rufus. Another guy walked on stage from the back and sat behind the drums. "What happened to Mike?" she said to herself.

Then from stage right Rufus walked out. His guitar was around him and hanging to his side. His hair was pushed back a bit and a little shorter than he usually wore it. She smiled instantly seeing his eyes for the first time. It was Rufus.

"What's up New York City!" Rufus shouted into the mic as he pulled it upward. "Who's ready to rock out there?" he laughed.

The crowd roared in response throwing their hands in the air and pumping their fists. Lily's eyes were glued to Rufus and every move that he made. It was like the last ten months never happened and she was just watching one of his shows.

"Well let's fucking rock then!" Rufus strummed his guitar and jumped down stage.

Alison looked up and saw Rufus right above her. Her and Suz decided to push their way to the front and watch the concert. They laughed thinking what was the point of having boyfriends in the band if they couldn't enjoy the luxury of pretty much doing whatever they pleased. She locked eyes with Rufus and smiled. "Good Luck," she mouthed to him.

Rufus smiled down at her and bent down on one knee and pointed to his lips.

Alison looked around and noticed a dozen eyes were all on her. She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. She placed her hands on the edge of the stage and pushed herself upward just barely catching Rufus's lips in the process. The crowd went wild watching the lead singer kiss a girl from the audience.

Lily stood absolutely still as she watched Rufus bend down and kiss some girl. She didn't move. She didn't breathe. She didn't blink. She felt as though her heart stopped beating in her chest and her air supply was cut off. What had just happened? What did she just see? She was dreaming, she must have been dreaming. Her arms fell to her side in defeat.

"Wow," a woman next to Lily laughed. "I wish I was that girl!"

Lily's chin started to tremble. "I used to be that girl…." She whispered before her tears started to fall. Air. She needed air. People were standing all around her and the feeling of claustrophobia was hitting her in twofold. "Move!" she cried out, pushing her way through. "Get out of my way!"

Making her way through the crowd Lily's eyes stung to the point that she didn't know if her tears were from the pain she felt in her heart or the burning. She could barely swallow the lump in her throat and all she wanted to do was find a quiet place where she could be alone. She was about to walk out the door when she stopped. She wanted to see who the girl was…but then she didn't. Her hand was pressed against the door and she closed her eyes a moment before pushing it open and walking out.

She was half way down the hall when Emily came rushing toward her. "Lily!" she smiled. "Lily guess what! I got us back stage passes! You can meet Lincoln Hawk and….and I can see Trent!"

Lily looked at her for a second an idea coming to her. "Give me that," she pulled it from her hand and walked down the hall. In a split second all of her hurt and frustration turned to anger. If Rufus could move on why couldn't she? She knew most of the guys in these bands and she also knew how much they wanted her.

She could get back at Rufus. She could. And she knew exactly how to do it. She took the lanyard and placed it around her neck and made her way to the back lounge where she knew most of the band members hung out before the show. "I can't believe him! I can't!" she said to herself. "I'd wait for you forever…blah blah…"

Walking into the room she quickly scanned it and smiled when she saw him sitting in the corner talking to a few guys. She walked straight up to him and took the bottle of vodka out of his hand taking long hard drink. She handed it back to him and sat on the side of his chair. "Hey Reznor."

"Lily Rose," he laughed. "What the hell?"

"That's not my middle name," she rolled her eyes. "I've told you this."

"Ah," he shifted in his seat. "It goes together. What the fuck are you doing back here anyways? Doesn't Humphrey have you under lock and key?"

"I'm not seeing him anymore," she crossed her legs. Looking down at him she placed her arm on the side of his chair. "So how are you doing?"

"Better now that you're here," he grinned touching her leg.

"Mmm…good," she took the vodka and had another drink. "So what's going on tonight after the show?"

"We're taking off for Philly soon as everyone's packed up."

Lily moved it a little closer. "Thinking you might need some company?" she smiled.

"You wanna go to Philly?"

"Why not?"

Trent pulled her to sit in his lap and Lily giggled. "You always were a fly by night girl." He looked at her for a moment. "Are you sure this isn't some ploy? Humphrey's not going to come in here and TRY to kick my ass or something?" His band members started to laugh.

Lily looked at him and grinned devilishly. "Would he let me do this?" Lily wrapped her arms around Trent's neck and kissed him hard on the lips. She felt Trent's hand move up the back of her leg and land on her ass giving it a tight squeeze.

"Shit Rhodes," he laughed.

"So," she smiled. "You gonna let me go with you?"

Trent looked at her and moved his hand to her bare thigh. "Go wait for me on the bus," he winked. "I"ll come visit ya after our first set."

Lily got off his lap and grinned. She grabbed his bottle of vodka and started to walk out of the room. "I'll be waiting."

Mary Sue came down the hallway looking at the set list for Nine Inch Nails. She noticed a lot of new songs with a mix of original ones. She had told both Dusty and Rufus that they needed to come up with some new songs. They needed to take a break from the road. People get sick of hearing the same crap.

She was about to turn into the lounge when someone came crashing threw the door and hit her in the shoulder.

"Watch where you're going," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me!" Mary Sue looked at her. "Lily…"

Lily looked up and sighed. "Mary Sue," she said slowly.

"What the hell…" her eyes grew large. "What are you…what are you doing here?"

"What do you care," Lily walked passed her.

"Hey," she grabbed her arm spinning her around. "Stay away from Rufus. He doesn't need you breaking his heart again. You've done enough damage."

"Don't worry," she laughed. "I don't need Rufus. And clearly he has another blonde to take care of him," she rolled her eyes pulling her arm away from Mary Sue.

Suz laughed, "Jealous are we?"

"Whatever, not like it's going to last, beside I've…I've moved on too," she tried to say as convincingly as possible.

Mary Sue looked behind her and into the lounge. "Trent!" she grew angry. "You're with Trent now?"

Lily put her hands on her hips a little smirk playing on her face.

"You know how Rufus feels about Trent," she shook her head. "Why would you do that to him? This entire time? You left Rufus for Trent?"

"Yeah well Rufus just wasn't doing it for me. What can I say?" she laughed.

"You little slut," she scowled.

"Save it," Lily walked passed her. "Tell Rufus I said hello."

Mary Sue stood there a moment completely taken off guard. She honestly could not believe Lily. Even though she never cared for her she really believed that she loved Rufus. How could she do that to him? She sighed realizing that she had to tell Rufus that Lily was back. He didn't deserve to find out by seeing them together.

She turned back around watching Lily walk out the back doors and into the parking lot just as Rufus and Alison walked in the side door from back stage laughing.

"Hey there you are," Alison smiled. "Are you and Dusty staying in the city tonight or going back to Boston?"

"Ah….I don't know," she brushed her hand threw her hair. Mary Sue looked at Alison. "Hey can you get…can you get me a set list for the other bands playing tonight? I seem to have lost mine."

Yeah, sure," she nodded. "I think I saw some in the lounge. I'll be right back."

Mary Sue watched Alison walk down the hall. She waited until she was out of earshot before she turned to Rufus. "Hey we need to talk for a sec."

"What about?" Rufus smiled drinking some of his coke.

"I really don't know how to say this," she sighed. "At all."

He looked at her. "What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "Lily's back."

Rufus's face paled, "What?"

"Yeah," she whispered barely able to look him in the eyes. "I just ran into her."

"What? Where?" he looked around. "Where was she? In the audience? Was she looking for me? Suz?"

"Rufus," she touched his shoulder. "She…she ummm…"

"What!" he looked at her. "Where the hell is she?" He started to walk down the hallway.

"Rufus wait!" she ran after him. "She wasn't in the audience," she swallowed. "She was backstage….with Trent."

Rufus stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to face her. "What?"

"Rufus I…I don't even know," she sighed. "It was almost like she was a completely different person. But she's with Trent. I'm sorry. I didn't want to have to tell you this. But I…didn't want you to find out by seeing them.

Rufus looked down and then back up to Suz. "You're…you're not lying are you," his voice shook.

"No honey I'm not," she frowned. "Rufus that's a really shitty thing for her to do. You don't deserve that."

"Yeah," he bit his lip.

"Hey," Alison walked back down the hall way. "Here ya go," she handed Suz a sheaf of papers. She turned to Rufus and noticed his forlorn face. "Rufus?" she touched his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He shook himself. "What?" he looked at her. "Nothing…nothing. Let's go finish watching the rest of the concert," he turned and started to walk down the hallway not even waiting for her.

* * *

Lily laid on her back as Trent quickly crawled over her and parted her legs. She felt her stomach clamber a little thinking about what she was about to do. But she knew this would get back to Rufus. And it would hurt him just as much as he hurt her.

He was the only person she thought about the entire time she was in the hospital waiting to have his baby. She couldn't believe she actually listened to her mother and gave her son away. Now, she just felt like she had this gaping whole in her heart that was getting bigger and bigger.

But nothing could prepare her for seeing Rufus with another girl. Nothing. The fact that he moved on, forgot about her while she was struggling with so much pain was the crippling part. The part that turned from hurt to anger. The part that wanted to get even. The part that was getting even.

She felt Trent's hot breath on the side of her neck and her back arch a bit in resistance.

"Mmm…Lily," Trent felt Lily press her naked body against his as he thrusted against her and it turned him on even more.

Lily swallowed and turned her head to the side away from Trent as he buried his face in her neck. She closed her eyes as a single tear slipped out beneath her lashes. His thrusts where forceful and selfish, only taking what he wanted. As each moment ticked on she could feel herself becoming numb, her body's own reaction to keep it from feeling the pain.

Trent's body leaned upward as he moaned her name over and over. He took her leg pushing it upward as he finally slowed his movements. "Fuck Lily." He groaned before his body shivered and then collapsed onto hers.

"Trent I can't breathe," she pushed him.

He grinned, "I was that good huh?"

"Ugh," she rolled to her stomach.

Suddenly a loud commotion was heard out side. "What the fuck?" Trent rolled over Lily and pushed back the blinds looking out the window of the bus. "Shit! Move!" He jumped up pulling his pants up. "Chris and Richard are fucking going at it again! He's going to rip his fucking head off!"

Lily pulled the sheet up over her and watched as he zipped and belted his pants. She bit her lip, everything was just happening so fast. There were no words of love, no holding, no laughing or smiling, no anything.

Trent looked over at her and slapped her ass. "Good job, babe."

* * *

Rufus stood outside the Nine Inch Nails bus. He had no idea if Lily was on there or not, but he had to know. He had to see. Jumping on the bus he noticed no one was on it besides Lee Mars asleep in the corner. He looked around and noticed dozens of empty beer, vodka, and tequila bottles thrown around. Dust from lines were filling the table, and pills were strewn across the counter.

"Lily," he called. His voice was low. A part of him didn't want to find her. He didn't want to see her here. He moved toward the back of the bus when Trent came from around the corner.

"Humphrey," he grinned.

"Where is she?" Rufus kept his voice even.

"Still keeping tabs on her?" He laughed, shoving him out of the way.

Suddenly Lily emerged from the back room. Her shoes in one hand and her sliver hoop earrings in the other.

"Lily…" Rufus looked at her.

"Hey!" Trent yelled from the front of the bus. "You better bring that back when you're done." He pointed to Lily. "I ain't done with her yet," he laughed humping the air.

Lily rolled her eyes and kept staring straight ahead. She would be fine as long as she didn't look at Rufus. She pushed passed him and went after Trent. "Hey wait up!"

"Lily!" Rufus said again, following her.

"Ugh! What do you want Humphrey?" she turned around her head cocking to the side. "I'm in a hurry."

He looked at her, words escaping him for the moment. Her hair was a mess, the buttons on her shirt were uneven and her skirt was twisted to the side. 'What…..why…." he sighed. "I…"

"What?" she laughed. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Rufus?" Alison's voice was heard over the fighting from out side. "Rufus are you in here?" she walked onto the bus.

Lily turned around, the voice slightly familiar to her. She blinked a few times and saw Alison. She turned to look at Rufus then back to Alison again. "You have to be kidding me," she laughed.

Alison saw Lily and froze. She looked at Rufus and saw such a mix of emotion on his face and she didn't even know what to make of it. She only knew she was slightly afraid.

"What?" Rufus eyed her.

Lily looked at Alison again and noticed her blue dress. She was the girl he kissed while on stage. "I should have known," she threw her head back laughing. "Alison," she shook her head. "Rufus, seriously," she rolled her eyes and pushed her out of the way as she walked off the bus.

"Lily wait!" Rufus ran passed Alison and off the bus. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"What did you do Humphrey? Run back to your little high school girlfriend again?" She turned around in the parking lot. "You must have been pretty desperate for that. But I mean that's all second rate singers can get right?" Lily looked at him, she could tell he was getting angry and she could also see the hurt in his eyes, but it was like she couldn't stop. The words just kept coming out of her mouth. "The left over trash."

Alison stood in the doorway of the bus, watching and listening to everything that was happening mere inches from her.

Rufus's jaw clenched. "Oh and what? You're doing much better with Reznor? You know what he's like!"

"Maybe I like that!" Lily shouted back. "At least he's a man that actually…actually made something out of his self and isn't pretending to be some singer!"

Rufus stood there stunned. He couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. And as hard as he tried to couldn't find it within himself to say hurtful things back to her.

Trent came up from behind Lily and wrapped his arms around her neck. She smiled and gripped both of her hands on his arms. "Hey baby."

"What are you still doing here man? Your broke down bus is over there by the dumpster," he laughed.

"Oh, Rufus and his….'girlfriend' were just leaving," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Girlfriend," he leaned over noticing Alison standing in the doorway. 'Wow, Humphrey even a downgrade for you."

* * *

Rufus turned around and saw Alison standing in the doorway of the bus. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears as she slowly looked at Rufus. She touched the edge of her dress before looking away as she stepped off the bus and started to walk toward the front of the parking lot.

"Oh look she's crying!" Lily laughed as she leaned back into Trent. "Go back to Jersey honey!" Lily called after her.

"I…I don't even know you," Rufus shook his head.

Lily looked at him and gritted her teeth. "I don't think you ever did."

Rufus looked at her and shook his head. He turned and could just barely see Alison in the distance. "Alison!" he called.

Trent looked at Rufus and laughed. "Better go after her. You got a keeper there," he laughed even harder.

Lily watched as Rufus gave her one last look before taking off. She could hear Trent and a couple other band members laughing. She bit her lip feeling awful for the things she said. Rufus was right. He didn't know her…she didn't even know herself.

Rufus found Alison sitting on a bench on the side of the building crying. He walked up from behind her and saw her shoulders heaving up and down. He swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry," he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't," she pushed herself away. "Don't…."

"Al," he looked at her.

"What Rufus?" she looked at him trying in vain to wipe her tears away. 'The whole night you've been pushing me away. I had no idea why. I…I thought it was me…something I did but come to find out it was because of Lily."

"Alison…you don't…"

"And that's not even what hurts the most!" Her chin trembled as she cut him off. "You…you didn't even defend me back there. You let them say….you let them say those awful…hurtful things to me," she cried. "You didn't say anything. It was like you didn't even care."

"That's not true!" he took her hand. "Of course I care….I was just so stunned. I…I don't even…"

"Pay attention to me?" She turned her eyes to him and took back her hand. "The moment you found out she was back it was as if I didn't exist. I know how much she meant to you. I know she was your first….love. But I…I just thought now…I was a fool." She got up off the bench and started to walk back toward their bus.

"Al no," he moved in front of her and placed both hands at her waist. "Look at me. I'm a jerk I should have said something. You should have never heard those things."

She looked down and started to cry again. "They're true," she put her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Hey!" he grew upset. "No. Don't you dare listen to them. Do you hear me?" He pointed toward them. "They don't know anything about you. Nothing." He pulled her into his arms. "You're beautiful," he swallowed. "….and you're my girlfriend." He pursed his lips and looked across the parking lot. He couldn't believe what just happened. He didn't know if he could ever forgive Lily for this.

"I want to go home," Alison whispered.

"You don't want to stay in city? I thought we were going to stay at Suz's," he looked down at her.

"You can stay if you want. I'll ride the bus back and call Katie to come get me, or wait for a cab."

"No," he shook his head. "I'm not leaving you alone. I'll go back with you."

She nodded. Looking to the side she walked around the opposite side of the parking lot and onto the Lincoln Hawk bus. "Let me just talk to Suz and tell her that we're going back."

Alison nodded and grabbed a blanket sitting in the back of the bus by the window.

Rufus looked at her for a moment before walking off the bus and jogging to the back of the parking lot where Suz parked her car. He saw her and Dusty talking to a few people from the other bands. "Suz."

Mary Sue turned around and took a deep breath. "You okay? Justin told me what happened. Where's Alison?"

"She wants to go home," he sighed. "I don't blame her. She's…she's hurt."

"I'm going to kick Lily's ass. I am," she was irate. "Then I'm going to find Trent and shoot him in the dick."

"Suz don't," Rufus sighed.

"Rufus," she looked at him. "I understand you're hurt. I do. And you have every right to be. But now you have to think about Alison too. I saw the way you acted around her when you found out Lily was back. I know you were still hanging onto that chance Rufus."

He looked down knowing she was right.

"If it would have turned out differently. If she came back looking for you. What would you have done?" Suz crossed her arms. "Would you have gone back to her?"

He sighed, letting out a deep breath. He looked up at the sky then back to Suz. "I…I don't know," he shook his head. "I don't know."

"Well you better think about that long and hard, Rufus," she opened her car door. "Think about what you'd be losing. What you'd be hurting. And if it's worth it in the long run. We're not kids anymore. Games are over." She gave him one last look before shutting her door and turning on the car.

Dusty came up from behind Rufus and patted him on the back. "Sorry man."

"Yeah," Rufus looked off into the distance.

"Maybe you are better off with out her," he added. "Things were going good. We had the whole gang back."

"W-what would you do?" he looked at him.

"Man…" he shook his head. "I ain't one to give relationship advice. Look who I'm with," he laughed.

Rufus smiled, "But you're still together."

"That's cause she cares about me and who knows why," he shook his head. "And God knows sometimes I want to hit her, but I love her too."

Rufus laughed again.

"Now, I know Lily might have been wild and crazy and could party with the best of them. And I know you loved her something fierce, but that girl on that bus over there," he pointed. "You know she would do anything for you. And in all honesty I think you're pretty lucky, cause you know she would never do what Lily just did."

He looked over to the bus and could just barely make out Alison sitting in the back her head leaning against the tinted window. Rufus looked back at Dusty and nodded. "Thanks…I'll…I'll see you this weekend."

"Yeah man take it easy," Dusty turned around and got into the car.

Rufus watched them drive off before he made his way back to the bus. He took a deep breath and hopped on. He made his way toward the back. Alison looked up toward him. "You okay? You hungry? Want me to get you something before we head out?

"No," she whispered. "I'm fine."

Rufus sat down behind her and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "Can I hold you?"

Alison leaned back putting her feet up and covering them with the blanket. She didn't say anything and continued to look out the window. Rufus leaned against the cushion and slowly found her hand under the blanket. Neither said anything the entire way back to Boston.

* * *

Lily lay back against the pillows of Trent's bed on the back of the Nine Inch Nails bus. Trent was asleep, half coked out, his hand resting on Lily's thigh. She was staring at the ceiling thinking over her day and how differently it turned out than she expected. And nothing could have prepared her for the nagging guilt she felt.

She never wanted to say the things to Rufus that she did. Heck she didn't even want to make Alison feel that bad, it was just something that happened. She made her bed, now she was going to have to lie in it. If Rufus didn't hate her before, he definitely did now.

Maybe it was for the best if they all moved on. Rufus would never forgive her for what she did. He would have never understood. She turned and looked at Trent and sighed. This was her life now. She was now used to making stupid choices and living with them. This was just one of them. She pulled the covers over herself, closed her eyes, and hoped sleep would claim her.

* * *

Rufus parked his car and cut the engine. She looked straight ahead neither saying a word. There was the uncomfortable silence and he didn't know if it would ever go away. He took a deep breath and turned his head lights on. "I'll umm…watch you go up," he unlocked the door.

Alison looked at him then back down to her hands in her lap. She didn't want him to see how hurt she was that he didn't ask if he could stay. Not that that they were even talking, but just to know that he was there was a comfort. She was still scared. She didn't know if he still wanted to be with her. She didn't know if Lily was going to come back the next day and apologize. She didn't know anything.

She opened the car door and grabbed her purse. She was doing everything in slow motion hoping he would ask if he could stay. She turned and looked at him. "G-goodnight."

"Night," he looked at her.

She bit her lip and turned around opening her purse and pulling out her key. She unlocked her door and pushed it open. She was about to turn around and wave goodbye but his car was already in reverse and pulling out of her lot.


	13. You and Me

**Chapter Twelve **

**You and Me**

**November 9****th**** 1990**

**Brookline, Massachusetts **

Alison knocked on the door of Dusty, Rufus, and Aarons apartment. She saw that Rufus's motorcycle was gone so she took the chance and decided to go see Suz. She stood there, the sleeves of her sweater bunched in her hands. Her eyes were red and puffy and she felt sick to her stomach.

Suz opened the door and was taken aback soon as she saw her. "Al? Honey…what," she took her hand. "Come in."

Alison walked in and as soon as Suz closed the door she started to cry. "Suz…" she whispered. "He's…he's going to break up with me."

"What?" she put her arm around her. "Rufus? Did he tell you that?"

"That's just it," she trembled. "He hasn't said anything in a week. He hasn't come over, he hasn't called me. Nothing. He's…he's going to go back to Lily."

"Oh, sweetie no," she led her into the tiny living room. "He's just being a stupid….idiot guy," she handed her a tissue. "Rufus loves you. He does."

"Not…not as much as Lily," she cried into her tissue. "He doesn't want me anymore."

Suz swallowed as she looked out the window and rubbed Alison's back. She herself hadn't seen much of Rufus since the night in New York. She couldn't believe that Rufus hadn't gone to visit her yet. She honestly didn't know what to think. She had no idea what Rufus was going to do.

"It's different this time," Alison dabbed her tears. "It's so much more harder this time."

"Because you're sleeping together?" she looked at her.

Alison bit her lip and nodded as her tears started to come again. "I…I told myself that I would never be this girl," she whimpered. "That I wouldn't cry over a guy…be stupid like I am. But it just hurts so much."

"Of course it does," Suz touched her hair. "You love him and that's serious stuff.

"Why doesn't he love me?" she looked at her.

"Alison," she sighed. "Rufus loves you. Of course he does. He's told me himself."

"I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought that….on my birthday…I thought he meant it. That it was special. I asked him!" she grew angry. "I asked him how he felt about me. I never would have if I thought….."

"Hey, hey stop," she placed her hand on her wrist. "Let's just give Rufus the benefit of the doubt huh? Rufus doesn't lie, you know that. And I know he's…he's confused and hurt. Why don't you talk to him Mmm?" she pushed her hair out of the way. "It's the nineties, we don't have to wait for the guy to make the first move anymore. We're strong women."

"I don't even know where he is," she shrugged.

"He just ran some errands. He should be back any minute. Why don't you go into his room and wait for him Mmm?"

She looked up at Suz, "Do you think that would be a good idea?"

"I think you two need to talk," she was honest. "And there's no reason to beat around the bush any longer. So come on," she pulled her up. "Go into the bath room and wash your face. I'll make you some tea."

"Thank you Suz," Alison wrapped her arms around Mary Sue. "You really are my best friend."

She smiled, and patted her back. "You're mine too. Now go on you look horrible."

**Crowne Plaze**

**Hartford, Connecticut **

Lily plopped down on the king sized bed in the plush hotel suite. They had finally gotten in from Philadelphia and were bone tired. Trent threw his bag on the floor by the table and set down a 6 pack of beer. He pulled one out, screwed off the lid and took a long drink.

"Damn," he sighed crashing down into a chair.

Lily rolled on her side and propped her head up on her hand. "Do you mind if I get in the shower first?"

"Nah, go ahead," he leaned his head back.

"You going to take me shopping tomorrow?" she asked. "I don't have any clothes. I'm sick of borrowing."

"Eh, that's not my scene." He moved pulling his wallet from his pocket and taking out a couple hundreds. "Have fun," he threw the cash on the bed.

She looked down at the money before picking it up and putting it in her purse. "Alright, well, I'm going to get in the shower."

Trent lifted his hand his eyes still closed. "Don't use all the hot water."

Lily rolled her eyes and got off the bed walking into the bathroom. She closed the door and locked it before looking at herself in the mirror. There were a few bags under her eyes and her blonde hair fell limp to her shoulders. For three solid days she partied, drank, and did a few drugs. She had almost forgotten what life on the road was like.

It was never this intense with Rufus and Lincoln Hawk and she knew the only reason she was doing it now was to get over him. She knew there was no going back now. Not after the things she said to him and the way she acted. He deserved better than her, better than all the mistakes she made.

She turned to the shower and turned on the water. Closing the glass door she quickly undressed and got a few towels down setting them on the counter. She reopened the shower door and hopped in. She stood under the warm water letting it fully consume her. She hadn't taken a shower in days and nothing felt better to her. Soon her mind turned back to Rufus. She had never seen such hurt in his eyes than when she told him she was with Trent. And it only got worse with each dig she made toward him. It was really like a stab in her own heart. Then when she saw Rufus and Alison cuddled up together thru the bus window as they were pulling out, she completely broke down. He had chosen Alison, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

She was used to starting over and making the best of her situation. This brought her back to the time after she got kicked out of school and decided to stay with Carol. She was used to her money and her lifestyle. Everything changed after that. There wasn't anymore money, she had to get her first job, but she was happy even when she didn't think she could be. She just decided to look at this as another challenge.

Trent actually treated her pretty good. He was no Rufus, but she didn't expect anyone would be. As much as her heart ached over Rufus now it wasn't as bad as when she first left. She actually knew she would be okay this time around with not being with him, because she mourned him for almost 7 months prior.

She took a deep breath and grabbed the shampoo. She'd be okay this time. Because she knew she didn't have to stay where she was. She could go back to California if she wanted to. She wasn't stuck in one place like she was in France. She'd be okay.

**Brookline, Massachusetts **

Rufus walked through the front door throwing his keys and a six pack of beer down on the table. He took his coat off and hung it across the chair. He looked into the living room and saw Suz standing against the wall watching him. "What?"

She eyed him and walked over. "Where you've been Humphrey?"

"The bar," his brow furled. "Why?"

"Oh," she crossed her arms. "Must be nice. Know what I was doing for the past hour?"

He eyed her, "What?"

"Oh, just trying to calm down your girlfriend, get her to stop crying," she pursed her lips. "She is your girlfriend isn't she?"

"Alison?" he stepped towards her. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" she moved out of his way. "She's in your room."

He looked at her for a moment before walking passed her and down the hall. His door was half way open and he stuck his head inside. Alison was curled up in his chair, looking out the window, a blanket wrapped around her. He sighed, he knew that he should have called her or went to go see her but he just didn't know what to do. He felt guilty for not sticking up for her. He felt awful for knowing that he probably would have dumped her if Lily came back to him. It was easier to just not face it all.

He walked into his room and swallowed hard. "Al?"

She jumped a little, her thoughts being broken. She sat up and turned to him. "H-hi," she stammered. "I…I hope you don't mind that I came over…waited for you."

He look at her and was a little taken aback by her appearance. Her eyes were red and her hair hung straight down and she had no makeup on. He felt twinges in his stomach because he knew he was the one that made her look like that. "No, of course not. I've….I should have called you."

Alison looked up at him. Her breathing was coming quick and she felt sick to her stomach, but she knew she had to get this conversation over with. "Do…do you want to break up with me?"

Rufus closed his eyes. It was his way out. The way to end everything if he wanted to. His way to go into his own world and try his damnest to get Lily back. To make her see that it was wrong to be with Trent, that he was better for her. But as soon as he opened his eyes and saw her face the past seven months came flooding back to him.

Them meeting in a bar, going out on dates, the tour, how Alison had changed into someone that seemed so carefree. She really wasn't the shy timid girl anymore, except for when she was personally attacked, and he saw that just three days ago. The boathouse, finally having sex on her birthday and just being closer than they ever had been. He couldn't deny it if he tired. He'd fallen in love with her.

Then his mind floated back to Lily. It was over. Who was he trying to kid? She was gone for almost a year and is now clearly with another man and wanted nothing to do with him. The things she said to him were like a knife in his heart and that's what made him know it was over.

He walked over to Alison and kneeled in front of her. Looking up into her eyes he saw such uncertainty, such doubt, and such fear. And he wanted to put an end to it. He was so sick of holding onto hope, praying that one day Lily would be back. It wasn't going to happen. He was going to close that chapter of his life. He was ready to start a new one.

"No," he shook his head. "No, I don't want to break up."

"No?" her voiced cracked.

He wrapped his arms around her mid section holding her tightly. "I'm sorry. I should have punched the fuck out of Trent. I should have told Lily to stop talking…to keep her comments to herself. I…I should have took you out of there. I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm sorry I let you hear those things."

Tears came to her eyes again at Rufus's words. "I don't understand what I…I ever did to them. Why they would say those things."

He shook his head. "They…they don't matter. It's…it's you and me. Okay," he smiled and touched her cheek. "You and me."

"You and me," she smiled.

"Let's just pretend this never happened and move forward," he took her hand. "I…I just don't want to think about it. Let's move forward."

"Okay," she hugged him. "Okay."

"Do you forgive me?" he asked. "Because I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

"I forgive you," she breathed into his neck. "I do."

He closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There wasn't any going back now. He wouldn't hurt Alison again, he couldn't. His life would just be alittle different than how he expected it. And who knew how long he would be with Alison? Who knew how long their band would even be together? He gave her a tight squeeze and kissed her cheek. "Come on," he pulled her up. "Let me take you to dinner."

"I'm so hungry," she nodded. "I haven't been able to eat."

"Good, I want to fatten you up," he laughed opening his door.

"Oh hush. You're going to end my dancing career before I even start. I cheat all the time when I'm with you."

"Too bad," he laughed picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. "If I can still do this then you're okay."

"Rufus!" she laughed. "Put me down!"

"Nope," he laughed, slapping her ass. "You better keep eating. I don't want this to go."

"Rufus!"

He laughed even harder as he closed the door behind them. "For being as skinny as you are you have a nice ass."

**Hartford, Connecticut **

Lily finally relaxed in bed. Trent's arm was resting on her stomach and she turned to look at him. His dark brown hair hung loosely over his eyes and it reminded her of Rufus.

"Stop," Lily whispered to herself. She had to stop thinking about Rufus. She was sick and tired of giving herself pep talks every day. Sick of him just randomly coming up in her thoughts, tired of caring so god damn much.

She turned on her side away from Trent and looked out at the sky. The balcony was open, it was unseasonably hot for November and the crisp air felt good. She could just barely see the moon over the tree tops and the other high rise buildings. It was an odd shade of yellow and orange, but quite beautiful in its own right.

She touched Trent's hand, lightly stroking his fingers. She was surprised at how soft they actually were. His finger nails were manicured and filed, something else that threw her. She bit her lip realizing that she was in a relationship…well if that's what she wanted to call it, with a man she barely knew anything about. Yeah she'd known him for a few years but she really didn't know, know him. She was lying in bed with a man she really didn't know.

Sighing she turned back around and looked at him. She was lying in bed with Trent Reznor. "I'm lying in bed with Trent Reznor," she said to herself and laughed. Shaking her head she giggled. What the hell was wrong with that? God what was her problem? First, she was thinking about Rufus then two seconds later she was thinking about Trent. "God Lily," she sighed. "Get your life together!"

**Brookline, Massachusetts**

Dusty collapsed on the couch with a sigh, kicking off his shoes and looking over at Mary Sue. "Damn I'm tired," he closed his eyes. "You make anything for dinner?"

"What?" she pushed his feet off the coffee table. "I'm not your damn maid, or cook…or wife for that matter."

"Whoa okay, okay," he laughed holding up his hands. "I get it. I get it. I'll make myself a sandwich. Damn woman."

Mary Sue rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair across from him, turning her attention back to the television.

Closing his eyes again Dusty leaned his head back on the couch when he heard a loud moan coming from behind him. His eyes popped open and he looked back and forth. He stayed quiet for a moment then heard a light tapping against the wall. "Suz?" he looked at her. "Rufus home?"

"Yeah him and Alison are in his room," she didn't look up. "He took her out to dinner. She came over here in tears thinking he was going to break up with her."

He was about to say something when he heard a moan again, followed by another and then the tapping turn louder. That time Suz looked up and laughed shaking her head.

"Are they seriously!" he pointed to the wall behind him.

"Leave them alone," she turned up the television.

"Well it's about damn time!" he smirked. Damn time! Shit, I thought she was going to turn Rufus into some reborn again virgin or something."

"Dusty!"

"What!" he laughed. "Finally my man is back in the game!"

Mary Sue rolled her eyes. "Leave them alone! And don't you dare say anything if they come out here. Especially to Alison. Do you hear me?"

He looked at her and smiled. "Course not…dear."

**Sacramento, CA**

**January, 20****th**** 1991 **

After walking Lily back to her hotel and seeing her take off for a night with Perry, Rufus walked back to his own hotel and went up to his room. He could hear people talking and yelling over music and figured everyone was in Dusty and Suz's room next door. He sat down at the edge of the bed and took his guitar back out of its case. He thought for a few seconds before he started to strum a few cords. Lily was still heavily on his mind and thoughts of her consumed him.

_"….you walked back into my life_

_I wasn't expecting to see you again_

_I thought it was over_

_But you swept me up again. "_

Rufus sighed thinking for a few moments. Flashbacks started to appear before him. Everything that he and Lily used to do together flooded his mind. He smiled softly thinking about it as the words flowed. He quickly grabbed a pen and looked around before grabbing and old paper McDonalds bag writing down the lyrics.

_"…When we were together_

_you knew I saw forever_

_The endless rides we took,_

_You wrapped me up in your smile"_

_"…Rosewood running threw my mind_

_Golden hair, it makes me smile_

_Green fields of the countryside_

_Breeze and trees just flyin' past"_

**November 9****th**** 1990**

**Brookline, Massachusetts **

Rufus rolled on his back trying to catch his breath a small smile playing on his lips. "Alison," he looked over at her.

She turned her head, her lips pursed, also smiling. "That was ummm…."

"Yeah," he laughed a loud.

She rolled on her side her hand moving to make lazy circles on his hip. "Now I know what you meant by timing," she laughed again.

Rufus wrapped his arm around her and looked at her. Being with Alison tonight was definitely different. As much as he hated to say it he had compared Lily and Alison in bed. Not in technique or satisfaction, but the overall experience. When he was with Lily he was always in the moment, exciting, passionate, definitely more wild and fun. Being with Alison was a little bit more intimate, softer, slower, it was just a different level. Tonight that seemed to change a little bit. "I'm pretty sure that's what they call make up sex," he laughed.

She giggled into his chest. "Mmm…"

"Just think of how many calories from dinner you burned off!" he tickled her side.

"Rufus!"

He looked at her smiling as he sat up. "I'm going to get something to drink I'm thirsty."

"Me too," she nodded, looking at him. "Umm…why don't I go," she smirked. "Suz is out there and ahhh," she nodded.

He looked down, "Good idea."

She shook her head getting out of bed. She pulled on her leggings and Rufus's shirt, buttoning it half way. "Be right back," she quickly stepped over their clothes and out of the room.

She walked down the hallway and into the living room before she noticed that Dusty was sitting on the couch. "Oh….hi," she turned red, holding Rufus's shirt closed.

"Hiiii," he grinned at her.

Mary Sue shot him daggers from across the room. "Shut up!" she mouthed to him silently.

"I'm….i'm….ummm….I a little thirsty. Just going to get some water," she hurried into the kitchen. She quickly pulled down a glass and filled it with ice and water. Then opened the fridge and pulled out a beer for Rufus. She took a deep breath and started walking back toward Rufus's room.

Dusty eyed Alison and grinned. "You want a cigarette to go with that drink?"

"DUSTIN!"

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Next week's chapter may be a few days late. I have family coming for the holiday. Not to worry it's extra long :)**

**Chapter Thirteen *snippet***

**From Essex to Hudson... _With Love_**

"Unclllllle Wooofuuus!" Adam came barreling down the hallway, jumping and attaching himself to Rufus's leg.

"Whoa there boy," Samuel grabbed the pie from Rufus's hand. "This is some award winning pecan pie!"

"Sowee papa," Adam laughed into Rufus's leg. "Uncle Wufus, Uncle Wufus, we play?" he looked up at him with his chocolate brown eyes.

"Sure," he smiled, setting down his gifts and picking him up.

Adam smiled then noticed Alison for the first time. He stuck his fingers in his mouth. "Who her?"

"Her," he laughed. "That's Alison. Can you say hi to Alison?"

Adam looked at her thinking for a moment. "I have a friend Alison at school. She eats bugs."

They all laughed. "That so," Alison grinned. "Well I don't think I like bugs very much."

"Too baaaad!" Adam placed his hands on Rufus's cheeks and squeezed inward.

Rebecca walked through the kitchen and into the entranceway. "Adam! Leave your poor uncle alone. Let him at least take his coat off before you squeeze the life out of him." She pulled him from his arms.

Rufus laughed. "Hey sis," he kissed her cheek.


	14. From Essex to Hudsonwith love

**Chapter Thirteen**

**From Essex to Hudson...with love**

**The Humphreys**

**Christmas Eve, 1990**

**Essex, New Jersey**

"Rufus please don't drop that pie!" Alison warned as she got out of the car, grabbing a few gifts. "You know what? Let me carry it."

"Al," he laughed. "I can carry the pie." He opened the back door to her Jeep and grabbed rest of the gifts. "What's this pink one?" He held it up. "Is it for your parents or mine?"

"It's for baby Natalie. We missed the christening last week remember?" She closed the door and rounded the car. "I can't believe your sister had another baby," she shook her head. "I remember when she was pregnant with Adam."

"Yeah you should see him," he laughed. "That kid has the funniest speech impediment you ever heard. He can't say his R's."

"Awww," she laughed, walking up the steps and ringing the bell. "I used to have one when I was little too. I could say my L's."

Rufus smirked as the front door opened. "Hey dad," Rufus walked in.

"Ah my son, there you are!" Samuel patted him on the back. "The women are out numbering us! I've been kicked out of my own kitchen."

Alison laughed, as she undid her scarf.

Samuel turned and looked at Alison. "Ah! You brought the dark side with you," he held his expression.

"Dark side huh," she tipped her brow. "Well I'll just take my pie and go then…."

"Ahh! Get over here!" he engulfed her in a hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I meant he brought his better half!" he laughed out loud.

"Uh-huh," she hugged him back. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas darlin'," he looked at the pie Rufus was holding. "What kind is it?"

"What kind do you think?" she smiled taking off her gloves.

"Unclllllle Wooofuuus!" Adam came barreling down the hallway, jumping and attaching himself to Rufus's leg.

"Whoa there boy," Samuel grabbed the pie from Rufus's hand. "This is some award winning pecan pie!"

"Sowee papa," Adam laughed into Rufus's leg. "Uncle Wufus, Uncle Wufus, we play?" he looked up at him with his chocolate brown eyes.

"Sure," he smiled, setting down his gifts and picking him up.

Adam smiled then noticed Alison for the first time. He stuck his fingers in his mouth. "Who her?"

"Her," he laughed. "That's Alison. Can you say hi to Alison?"

Adam looked at her thinking for a moment. "I have a friend Alison at school. She eats bugs."

They all laughed. "That so," Alison grinned. "Well I don't think I like bugs very much."

"Too baaaad!" Adam placed his hands on Rufus's cheeks and squeezed inward.

Rebecca walked through the kitchen and into the entranceway. "Adam! Leave your poor uncle alone. Let him at least take his coat off before you squeeze the life out of him." She pulled him from his arms.

Rufus laughed. "Hey sis," he kissed her cheek.

"Rufus," she kissed him back. "Al…" she held her arms out. "God it's been forever."

"Over three years," she hugged her. "You were pregnant with Adam at the time."

"God," she shook her head. "Come in, come in," she grabbed the gifts, taking them into the living room.

They both took off their coats and handed them to Samuel. "I'm going to go get our bags out of the car and put them in my room," Rufus looked at Alison.

Alison turned to him and whispered. "Is it okay that I stay with you tonight?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Why wouldn't it be?"

She shrugged.

"My parents don't mind," he touched her arm. "Besides all the other rooms are taken."

"Hey! Hey!" Adam tugged at the bottom of Alison's dress. "Come see the Christmas twee!" He grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall and into the living room. "Lookie!" he spread his arms out. "Pwesents!"

Alison laughed and kneeled down next to him. "That's a beautiful tree."

"Beautiful pwesents!" he leaned over and whispered in her ear. "I tink dat a twuck!" he pointed.

She grinned and tousled his hair. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out."

"Yeah, yeah," he frowned.

"Alison?" Mrs. Humphrey walked out of the kitchen. "I thought I heard you," she smiled holding out her arms. "Merry Christmas honey."

"Oh, Merry Christmas, Mrs. Humphrey," she stood and hugged her back.

"I told you to stop calling me Mrs. Humphrey!" she shook her a little. "It makes me feel old! It's Katherine!"

"Alright," she laughed.

"Where's my son?" she looked around.

"He went to the car to get our bags," she said.

"I'm so glad you two decided to stay here tonight instead of driving during this storm.

Alison nodded. "It actually works out better this way. Rufus and I will spend the day with my parents then I'll drive him down the coast in the morning to meet the band before he takes off."

"Two whole months," she looked at her.

"I know…" she sighed. "But between school and dance…there isn't anything I can do."

"Oh," I know," she rubbed her shoulder. "I'm sure Rufus will miss you too."

She smiled, biting her lip. "Do you need any help in the kitchen?"

"Yes!" she laughed. "I told my mother to mash the potatoes and it's taken the poor dear an hour to do it."

"Aww…" Alison giggled. She was about to go into the kitchen when she felt two arms snake around her leg.

"Don't go!" Adam squeezed her leg.

"Sweetheart," she looked down at him.

"Are you Uncle Wufus's girlfwiend? Dat what my daddy say. It means you kiss lots and lots," he giggled. "Dat so yucky."

"Ahh…" Alison didn't know what to say.

"That's right little man," Rufus picked Adam up and turned him upside down.

"Uncle Wufus!" he screamed. Don't dwop me! Pwease! My mama be so mad at you!"

Rufus laughed and turned him upright. "Are you giving my girlfriend a hard time?"

Adams's eyes turned big. "Me? I only thwee!"

They both laughed. "Rufus leave him alone," Alison laughed.

"Yah leave him 'lone," Adam repeated.

Both Alison and Rufus shook their heads in laughter. "I'm going to go help your mom and grandma in the kitchen."

"Okay I'll stay out here with the men folk," he joked, kissing her cheek.

"Kissy eww!" Adam exclaimed. "Mommy!"

* * *

Rebecca walked into the kitchen a few hours after dinner and pulled a bottle out of the fridge.

"Is Natalie awake?" Katherine looked up at her daughter.

"Yes," she nodded as she put the bottle in the warmer. "She's in the living room with Steven.

Katherine picked up the last of her dishes and placed them in her China cabinet. She walked out into the living room and stopped soon as she saw Alison and Rufus.

"Whoa," Rebecca walked in after her. She stood behind her mother and looked at the couple on the couch. Alison was holding Natalie in her arms and Rufus was sitting next to her, an arm around her. "That's umm…" she laughed. "That's kinda scary."

Katherine smiled a little.

"Mom…" she looked at her. "You better not be thinking what I think you are," she eyed her. "They are too young."

"Isn't she beautiful?" Alison touched Natalie's cheek with her finger. "She's such a good baby. I haven't heard her cry all evening."

Rufus smiled, "She is a good baby."

Alison tore her eyes away and looked at Rufus. "Would you like to have children some day?"

He looked down at Natalie then back to Alison. "Course I would."

"Really?"

"Yeah….," he nodded. "Why, you think I wouldn't?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I didn't know if a big rock 'n' roller like your self would think about that….or want them," she smiled a little.

He laughed, "No, I want em. Well not right now or anything," he eyed her.

"Mmm…." She nodded, looking back down at Natalie and smiling.

He looked at Alison for a moment. "You…you're not trying to tell me something are you?" he became nervous.

"What?" she looked at him. She studied his face for a moment. "Oh! No, Rufus!" she laughed. "No!"

He took a deep breath, relived. "Well what about you?" he poked her stomach. "Do you want kids?"

"Yes," she smiled. "I do. I really do."

He rested his hand on her stomach. "I think you'd be a good mom."

"Do you?" she looked at him.

"Yah," he looked into her eyes. "You have that natural ability. You like to take care of people."

Rebecca looked at her mother and they both watched as Rufus placed his hand on Alison's stomach. "Go get your child," Katherine told her daughter. "Right now."

Rebecca quickly walked into the living room holding out her hands. "Time for this little girls bedtime snack," she laughed.

As soon as Alison handed Natalie back to Rebecca, Adam jumped in her lap. "Look at my jammies!" he raised his hands in the air. "It gots Chwistmas twees and pwesents! Nana gots em for me!"

"Looks like you got some competition there Rufus," Steven laughed as he watched his son gush over Alison. "He tends to steal away the ladies."

"Hello wadies!" Adam giggled. "Daddy say dat!"

"Oh, he does, does he?" Alison laughed, looking at Steven.

"Adam time for bed!" Steven laughed getting up.

"No! No! No!" He wrapped his arms around Alison's neck.

"Adam," she rubbed his back. "If you don't go to sleep Santa won't come."

"That right's," Rufus nodded. "No presents."

Adam looked at Alison horrified at the thought. "You tuck me in?"

"Sure," she smiled, picking him up. "Let's get you in bed."

"Thanks Al," Steven sat back down looking at the tv. "You can just toss him in our bed. We're staying in Rebecca's old room."

She nodded and walked down the hall. "Alison?" he whispered.

"Mmm?"

"You be here when I wake up?"

"Yes for a little while," she entered the room and turned on the lights. "But then I'm going to go see my mommy and daddy."

"You gots a mommy and daddy too!" he seemed amazed.

She turned down the covers and set him down. "Yes of course," she laughed. "Here, get under," she held the blanket up so he could snuggle inside. She knelt down next to him and brushed back his hair. "Did you say your Christmas Prayers?"

"Chwistmas Pwayers?" he looked up to her and yawned.

"Mmhmm," she smiled. "My daddy used to say it to me every Christmas Eve before I went to bed."

"How it goes?"

Alison thought for a moment then rested her chin on her hands. "Close you eyes."

Adam yawned again and quickly closed his eyes tight.

"God give you blessings at Christmas time," Alison began. "Stars for your darkness, sun for your day. Light on the path as you search for the way. And a mountain to climb." She noticed Adams eyes slowly un-squeeze and he started to drift off. "God grant you courage this coming year, fruit for your striving, friends if you roam, joy in your labor, love in your home," she said softly, whispering the last part. "And a summit to clear."

She pushed herself up, kissed Adam on the forehead and turned off the light. She gave him one quick look before she closed the door and walked back to the living room. She noticed that Rufus wasn't in there so she walked into the kitchen and saw him leaning over the stove eating some left over pie. "Caught ya," she laughed.

Rufus turned around the fork still in his mouth. "I'm not eating nothing," his words were garbled.

"Uh-huh," she moved between him and the pie.

Rufus took his fork and wrapped his arm around Alison digging up another piece of pie. He held it before her lips. "Open."

"Do you know how much of that I ate today? Entirely too much."

He rolled his eyes, "Come on, just eat it. You know you want it."

She sighed and placed her lips over the fork eating the pie. "Mmm…." She laughed. "I do make excellent pie."

"You sure do," he kissed her, tasting the sweetness. "So," he smiled. "I got you something."

"You did?" she smiled.

"Yeah," he moved in closer. "When can I give it to you?"

She thought for a moment. "Let's do gifts tomorrow. Before you have to go. Let's have our own little Christmas."

"Okay," he smiled kissing her again. "We can do that."

Alison looked down and took the fork out of Rufus's hand. She turned around and took another bite of the pie. She licked her finger and handed the fork back to Rufus. "Don't let me eat anymore of that."

Rufus looked around and noticed his parents went to their room as well as his grandmother and Rebecca and Steven were in the living room watching tv. "Do you want to go to my room? We could watch some tv, get ready for bed."

She looked in the living room, "Okay."

He took her hand and walked into the living room. "We're headin' to bed. See you in the morning."

Steven looked up the television. "Night," he waved.

Rebecca looked at them holding hands. "Alright….goodnight. Try not to be too loud….with the television," she continued to eye them. "Grandma is right next door."

"We'll be quiet," he laughed.

"Goodnight," Alison smiled, and followed Rufus down the hall.

"So I think Adam has a crush on you," he turned to her squeezing her hand.

She smiled and leaned her head on Rufus's shoulder. "He's so cute."

"Yeah, he really is," Rufus smiled and flipped on his light and closing the door. He walked over to his bed and unzipped his bag puling out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. "Are you having a nice time? Do you feel comfortable here with everyone?"

Alison sat on the bed and took off her shoes. "Yes," she smiled. "I love your family. You know that."

"Good," he took off his shirt and sat on the bed next to her. He placed his hand on her cheek and started to kiss her.

She leaned into the kiss placing a hand on his chest. "Mmm…" she moaned softly.

Her moan's spurred him on and he started to unbutton the back of her dress.

"Rufus we can't" she backed away a little.

"What?" he looked at her. "Baby. I'm not going to see you for two months," he started to kiss her down her neck.

"I know," she tiled her head back.

He continued to unbutton her dress pushing it off one shoulder.

"Rufus no," she pulled away again. "Your parents are on one side of us, your grandma on the other and Steven and Rebecca are still awake."

"So?" he lightly touched the top of her breasts.

"And you don't know how to be quiet!" she held onto her dress. "And this is your parent's house."

"We've had sex in your parents house," he looked at her.

"That was different. That's my summer house. And no one was home," she cocked her head to the side.

"Al, come on," he touched her side. "Once we get to your house you know I'm going to be on lock down and sleeping on the couch. This is our last chance to be together for two whole months."

She sighed, fighting an inner battle with herself. "What if they hear?"

"They wont," he unhooked her bra. "Just don't moan and scream."

"I don't moan and scream," she frowned.

He pushed her back on the bed and flipped off the light. "I'm going to miss you."

"You have no idea," she kissed him back running her hands down his chest.

* * *

Adam slowly got out of bed the next morning. He wiggled under the covers between his parents and slowly opened the door. "Chwistmas Day….Chwistmas Day," he chanted down the hall. He stopped for a moment. "Uncle Woofus," he smiled. Turning back he slowly pulled on the knob and peaked inside his room.

He saw Rufus laying on his back his arm resting around Alison. Her back was turned toward him and her head was resting on Rufus's chest. Adam smiled and quickly ran threw the doorway and jumped on the bed. "Chwistmas Tiiiime!" he landed on them both. "Wake up Uncle Woofus!"

Both Rufus and Alison's eyes shot open when they felt a body land on top of them. "Adam…." Rufus moaned.

"Uncle Woofus wake up!" he spoke close to his face. "It's pwesent tiiime! Santa come, Santa come!

Alison pulled the covers up to her neck and looked over at Rufus.

"Come on Uncle Woofus," he tired to grab his arm. "Let's go!"

"Umm…." he stammered. "Why don't you go out to the living room and save me a spot huh? Go see how many presents I got."

"Oh!" he started to shimmy off the bed. "Okay!" he jumped down. "Alison you come too?"

"Yes," she swallowed. "I'll be right there. Can you close the door for me?"

"Uh-huh," he ran too the door. "Hurry!" he slammed it shut.

Alison turned to Rufus with wide eyes. "You didn't lock the door last night! Anyone could have walked in on us!"

"They would have knocked first," he pulled her into his arms again.

She sighed and shook her head. "It's bad enough Adam walked in. I don't have any clothes on!"

"I know," he smiled, running his arms down her side. "I like it."

"Of course you do."

"Merry Christmas baby," he kissed her.

"Merry Christmas." She placed her hands on his cheeks pulling him in to kiss her deeper. "I love this," she thought for a moment. "Laying here, spending Christmas together. It's very housey," she laughed.

He laughed with her. "I know how much you love playing house."

"We should get up," she pushed her hands on the mattress, rising.

"Don't you just want to stay here?" she felt his lips on her back.

"Mmm…of course. But I also don't feel like being walked in on," she grabbed her pajamas putting them on. "Here," she tossed him his pants. "Get dressed. Your poor nephew is waiting for you probably knee deep in presents."

He pulled on his pants. Then wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "I'm touching you as much as I can now. I don't feel like getting my arms chopped off later."

She leaned back into him. "My parents are not going to chop your arms off. They like you."

"I don't know about that," he kiss her shoulder.

"They like you," she rolled her eyes and got off the bed. "Come on," she grabbed his hand and started to pull him. "It's Christmas!"

He laughed at her eagerness. He loved when she was happy and smiling. It made it seem like everything was finally right in his life. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and leaned his chin on her shoulder as they walked down the hallway. "Are you like a little kid on this day?"

"Of course," she lifted her hand up to touch his cheek. "It's the best day in the entire world."

"Coooome on!" Adam yelled from under the tree. "It's tiiime!"

"Hold on there little man," Rufus sat down next to him. "You have to wait for your mom and dad and nana and papa."

"Awww….Uncle Woofus!" he sighed dramatically. "I don't wannna!"

"They'll be up soon. Why don't you…go see what Santa left you in your stocking? It looks pretty heavy."

"Oh!" he jumped up. "Oh! Ooh! Good idea Uncle Woofus!" Adam ran across the room to the fireplace where the entire mantle hung with red homemade Christmas stockings. "I can't weach! I caaaaan't weeeach! Help me! Help me!"

Alison laughed shaking her head watching Adam jump up and down trying to reach his stocking. "I think you need to grow some more."

"Lift me Alison, lift me!" he held his arms up. "Pwease!"

Alison bent over and picked him up. Adam wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed her tight. "Tanks!"

"You're welcome," she smiled turning back to the mantle. "Now, which one is yours?"

"That one! That one!" he pointed. "It say A-D-A-M! Dat my name!" he clapped.

Alison's eyes scanned each of the stockings and when she got toward the end she was stunned to see one with her name on it. "Oh my goodness," she reached out and touched it. "Rufus…"

"Mmm?" he walked up behind her.

"Look," she turned to him. "It's…it's my stocking. The…the one I made with your grandpa. Remember? Christmas Eve in eleventh grade?"

Adam pulled his stocking down from the hook then started to wiggle out of Alison's grasp. "Down, down!" he gigged.

"Wow," Rufus laughed. "I haven't seen that in a long time."

"Your mom kept it?" she looked up at him.

"Kept mine too," he smiled, touching the stocking next to hers. "I guess she always hoped you'd come back some day."

She looked back at her stocking and smiled. "I can't believe she kept it," she whispered to herself.

"Well she kept it….and," he peeked inside. "Filled it with some stuff!"

"Shh…" she held her finger to her mouth. "Santa filled it."

He kissed her finger as he pulled his stocking off the mantle. "Looks like you were a good girl this year," he smiled as he squeezed her ass.

"Rufus," she brushed his hand away. "Little children have big mouths…"

"Yeah, yeah," he sat on the couch pulling her down with him and looking into his stocking. "Look," he pulled out a tiny booklet. "Movie passes."

"Look, a note," she pulled the sticky off of it. "Take your girlfriend out on a date. Love Santa."

"It does not!" he pulled the piece of paper from her and read it. "Oh."

"What movie are you taking me to Humphrey?" she grinned.

"What's ever out in two months," he laughed, looking further into his stocking.

"Mmm…" she frowned, looking into her stocking and pulling out a gift card. "JP Licks!" she held it close! "God I love your moth…Santa," she stopped herself.

"Oh look it has a note on it. Buy your boyfriend some frozen yogurt," he laughed.

"Shut up there's no note. Stop trying to steal my gift. That's not very nice. I'm going to need something to keep me entertained while you're away."

"What? Get fat," he rose his eye brows. "I'm sorry but I can't date a fat chorus girl. I have an image to uphold."

"Rufus!" she pushed him. "I'm so sure!"

He laughed and kissed her cheek.

"You three are up early," Katherine walked into the room tying her robe.

"Well when you have twenty-five pounds jumping on top of you at 100 miles an hour you seem to wake up pretty quickly," he laughed looking at Adam.

"Oh dear," she looked at him.

"Nana look!" Adam held up a package. "Ninja turtles!"

"Ooh," she tussled his hair. "You can add him to your collection."

"Let's fight turtles, Uncle Woofus! You be da bad guy and I'll blow you up with dynamite!"

"Can Alison play?" Rufus sat down on the floor next to him pulling out all of his action figures.

"Yeah I suppose…" he sighed. "You can be April O'Neil," he tossed her the action figure. "She knows karate," Adam did a few karate chops in the air.

Katherine smiled and walked into the kitchen. "Do you two want some coffee?"

"Yes," she both shouted.

Adam placed his action figures all around them then bounced one off the couch. "Oh no watch out!" he screamed. "It's Shwedder!"

* * *

**The Richards Residence**

**Hudson, New Jersey**

**Christmas Day, 1990**

"Do you think your parents liked their painting?" Alison turned to look at Rufus as they pulled into her neighborhood.

"Are you kidding?" he laughed. "Didn't you see my father making space for it on the wall in the living room. They loved it," he reached across his seat and squeezed her hand. "You did a really good job on it. They love Atlantic City. The way you worked the lights in with the water. It was cool."

She smiled to herself, "Good. I had no idea what to get them. And that water-color set they got me….Rufus that must have been so expensive," she felt bad.

"I guess they think you're worth it," he smiled looking at the road as he turned into her driveway.

She smiled softly and unbuckled her seatbelt. "Ready?"

"Mmm…you wanna make out first?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Mmm….yes," she moved in closer.

"Really!" he quickly unbuckled his belt.

"No!" she shook her head rolling her eyes. "Come on we're already late."

He sighed, his head hitting the seat rest. "That wasn't nice."

She placed her hand on his inner thigh. "Maybe I'll make it up to you later."

He turned his head looking over to her. "You going to knock your parents out so we can have sex?"

"I was thinking about it," she leaned over the armrest and kissed him.

"Sexy," he breathed over her lips.

She quickly kissed him again and then opened her door. "Come on, I want to see my dad," she smiled.

Rufus opened his door then the back doors of her Jeep. He pulled out an arm full of gifts and packages. Alison pulled out her and Rufus's bags and headed up the walkway to the house. "I sure hope it stops snowing before tomorrow."

"Me too," he nodded. "I don't want you driving in the snow down the coast by yourself."

Alison reached out and opened the front door of her house. "Hello?" she walked in wiping off her feet. "We're here."

"Ally?" Alison's dad walked into the foyer.

"Dad?" she smiled dropping her bag by the door and looking around the corner.

"Ally!" he smiled hugging her.

"Sorry I'm late," she squeezed him. "Merry Christmas, dad."

"Oh, Merry Christmas honey," he pulled back to look at her. He smiled then turned to Rufus. "Rufus," he held out his hand.

"Michael," he extended his hand to shake it. "Good to see you again."

"Good to see you too. You've been taking good care of my daughter?" he kissed her temple.

"Of course," he laughed, picking back up the gifts.

"Well Carrie's in the living room with her new boyfriend," Alison's dad rolled his eyes. Anna is late….again. And John is waiting not so patiently under the tree for his sisters so he can rampage the gifts."

"I didn't know Carrie was seeing someone," she whispered as she walked into the living room.

"And I hope it doesn't last," he made big eyes.

She tried to conceal her smile and took Rufus's hand. "Hi mom."

"Alison." She sat her mug of coffee down on the table and stood. "You're late my dear."

"I know mom, I'm sorry," she kissed her cheek. "It was snowing hard in Essex."

"Mmm…." she nodded. "And Rufus."

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Richards," he smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Rufus," she sat back down. "How's your family? Well I hope."

"Very well," he swallowed. He looked across the room and noticed Carrie staring at him.

"Hey buddy," Carrie smiled. "I didn't know if you'd still be coming or not."

"I'm here," he rolled his eyes.

Alison turned to her sister. "And who's this?" she smiled.

"Oh, Van this is my sister Alison and her….friend Rufus…..this is Van."

"Nice to meet you Van," Alison smiled.

Rufus held out his hand and Van reached up to shake it. "Hi," Rufus nodded.

"What up maaan," Van lazily looked up.

"Ahh…, not much," Rufus really didn't know what to say.

"So, Van where did you meet my sister?" Alison sat down on the couch next to them.

"Ahh…you know," he looked off. "Around…I'm here….she's there."

Alison turned and looked at Rufus. Wondering if she was the only one that thought that made no sense. They both eyed each other trying not to laugh. Turning back to her sister, Alison eyed her for a moment.

"So Rufus I hear your leaving for two months," Carried smirked. "I don't know how my dear sister is going to get on without you for that long."

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Rufus took her hand and looked at her.

Carrie rolled her eyes and leaned back against Van, rubbing his leg. "How's school?" she asked.

"I'm doing well," she nodded. "It's a little harder than last year."

"You go to school?" Van looked up.

"Yes," she eyed him. "I go to Boston Conservatory."

"Cool man….what are you….ah… conserving?"

"What?" her eyes narrowed. "Oh…oh…no not that kind of conservatory. It's for art and dance."

"Oh..cool…cool. You conserve too man?" he looked at Rufus.

"Carrie can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?" Alison grabbed her sisters hand and dragged her in the kitchen.

"Ouch!" Carrie pulled her hand away. "What the hell do you want!"

Alison looked at her sister for a moment trying to figure her out. She would never go out with a guy like Van in a million years. She always made fun of guys like him. It was like she didn't even care.

"What!" she moved her head back and forth moving in her face.

"I'm just trying to figure out what a person like you, with their MBA and working at one of the best advertising agencies in Hudson is doing going out with a guy like…like Van?" she questioned.

"What's wrong with Van?" she crossed her arms.

"What isn't?" she threw her hands up. "Carrie does he even know the alphabet? Or does he know more when he's not stoned out of his mind."

"Ha!" she laughed turning around. "If it isn't the pot calling the kettle black."

"Excuse me?" Alison stomped her foot.

"Look who you're going out with! What the hell is Rufus doing with his life? He's the biggest stoner of them all. And it's not like he even went to school. Does he know his alphabet?" she laughed.

"Will you lower your voice!" Alison pulled her further in to the kitchen.

"I will not!" she growled.

"Don't you dare compare Rufus to Van," she grew upset. "Rufus is very intelligent. And just because he decided not to go to school and carry out his dream of being in music does not make him stupid!"

"You're so completely blind," she shook her head. "I should have known you'd turn stupid once you started sleeping with him."

Alison went to open her mouth to say something when she froze.

"What? You didn't think I knew?" she grinned. "Oh, I've know. I've known since your birthday and your little tryst to the boathouse."

"What….how did you…how…" her face turned red. She thought back to her birthday dinner and how Carrie kept making comments throughout dinner. It all started to make sense to her now.

"Mom made Anna and I go down to the boathouse for linens the night before your party. Seems that you were having a little party of your own." She laughed noticing how uncomfortable her sister was becoming. "I'm so glad you were being safe about it though."

Alison searched her eyes. "You and Anna were in the house?" she was uncomfortable. "Where?"

"It doesn't matter," she laughed. "I heard enough. Especially when you two were in the shower…"

'That's enough!" she whispered glancing at her parents in the living room. "I'm not twelve years old. I can do what I want."

"Just tell me one thing, sister dear. Did you and Rufus ever break up or have you been fucking him this entire time down in Boston?"

Alison frown and shook her head. "You're still as bitter as you've always been. And I've never done one thing to you."

"Hey guys!" Anna walked in the kitchen carrying some gifts. She looked at her sisters. "Bad vibe…. Do I need to walk out and do this again?" she laughed.

Carrie looked over to Anna. "I was asking Alison about Rufus. I just wanted to know if she's been fucking Rufus this entire time," she whispered in Alison's ear as she walked passed her."

"Carrie…." Anna sighed.

"I thought you of all people would have told me," Alison looked up at Anna with sad eyes.

"Al, I didn't want to embarrass you," she was honest. "I'm happy for you and Rufus. I'm glad your together. I didn't want you to know I was there. I didn't want to intrude."

"Excuse me for a minute." She pushed passed Carrie and walked down the hall to her father's office.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch," she sat down her gifts. "And on Christmas?"

Carrie rolled her eyes and walked back in the living room. Anna sighed and rubbed her temple before walking down the hall and into her father's office. She saw Alison sitting curled up on the window seat looking out the window. She walked into the office and sat down across from her. "She's just jealous."

"Of what!" she looked up at her. "She was the popular one. The pretty one with all the boyfriends. The smart one. I could keep going on you know."

"And is stuck in a career she hates," she eyed her. "Incredibly lonely."

"But she's so good at what she does," Alison was amazed. "I thought she loved advertising."

"Mom and dad loved it," she touched her knee. "You know Carrie wanted to act. But mom and dad pushed her into more of a practical career choice. Put her through school…had her get her MBA."

"I didn't know…"

"Course not," she smiled. "You always had your dancing and your art to keep you busy. "She's jealous honey. She's jealous that mom and dad are allowing you to do what you want to…that they're supporting it. Also, that you have Rufus."

"She's not jealous of Rufus," she rolled her eyes. "I can't tell you that right now."

"She's jealous that you have someone that cares about you. That you're getting some," she laughed.

She sighed.

"Hey," she touched her hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the boathouse. Truly, I didn't want to embarrass you."

"It was my first time," she whispered, not looking up.

"Really?" she was a bit taken aback. "You've been going out for awhile now. You said you went on tour with him."

"I know," she looked at her. "I wasn't ready until then. It was a perfect day. Rufus and I went sailing up the coast for dinner. We had the house to ourselves…no power," she smiled. "It was almost my birthday. He made it special for me."

"I'm happy for you," she rubbed her arm. "You should wait till you're ready. That's how it should be."

"I'm glad I did. I mean it was hard," she laughed. "Really hard, especially on tour."

Anna laughed along with her sister, missing the times they used to share together before she went off to school. "I wondered about that. How were the arrangements? Didn't you sleep on a…a bus?"

"Yes, but there were two rooms in the back. Mary Sue and Dusty had one and Rufus and I had the other."

"So one bed?" she laughed.

"One very small bed," she giggled.

"Wow, now that's what I call self control. I don't know how Rufus did it," she shook her head.

"I'm not saying nothing happened in that bed," she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Hey you two?" Mr. Richards walked into the room. "Present time."

They both looked up and nodded getting up. "We'll talk later," Anna hugged her sister.

"We'll talk later," she smiled.

* * *

"Here Rufus this is from Elaine and I," Mr. Richards handed Rufus an envelope.

"Thanks," Rufus took it and opened the flap. "Metropolis Music?"

"A little bird told us that you needed your guitar tuned and restrung," he smiled at Alison. A buddy of mine just opened that shop in Jersey City. He's opening at seven tomorrow just for you so you can get your guitar all rocked up before you head out tomorrow."

"Rocked up?" John laughed. "Dad stop trying to be cool."

"Thanks," Rufus held out his hand. "I really needed this. I don't think my guitar would have lasted this tour."

Mr. Richards shook his hand. "You're welcome."

Elaine held out her arms and hugged him. "Merry Christmas, Rufus."

Alison watched her parents with Rufus and smiled. She was so glad they were getting along. She reached under the tree and pulled out her parents gift. She handed them a rectangular, flat, gold box. "This is from Rufus and I," she handed it to her mom.

"What?" she looked at them. "You two didn't have to get us anything," she untied the ribbon.

"We wanted to," she looked up at Rufus and smiled.

She opened the box and pulled back the tissue paper. She looked at the gold writing on the white certificate. "The Charles Street Inn?" she looked at Alison then handed the box to her husband.

"It's a cozy little B&B in Beacon Hill," she smiled. "I thought you and dad could come and visit. Maybe during your Spring Break from school mom. Spend the day and we could go around to all the shops. Then you and dad could stay the night. It's a beautiful brownstone flat. You'll love it."

"You two," Mr. Richards smiled as he hugged Alison. "Are too much."

"This sounds lovely," she smiled at Rufus. "We'll be sure to come."

"Alright next!" Mr. Richard's crawled under the tree and pulled out 4 turquoise boxes. "For my girls…." he handed Alison, Carrie, Anna and Elaine each a box. "Merry Christmas."

"Tiffany's dad," Anna shook the box.

"Open…open!" he beamed from ear to ear.

They each quickly untied the white ribbon and tore open the wrapping paper. Each of them looking at each other before they opened the lid.

"Go on!" he laughed.

They all opened the lid and gasps could be heard from all of them. "Dad!" they all said in unison.

"You like them?" he looked at his wife and daughters.

Rufus looked inside the box and saw a pair of diamond earrings. "Pretty," he kissed her cheek.

Alison, Carrie, and Anna all went up to their father and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you dad," they all said in unison again, laughing.

Mr. Richards looked around and noticed his son sitting quietly reading the box of his remote control car he got from Alison. "And for the last gift of the morning." He smiled pulling a box from behind the couch and plopping it on John's lap.

John looked at it for two seconds before he starting tearing the paper off like a mad man. "Sega Genesis! Alright!" he started to dance around. "Thanks dad!"

"You're welcome," he laughed.

"Come on Rufus!" He picked up the box. "Help me hook it up!"

"Alright." He looked at Alison and squeezed her hand before getting up and walking upstairs with John.

* * *

Alison poured two cups of hot chocolate for herself and Rufus when her mom walked into the kitchen.

"Where's Rufus?" she looked around.

"Upstairs in the loft finishing up his game with John before he goes to bed." She opened a bag of marshmallows and plopping a few into the drinks.

"So you didn't tell me. What did Rufus get you for Christmas?" Elaine asked as she handed Alison two peppermint sticks.

"I don't know," she smiled, turning to her. "We're doing our Christmas now. Up in the loft."

"Oh," she eyed her.

"Yes, oh," she laughed. "And I would appreciate some privacy."

"Alison you know Rufus has to sleep in the loft tonight, and you in your room," she turned looking her daughter in the eyes.

"Yes, mother I know," she rolled her eyes.

"I just want to make sure we're clear on this," she crossed her arms. "There will be no sneaking around in the middle of the night.

"Mother, please," she sighed. "I'm twenty years old."

"And what does that mean?" she questioned. "You are not married."

"Never mind," she shook her head and picked up her mugs. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Remember what I said."

"Yes, mother." Alison rolled her eyes again as she walked up the stairs. She saw Rufus and John glued to the tv, controllers stuck to their hands.

"I beat you again Rufus!" John laughed as he threw his controller in the air. "Rematch?"

"Maybe when he gets back," Alison spoke up, setting the hot chocolate on the coffee table. "It's time for bed."

"Awww Al," he wined. "I have to let Rufus try and win back his dignity as a man."

"Hey now," Rufus laughed.

"Go to bed John," she shook her head.

"Fine," he tossed his controller in the box. "I don't know how you put up with her." John shook his head as he crossed the landing and went to his room.

"He's fun," Rufus laughed.

"Sure he is," she handed him his hot chocolate.

"Thanks," he smiled stirring the peppermint stick around. He took a sip then quickly pulled a long rectangular box from his pocket. "Open it, I've been waiting to give it to you all week."

"Mmmm…." She shook the box back and forth. "What could it be?"

"Well why don't you open it up and find out," he grinned.

She bit her lip and smiled. She took off the bow and stuck it on his chest. "Beautiful," she laughed. She quickly tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box.

Rufus smiled and looked between her and the box waiting to see her reaction.

"Oh, Rufus," she touched the bracelet. "Oh it's beautiful."

He moved closer to her. "I put three charms on it to start you out," he pointed. "That one right there is an easel because you're a wonderful painter. And that girl is a dancer," he moved his finger. "Because you dance beautifully. "And that one," he pointed. "Is a Christmas tree so you can always remember I got this for you on Christmas."

"Oh Rufus," she said breathlessly as her eyes welled. "I…I love it."

"Good," he unclipped it from the satin box and placed it around her wrist. "Perfect."

She touched the bracelet, spinning it around her wrist. She smiled and looked up at him before kissing him gently on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he kissed her back and pulled an envelope from his back pocket, handing it to her. "And number two."

"Rufus!" she took it. "You didn't have to get me anything else."

"Well…this is for both of us," he watched her. "Well…hopefully."

She eyed him for a moment wondering what he meant before she cut open the envelope. Looking inside she pulled out two tickets. "No way! No way! Two tickets for _City of Angels_ at The Virginia! Rufus! These have been sold out for months!" she looked at the seats. "And twelfth row center! How did you ever manage that!"

"Mmm…." he looked at the ceiling. "Magic?"

"Oh my God, I love you, I love you, I love you!" She squealed as she jumped into his lap straddling him and wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him.

Rufus placed his hands on her hips, stroking them up and down as he kissed her. He could feel her body breathing heavily on top of his own. And as much as he tried he couldn't help but be turned on. His hand found the back of her sweater and he slowly moved inside of it, touching the bare skin of her back. He moan softly in the back of this throat as he continued to kiss her. Both of his hands moved downward to cup her ass as he squeezed gently. He felt her giggle against his lips

Alison was lost in the feelings that Rufus was stirring in her. She was glad she finally felt comfortable enough to just lose herself in Rufus. She didn't have to think anymore, or worry, she could just be herself when she was around him and enjoy emotions he invoked in her.

Rufus was about to unzip the back of Alison's skirt when he heard a creaking at the bottom of the stairs. His hands quickly stopped and he picked her up by her hips and plopped her on the ground next to him.

"Rufus!" she was startled, her eyes open wide. "What are you…."

"Good night you two," Mrs. Richards stood at the top of the landing. "Not too late now."

They both swallowed and looked at each other. "Good night," they said in unison.

Rufus watched as she walked down the hallway and into her room closing the door. He sighed and looked at Alison. "Have I ever told you how grateful I am that we have our own places far away from our parents?"

"Only about a hundred times," she laughed. "But at least your parents don't treat you like your twelve."

"They're just old fashioned," he turned to her. "Besides I can't blame your father. If he knew what I was doing with his daughter…."

"Shhh….." she laughed. "They have ears like hawks." Turning back around she grabbed Rufus's gift from the top of the table. "I believe this has your name on it."

"Does it?" he smiled, taking the box. "Well what could this be?" he smirked shaking it next to his ear.

"Oh, come on. Open it!"

He started to tear off the blue wrapping paper and tossed it aside. "Saks Fifth Avenue," he wiggled his eye brows, reading the box.

"If you don't like it you can take it back," she moved a bit closer.

He opened the top of the box and looked inside. "Wow," he smiled. "This is cool."

"You like it?" she took the watch out of the case.

"Yeah," he was serious. "I've never seen one like this."

"Well I noticed that you're not wearing one anymore. And I went to a few different places and they were all Rolexes and either gold or silver and that really didn't seem like you," she undid the buckle. "So I had this one made for you," she smiled. "The leather cuff is you."

"Your right about that," he laughed.

She turned it around letting him read the inscription on the back of the watch plate.

"Timeless love, A." He smiled as he read it. "Perfect." He leaned in to kiss her. "Thank you, babe."

"You're welcome," she leaned her forehead against his. "Oh and one more thing," she handed him a small card.

He looked down, "JP Licks," he laughed. "So I don't eat yours?"

"Correct," she smiled.

"Get over here, Richards," he pulled her back on his lap.

"Rufus," she half whispered half giggled.

"Shhh….be quiet," he said against her lips.

"I'm not having sex with you," she kissed him again.

"That so," his hands moved to her ass.

"Tomorrow," she continued to kiss him and moved her hips against his. "We'll leave early…spend some time alone."

"What if I can't wait till tomorrow?" his hands moved around to her front, feeling how her hips moved against his own.

She moved upward a little bit, her chest sliding against his. "You want my father to come out here with his gun?" her tongue brushed against his bottom lip.

He let out a long dramatic sigh. "We should have said I was leaving tonight. Stayed at a hotel somewhere," he kissed her.

"All you think about his sex," she kissed him back, her hands at his sides.

He placed his hands on her cheeks, pulling her face downward. "Sex with you."

"Mmm….better be," she rolled on the floor with him.

* * *

**Middlesex, New Jersey**

**December 26****th****, 1990**

Rufus stopped the car behind the old civic arena. Their tour bus was due in any minute to pick him up for his two-month tour across the west coast.

Alison took a deep breath and turned to Rufus. "You promise you'll call me when you can so I know you're alright?"

"Yes," he rolled his eyes. "I said I would. And I promise to make it home in time for your show opening night."

"Don't worry about that," she shook her head. "It's a day after your last show. I know how you guys like to stay a few days and rest before you come back."

"I'll be here," he shook his head.

"Two whole months," she sighed. "How many shows is that?"

"Mmm….forty-two I think. Why?" he eyed her.

"Well then," she unbuckled her seatbelt. "That's forty-two good luck kisses then."

"That so?" he smirked, taking off his belt. "We better hurry and get them all in then."

"Yes we better."

Rufus wrapped his arm around her side and then lifted her off the seat and plopped her in the back before hopping over the console and resuming their kiss.

"Fast moves Humphrey," she grinned lying down on the seat.

Rufus leaned over and continued to kiss her. "What number are we on?" he slowly started to unbutton her shirt, kissing her neck.

"Mmm….six," she slowly started to lose her train of thought. She could feel Rufus's breath making it's way down her neck and onto her chest as he continued to unbutton her shirt all the way down. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he kissed her stomach, his tongue darting out licking her just below the belly button.

"Rufus there's no time…." She whispered her eyes closing in pleasure. "No time…."

"We'll be fast." He unbuttoned her pants as he kissed his way back up, pushing the openings of her shirt to the side. He grinned as he moved his hands back down and pulled her pants mid-thigh. He was about to pull her panties down when suddenly the door behind Alison's head swung open.

"Time to burn some rubber and get…." Aaron looked down his eyes turning wide when he saw Alison laying down half naked and Rufus on top of her. "Hey…" he grinned, eyeing her up and down.

"Shut the door!" Rufus shouted trying to cover Alison.

Alison was completely taken off guard as she looked upward seeing an upside down Aaron. "Aaron!" she quickly pulled herself upward, clasping her shirt closed.

Aaron laughed shaking his head before he closed the door. He walked back to the bus and hopped back on. "Gonna be a couple minutes," he grinned sitting down across from Mary Sue.

"What?" Dusty looked up from the road map. "Did you tell him we have to go now? We have to play tonight."

"He's a little busy having sex with Alison to really pay attention to what I have to say."

"What?" Mary Sue turned around and looked out the window. "In her car?"

"Didn't know she had it in her," Dusty laughed, looking out the window as well.

"Do your friends find it funny to walk in on me half naked all the time," Alison buttoned her pants.

Rufus ran his hands through his hair. "They just have awful timing." He sat back and took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. "Well that sucked."

Alison bit her lip thinking for a moment before she hopped on his lap facing him. She quickly unhooked her bra and took it off, but kept her shirt closed.

"What are you doing?" he grinned.

"I'm sorry we don't have time and I know you have to go," she leaned in to kiss him.

"Mmmhmm…"

She quickly looked around before pulling back her shirt and flashing him. "Think this can hold you for awhile?"

Rufus's face turned into a big grin as he leaned back and looked at her chest. His hands creped up her sides before taking a breast in each hand. "I'm not sure if this is helping or hurting me," he grinned before leaning forward his mouth taking over for his hands.

"Mmm…." Alison's eyes closed as her head tiled backward and she arched her back.

Suddenly they heard the bus's horn in the distance. They both groaned in disappointment. "Honey I gotta go," Rufus looked up at her.

"I know," she wrapped her arms around him, her eyes becoming glassy. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Me too," he kissed her hard on the mouth.

She kissed him back twice. "Go on," she moved off of him. "Before I don't let you go."

He grabbed his bag and guitar from the back and waited for her to button up her shirt before he opened the door. He quickly stepped out and looked at her. "Save me a seat opening night."

"I will," she smiled.

"Bye baby."

"Bye…." she whispered.

"Drive safely. The roads are slick."

She nodded, "I will."

Rufus gave her one last look before he closed the door and jogged across the parking lot and onto the bus. As soon as he stepped on he heard kissing and groaning noises coming from Aaron, Dusty and Justin.

"Shut the hell up," he rolled his eyes as he threw his bags up in the holder.

"I gotta say man," Aaron wrapped his arm around Rufus's neck. "Al looked smokin'. I liked the black….."

Rufus pushed Aaron off of him. "Keep your fucking eyes to yourself."

Aaron held his hands in the air. "Can't help myself," he grinned.

"Aaron shut up," Mary Sue threw her magazine at him. "Rufus we have to hurry because one of the opening bands for Alice in Chains dropped tonight so we have to be in Richmond by three."

"Oh," he sat down. "Yeah we better get going then," he looked out the window. He watched Alison's jeep as the bus started to pull out of the lot. He took a deep breath hoping that things would be okay. He knew that time apart like this could make or break a relationship. And he definitely didn't want to go through the latter one again.

**Richmond, Virginia **

The band had just finished sound check when Rufus decided to go backstage and get himself a drink. The door to the sound stage flew open and Layne Staley stumbled down the step with a blonde under his arm. "Whoa baby," he laughed. "Keep daddy up."

Rufus stepped back to keep himself from being hit by the door. He looked up and his breath caught in the back of his throat. "Lily…."Rufus stepped back to keep himself from being hit by the door. He looked up and his breath caught in the back of his throat. "Lily…."

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen -**

**From Trent to Lanye to Perry**

***~Snippet~***

_He bit his lip looking out at the empty arena when he felt the door behind him hit him in the back._

_"Oh I'm sorry I…." Lily slipped in between the door._

_Rufus quickly got up when he saw her. "Sorry."_

_"Oh," her eyes turned large seeing him. "I…I forgot my sweater."_

_He looked around seeing a white cardigan on the table. He picked it up handing it to her. "I didn't know you were here," he said softly. "I didn't see Chains on the list."_

_"Thanks," she took her sweater. "I'm…I'm touring with Jane's Addiction."_

_"Oh," he eyed her._

_She looked down at her feet feeling the need to run away as soon as possible but she couldn't seem to make herself move. "All by yourself?"_

_"Working on some songs," he nodded. "Hotel's too noisy."_

_"Oh," she said softly. "Well I won't keep you."_

_"Lily," he got up, grasping at anything to just talk to her. "You…you shouldn't be walking back to the hotel alone." He strapped his guitar around him. "It's dangerous. Let me walk you back."_

_"Oh…" she swallowed. "Alright." Opening the stage door she put on her sweater, wrapping her arms around herself._

_They walked side by side through the parking lot in silence until Rufus spoke up. "Touring with Jane's Addiction?"_

_"Mmm…" she looked down. "I'm seeing Perry."_

_"Oh," he said disheartedly. "He's a good guy." Kicking a few stones he grew saddened. He felt like he was talking to a complete stranger. She seemed so disconnected and not herself. Emotionless, shut off and a bit cold._

_"He is," she agreed. "Alison still…in Boston? Was it?"_

_"Yeah," he stuck his hands in his pockets. "She's in a show at the beginning of March."_

_"Oh," she swallowed the jealously that bubbled in her throat. She couldn't believe that they were talking about their significant others with each other. She couldn't believe the uncomfortableness that hung in the air. It was like she was talking to a complete stranger. _


	15. From Trent to Layne to Perry

**Chapter Fourteen**

**From Trent to Layne to Perry**

**Carpenter Center**

**Richmond, Virginia **

**December, 26****th**** 1990**

Lily turned around recognizing the voice instantly. "Rufus," she giggled, clearly intoxicated. "What are you doing here?"

He eyed her, watching how she wrapped her arm about Layne and how his hand rested on her ass. "W-we're opening tonight for…." He nodded his head toward Layne.

"Baby," Lily kissed Lanye on the cheek. "Lincoln Hawk is opening for you tonight."

"Lincoln….Lincoln Hawk," he stuttered. "I don't know no Lincoln Hawk," he laughed starting to walk passed him.

"Lily," Rufus walked in front of them. "What's going on? Where's….Trent?"

"Trent?" she laughed. "Trent's gone, he was boring."

"That was quick," he rolled his eyes.

"Well where's….Alison?" she put her hand on her hip looking around.

"In Boston," he crossed his arms. "She's in school, she couldn't come."

"Aww too bad," she turned her lip under. "Well excuse us," she pushed passed Rufus and walked down the hall still holding Layne up.

Rufus turned around and watched her walk away. His shoulders slumped a little. Just when he thought he was completely over her she would come back into his life. There was just something about her that drew her to him. He didn't know if it was the way she smelled, or the way she tossed her hair, or just her smile. It intoxicated him. When they rounded the corner and were out of his sight he suddenly thought of Alison. "Damn it Rufus," he kicked the wall.

"Whoa there," Mary Sue laughed. "What'd that wall do to you?"

"Lily's here," he sighed leaning against it.

"What…"

"Is this like some sort of test or something?" he looked at her. "Have her keep popping up in my life with different men?"

"Different men?" she shook her head, brows narrowed.

"Apparently she's with Staley now," he sighed. "Said Trent was too boring."

"Sound like Lily," she said honestly. "She get's bored easily."

"Yeah," he said softly. "I'm gonna call Al, tell her where I'm at."

* * *

Lily watched Rufus walk out on stage after Lincoln Hawk was announced. She couldn't help but cheer for them. She stood off to side taking everything in. It had been almost a year since her and Rufus had broken up. She still went into lapses when she thought about him, how could she not? She hadn't been able to keep a decent relationship with anyone because all she would do is compare them to Rufus. And she had to say she felt a little stab in her heart when she found out he was still with Alison.

When he started to sing she closed her eyes for a moment pretending that they were still together. Memories started to flash in the back of her mind and when she opened her eyes the first thing she noticed was Rufus staring back at her. At first she thought she was imagining it, but when his eyes didn't tear away she knew he was looking at her. Her breathing drew shallow for a moment and she lifted her lips in a smile. When he smiled back at her she didn't move, it was just like how it was in her memories.

Mary Sue stood backstage looking over the set list. Looking out a few times she noticed that Rufus continued to cheat out on one side of the audience and didn't seem to move. Moving closer to the stage she peeked her head around and followed Rufus's gaze into the crowd and she immediately saw Lily. She sighed watching them. She had no idea what kind of game Lily was playing or how she really felt, but she knew that Rufus was slowly falling into it again. She felt bad for everyone involved, she did. She felt bad that Rufus had his heart torn out and stomped on. She felt bad that Alison always knew in the back of her mind that she would always be second to Lily. Heck, she even felt bad that Lily seemed so screwed up.

Rufus kept his eyes on Lily; it was like he couldn't tear them away if he tried. If he had to describe it, it was like glue, or a magnet being drawn to one another and no matter what he did, he couldn't chart off that course. As he strummed his guitar he felt as though he was giving Lily her own private concert. He used to do that from time to time after he wrote a new song. He would sing it to her and she would tell him how it made her feel.

The song was almost over when Rufus noticed Layne sneak up behind Lily and kiss her neck. The trance was instantly broken soon as he saw another man touch her. He was thrown back into reality, the sickening feeling he felt when they first broke up started to bubble with in him. He watched as her head turned and she started to talk with Layne. He saw how Layne took her hand and she followed him out of the center. He mentally shook himself trying to get his head back into the concert.

He wasn't going to let her do this to him again. He wasn't going to fall for her again. He was finally happy where he was in his life. He loved Alison and he wanted to stay in love with her.

* * *

"Are you ready to go?" Mary Sue walked up behind Rufus. "The bus is almost loaded."

Rufus looked up, "Yeah I just have to pack up my guitar."

Mary Sue sat down next to him and ran her hand down his guitar. "New strings?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Christmas present from Al's parents."

She smiled, "That was nice of them."

"I think they're finally coming around," he laughed a bit to himself. "Christmas was a lot calmer."

"Dusty's mom still hates me," she laughed aloud. "You'd think that old bat would be used to me by now."

"You'd think," he shook his head. Rufus laid his guitar in his case and took a cloth wiping it down.

Mary Sue studied him for a moment. "You okay?"

Rufus bit on his bottom lip and tossed the cloth in the case closing it. "It doesn't really hurt anymore. It's just upsetting," he shrugged his shoulders. "And to be honest there's just something about her that…that makes me still want her….that draws me in….and I don't think it'll ever go away."

Mary Sue nodded, understanding.

"Do you think that's bad," he looked at her for the first time.

"No," she shook her head. "Your first love will always have a pull on you. You just can't let it consume you."

"I know," he locked his case. "And I moved on too. I like where I'm at. So…so don't worry I won't fuck it up," he smiled.

"Better not," she stood. "Cause I'm on ass kicking duty for Al."

"Figured as much," he stood picking up his case. "Come on," he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Let's get some drinks."

**The Warfield **

**San Francisco, California **

**December 31****st**** 1990**

It was New Years Eve and Rufus and Aaron had just walked off stage after they finished their set. The crowd was as loud and pumped as they have ever been giving everyone an automatic high. Rufus set his guitar on the stand and picked a beer up off the table.

"Hey, you did good," Mary Sue placed her hand on Rufus back. "I like the C cord you used at the end of Step Away."

"Yeah, Dusty and I changed it last night. Thought it sounded better."

"Mm…" she nodded. "Dusty ran in the back room over by the office. He said he wanted you to come in real quick. I'm going to go pick up the main stage list for tomorrow night."

Rufus looked at his watch and realized it was close to midnight. Taking a drink of his beer he headed down the hall. He wanted to make sure that he was close to a phone when it was midnight because he promised Alison that he would call her. Her and Katie were having a party at their apartment that night with friends from school.

"Hey Humphrey," Rufus felt a hand touch his arm. "Where ya going?"

Rufus turned the voice not sounding familiar to him. A girl in her early twenties stood before him. She had dark shoulder length hair and piercing blue eyes. "Umm….do I know you?" he smiled, looking her up and down.

"No," she licked her lips, moving closer. "But you should."

"And why's that?" he smirked, knowing what she was after.

She placed her hands on Rufus's chest and kissed him. "I'm sure you can think of something."

"Mm…" Rufus shook his head, pushing her back gently.

"You're with someone?" she eyed him.

"I'm without someone," he crossed his arms.

"Well then," she smiled and kissed him again. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

He pushed her away again, a little firmer this time. "I think it would."

"Your loss, Humphrey," she ran her finger down his chest and stopped just short of his crotch, before giving him a wink and walking away.

Rufus rolled his eyes before he opened the door to the back room walking inside. He saw Dustin, Aaron and Justin doing lines off a mirror by the back wall. "What do you guys want?"

"Humphrey get over here," Dusty called him over. "Got a present for ya."

Rufus sighed as he crossed the room. "You know I don't do that anymore."

"Oh come on," Aaron moved over. "For old time sake."

"Yeah," Dusty handed him the mirror. "Al ain't here, and we won't tell her."

"Do it one last time and get it out of your system," Justin handed him a rolled twenty. "New years resolution. No more coke," he laughed.

Rufus eyed them before taking the twenty and quickly doing the line. He closed his eyes as he pinched his nose. "Get this shit away from me," he tossed the mirror on the table.

"Come on you guys," the door open and Mary Sue walked in. "Three minutes!"

"Shit," Aaron made his way to the door. "I need to find me a girl. I need something to grab onto at midnight."

"Come on baby," Suz grabbed Dusty's hand. "Be romantic for once in your life.

"Hey I'm romantic," he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "At least that's what you told me last night when we were….."

"Shut up!" Mary Sue elbowed him.

Justin laughed as they walked into the concert hall. "I'll see you guys later. I'm gonna go find that chic that was eyeing me earlier. She told me to meet her by the stage."

Rufus looked around noticing everyone was pairing up as the count down started to midnight. "Hey," Rufus turned to Dusty and Mary Sue. "I'm gonna go out to the bus for a bit. Maybe I'll come back later."

Mary Sue grabbed Rufus's wrist then kissed him on the cheek. "Everyone should get a New Years kiss," she smiled. "You'll just have to settle for me."

He laughed, "Thanks Suz."

"I'm sorry that Al couldn't be here with you. She would have liked this," she looked around.

"Yeah she would," he agreed.

"Here you guys," Aaron walked back, his arm around a blonde. "Put on your hats," he handed Mary Sue and Dusty hats and some noise makers. "Humphrey," he handed him one.

"Keep it," Rufus shook his head. "I'll see ya guys later."

Rufus made his way to the back of the hall and opened the stage door to the back parking lot as he heard the ten-second countdown. A few people staggered around the lot and he noticed a couple making out on the hood of a car. Sighing he hopped onto the bus and went straight for a cooler. He pulled out a beer and chugged it down.

He suddenly heard the loud whoop of cheers and fireworks as the clock struck midnight. He pulled another beer from the cooler when he felt a jolt of energy. He walked toward the back of the bus opening the door to his small room. He kicked off his shoes when suddenly he felt two hands cover his eyes. "Shh…" he felt hot breath on the back of his neck causing shivers to go down his spine.

He turned around and saw the girl from the hall. "Persistent aren't we?"

"When it's something I want," she pushed her body against his and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Rufus was about to push her away when he suddenly felt his body responding to hers. He felt her large breasts against his chest as her hands tangled in his hair. He moaned in the back of his throat as her hands played with the hair on the back of his neck. "I can't be doing this," he kissed her along her neck. The effects of the coke giving him a euphoric feeling.

"But it feels so good," she started to unbutton Rufus's shirt. "I can make you feel good."

Rufus's hands moved down her sides and cupped her ass giving it a squeeze. "That so," he kissed her hard.

She pushed his shirt to the sides and started to kiss his chest. "Uh-huh."

Rufus closed his eyes, becoming alert to everything she was doing to him. He swallowed hard and pulled her back up before quickly pulling her shirt over her head and grabbing her breasts.

She started to giggle in excitement as Rufus fondled her. "Get right to it don't you Humphrey?"

Rufus started to nip her skin right above her breasts. "Mmm…what's your name?"

She titled her head back as Rufus made his ways up to her neck. "I like to keep the mystery." She unbuckled his belt.

"Mmm…come on," he kissed her behind her ear, his face in her hair. "Tell me."

"Alyson," she giggled again, her hand reaching in his pants.

Rufus was suddenly brought back to reality when he heard the name. He let go of her backing up. "Fuck…" he whispered. "I can't do this."

"What?" She stepped toward him and unzipping his pants. "Yes you can."

"Stop it," he pushed her hands away. "You need to go."

'What the hell is your problem?" she grew angry. "You were just all into it."

"Well I'm not anymore." He ran his hands through his hair taking a deep breath.

"Come on baby," she wrapped her arms around him. "I can make you forget about her."

"Stop it," he was annoyed. "I said leave!"

She pushed him then grabbed her shirt. "All you stupid rock stars are all the same!" she put her shirt on. "Jerk!"

She quickly pushed open the door, her shirt still hanging half off of her. She was almost off the bus when she bumped into Mary Sue and Dusty.

"Who the hell are you?" Mary Sue eyed her up and down.

Alyson rolled her eyes as she pulled her shirt closed and walked off the bus.

Dusty eyed Mary Sue for a second. "Why was her shirt half way off?"

"Rufus!" Mary Sue bolted for the back of the bus. She pushed opened his door and found him zipping up his pants and buckling his belt. "You son of a bitch!"

"I don't want to hear it," he sighed, buttoning up his shirt.

"Well you're going to fucking hear it! What the hell Rufus! Who the fuck was that!" she was irate.

"I don't know," he grabbed his beer, trying to walk passed her.

"Look at me," she grabbed his chin and look in his eyes noticing his pupils were dilated. "What the hell are you on?"

"Stop it," he pushed her hand away.

"I can't believe you cheated on her," she pushed him. "You idiot!"

"I didn't cheat on her," he walked out of the room and sat on a seat by the window.

"Oh and that slut just unbuttoned her own shirt and your pants just happened to fall down magically!" she yelled.

Dusty looked at Rufus. He didn't want to say anything, but was completely surprised that he just slept with some random girl. He shook his head and looked out the window.

"Answer me, Rufus!" she snapped. "Or I swear to God I'll get on the fucking payphone and tell her right now!"

"I didn't cheat on her!" he threw his bottle across the bus.

"Pfff…." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest.

"What! You don't believe me?" he yelled. "Fine…yes your right. I screwed her right in that room. Against the wall. You happy?"

"You're a fucking ass," she walked off the bus.

Dusty got up and walked after Suz. "Now I remember why you stopped doing coke," he shook his head. "You fucked up Humphrey."

Rufus watched as Dusty walked off the bus. He kicked the side of his guitar case as his hands balled up into fists. He leaned against the side of the bus and looked down at his watch. "Shit,' he swore, remembering that he forgot to call Al. "Because you were making out with another girl," he rolled his eyes.

He quickly walked off the bus noticing Suz and Dusty talking behind the building. "Going to find another hooker?" Mary Sue yelled. Rufus held his tongue and walked across the street to the convenient store and into the telephone booth outside the main door. Pulling a quarter from his pocket he picked up the receiver and dialed Alison's number.

It rang a few times and he could hear the TV in the background as she picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey it's me," he said softly.

"Rufus," Alison smiled. "Hi. I thought you forgot about me."

"Course not," he turned looking out the glass window of the booth at the dark sky. "How's your party?"

"Mmm…..quiet now," she nodded. "Once the clock strikes midnight everyone kinda just goes off with the person they came with," she sighed. "I wish you were here. Midnight was no fun."

Rufus bit the inside of his lip. "I know what you mean."

Alison looked over at her calendar. "How's….San Francisco? Is it warm?"

"Warmer," he swallowed. "Hey listen Al I gotta get going. We're suppose to….to play again tonight."

"Oh," she sighed. "Alright. Have fun okay Rufus," she said softly disappointed that he had to go.

"You too."

"I miss you. And I love you," she gripped the phone.

"I miss you too. I'll call you later. Bye." He quickly hung up the phone. He held onto the receiver for a couple seconds before letting it go. He had no idea why he didn't tell her he loved her because he did, it was just in that second it seemed like it would be a lie.

He opened the sliding door and walked across the lot. He stuck his hands in his pocket and walked up to Mary Sue and Dusty. "I didn't sleep with her," he looked at Mary Sue. "She had been following me all night and I pushed her away earlier. She must have followed me on the bus." When he looked at Mary Sue he couldn't tell if she was believed him or not.

"Why didn't she have a shirt on then?" she put her hands on his hips. "And why were your pants undone?"

He sighed, "We were making out. And…and I don't know why I did it," he shook his head. "I really don't."

"Because you're a stupid guy that can't keep it in his pants," she turned from him.

"Just…please don't tell Al," he looked down. "It didn't mean anything to me and you know that. I don't want to upset her."

"You don't deserve her, I hope you know that," she turned back to look at him. "And I'm not going to be put in the middle of your shit either." She walked toward Rufus and looked him straight in the eye. "And if you ever do this again I won't even blink before I tell her."

"I know," he looked down. "I know….thanks." He looked at Dusty for a moment before he walked away and got back on the bus.

**ARCO Arena**

**Sacramento, California**

**January, 20****th**** 1991 **

"What bands are playing tonight?" Aaron leaned back in his seat pulling out a beer as the bus drove down the interstate. "You better not have booked us for another folk tour!"

"Hey shut up!" Mary Sue yelled. "It was a misprint! How was I supposed to know it was going to be a bunch of 60 year olds with wooden spoons and harmonicas."

"Fine print Suz, fine print," he laughed.

"You're an ass," she picked up the agenda.

"Yeah baby who's playing," Dusty looked up from his Rolling Stones magazine. "And I swear to God if Oasis is there…." He grew irritated. "I'm still going to kick Noel's ass. No one skips out of owing me a hundred bucks. I don't care even if he is fucking British."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Rufus asked.

"I don't know," he rolled his eyes. "Stupid voice."

"I think it's sexy," Mary Sue smiled. "I love their accents."

"Read the bands Suz."

"Alright, alright," she rolled her eyes. "There's, Pearl Jam, Phish, Sonic Youth, Janes Addiction, and Green Day. Not a bad line up."

Rufus looked out the window as the bus pulled into the ARCO. "We're going to be here for a few day's we should get tickets to a Kings game."

"I'm up for that," Dusty sat up.

* * *

Lily walked off the Jane's Addiction bus and headed into the hotel across from the ARCO. She noticed the Lincoln Hawk bus parked behind the arena and rolled her eyes. Was she ever going to get away from him? She knew not as long as she was hanging out with the rocker crowd. They all knew each other and she hated that.

"You commin' in?" Perry placed his hand on the small of Lily's back. "We gotta be across the street in ten."

"Oh, yeah sorry," she walked into the hotel. "I'm going to take a shower and then walk over."

"What's wrong baby?" Perry laughed. "Can't stand a little stink?"

"Can't stand a lot of stink," Lily turned up her nose. "All of you smell something atrocious."

"I smell good Lily Pad," Dave slapped her on the ass from behind. "Where's Eric? He has our keys."

"Navarro, I told you to stop touching my woman's ass!" Perry pushed him in the chest. "That ass is mine!"

"Why don't both of you just stop touching me?" Lily saw Eric and grabbed her key. "I need a shower and I'll be across the street whenever I'm finished."

They watched at she walked down the hall carrying her bag. "You never told me how you stole that away from Lanye," Dave grinned. "Whatcha do, win her in a bet?" he laughed.

"She came to me," he grinned. "With open arms."

Rufus sat back stage next to the side door strumming a few cords on his guitar. The concert had ended an hour ago and he stayed behind for a little alone time. He had been working on a new song and he couldn't concentrate when he knew they would be partying in the room.

He bit his lip looking out at the empty arena when he felt the door behind him hit him in the back.

"Oh I'm sorry I…." Lily slipped in between the door.

Rufus quickly got up when he saw her. "Sorry."

"Oh," her eyes turned large seeing him. "I…I forgot my sweater."

He looked around seeing a white cardigan on the table. He picked it up handing it to her. "I didn't know you were here," he said softly. "I didn't see Chains on the list."

"Thanks," she took her sweater. "I'm…I'm touring with Jane's Addiction."

"Oh," he eyed her.

She looked down at her feet feeling the need to run away as soon as possible but she couldn't seem to make herself move. "All by yourself?"

"Working on some songs," he nodded. "Hotel's too noisy."

"Oh," she said softly. "Well I won't keep you."

"Lily," he got up, grasping at anything to just talk to her. "You…you shouldn't be walking back to the hotel alone." He strapped his guitar around him. "It's dangerous. Let me walk you back."

"Oh…" she swallowed. "Alright." Opening the stage door she put on her sweater, wrapping her arms around herself.

They walked side by side through the parking lot in silence until Rufus spoke up. "Touring with Jane's Addiction?"

"Mmm…" she looked down. "I'm seeing Perry."

"Oh," he said dis-heartedly. "He's a good guy." Kicking a few stones he grew saddened. He felt like he was talking to a complete stranger. She seemed so disconnected and not herself. Emotionless, shut off and a bit cold.

"He is," she agreed. "Alison still…in Boston? Was it?"

"Yeah," he stuck his hands in his pockets. "She's in a show at the beginning of March."

"Oh," she swallowed the jealously that bubbled in her throat. She couldn't believe that they were talking about their significant others with each other. She couldn't believe the un-comfortableness that hung in the air. It was like she was talking to a complete stranger.

When they walked into the lobby Rufus turned to Lily and took a deep breath. "Lily are you ha…."

"There you are," Perry walked up to Lily. "I was getting worried."

Rufus stepped back, putting distance between them.

"Rufus…he walked me back," Lily looked at Perry. "It's dark out."

Perry turned to Rufus, "Thanks man," he held his hand out.

Rufus looked at Perry's out stretched hand and hesitated a moment before he shook it. "No problem."

"Come on Lil," he took her hand. "We got a car waiting for us. We're gonna hit the town tonight."

Lily looked back at Rufus. "Thanks for walking me back," she smiled softly before walking off with Perry.

Rufus nodded watching her back as they walked away. He didn't know how much longer he could keep running into her like this. He grew more and more discouraged at each encounter. The way she jumped from man to man made him realize that he was probably just another on her list. He hated that he fell so strongly in love with her. And he hated even more that a piece of his heart was missing and that she would always have it.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Rosewood**

***~Snippet~***

_"Mother."_

_"You're with him again aren't you?"_

_"I'm not with Rufus mother!" Lily was getting agitated._

_"Lily," Cece's voiced softened trying to take another approach. "You remember the van der Woodsens don't you? Bebe van der Woodsen, she's in the Junior League with me?"_

_"I remember their son," she rolled her eyes._

_"William?" she smiled._

_"No, Keith," she frowned._

_"Well they have another son, William. Fresh out of medical school," she talked him up. "Top of his class."_

_"So?"_

_"Lily I want you to come home. You're almost twenty-one. You can't just be running wild anymore. We don't need anymore….little accidents," she sighed._

_"Little accidents?" she huffed. "That's what your calling it now?" she was hurt._

_"You know what I mean Lily. It's time to come back to California. No butts."_

_"I'm not coming home," she sat down on the bed. "I'm not a child."_

_"I talked with your father. And we're in agreement with this. He's not going to support you any longer. We're selling the penthouse in New York."_

_"Mother!"_

_"And your credit cards are frozen until you come home."_

_"You can't do that!" she huffed. "You already made me give up my baby! You can't take away my money too."_

_"I will and I can," Cece was steadfast. "We're not supporting your life as some….some runaway. You're not turning out like your sister. So cut out the dramatics."_

_"I'm calling dad," she crossed her arms. "I know you bullied him into this."_

_"It was mostly his idea Lily. He doesn't want his daughter running around and neither do I," she looked out the window. "If you don't come home he's cutting your trust."_

_"I hate you!" she growled into the phone and hung up._


	16. Rosewood

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Rosewood**

**Tacoma Dome**

**Seattle, Washington**

**February, 23****rd**** 1991 **

Lily sat in her hotel room and picked up the phone. She had heard that her mother had been trying to get ahold of her for some time and she'd been ignoring her. She dialed the number for her apartment and punched in the passcode for her answering machine. There were 12 messages from her mother just from the past week. They all said the same thing_. "Lily where are you….are you dead in a ditch somewhere….You better come home right this instant….I swear to god if your with that Humphrey boy…." _She sighed realizing that she indeed did need to call Cece….at least to tell her that she was alive. She clicked down the receiver listened for a dial tone then called her mother's home in Montecito.

"Rhodes residence," a woman with a deep voice answered.

"Constance is that you?" Lily smiled.

"Why Miss Lily I done thought you ran 'way again!" she sighed. "You's mother is fixin' to be tied she is! I never see her so up in arms!"

Lily sighed in relief hearing the voice of her childhood maid. For as long as Lily could remember Constance had been in her life. Her mother had fired half the staff ten times over growing up, but Constance for some reason had made it through. She was a plump old-fashioned southern house maid and had traveled with the family when they moved across the country. She had been more like a mother to her than Cece had been at times. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "But I'm fine. I'm in Seattle."

"Good lawd! What you doin' there?" she asked. "I noe it none of mines business, but yo' mama gonna give yous an ear full if you wit dat Humphrey boy, Miss Lily."

"I'm not with Rufus, Constance," she sighed. "We're over." She swallowed hard hearing her mother on the phone in the distance.

"Yous mama comin' Miss Lily," she said quickly. "You better come on home."

"….give me that phone!" Lily heard her mothers voice again. "Lillian! Lillian is that you!"

"Hello to you too mother," she sighed.

"Where are you? she huffed. "And don't tell me your apartment in New York. I know better than that. I've called Stan and he told me he hasn't seen you since before Christmas."

"Spying on me?"

"Keeping tabs Lillian. Besides this isn't the arrangement we agreed on. I said you could go back to New York for awhile. Try and make a life for yourself. And I know for a fact you haven't been staying there by your credit card statements. The Holiday Inn….really Lily?"

"Mother."

"You're with him again aren't you?"

"I'm not with Rufus mother!" she was getting agitated.

"Lily," Cece's voiced softened trying to take another approach. "You remember the van der Woodsens don't you? Bebe van der Woodsen, she's in the Junior League with me?"

"I remember their son," she rolled her eyes.

"William?" she smiled.

"No, Keith," she frowned.

"Well they have another son, William. Fresh out of medical school," she talked him up. "Top of his class."

"So?"

"Lily I want you to come home. You're almost twenty-one. You can't just be running wild anymore. We don't need anymore….little accidents," she sighed.

"Little accidents?" she huffed. "That's what your calling it now?" she was hurt.

"You know what I mean Lily. It's time to come back to California. No butts."

"I'm not coming home," she sat down on the bed. "I'm not a child."

"I talked with your father. And we're in agreement with this. He's not going to support you any longer. We're selling the penthouse in New York."

"Mother!"

"And your credit cards are frozen until you come home."

"You can't do that!" she huffed. "You already made me give up my baby! You can't take away my money too."

"I will and I can," she was steadfast. "We're not supporting your life as some….some runaway. You're not turning out like your sister. So cut out the dramatics."

"I'm calling dad," she crossed her arms. "I know you bullied him into this."

"It was mostly his idea Lily. He doesn't want his daughter running around and neither do I," she looked out the window. "If you don't come home he's cutting your trust."

"I hate you!" she growled into the phone and hung up.

**Caesars Palace **

**Las Vegas, Nevada**

The bus drove down the Las Vegas Strip as Aaron looked out the window. "Now this place is the shit. Why haven't we ever come here before?"

Rufus looked out the window his head killing him for the past few hours. "I don't know," he sighed closing his eyes.

Mary Sue sat down next to Rufus and handed him an Advil and bottle of water. "Take this."

He quickly popped it into his mouth. "Thanks," he unscrewed the cap on the water and drank it down quickly. He didn't know if he was coming down with the flu or just completely run down. Since leaving New Mexico they had done nothing but partied and acted completely reckless. They were on the last leg of their tour and living it up.

Suz placed her arm on his forehead. You need to take it easy tonight Humphrey. We don't need you getting sick. "Tomorrow night is our biggest night yet. If we can get signed…if we…"

"I know," he held his hand up. "I know what it means."

"Good," she tossed him an orange. "Eat your vitamin C I don't need you getting scurvy too."

Rufus looked at the fruit. "Where the heck did this come from?"

"Dusty stole the fruit basket from the Marriott," she laughed. "He'll take any free food."

"Heard that," Dusty shouted from across the bus.

Rufus laughed as he pulled out his wallet. He opened the flap and pulled out a picture of himself and Alison that his mother had taken on his fathers birthday. He looked at himself, his arms around Alison from behind, and his head resting on her shoulder. He smiled touching the photo. He missed her. He really did. It wasn't easy being away from her. He was slowly starting to realize that. And now, if they did get signed onto a record, he knew he would hardly ever be home.

Rufus felt the bus jerk and he looked out the window. The first thing he noticed was the large fountain outside and the lights surrounding the hotel. Everything was shimmering and blinking and bright.

"Come on!" Justin grinned. "Get your shit."

Rufus looked back down at the picture before he shoved it in his wallet. He grabbed his bag out of the overhead bin and walked off the bus. He walked into the lobby of the hotel and looked it over. This was definitely the nicest hotel they had ever stayed in. He watched as Suz checked them in then walked over to him.

"We're on the 10th floor," she handed him the key. "Go on up, the guys probably won't be up till later."

"Thanks Suz," he took his key and headed toward the elevators. He hit the buttons a few times and the large elevator doors opened.

"What floor?" a man in his late sixties asked him.

"Tenth please," Rufus leaned against the back wall closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and felt the doors suddenly open.

"Tenth floor," the man told him.

"Wow," Rufus chuckled. "That was quick."

"Yes sir," he smiled. "Enjoy your stay."

"Thanks," Rufus looked down at his key. "Ten twenty-seven," he started down the hall. Stiffing a yawn Rufus looked at the doors counting off the numbers until he reached his own. He unlocked the door, turned on the light and quickly collapsed on the bed. Kicking off his shoes he pulled a pillow behind his head taking a few deep breaths. He leaned over and took the phone pulling it on the bed. He picked it up and dialed Alison's number.

Alison heard her phone ringing and moaned pulling back the covers. She looked at her alarm clock the red digits glowing in the dark. It was after three o'clock in the morning. "Mmm….hello?" she lazily held the phone to her ear.

"Hi," Rufus smiled. Did I wake you?"

She tried to sit up a little. "It's the middle of the night Rufus."

He didn't think about the time difference. "I'm sorry baby. I can call you back in the morning."

"No, no," she rubbed her eyes. "It's okay. W-where are you? It's been so long since you last called."

"I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry. We just got into Vegas. I miss you Al."

"Mmm…I miss you too," she closed her eyes. "A lot."

"Nine more days," he smiled. "That's nothing."

She laughed, "They are probably going to be the longest nine days in history."

"Probably," he laughed. "How's the show doing? Are you ready?"

"Well my feet are killing me so I must be ready," she grinned. And what about you? Tomorrow's the big day."

"Yes it is."

"I'm so excited for you. Just think…a record," she smiled. "And who knows what could be after that."

"A music video on MTV," he laughed.

"Can I be a dancer in your video?" she joked.

"Of course," he rolled her eyes. "You'd have to dance naked though."

"Rufus…." She blushed.

"Well…just the audition. And just for me."

"Mmm….maybe," she grinned. "If you're lucky."

Rufus relaxed back into the bed loving the sound of her laugh. "I wish you could be here tomorrow."

"Oh, honey me too," she snuggled back under the covers. "I wish I could go with you all the time. "School just gets in the way."

"You love school and you know it. Besides you can't leave your dancing behind," he told her. "You are your dancing just as much as I am my music."

She sighed, "When did you become so wise Humphrey?"

"Since I started dating you," he grinned.

"Flattery," she laughed. "I like it."

"I thought you might." He looked over at the clock. "Hey, you got school in the morning. I'm gonna let you go. Get some sleep tonight, alright? I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how it went."

"You better."

"I will," he nodded. "Good night baby. I love you."

"I love you too. Good night, Rufus."

Rufus hung up the phone, looking at it for a few seconds before turning off the lamp next to him. He thought about tomorrow and what it meant to him and how things could change. He's wanted this since he formed his band back in high school.

Rubbing his temples he turned on his side thinking back about his day and the day to come.

**Seattle, Washington**

**February, 24 1991**

Jane's Addiction's tour bus drove down the state lines of Washington. Lily sat on the back of the bus curled up with a blanket looking out the window and into each car as it drove by. They were on their way back to California and she still had no idea what she was going to do—keep traveling with the band or go back to her ranch in Montecito.

Perry walked to the back of the bus and sat next to her. "What's wrong babe?"

"Nothing." She said absent mindedly as she didn't tear her eyes away from the road.

"Lily," he turned her chin. "You've been acting funny since yesterday. What's going on?" he took her hand. "Tell me."

"Just my mother," she rolled her eyes. "She's up to her old tricks again."

"Tricks?" he questioned.

"She's cut me off. Froze my credit cards. Taken away my trust."

"What? Why?"

"She wants me to come home," she sighed. "Get married, be in the Junior League….be her."

He laughed, "No offense but that really doesn't seem like you."

"It's not," she shook her head. "At all."

"Well you don't need her then," he wrapped his arm around her. "You got me. I'll take care of you."

She smiled and kissed him softly. "Thanks."

"Anything you want to do when we get to California?" he asked.

"Relax," she laughed. "Check into a spa? Get a manicure and my hair cut."

He grinned, "Ah, a pamper Lily day."

"What?" she put her hand on her hip. "Don't think I deserve it? After all I am on a bus with six smelly men and I've lost track of how long."

"Oh you deserve it," he laughed. "If you noticed you're the only girl left on this bus. You've beat them all out babe."

"I didn't know it was a contest," she rolled her eyes.

"Survival of the fittest."

"Please," she closed her eyes resting her head on his shoulder.

He pulled a blanket up over her. 'Why don't you just take a nap? We'll be in California later tonight. We booked a nice hotel. And I'll find you a spa."

"Mmm….thanks," she yawned.

Lincoln Hawk sat in the green room behind the office of Brendan O'Brien's after preforming for almost a half hour. They took in a handful of songs, created a set list, and played half of each one. It had been the most nerve-racking experience of his life. He felt they did good, and the vibe was high, but none of that mattered. He hated that one man decided their fate.

"They're doing this on purpose aren't they?" Dusty's knee bounced up and down. "Make 'em sweat."

"Stop it," Mary Sue slapped his knee. "You're wearing a damn hole in the floor. And you're making me nervous."

"You know that's what they're doing," Aaron sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall. "Either ya like us or you don't. It's not that hard."

Rufus bit the inside of his lip and looked upward. Rufus was sitting on one side of the room and everyone else on the other. Behind them was a large glass window that showed the hall. Looking out the window he saw Brendan walking toward them. He stopped just outside the frame of the window and started to talk to someone. Rufus couldn't see the mans face, but something about his build and the way he stood seemed oddly familiar.

He watched as they interacted and Brendan kept glancing back in their room. Rufus didn't know what it was but something felt off. He continued to watch them, trying not to be noticeable. Suddenly, Brendan held out his hand and shook the mans hand before walking into the room. As the door opened Rufus caught a glance of the man. He turned, looked right at Rufus and kept on walking. It was Rick Rhodes.

"Fuck…." Rufus said under his breath as he stood.

"So," Brendan walked into the room. "I like your vibe. I'll get back to you."

They all looked at one another with blank expressions. "That it?" Aaron walked over to him. "If you want more man, we can give you more. We have more music."

"Aaron…" Rufus spoke up.

"Seriously, we got that portfolio you saw…"

Rufus shot him a look, "Aaron!"

"No…no he's right," Brendan held his hand up. "I saw it. Tell ya what. Give me some variety. Mix it up. Get some slower songs. I like that one song….what was it….firewood…red….Rosewood," he looked at them.

"Rosewood…" Rufus looked up. "But I didn't…."

"I found it in a stack of papers the other night when I was making the portfolio," Dusty shrugged. I didn't think you'd care."

Brendan looked between the two. "Make me a demo. Send it in and I'll listen to it."

"They will," Suz stood and held out her hand. "You'll be hearing from them soon. Thank you for your time. We appreciate it."

"Yep," Brendan shook her hand. "Well I gotta go, I have a few more bands coming in." He gave Rufus a once over and then walked out of the room.

Rufus turned around knowing Rick probably had something to do with what had just happened. He couldn't believe it….he didn't want to believe it. Would Lily tell her father about them? Would she lie? Make him look bad? He took a deep breath. He felt completely responsible and it made him feel like crap. He blew it for his band.

"Hey," Justin walked up to him. "You heard him. We'll just make another demo. We're layin' low for a bit. We'll go back to Boston work on our songs. We can do this."

"Yeah," Rufus turned around. "Let's get out of here."

_**One month previous…..**_

_**Sacramento, CA**_

_**January, 20**__**th**__** 1991 **_

_After walking Lily back to her hotel and seeing her take off for a night with Perry, Rufus walked back to his own hotel and went up to his room. He could hear people talking and yelling over music and figured everyone was in Dusty and Suz's room next door. He sat down at the edge of the bed and took his guitar back out of its case. He thought for a few seconds before he started to strum a few cords. Lily was still heavily on his mind and thoughts of her consumed him._

"…_.you walked back into my life_

_I wasn't expecting to see you again_

_I thought it was over_

_But you swept me up again. " _

_Rufus sighed thinking for a few moments. Flashbacks started to appear before him. Everything that he and Lily used to do together flooded his mind. He smiled softly thinking about it as the words flowed. He quickly grabbed a pen and looked around before grabbing and old paper McDonalds bag writing down the lyrics. _

"…_When we were together _

_you knew I saw forever_

_The endless rides we took, _

_You wrapped me up in your smile"_

"…_Rosewood running threw my mind_

_Golden hair, it makes me smile_

_Green fields of the countryside_

_Breeze and trees just flyin' past"_

_Rufus tapped his foot on the ground trying to catch a beat as he sung out the chorus. A song had never came to him so fast. He pictured Lily's horse and riding her through the hills of Montecito. He saw her photos hanging in that dingy gallery on the west side. Her hair and her smile. It all came to him._

"…_Painted horses on the walls_

_the artist smiles, her heart enthralled_

_Proud and glowing through the dim_

_Hazy room that lies within_

_Work displayed in public view_

_A glass of wine, Rosewood perfume._

"…_Rosewood running through my heart_

_Is it pain? Or is it her art?_

_Rosewood runnin' runnin' runnin'_

_Through my heart."_

"_Rosewood_

_Oh, oh,_

_Rosewood…."_

_He finished his song and sat back against the bed. He looked at his lyrics sprawled across the greasy bag. He made a few changes before he realized it was exactly the way he wanted it. Not that it mattered. Nobody was ever going to see it. Nobody but him._


	17. Date Night

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Date Night**

**The Boston Conservatory Theatre**

**March 3****rd****, 1991**

**Boston, Massachusetts **

It was opening night for _How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, _and Alison was running backstage trying desperately to find her right character shoe. She was in the middle of getting her makeup done when someone came to put an insert in the heel of her shoe and never returned. "Who ever stole my fucking shoe I'm going to kill them!"

Everyone around Alison stopped for a minute, never hearing her swear or lose her cool. "Sorry," she apologized. "But I literally have forty-five seconds before I go on and I can't-"

"Here Alison…."

"Jimmy." She sighed, grabbing her shoe from his outstretched hand. "You're killing me here." She slipped it on and strapped it around her ankle.

"Sorry," she small freshman boy apologized. "I thought I'd have more time."

"It's okay," she sighed taking a quick look in the mirror. She took a deep breath and walked into the wings waiting for her cue. She was so nervous. She hadn't heard from Rufus in days but he had promised her that he would be there. She tried to look out from stage left but the house was so dark that she couldn't see a thing.

She knew she had to push it out of her mind. "_Hedy LaRue…Hedy LaRue…_" she said to herself closing her eyes. "Focus…."

When she opened her eyes she saw the spot light come up and she danced her way toward the apron.

* * *

Lincoln Hawk got stuck forty-five minutes outside of Boston and by the time the bus dropped Rufus off in front of the theatre the musical was already an hour into the second act. He ran down the hall toward the theatre entrance and quickly bought a rose on the way in.

He found a seat in the back and quietly sat down. He wished he would have read up on the play a little so he would at least know what was going on. When he looked up he noticed a blonde being thrown over someone's shoulder and as soon as he heard that giggle he knew it was her. He laughed hoping to get to see her dance when all of a sudden the curtain closed and the house lights turned on. "Shit" he looked around. "Are you kidding me?"

He couldn't help but laugh as he watched curtain call and clapped for her when she came out. The cast did their final bow before the doors to the theatre were opened. Walking back out Rufus made his way down the steps and waited off to the side as he watched the cast members come out and mingle with everyone. He saw Alison talking with a few people, some whom gave her flowers. He watched her smile and laugh every so often looking around. He wondered if she was looking for him.

The large crowd started to grow smaller and Rufus walked toward the bottom of the steps. Alison had just ended a conversation and she looked as though she were just about to walk back in the theatre. She looked up at the clock and sighed.

"Pouting again, Richards?" Rufus spoke up, loud enough for Alison to hear him.

Alison quickly turned around hearing his voice. "Rufus!" she broke out in a wide grin, rushing down the stairs. "I was afraid you didn't make it!" she threw herself in his arms.

"I told ya I'd be here," he spun her around.

She held onto him tightly and kissed him soundly. "Oh I missed you so much. Oh."

"I missed you too baby," he smiled.

She pulled away and looked at him. "So how did you like the show? Could you see me?"

"Honestly?" he looked at her.

"Yes, of course," she was afraid he didn't like it.

"I just got here," he laughed. I sat down pretty much the same time the curtain did."

"Oh," she frowned.

"Traffic was backed up coming into town," he rubbed her arms.

"That's okay," she smiled. "You're here now," she hugged him again.

He buried his nose in her hair. "Any plans tonight?"

She thought for a moment. "There's a cast party but I'd rather not go," she smiled. "I thought we could have our own party."

"Katie home tonight?" he eyed her.

"Nope," she grinned.

"Let's go," he quickly took her hand.

"Rufus wait," she chuckled. "Let me get my things."

**Rhodes Ranch**

**Montecito, California **

Lily stood on the porch of her mothers ranch in Montecito. Some how Cece found out she was in California and hadn't stopped trying to get a hold of her. Lily had finally ran out of money and felt stupid asking Perry for it every time she wanted to go somewhere. She decided to just suck it up and see if she could talk some sense into her mother. Even if she had to lie to her to do it.

She fumbled through her purse reaching for her keys at the bottom. Pulling them out she placed the key in the lock and slowly pushed the door open. She took a deep breath and walked inside. Looking around she noticed everything was different. Once again her mother decided that the furniture wasn't good enough and had to redecorate. "Hello…" Lily walked through the foyer and down the hall into the kitchen. "Mother?"

"Miss Lily?" Constance rounded the corner. She wiped her hands on the bottom of her apron as a big smile appeared on her face. "Well if it ain't the long lost Lily Rhodes."

"Constance!" Lily's face turned bright. "Oh I missed you!" she hugged her. "How are you?"

"Still runnin' my self ragged Miss Lily," she looked over her shoulder. "You done tell your mama you comin? She be runnin' 'round this house somethin' crazy today!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "No I didn't tell her. It was a last minute decision. Where is she?"

"Outside on the patio," Constance opened the refrigerator and poured two glasses of lemonade. "Why done you take this out to you mama."

Lily eyed Constance for a moment before placing both glasses on a tray and walking toward the patio. "You're lucky I like you."

"That a girl," Constance told her.

Lily looked out the window before sliding open the door and stepping outside. Her mother was sunbathing on the lounge, eyes closed, arms lightly resting at her side. Lily rolled her eyes and set the drinks on the table. "Mother," her voice dripped with a bit of sarcasm.

"Lillian?" Ceces eye's opened. "Well what do I owe this pleasure?"

Lily leaned against the patio table. "Nice to see you too mother."

"Come here and give me a hug," Cece held out her arms.

Lily eyed her mother for a moment before she walked over and hugged her dolefully.

Cece pulled back and looked her daughter from head to toe, giving her head a slight shake. "Well I hope you're home because you've finally come to your senses," she blinked a few times. "Ready to settle down."

"I'm here because if you want me to stand on my own two feet I need my money…that's entitled to me," Lily crossed her arms. "I want to live in New York."

"Oh no," Cece laughed getting up. "I'm not falling for that again. I'm not senseless Lily. I know you won't settle down in New York. You'll up and leave again."

"You can't just take my money away from me!" she stomped her foot. "Those trusts are mine!"

"If you want them back you stay in California," she stood her ground.

"Mother!" Lily turned around, looking down at the gardens, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew she had to be smart. She had to play the game. There was no other way around it.

"I told you I talked with Bebe van der Woodsen. Her son wants to meet you."

Lily rolled her eyes and turned back around. "Fine," she gritted through her teeth.

"Really?" Cece smiled.

"Yes, really," she picked her glass of lemonade taking a large drink.

"Wonderful," she got up. "I'll just call her up them. And I'll have Constance make up your room."

"Ah…." Lily bit her tongue. "That would be….nice. Thank you mother."

* * *

As soon as the door closed to Alison's apartment Rufus's hands were under her shirt pulling it quickly over her head. He walked her backward, stumbling on the dining room chair as they made their way across the room. They stopped in the hall as Alison's hands hastily made their way to his belt, undoing his pants. Rufus smiled against her lips as he kicked them off before turning into her room. He lifted his shirt over his head tossing it on the chair by the window.

Pinning her against the closet door Rufus reached up and yanked her panties off as he hiked her skirt up. "I waited too long for his," he reached behind her and unhooked her bra. Immediately Rufus's hands found her breasts, teasing her nipples before closing in and taking one into his mouth.

"Oh god…." Alison sighed, her eyes closing. "Rufus."

"Get over here," he grinned, picking her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He sat back on the bed against the headboard keeping her on his lap.

She continued to kiss him feverishly. "I…I can't wait any longer," she tried to lay back.

"No," Rufus held her tight. "Just like this." He lifted her slightly by her hips then slowly lowered her on his erection.

"Like….this," she looked into his eyes.

"Just like this," he moved his hips back and forth. "I want to feel you."

Alison moved her midsection in rhythm with Rufus thrusts. Looking down she kept a hand on each side of his ribcage to bring herself in closer with each movement. She felt herself moan as her head leaned back in pleasure.

Rufus bit his lip as he watched as her back arched bringing her chest to lightly tap against his. He felt her hands on his sides, her nails lightly grazing his skin. "Al," he groaned.

"A little faster," she pleaded, trying to pick up the pace.

He reached down placing his hands under her ass, as his hips raised off the bed slightly. "You don't even know how you feel to me right now," he already felt himself starting to come.

Alison propped herself up on her knees so she could take him in deeper when they both came. Their bodies slid against each other as Alison spoke in his ear. "Make me come," she whispered.

Hearing her say that to him, stunned him for a moment, but turned him on even more. He leaned back a bit, getting a better angle and thrusted as deep and evenly as he could before he came himself, not able to hold out.

Alison moaned a loud in pleasure as her hand dug into the mattress, keeping herself balanced. "Rufus….yes," she cried, feeling her muscles contract. "Oh…."

Laying back against the pillows Rufus tired in vain to catch his breath. He looked up noticing Alison's eyes were closed, as she sat on top of him. He smiled and moved his hands up her legs to rest on her hips. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I…I couldn't wait," she said breathlessly.

"Neither could I," he pulled her downward. "Especially after you said that…"

Alison blushed and buried her head in his neck.

"I guess you missed me as much as I did you," he grinned. "And shoot if I'm going to get a homecoming like that every time I get back, I'm leaving more often."

"Don't you dare!" she looked up.

He laughed, and felt her hands move up his sides, resting at his hip. "Again…" he looked into her eyes.

She smiled and nodded. "Slowly this time," she kissed his collar bone. "Make it last."

* * *

"What do you mean you're staying at home?" Perry asked, watching Lily throw her clothes in a suitcase. "I thought you were coming with me?"

"I just need to play my mothers game for awhile," she took a few dresses from the closet. "I'll be back. Don't worry."

"Is this about the money?" he sat on the bed. "Because I told you I'd take care of you. It's fine."

"It's the principal of the thing Perry. There are things she made me do…give up, and she still took my money away from me."

He turned from her. "I didn't know money meant that much to you."

"Don't give me that," she shut her suitcase. "I told you I'll be back. I'm just missing a few shows. It's not that big of a deal."

"And what exactly does your mother want you to do? Why do you need to be in her home?"

Lily bit her lip not wanting him to know she was going to be going out with someone else. "Who knows," she rolled her eyes. "Show me off at parties. How I'm a respectable young woman thinking about joining the Junior League. Whatever."

"This is ridiculous," he got up looking out the window. "How long is this charade going to take?"

"I don't know," she was honest, grabbing her garment bag. "Till I get what I want."

* * *

It was 8am when Rufus felt the rays of sun hitting him in the eyes. Opening them he squinted a bit and immediately felt Alison's head laying on his chest and her hand lightly resting just below it. He smiled and softly ran his index finger down her naked spine. Closing his eyes again he breathed in her scent. He didn't know quite what it was, it reminded him of something a little woodsy and sweet at the same time. It was kind of like her own personal scent. Burying his nose in her hair, he smiled thinking back to last night. It was just perfect to him. Looking down at her face, he was struck with so many different feelings. He was starting to realize that what he felt for her was becoming really strong. It was something that he never felt for her before. It was love, and protectiveness. It was strong and wonderful and scary because he never thought he feel like that again. She was laying in his arms and for the first time he didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to ever know what it felt like to not have her there. He knew that he loved her for a long time. But this was the first time he could actually see beyond just that moment with her. The first time he wanted to.

He pulled her a bit closer and he heard her softly sigh in her sleep. He kissed the side of her face and closed his eyes again. He was just about to fall back asleep when he thought he heard a knock at the front door. He listened for a moment and didn't hear anything and slowly pulled the covers up over them. Alison's leg moved in-between them when Katie burst into the room. "Al your parents are here!"

"Shit!" Rufus jumped up.

"Mmm….what?" Alison looked up.

"Your parents are here!" Rufus jumped from the bed.

"Oh my god," Alison looked back and forth.

"Alison…." Her mother voice was heard from the hall.

"Get in the closet," she shrieked, tossing him a shirt.

Katie couldn't help but laugh and take in the view of Rufus's naked behind. Alison also jumped from the bed and grabbed her robe and tied it as she slammed Rufus in the closet. "Mom," her eyes turned large.

"Are you still asleep?" Elaine and Carrie both walked into the room. "It's after eleven."

Alison quickly brushed her hand through her hair and swallowed hard. 'W-what are you doing here?"

"Surprise!," she held her arms out. "Your father and I came for the show tonight," she hugged her. "And Carrie is up for the day."

"Sure is a surprise," Alison hugged her, catching a glace at Carrie.

Carrie noticed her sister seemed out of sorts. She walked across the room and looked out the window to the streets below. As she turned around she noticed a pair of boxers on the floor by the closet. "We didn't catch you at a bad time did we?" she grinned.

"No," she shook her head quickly. "I was just out late last night so I decided to sleep in."

"So how was opening night? Did it go well?" Elaine asked.

"Mmhmm…" she nodded. "Where's dad?"

"Sitting on the couch. Some pre-game show," she rolled her eyes. "He wants to take you out for breakfast."

"Okay, that's fine, let me just get dressed," she tried to push them out.

"Oh Al can I borrow that one red turtle neck of yours?" she walked toward the closet.

"I'll get it," she quickly turned.

"I got it," she smiled opening the closet door. Looking inside she saw Rufus standing in the corner. The bed sheets were wrapped around his waist as he stared at her. She gave him a wink and grabbed a sweater off the hanger. She gave him a quick once over and made a squeezing motion with her hand before she closed the door. "I think I'll wear this instead."

Alison's eyes turned wide and watched her sister walk back around the bed. "I…I'll be out in a minute okay."

"Honey are you okay?" Elaine touched her forehead. "You're sweating."

"It's hot in here mom," Carrie put her arm on her mother's back. "Let Al get dressed. I'm hungry."

As soon as they walked out of the room Katie turned to her and handed her a pile of clothes that were behind her back. "These were by the front door and in the living room…and the hallway."

"Oh god," she sighed pushing her out of the room, shutting the door and locking it.

Rufus opened the closet door and walked out. He had his shirt on and the sheet were still wrapped around his waist. "Well that was close."

"You do realize Carrie will be holding that over our heads until we die right?"

"I wouldn't expect any less." he smiled backing her against the bathroom door. "You do look a little flushed."

"Can you blame me?"

Rufus untied her robe and trailed his finger down the valley of her breasts. "No, I really don't feel like being murdered today by your father," he kissed her. "When can I see you again?"

"Tonight?" she kissed him. "After the show? Or you can go with them if you want."

He made a face.

"Or not," she laughed.

"No," he joked. "I'll go with them. I wanna see you, Miss LaRue."

"I gotta get ready," she smiled. 'You can take a shower and stuff after we leave. That okay?"

"I much rather take one with you," he slid his hand between her legs.

"Rufus," she squirmed.

"Alright," he sighed. "I had a good time last night."

"Of course you did," she rolled her eyes.

"No," he shook his head and looked into her eyes. "I mean it."

Alison smiled and placed her hand on his cheek, kissing him softly. "So did I. I love you."

"I love you more."

* * *

"Lily time to wake up." Cece walked into the room, Constance behind her carrying a tray with orange juice, granola and some fruit. "We have a busy day."

"Mother," Lily sighed, rolling over and looking at her alarm clock. "It's only eight o'clock. I'm tired."

"You can sleep tomorrow. Look I brought you breakfast," she motioned for Constance to set it on the bed.

"I'm not hungry," she pulled the covers over her head.

"Lily," she sighed. You have a nine o'clock hair appointment

Her voice was muffled. "I never made a hair appointment."

"I know, I did," she sat on the bed, and motioned for Constance to leave the room. "You very well can't go on your date with William with split ends."

"What?" she pushed the covers down.

"Your date with William," she repeated.

"Already!" she was surprised.

"Yes already, now come, eat your breakfast so we can get you ready," she stood. "We have someone coming by this afternoon to bring over some dresses for you to choose from."

"Mother," she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't need any help getting ready. And I can wear someone I already have."

"Nonsense," she shook her head walking to the door. "Hurry now, we don't have all day."

Lily sighed and laid back against the headboard. Looking out the window she noticed Rosewood trotting around the back path with one of the wranglers. All she really wanted to do was jump on her and ride off forgetting everything her mother wanted her to do.

Turning she opened her bedside table and inside under a few magazines was a picture of her and Rufus. They were sitting on Zuma Beach down in Malibu. It was the summer before they broke up and it seemed like a lifetime ago to her. Touching she picture, she bit her lip to keep in the tears. She knew deep down she was still holding out for a chance that he would come back to her. Even though she was in a handful of relationships after Rufus, she never let herself truly get close to any of them. She wouldn't let herself. She didn't want to become attached just incase he did come back. And to be completely honest, she really didn't feel much for them anyway.

She was starting to resent the lifestyle on the road. Being the only girl, living out of a suitcase, the long days and nights. It wasn't appealing to her anymore. And even though Perry was good to her, she didn't love him. And she knew she definitely wasn't going to marry him.

Glancing at the clock Lily realized she needed to start getting ready. She was actually glad she was finally going to get her hair done and have a little pampering. She needed it, especially if she had to put up with William tonight.

* * *

Rufus parked Alison's jeep in front of The Charles Street Inn. Rufus and Alison's dad were sitting in the front while Alison and her mother chatting in the back. Looking out the window Alison looked up to the Inn. "I hope you guys enjoy your room."

"I'm sure we will," Elaine opened her door.

Rufus got out of the car and opened the back of the Jeep. "I'll help you carry the bags in.

"Thank you Rufus," Elaine smiled as she watched Rufus and Michael walk up the cobblestone steps into the Inn. "So," she turned to her daughter. "You and Rufus have plans tonight?"

"Mmm…we really haven't talked about it," she turned to her mother. "Maybe back to one of our places and watch a movie."

"You and Rufus," she nodded. "You're….serious about each other."

Alison bit her lip and nodded, wondering where her mother was going with this. "Mmhmm."

"Has he….spent the night with you…at the apartment?"

"Mother…." Alison sighed.

"I hope you're making smart decisions Alison. Your father and I can't keep an eye on you all the time."

"Since when do I need to be kept an eye on?" she crossed her arms. "I'm not a child."

"Exactly how serious are you two?" she wondered.

"Serious."

"And you trust him?"

Alison started to get irritated. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Well isn't he gone a lot?" her eyes narrowed. "All over the United States. I'm sure he meets a lot of people and…."

"What are you trying to say mother?" she snapped. "That Rufus is cheating on me every time he's away? That I shouldn't trust him?"

"I'm just saying that I'm sure he comes into contact with a lot of…people and I hope-"

"We're fine," she held up her hand as she saw Rufus and her father walk down the stairs.

"We're all checked in," Michael smiled putting his arm around his wife. "What are you kids up to tonight?"

"Movie maybe?" he looked at Alison. "Stop at JP Licks?"

"That sounds nice," she nodded turning towards her dad. "Have a good night," she hugged him. "Mom."

Rufus watched as Alison quickly jumped into the passenger side of her jeep. He could tell that she was mad. He hoped it wasn't something he did.

"Night you two!" Michael waved. "And thanks again."

Rufus waved back then got into the car. He started it up and turned to her. "Someone wrong?"

"No," she looked out the window. "Just my mother being herself."

"Okay…."

"Let's go get some frozen yogurt and rent a movie or something," she sighed. "I'm kinda tired and I have two shows tomorrow."

Rufus didn't want to press her. He rested his hand on her thigh. "You did great tonight," he smiled softly.

"Thanks," she leaned over and lightly kissed him. "Let's go."

* * *

Lily heard the doorbell ring as she was putting on her lipstick. He was twenty minutes early. "Lily hurry," her mother walked past her bathroom door. "He's here!"

Lily rolled her eyes, her mother was acting like it was her first date or something. She looked at herself in the mirror. She cut off her long hair and it now just hung to about the tops of her shoulders. Gone were the bleach blonde streaks and in their place were darker lowlights adding dimension. Her nails were manicured as well as her toes. She had also received a massage, so for the first time in months she actually felt relaxed.

She looked at herself once more in the mirror and smoothed out the bottom of her dress. She took a deep breath and walked down the hall. Looking between the rungs of the stairwell she could see William standing by the door. His dark hair was gelled back and he wore a navy suit coat. He was talking with Cece and soon as he saw her walking down the stairs his mouth dropped open slightly watching as she neared him.

Lily grabbed her wrap and purse from the foyer table. "Ready?"

"Oh," he shook his head a bit as he stuttered. "Y-yes."

"Mother," she nodded walking out the door.

Cece walked toward her, "Lily, Will said that-"

Lily shut the door behind her. "She'll talk forever," she rolled her eyes walking down the steps.

"Oh," he laughed looking between her and the door. "Your mother seemed nice."

"You don't know Cece." She stopped in front of his sports car and went to open the door.

"Let me," he smiled. "And I'm William by the way."

"I know," she laughed getting in the car.

Closing the door he jogged over to the other side and hopped in. He quickly started the car and the music started to blast causing them both to jump.

"Sorry, I...I forgot that was on," he blushed.

"That's okay," she laughed. "I like that song. It's from Poison."

"You like rock music?" Will looked at her as he turned out of her driveway.

"Yes, I happen to like rock music. Is there something wrong with that?" she crossed her arms and looked at him.

"No, he laughed shaking his head. "That just doesn't seem your genre."

"My genre huh," she turned to him. "So William what exactly do think my genre would be?

Williams eyes narrowed as he looked down the road. Trying to pin point anything about Lily was a struggle for him. "Oh, I don't know," he shrugged. "I just picture you driving down Pacific Coast Highway, the wind in your hair, sunglasses on and just…switching stations," he laughed.

"Safe," she laughed with him and sinking back into the seat. She looked around his fancy sports car, admiring the shiny chrome interior. "So where are we going?"

"I thought we could go to Acacia. It's new and I've never been," he turned to look at her.

"Mm…is it new? I've never heard of it."

"Yeah, I think my mom knows the owners or something. It's the new 'it place', " he joked.

"I'm sure my mother would love that," she rolled her eyes.

"You really don't like your mother do you," he realized. "She seems nice to me."

"And you didn't grow up with her," she looked down at her nails. "And of course she's nice to you. Besides she was probably drunk anyways."

"No wonder she gets along so well with my mother," he laughed to himself as he pulled onto the freeway. "She's a pretty nice person if she isn't talking to her own children."

"Tell me about it," she agreed. Lily looked out the window to the busy freeway.

They were both silent for awhile before Will broke in. "Something on your mind?"

"Not really," she lied. Something was always on her mind. It seemed like she could never turn it off even if she tried. It was exhausting and she hoped someday she would feel like her normal self again. "It's nice to get out again."

"I thought you would say that."

Lily turned to him. "What do you mean?'

"Well, I just heard around that you've been traveling with a pretty rough crowd, doing some hard core partying," he relaxed in his seat. "I can imagine that you'd be grapping to come back to civilization. Be with your own kind of people again."

"Civilization," her brows narrowed. "My own kind of people?"

"Oh come on Lily," he laughed. "I can tell right down to your manicured nails what you prefer."

Lily watched as their car pulled in front of Acaica. "You don't know what I prefer," she undid her seatbelt. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know you're feisty," he laughed getting out of the car.

Slightly annoyed Lily opened her own car door and then slammed it shut. She looked around and noticed the restaurant as the only building for miles around. "Great…."

Will walked over to her side of the car and leaned against it. "You look upset."

"Well I don't like when people assume they know me," she countered him. "You never really know someone."

"I don't think that's true," he crossed his arms. "I know you're going to marry me."

* * *

**Holiday Inn**

**April 18th, 1993 **

**Salt Lake City, Utah**

"Hey turn the music down," Rufus shouted. "I can't hear."

Mary Sue got up from her chair and walked across the room, turning the CD player off. "Always so touchy" she rolled her eyes.

Rufus laughed, taking a drink of his beer. "Hello?"

"Rufus…." Anna's voice shook. "Rufus is that you?"

Rufus sat his beer down the voice sounding oddly familiar to him. "Who is this?"

"Rufus, it's Anna," she swallowed hard. "Rufus, you need to come home."

He sighed, "Not you too now. What did Carrie tell you about me now?"

"Rufus…."

"Your sister needs to mind her own business," he picked his beer back up. "She's really starting to annoy me."

"Rufus there's been an accident…."


	18. Pregnancy Scare

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Pregnancy Scare**

**April 5****th****, 1991**

**Boston, Massachusetts**

Alison sat on her bed urgently flipping through her day calendar and counting the dates. "No…no," she whispered recounting. "Thirty-one, Thirty-two, Thirty-three, Thirty-four…no…." she sighed. "I…I can't be."

Her hands shook as she stood and looked out the window. Closing her eyes she turned then looked at herself in the mirror. "Pregnant…" She couldn't be. She couldn't. It wasn't possible. Well, it was possible, but she didn't want to believe it. Placing her hands on her stomach she rubbed it for a moment. "Oh God…" she closed her eyes.

"Hey Al!" Katie walked into her room. "Come on, me and Sarah, Jake and Rob from down the hall are going over to Chris's. He has a keg. Beer pong!" she laughed. "You got five minutes!"

Quickly dropping her hands she shook her head. "I can't…I…mmm…I have a test tomorrow."

"On a Saturday?" she put her hand on her hip. "No, you don't."

"I mean audition," she quickly shot back. "I can't be all bloodshot and bloated," she tried to laugh. "Next time."

Katie eyed her for a minute something seeming amiss. "Alright….well next time then?"

"Mmhmm," she nodded and looked at herself again in the mirror. She sat on her bed waiting for Katie to leave. A myriad of emotions washed over her. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath and that horrible sickening feeling started to bubble in her core. That kind of feeling when something terrible happens and you can't do anything to stop it.

She had to find out. She had to know. As soon as the front door closed she grabbed her purse and her keys and slipped out of the apartment. With her mind on overdrive she didn't even noticed how much her hands were shaking until she couldn't put the key in her car door. "Calm down Alison, calm down." Taking a deep breath she put the key in the door and unlocked it. Getting in the car she quickly started the engine and backed out of her space and down the road. She felt like she was on autopilot as she drove to the pharmacy.

She could place the date, she could. She knew exactly when it happened. The night Rufus came home. They were up half the night and the thought didn't even occur to her until days later when she realized they didn't use any condoms. They were never careless like that. Never.

"Damnit!" she cried out hitting the steering wheel. "You're so stupid Alison! Why didn't you think! Why!"

Stopping at the light she brushed her tears away. What was she going to do if she were pregnant? She wasn't ready for a baby. And Rufus, she couldn't even imagine what he would do. Then her thoughts turned to her parents. God, they would be so disappointed in her. Her school, and her dancing, her art, everything would be ruined.

Continuing down the road her mind couldn't keep up with the flood of thoughts that were entering it at a constant speed. She completely worked herself thinking that she was pregnant. She parked at the pharmacy bought the first pregnancy test she saw and rushed back to her apartment.

Sitting on the bed she stared at the test and she knew she didn't want to do it alone. She was scared. She thought about calling Suz to be with her but knew she had a big mouth and tell Dusty, and then Dusty would tell Rufus and that wasn't the way she wanted him to find out. She wanted to tell him. She wanted him with her. She wanted to hold his hand.

Taking a deep breath she picked up the phone and dialed his number. It rang a few times before Dusty picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Dusty?"

"Yeah."

"It's Alison, is Rufus there?" she said quickly.

"Yeah hang on a second," he told her. "RUFUS! IT'S YOUR WOMAN!"

It seemed like eternity before he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Rufus…."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Rufus can you…can you come over right now?"

Bending over Rufus tied his shoe. "Actually I was just about to go out with Dusty and Aaron to Bell and grab a few beers. I can stop by afterwards if you want."

Swallowed hard her voice shook a bit. "Can you come over now….please."

Rufus immediately noticed the falter in her voice. "Al what's wrong?" he stood up. "Are you okay?"

"Can you just come?"

Looking for his keys he nodded, "Give me ten minutes."

**Montecito, California**

Dropping her purse on the floor Lily laid back in her bed. She had just gotten home from a date with Michael Hamilton a venture capitalist from Los Angeles. Rubbing her temples she was glad to be home. She knew soon as he picked her up and started talking about hedge funds the date was only going to go down from there. At least she was able to have a nice meal at the hottest up and coming restaurant in the city.

She had to say she was kind of enjoying her life in California. She knew it was just a few years ago that she was screaming to get away from her life in Montecito and even more from Cece, but something about it was different now. Cece was just glad to have her home and dating "proper" men that she wasn't on her back all the time, giving herself the freedom she craved.

She didn't really have any interest in the men she went out with since being home. And they definitely weren't as fun as hanging out with the rock n roll crowd. They were just the type of boys that turned into the men she'd been around her entire life. The only person that really caught her attention was Will.

He had turned out to be different than she expected. He was shy at first, timid, reserved, and not at all like his brother, which was something she liked. Then after the course of a few dates she learned more about him and always had a nice time. His sense of humor made her laugh which seemed to be far and few between lately. The only down side was he was a complete workaholic and entirely dedicated to his craft as a doctor.

Realizing that she hadn't heard from him in awhile she rolled over and picked up her phone and punched in the numbers to his cellular phone.

"Mmm…hello?" he said sleepily.

"Will?"

Opening his eyes he tried to sit up. "Lily?"

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"It's okay," he brushed some of the sleep from his eyes. "I was just taking a cat nap. I have rounds in a few minutes. What's up? I haven't heard from you in awhile. All those dates must be keeping you busy."

"Oh shut up," she laid back in her pillows. "What do you know about that?"

"Enough," he grinned. "But I see you are calling me. I knew you'd come crawling back to old van der Woodsen."

"Do you want me to hang up?" she huffed.

"Why? You'd call back."

"William!"

He couldn't help but laughed. "Okay, okay."

"When's your next night off? I want to go to dinner and maybe a movie."

"So demanding," he got up and looked around for his pants. "How do you know I don't have a date?"

Lily looked at her nails and rolled her eyes. "Well break it."

"I'll think about it."

"Will…."

"Thursday night at seven. And I'm not waiting this time," he tossed on his coat. "Cause I'll just find someone else."

"You're so romantic."

"That's why you love me."

"I don't love you."

"We'll see," he grinned. "Bye Lily."

**Boston, Massachusetts **

As soon as her saw her face he knew something was wrong. She was pale and jittery and couldn't even looked him in the eyes. "Al, what is it?" he tried to take her hand. "Did someone…die?"

"No," she walked in her room. "I just….I need you to listen to me."

"Alright," he gave her a look and sat down on her bed. "What?"

Alison bit the side of her lip. She knew there was no easy way to say this. She didn't think she was ever so scared in her life. Taking a deep breath she looked at him. "I'm late."

"Late?" he looked at her confused. "For what? And audition?"

"My period Rufus," she said softly.

"Your…" his face turned white.

"Yeah," she couldn't look at him any longer.

Standing he took a deep breath and crossed the room. He walked back and forth a few times trying to gather his thoughts. "How late?"

"About six days," she frowned. "I…I didn't even realize."

"Have you taken a test?" he turned to her.

"No," she whispered. "I bought one, but I was too scared. I want you to…I wanted you to be here with me."

"But we've always been so careful," he sighed, gritting his teeth. "You're on the pill right?"

"What?" she looked at him. "No."

"I thought you were. I mean that night I came home. You didn't say anything. I just figured….."

"I forgot….."

"Forgot!" his voice grew. "Al we had sex like three times that night." He thought back remembering how they did it twice in a row then again in the middle of the night.

"You don't think I don't know that!" she shot back. "You don't think I'm not scared to death right now!" she started to cry.

Brushing his hands through his hair he tried to calm his nerves. "Just take the test. We could be getting worked up over nothing."

She walked over and grabbed the paper bag off her desk and took out the box. Sniffling, she brushed away some tears. Her hands were shaking so hard she couldn't open the box.

"Let me," he gently took the box from her. "Just take a deep breath okay." Opening the box he took out the package and unwrapped it. Alison looked at the test then to Rufus. "It's okay," he said softly. "I'm here. You're not alone."

She nodded and took the test. "I'll um…I'll be right back," she walked in the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Sitting back down on the bed Rufus rested his elbows on his knees and brushed his hands through his hair again taking another deep breath. "Shit…." he sighed. He wasn't ready for this. Not by a long shot. What was he going to do? He couldn't be a father. And Alison, she wasn't ready to be a mother. There was so much she wanted to do. Her career was just starting. Both of them were just starting.

Looking around the room it suddenly felt so small and confining. He sensed the walls were closing in on him and in that moment all he wanted to do was run out the door, but he knew that he couldn't. Looking to his left he noticed a framed picture of himself and Alison next to her bed. Picking it up he looked at it. It was of them at the Boston Art Festival. He smiled a little remembering that day.

The door to the bathroom slowly opened and Alison walked out. Putting the picture back Rufus patted the bed next to him. She walked over to him and sat down, not touching him. He wrapped his arm around her side and pulled her in. "It'll be okay."

"How can you say that?" she looked at him, tears in her eyes. "I'm not ready for this."

"Is anyone ever?" he questioned.

"More than I am."

"We," he turned her chin. "You keep saying 'I' and it's 'we'."

"You don't want to do this," she shook her head. "You have your band and…"

"You'd think I'd just leave you with a baby?" he pulled away. "God, Al give me some credit here."

She turned away from him again too ashamed at her own thoughts of what he might do. Deep down she knew him, but was afraid of what could happen.

"That baby is mine too you know. And it's not like….I don't love you. You know I do. And every time we've been together it's because we love each other." He looked into her eyes when she turned to look at him. "If you're pregnant it's because we made it out of love. And that's never wrong."

"Oh Rufus," she said breathlessly. "I'm sorry. I'm just so scared I can't think straight."

"I'm scared too. I'm scared of your dad."

Alison couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, me too."

Looking down at her stomach he placed his hand over it. "Do you…do you feel any different?"

She shook her head. "No, not really."

"You do know that I would always be there for you. If you are pregnant we'll make it work. I'll just get another job, I'd find us an apartment, take out a loan. Whatever I have to do."

She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm lucky to have you. And…knowing that it's not so scary."

"I don't want you to be scared," he kissed her temple.

"I'd have to quit dancing for awhile," she sighed. "Probably a long while."

"You wouldn't have to do that right away," he took her hand.

"No, I would" she nodded. "I couldn't take the chance. If I fell or something."

He gave her hand a squeeze, "I think you'd make a really good mom."

"You think so?" she looked at their hands.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Remember Christmas? Adam? Rebecca says he still asks about you and when you're going to come and visit."

"He's so cute," she smiled to herself. "You're so good with him too. He adores you."

Looking at his feet Rufus let out a sigh, not knowing really what to say anymore. He felt like he really wasn't in control. If she was pregnant there wasn't anything he could really do about it besides accept it. His life wasn't just his own anymore. It was him, Alison, and possibility a child.

"What are you thinking?" she asked softly.

"Just…." he sighed. "I don't know. How my life is going to change. It's just not me I have to think about anymore."

"Can I ask you something and get an honest answer," she bit her lip.

"Of course," he touched her cheek.

"Are you going to resent me?" she feared. "Because your life is going to change and now you have others to think of? And honestly Rufus I don't think I could handle that. You hating me…resenting me for screwing everything up for you. I need to know because….I'd rather just have us part ways then for you to feel that way." She took a deep breath wanting to get everything out before she changed her mind and chickened out. She needed to know the truth.

"Al," he shook his head. "I could never hate you. Ever. Or resent you for what happened. And you know that goes both ways. I got you pregnant. Things are going to change for you too. Are you going to resent me because you can't dance? Or because now you're going to have to take time off of school?"

"No," she whispered.

"Alright then," he smiled. "No more bad thoughts."

She shook her head. "No more bad thoughts."

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes until Alison realized that it was time to check the test. She took another deep breath and stood up. Then Rufus stood and took her hand. "We'll do it together."

She gave his hand a light squeeze and they walked into the bathroom together. She saw the little white stick sitting on the edge of the sink and slowly brought her hand out to pick it up. Holding her breath they both looked at it.

"Oh my god," she exhaled. "Oh thank god. Oh."

Rufus laughed nervously. "Wow. Okay," he brushed his hand through his hair. "We're okay."

"I don't think I've ever felt so relieved," she buried her head into his chest. "I can breathe again."

He wrapped his arms around her back. "I know what you mean," he let out a long drawn out breath.

Letting her thoughts wander a moment of realization came to her. Rufus," she pulled away to look at him.

"Mmm?" he looked at her.

"We had sex three times that night," she said.

He laughed, "I know."

"No," she shook her head. "We had sex three times that night without protection and I didn't get pregnant."

"I know," he repeated. "We're lucky."

"Rufus," her face fell. "What if I can't get pregnant."

"What?" he looked at her. "No. We just got lucky that's all. It wasn't the right time. Things happen for a reason."

She turned from him and walked back toward the window. Wrapping her arms around her midsection she starting to get a sickening feeling.

"So let me get this straight. Now you're upset because you're not pregnant. Al what's going on?"

"No I'm not upset. Of course I didn't want to have a baby now. I'm not ready for that. You know that," she shook her head. "It's just…I guess I'm surprised I'm not. I want to be a mother one day and the realization just came to me that maybe that'll never be possible. That would be…that would be heartbreaking Rufus."

"Hey I think you're jumping ahead of yourself here."

"I'm I?" she countered.

"Al your mind is going a mile a minute. We just got lucky that's all or….God just knew it wasn't the right time for you."

Alison looked at Rufus, he wasn't a religious person so when he talked about God she always felt it made him feel a little bit deeper, more reliable…caring. "You're right…you're right," she sighed. "I just got so worked up. I was so scared. Don't listen to me," she laughed.

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers though his hair. "Alright, I'm gonna go meet up with Dusty and Aaron at The Bell."

"Oh, okay," she said softly.

Grabbing his coat Rufus walked out of the room. He took a few deep breaths and as he was about to open the front door he turned around and saw Alison sitting on her bed. She was staring at the ground. He had never seen her look so lost. Sighing he shook his head. "What the hell am I doing?" Walking back down the hall he entered her room. "Come on, let's get out of here. I think we could both use a drink."

**Rodeo Drive**

**Beverly Hills, CA**

**April 25****th****, 1991**

"How does it look?" Lily walked out of the dressing room at Ralph Lauren. "I think I like the black better than the white."

Will leaned back on the leather couch taking in Lily's full appearance. "The black, definitely the black," he grinned ear to ear.

"Are you sure?" Lily turned and looked at herself in the full length mirror. She had spend the better part of the afternoon looking for the perfect dress to wear to the auction ball that Mount Cedar Sinai Hospital was hosting. "I think the white might fit better."

Getting up Will walked over to her and placed his hands on her hips, before running them down her sides. "Believe me when I say the black."

"Are you just saying that to get me out of here?" she grinned leaning back into him. "Because it was your idea to come with me."

"You know what I think?" he spoke close to her ear.

"Mmm?" she looked at him through the mirror.

"I think you'd look better without the dress. And I can totally help with that."

"William," she blushed. Looking around she tried to see if anyone was paying attention to them. "You better stop that or you're going to get yourself into trouble."

"I like trouble," he swatted her butt before sitting back down.

"Will I-"

"She does likes trouble," Emily walked out from behind a rack of dresses. "Don't you Lily?"

"Emily," Lily looked at her uneasily.

"Oh you remember my name!" she put her hand to her chest. "I mean, I thought you might have forgotten who I was after you left me at that concert in New York."

"Emily…."

Emily looked towards Will and then back to Lily again. She had been so angry at Lily for what she had done to her. "Mmm….well he sure doesn't look like Trent Reznor. What happened to Trent, Lily?"

"Emily, look I'm sorry…." Lily started.

"You're sorry? she laughed. "What are you sorry for Lily? Are you sorry that you left me alone at a concert in New York by myself and made me find my own way back to California? Or are you sorry that you left with Trent after you knew how much I liked him?"

Feeling embarrassed she couldn't look at Will. "That's not what happened."

"Oh it's not!" she laughed. "So you didn't blow me off and go on the road like a little groupie slut!"

"Excuse me!" she walked towards her. "Will you keep your voice down! I said I was sorry."

"I don't want your apologies," she gave her one last look. "They mean nothing to me." Grabbing her dress from the rack, Emily stormed off and walked down the steps to the first floor of the shop.

"You dated Trent Reznor?" Will make a face. "That's…mmm…." He didn't know what to say.

"I don't want to talk about it." She quickly walked back in her dressing room and closed the door. Leaning back against it she looked at herself in the mirror. She started to think back towards that night. That was the most awful night of her life.

Closing her eyes she willed herself to think about something else…anything else. But it was like her mind was playing some evil trick on her and all she could see was Rufus bending down on one knee and kissing Alison from on top of the stage. And when she shook that memory away, thoughts of her baby crept in. "Stop it….stop it," she said to herself.

"Lily?" Will knocked on the door. "Are you alright?" Lily?"

"Yes," she said softly. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"You want to go grab a coffee?," he asked softly. "I still have a half hour before rounds."

"I'd like that," she brushed her tears away.

"Okay, I'll wait downstairs for you. Oh and Lil?"

"Mmm…"

"Get the black dress," he smiled. "You looked beautiful in it."

* * *

**Hey everyone! Next weeks chapter maybe a few days late. I'll be traveling home for the holidays. I hope all my American readers enjoy their 4th of July weekend! Here's a little snippy of Chapter 18 to get you through the week!**

_It was the end of summer and Lily was laying on the beach with Will. They had just finished a picnic lunch and were now looking up at the clouds. "It's still so hot," Lily pushed her back up off the sand feeling her shirt sticking to her._

_"Indian summer." Will smiled turning to his side and placing his hand on Lily's waist. "Once it starts getting cold again you're going to wish it was this warm."_

_"Mmm…," She rolled onto her stomach. "Are we still going to that dinner party tonight in Malibu Canyon?" _

_"If you want to we certainly can," he took a drink of his lemonade. "I have to run to the hospital quickly, but I can pick you up after."_

_"You're not going to forget about me again are you?" She gave him a ominous look. "Because that wasn't even remotely funny."_

_"I said I was sorry. I got pulled into surgery. It wasn't like I could help it. You know the kind of schedule I keep." Looking down at her he rubbed her cheek. "I made it up to you didn't I?" he shook his eyebrow. "At least that's what you…"_

_"That's quite enough," she sat up brushing the sand from her lap. "Let's go, we have over an hour drive back and I need to get ready." Looking for her sandals she slipped him on her feet._

_Picking up their blanket Will shook the sand off of it before he started to fold it. "My sisters wedding is at the end of the month," he picked up his cooler. "You still going to go with me?"_

_"Depends," she grabbed her bag. "I have so many other engagements that week," she smirked. "It's so hard finding time to fit everything in."_

_"That's okay I'll just ask Laura," he started to walk towards his car._

_"Laura?"_

_"Mmm…." He kept walking._

_"Laura who?" she tried to keep up with him in the sand. "Will, Laura who?"_

_Knowing he was getting to her he held a stone expression. "Just another intern. We've gone out a few times."_

_"What?" she stopped. "When? When did you go out with her?"_

_"Last night," he opened the car door for her. "Get in."_

_"You…" she eyed him. "You're such a damn liar." She got in the car and shut the door herself._

_Will tossed the cooler and blanket in the backseat of his convertible. Snickering he rounded the car and hopped in. "You're beautiful when you are jealous. You __know that?"_

_"And you're an ass."_

_He continued to laugh at her as he started the car. "For wanting to take things slow you sure are possessive." _

_"I just don't think it's funny when you pretend to go out with other women," she put her seatbelt on. "It's rude."_

_He turned to her. "You just did the same thing to me. All those other engagements," he looked in her eyes. "You know it drives me crazy when you say you go out with other men. I don't want you to. I want you to myself."_

_She looked at her hands for a moment. "So does this mean you're not going to see anyone else?"_

_"Are you not?"_

_"No," she said softly._

_"Then I won't either." He grinned and drove off down the freeway._


	19. Tiny Dancer

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Tiny Dancer**

**Malibu Surfrider Beach**

**September 11****th**** 1991**

**Malibu, California **

It was the end of summer and Lily was laying on the beach with Will. They had just finished a picnic lunch and were now looking up at the clouds. "It's still so hot," Lily pushed her back up off the sand feeling her shirt sticking to her.

"Indian summer." Will smiled turning to his side and placing his hand on Lily's waist. "Once it starts getting cold again you're going to wish it was this warm."

"Mmm…," She rolled onto her stomach. "Are we still going to that dinner party tonight in Malibu Canyon?"

"If you want to we certainly can," he took a drink of his lemonade. "I have to run to the hospital quickly, but I can pick you up after."

"You're not going to forget about me again are you?" she gave him a ominous look. "Because that wasn't even remotely funny."

"I said I was sorry. I got pulled into surgery. It wasn't like I could help it. You know the kind of schedule I keep." Looking down at her he rubbed her cheek. "I made it up to you didn't I?" he shook his eyebrow. "At least that's what you…"

"That's quite enough," she sat up brushing the sand from her lap. "Let's go, we have over an hour drive back and I need to get ready." Looking for her sandals she slipped him on her feet.

Picking up their blanket Will shook the sand off of it before he started to fold it. "My sisters wedding is at the end of the month," he picked up his cooler. "You still going to go with me?"

"Depends," she grabbed her bag. "I have so many other engagements that week," she smirked. "It's so hard finding time to fit everything in."

"That's okay I'll just ask Laura," he started to walk towards his car.

"Laura?"

"Mmm…." He kept walking.

"Laura who?" she tried to keep up with him in the sand. "Will, Laura who?"

Knowing he was getting to her he held a stone expression. "Just another intern. We've gone out a few times."

"What?," she stopped. "When? When did you go out with her?"

"Last night," he opened the car door for her. "Get in."

"You…" she eyed him. "You're such a damn liar." She got in the car and shut the door herself.

Will tossed the cooler and blanket in the backseat of his convertible. Snickering he rounded the car and hopped in. "You're beautiful when you are jealous. You know that?"

"And you're an ass."

He continued to laugh at her as he started the car. "For wanting to take things slow you sure are possessive."

"I just don't think it's funny when you pretend to go out with other woman," she put her seatbelt on. "It's rude."

He turned to her. "You just did the same thing to me. All those other engagements," he looked in her eyes. "You know it drives me crazy when you say you go out with other men. I don't want you to. I want you to myself."

She looked at her hands for a moment. "So does this mean you're not going to see anyone else?"

"Are you not?"

"No," she said softly.

"Then I won't either." He grinned and drove off down the freeway.

**Essex, New Jersey **

Rufus walked into his parents kitchen and found his mom stirring a pot on the stove. "Hey," he smiled. "Is that chicken soup I smell?"

"Rufus," her face lit up. Wiping her hands on her apron she approached her son and gave him a hug. "I didn't know you'd be in town today." Kissing him on the cheek she rubbed his back. "Its good to see you."

"Yeah, I mmmm…." He bit his lip as he hugged her. "It was a last minute decision."

"Can you stay for dinner?" she asked pulling away. "I can make that garlic bread you like to go with the soup."

"Sure," he smiled. Hesitating for a moment he walked across the kitchen and pulled down a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water taking a large drink.

Katherine noticed her son seemed distracted and watched as he paced the kitchen. It wasn't often that he came home so she had a feeling something was up. "Honey is something wrong?"

He stood there a long moment and took a deep breath. "I…I have a favor."

"A favor?" she shook her head. "Yes of course, anything. You know that."

"Can….can I have Grandma Madeline's ring?" He finally looked at his mom. "The one with the diamonds."

"Grandmas ring," she said aloud before it hit her. "Grandmas ring," she smiled.

"Yeah," he smiled softly rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh…." Her eyes welled with tears as she engulfed Rufus in a hug. "Oh my son…."

"Mom, he laughed.

"Really?" she looked at him. "Grandmas ring?"

"I can still have it can't I? I remember you told me I…."

"Yes of course you can still have it," she wiped away her tears. "Yes, yes!"

"So Al passes the test then," he joked, remembering what his mom used to tell him. "She's good enough for me?"

Katherine smiled, "I don't think I'd pick anyone else for you. Does she know? Have you talked about this? Is she here in town too?"

"No," he shook his head. "It's just something that I've been thinking about lately. I've been thinking about us lately. Being away so much makes you realize things." Rufus laughed, "She takes care of me. She makes me want to be better."

Katherine looked at her son and nodded taking everything in. In all honesty she couldn't be happier for him. She knew that they were young and probably a mountain full of obstacles awaited them but she couldn't stop smiling none the less. "You know I love her like a daughter and I would love to have her as a part of our family."

"She loves you guys too."

The side door slammed and Rebecca walked into the kitchen, baby Natalie on her hip. Setting down her diaper bag she looked at Rufus. "Hey," she smiled." I didn't know you were in town."

"Yeah," he smiled, touching Natalie's feet and making faces at her.

"Yeah," Katherine sighed, her smile still big.

Rebecca looked back and forth between Rufus and her mother. "What's going on? What'd I miss?"

Katherine looked at Rufus and he nodded. "Your brother has some news. Why don't you ask him."

Rufus grinned and looked down at his feet. He wasn't sure why he felt so shy about everything.

"Well," she moved Natalie to her other hip. "Is someone going to tell me?

"I'm umm….I'm gonna ask Al to marry me," he looked up at his sister. "I wanted Grandma's ring."

"No!" Her face lit up. "Really!"

"Yeah," he laughed realizing her facial reaction resembled that of his mother. He knew that she would probably have some doubts, especially considering their age, but he wasn't going to let it change his mind. "I've been thinking about it. And I don't know when I'm going to ask her….I just know I want to."

"I think Al's good for you," she sat Natalie in her highchair. "She keeps you in line," she joked.

"Yeah I know," he laughed. Turning to his mom he smiled. "Can I see the ring?"

"Oh!" she jumped. "Yes! Yes of course let me go get it!"

**The van der Woodsen Summer House**

**Atherton, CA**

**September 30****th****, 1991 **

Lily moaned feeling the sunlight hit her face as she turned over in bed. "Will…." She sighed. "You need new curtains."

"What?" he said sleepily.

She quickly threw the comforter over her head. "Haven't you ever heard of blackout shades?"

"What," he squinted, not able to hear her through the mounds of sheets. Snuggling underneath the comforter he rested his head towards hers. "It's dark under here."

"I can't breathe," she rolled her eyes. "Stop sucking up my air."

Will couldn't help but laugh a loud. "You're so grumpy in the morning. You know that right?" He looked over at her just barely making out her features in the darkness. For the past few weeks they had been spending every waking moment together including the past week he had off for vacation at his parents summer house in Atherton.

He had enjoyed every minute they spent together and was happy Lily had finally dropped her guard around him and let herself appreciate the little things that their relationship brought. She still had a spunky, bitingly sarcastic way about her, but he loved it.

"Well I'm tired and I can't sleep when it's so bright. And now I'm hot," she sighed throwing the covers off of them both. "I might as well get up now."

"Stay here with me," he wrapped his arm around her midriff and kissed her in the hollow of her neck. "I can think of things we can do here." He ran his other hand up the sides of her legs before dipping under her camisole.

She turned her head. "All you think about is sex. I mean that's all we do."

"Haven't heard you complain," he grinned pulling down her panties. "In fact I believe it's quite the opposite."

"You think you're so cute," she rolled her eyes kissing him. She had no idea why, but she couldn't resist Will lately. She didn't even try. He was the first guy since Rufus that she actually let herself feel something towards. He was stable and she liked that. She could actually picture how her life would be with him. Unlike Rufus, which was exciting at the time, but she never felt like she could plan because it could change at any moment. She was starting to crave stability now. And with stability came money. And with money came freedom.

"That's right," he grinned flipping her on top of him and pulling her camisole over her head. His hands rested on her hips, his erection between him.

"Well that was quick," she joked. Leaning over she grabbed the box of condoms that were resting on the bedside table. "There's not very many left."

"Your fault, not mine," he took it from her and put it on. "Stop attacking me for sex."

"Will, shut up." Leaning forward she kissed him, her hair lightly touching his chest. She could feel his hands running down her back and moving her bottom closer to his erection. She grinned liking to tease him a bit. Moving back she took him in her hand.

"Mmm…" he grinned, his eyes still closed. "Careful down there."

She bit the side of her lip and ran her index finger down his length. She could see that his breathing started to pick up and she started to move herself against his leg.

"Lily," he moaned.

"Shhh….," she leaned down again and started to kiss below his ear.

"Lily come on," he tried to slide her down further. "Stop being a tease."

"Is that what I am?" she slipped her abdomen lower, moving him toward her entrance.

He bucked his hips upward. "More than you know."

Grinning she let him slowly slip inside of her. Before she pulled back. "I think that's being a tease."

Groaning, he flipped her on her stomach and swiftly entered her from behind. His lips played by her ear. "I hate teases."

"They are less fun," she grinned burying her face in the mattress as Will continued to thrust into her.

Holding her by her hips he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of them being together. "Lily," he moaned in pleasure. "God you feel good."

Balling the sheets into her fists, her eyes rolled in the back of her head as she tried to keeps her moans in. She could feel Will slow down then pick up his pace again.

Sex with Will was good. She knew that since the first time she was with him. He definitely knew what he was doing. "Mmm….Will…oh," she moaned out. "Will…'

He grinned, turning her around on her back. He hovered over her for a moment before he started to kiss her down her stomach and then trail his lips between her thighs.

Lily reached down and ran her hands through his hair. "Will…."

"What?" he grinned. "Don't like to be teased?

Pulling him back upward she shook her head before she kissed him anew. Bringing her foot upward, Will slipped between her legs again and entered her quickly. He kept his pace slow and even and he could feel himself losing control quickly.

He kept his face buried in her neck, and kissed his favorite spot just below her ear. He could feel her heartbeat pulsating against his lips and it turned him on even more. Picking up his pace he held tightly into her thigh and pushed toward her core.

Grinning he lifted up and held onto the headboard above her and looked down. Lily's eyes were closed and a smile played on her lips. He could tell she was close by the way her fingers tangled in the sheets above her head.

Bucking his hips upward, he took her in at a new angle and it sent immediate shivers up her spine.

"Will….Oh…oh….Right…..there…..Will…." Lily's body began to tremble and she began to feel the muscles in her lower stomach begin to contract. Opening her eyes she looked up at Will above her and reached behind his neck to pull him down for a kiss as they both came.

"Lil…" he stilled inside of her, not wanting to break contact.

Lily tried to catch her breath, her hand resting on Will's ass. "Mmm?"

"Marry me."

**Brighton Music Hall**

**Boston, Massachusetts **

"Tough crowd tonight," Alison frowned, looking at Mary Sue. "What's their problem?"

Looking out from the side of the stage she noticed more people talking and drinking then actually listening to the music. "It's an older crowd. I told Aaron and Rufus this venue was crap," she shook her head. "They never want to listen to me."

Looking up she noticed Dusty saying something to Rufus. He made a face before he shook his head. She could tell he was saying no about something.

"What's he saying?" Alison asked.

Mary Sue shook her head, "No clue." She noticed them exchange a few more words before Dusty walked back to his side of the stage and finished up their song. "Hey I'm going to get another drink. You want something?"

"Can you just bring me back a bottle of water?"

"Yeah…sure," Mary Sue nodded walking off.

Looking down at the set list Alison noticed Dusty start up a song she had never heard before. It was slower and had more of a instrumental rhythm. Looking up she noticed Rufus's forlorn face and wondered what was going on.

…_."You walked back into my life_

_I wasn't expecting to see you again_

_I thought it was over_

_But you swept me up again"_

Mary Sue looked up from the bar when she heard Rufus start to sing. At first she thought it was one of their older songs but then she realized she hadn't heard it before.

"…_When we were together _

_you knew I saw forever_

_The endless rides we took, _

_You wrapped me up in your smile"_

Alison continued to listen to Rufus sing in an almost haunting way. The words seemed so familiar to her. And it didn't hit her until the end of the song that it must be about her.

"…_Painted horses on the walls_

_the artist smiles, her heart enthralled_

_Proud and glowing through the dim_

_Hazy room that lies within_

_Work displayed in public view_

_A glass of wine, Rosewood perfume._

Crossing her arms Mary Sue walked closer to the stage and saw Rufus staring off into the distance. She knew that look. Eyeing Alison she noticed the large smile playing on her lips. "Oh shit…" she said under her breath. "That dick…."

"_Rosewood_

_Oh, oh,_

_Rosewood…."_

Looking down Rufus swallowed hard. That was the first time he'd sung that song out loud since he wrote it and it made him feel weird inside. He didn't even noticed that the crowd was in love with it or that they were actually chanting for them.

Looking out he saw Alison on the side of the stage. She was smiling brightly at him and it brought him out of his trance. "Shit," he said to himself. Sighing he turned to Aaron. "Tiny Dancer," he told him.

"What?"

"Play it."

"What man?" Aaron gave him a look. "We haven't played that since highschool. We don't do that shit anymore."

"Play it," Rufus gave him a look before starting to strum his guitar. "Do it," he mouth to him. Walking up to the mic stand Rufus looked back over to Alison and gave her a wink.

"_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man."_

Alison started to crack up. Rufus used to sing that song to her all the time back in high school as a joke. Shaking her head she scrunched up her nose and gave him a knowing look.

"_Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand._

_And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand."_

Mary Sue walked up behind Alison and when she heard Rufus starting to sing Tiny Dancer she shook her head. _Trying to save his conscious _she thought. Crossing her arms she leaned against the beam waiting for this disastrous night to be over.

"_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today…."_

* * *

Alison stood by the back door waiting for the guys to pack up their stuff and get onto the bus. She noticed that Rufus seemed to be taking longer than usual and walked back down the steps to the common area where they hung out before the show. As she walked into the room she saw him sitting on top of a speaker, slowly polishing his guitar.

"Hey," she said softly sitting down next to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm fine, I just wanted to polish this up before I put it away." Swallowing, he turned and looked up at her. "Kind of a dud of a show tonight. Sorry I dragged you out here. I know you have to study."

"It's alright," she rested her head on his shoulder. "I mmm….I liked your song."

Rufus grinned. "I thought you might."

"I didn't even know you paid attention to the perfume I wore." Reaching down she covered his hand with her own. "I never had anyone write a song about me before."

"What?" he looked at her.

"Rosewood," she smiled. "I've mixed rose and sandalwood together for as long as I can remember," she laughed. "I've always liked the smell."

"Oh Al….I…." he couldn't get the words out. She was looking right into his eyes and the smile that was playing on her lips was bigger than he'd seen in quite some time. He felt awful. "….I'm glad you like it."

She leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

He looked at her for a moment, overwhelming guilt washing over him. "I love you too."

* * *

_So...I know all of you guys hate me because this chapter is like a million, billion weeks overdue (I had enough hate mail) and I'm so sorry. Between work, traveling and my best friends wedding planning I've barely had time to breathe. I promise I'm going to try and get back into the rhythm again. Big story lines coming up soon. :)_


	20. You Really Got a Hold on Me

**Chapter Nineteen**

**You Really Got a Hold on Me**

**Jingle Mingle Ball**

**The Plaza Hotel**

**December 15****th****, 1991**

**New York City**

Trying to loosen the band on his bowtie, Dusty looked around the ballroom of the Plaza Hotel. It was decorated to look like a complete Christmas Wonderland. Fake snow glistened in the trees that were brought in special for the event. The tables were lit with candles and were draped in white and blue to look like ice. Waiters carried around trays of champagne and Hors d'oeuvre that looked just about as pleasing to him as dirt.

"I don't know about this Suz." He turned looking at her, once again trying in vain to loosen his tie. "Why did we say we'd come here again? It's just a bunch of blowhards in suits. This ain't us."

"Because Al asked us to come," she swatted his hand away fixing his tie. "Her dads firm had 4 extra tickets. She thought it would be nice. And besides you never take me anywhere."

"What! Course I do! Just last month I took you to the monster truck rally with the all you can eat buffet. We stayed at the Motel Six and everything!"

"Oh be still my heart," she rolled her eyes.

"Pff…" he shook his head. "Where are they anyways? I wanna sit down, I'm hungry. And I don't like all these people lookin' at me."

"Why don't you go to the bar and get me a drink; something fancy." She looked towards the door. "I'm sure they'll be here soon."

"Do you know what a drink probably costs in this place!"

"It's an open bar Dusty! Jesus! And lower your voice. Stop acting like you were raised in a barn!"

"I'd rather be in a barn," he mumbled under his breath as he walked away.

Opening her purse Suz pulled out her compact and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was up and she didn't put on as much makeup as she usually wore. She bought her dress from a second hand shop and her heels pinched her feet. She was definitely out of her comfort zone as she looked around at all the other women in their expensive gowns and jewelry.

"Mary Sue…Mary Sue is that you?"

Closing her compact she turned around seeing Alison's mom. "Hi Mrs. Richards.

"Well don't you just look darling," she smiled giving her a hug. "You look so beautiful."

"Thank you," she smiled. "And so do you. That's a very pretty dress."

"Well thank you Mary Sue. Have you seen my daughter?" Elaine looked around the ballroom. "There are a few people that I want to introduce her to."

She shook her head. "Her and Rufus aren't here yet, but I'm sure they're on their way."

"Well why don't you come and sit down," she rubbed her arm. "You're at Carrie's table with her new boyfriend."

"Oh…" she tried to fake smile. "That's….nice."

* * *

"We're so late!" Alison looked out of the window of the taxi. "My mom is going to be livid. I just know it! I know it! Sir can you please go faster?"

"I go fast! Too fast Ma'am," the cabbie looked in his rear view window. "Traffic jam!"

"Al calm down. It'll be fine. We're not that late."

"Well we wouldn't be late at all if you wouldn't have slept the day away after saying out all night with Aaron," she huffed. "You knew that we had to travel all the way into the city the next day but you stayed out anyways."

"Oh please," he rolled his eyes, as he shifted in his suit. "I'm not a kid."

"Well stop acting like one!"

"Then stop acting like my mother," he shot back.

Narrowing her eyes she gave him a dirty look and crossed her arms. "If you didn't want to come you could have just said so. I don't need you being a grump all night."

"I'm not a grump. And so what if I wanted to go out with Aaron last night. We had things to do."

"Oh what? Sit in a bar and drink? She laughed. "Yes that's SO important." Turning her head away from him she looked out at the darkened sky. She had no idea why she was actually fighting with him. He was just making her so damn mad today. He had promised that he'd come to her place after he'd left the bar and never did. Then he slept the entire day when they had plans to do lunch before hopping the train and going into town.

"What the hell is your problem?" he grew frustrated. "You on your period or something."

"Rufus, shut up." The cab stopped and she quickly opened the door. Grabbing her purse and scarf she stepped on the sidewalk and started up to the entrance of the hotel.

"Al!" he tossed some money to the driver. "Al wait. Come on!" Rounding the cab he jogged up the steps to the Plaza, the doorman pushing open the door for him. "Thanks," he mumbled. Looking around her saw her at the front table. "Al."

"We're at table 39." She took off her coat and handed it to coat check before taking her number.

"Wait," he grabbed ahold of her upper arm turning around and seeing her dress for the first time. Her hair was down and curled, the blonde a sharp contrast to her emerald green gown she wore.

"What!" she pulled her arm away.

"You look-"

"There you two are!" Suz walked up to him. "Al your mom is looking for you. And I don't think she's very happy."

"Of course she's not," she scowled. "I'm late!" Brushing passed Suz she walked into the ballroom.

"Whoa," she eyed Rufus. "What's wrong with her?

"You know Al," he sighed. "Miss Punctuality. And she's pissed at me because I was out all night with Aaron. And I missed some lunch or something. I don't know. She's acting all crazy." Shaking his head, he tried to loosen his bowtie. "God I hate events like this. I don't even know why she wanted to come so bad."

"You sound just like Dusty. You would have thought I killed his dog when I made him shave this morning. He cried like a little girl."

He laughed and looked at her for a moment. "I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress before. Not bad," he laughed.

"Oh shut the hell up! You have too," she crossed her arms. "I need another drink."

* * *

Will looked out the window of the Penthouse Suite of the Plaza Hotel. It had just started to snow and the flakes were gently hitting the glass. "Lil are you almost ready?" Taking another drink of Champagne he took a look at himself in the mirror, deciding if his tie was straight or not.

"Yes," she said from the bathroom. "Let me just grab my lipstick."

Setting down his champagne he walked over to the dining room table and picked up his box of cufflinks and pinned his sleeves. "I'm glad you decided to come with me on rotation. I know how much you like New York."

Walking out of the bathroom Lily sat her empty glass on the counter and started to place things into her purse. "I am too. There is nothing like Christmas in New York."

Walking up behind her he kissed her just below her ear. "There's nothing like you in New York."

"Oh stop," she laughed. "Besides I haven't been to the Jingle Mingle in years. You know it's my favorite social event." Closing her purse she caught their reflection in the mirror. Ever since Will had asked her to marry him he had been charming and whisking her off her feet to either weekend getaways or leaving her gifts when she least expected it. She still hadn't given him an answer and he had asked her three more times since then. Each time being harder to say no than the last.

"Ready?" he smiled and held his arm out to her.

"Mmm," she nodded taking his arm.

* * *

"Alison, Honey, I want you to meet your fathers boss. This is Mr. Schlesinger," Elaine smiled introducing him.

"Call me Rick," he held out his hand. "Mr. Schlesinger is my father. And he's old."

Alison laughed and shook his hand. "I want to thank you for giving my friends and I your extra tickets. That was very thoughtful."

"Don't even think anything of it," he smiled.

"Rick, Alison is finishing up her junior year at Boston Conservatory," Elaine nodded. "With honors."

"Is that so? What's your major?

"I'm double majoring in dance and art," she nodded. "I'm sure much to everyone's dismay."

"Oh what you don't want to be an architect like your old man?" he joked.

"Al?" Rufus walked up behind her. "Can we talk?"

"Mmm…" she looked between her mother and Rick. "Rick this is Rufus my….boyfriend," she swallowed. "Rufus this is Rick Schlesinger my fathers boss."

"Nice to meet you," he shook his hand.

"You go to school with Alison? he asked. "I bet it's hard to keep up with Miss Double Major here," he joked.

"No," he looked at his feet. "I don't go to school with her."

Elaine spoke up. "Rufus is a musician. He's in a band and travels a lot."

"A band? What's it's name. Maybe I heard of you," he took a drink of his beer.

"Lincoln Hawk, it's Rock n' Roll. We just finished up a Midwestern Tour not too long ago.

"Lincoln Hawk….Mmm….No I don't think I have." Looking over Rick noticed his wife waving him over. "Well I have to go. My wife is flaying over there," he chuckled. "And I can't ignore her forever. Alison, Rufus it was nice meeting you. And Elaine always a pleasure."

"Rick," she nodded touching his arm. Watching him walk away Elaine turned to her daughter and Rufus. "Well don't you two look cute. Stand next to each other," she grabbed her camera from the table. "I want a picture. Oh it's just like prom!"

Alison rolled her eyes. "Mom."

"Oh come on," she looked through the viewfinder. "A little closer Rufus."

Looking down at her, Rufus uncomfortably put his arm around Alison's waist and pulled her in.

"Say Cheese!"

* * *

"What table are we at?" Lily looked at the place card.

"Table four up front. We're sitting with Mayor Dinkins." Placing his hand on the small of her back in led her through the large ballroom. "Know anyone here?"

"A few people," she nodded looking around. "You?"

"I saw a few surgeons that I know." Making their way to the front, Will noticed a few couples on the dance floor. "You going to dance with me tonight?" he grinned in her ear.

"Perhaps," she kept her expression, feeling his hand ever so slowly dip lower. "Doctor this is neither the time nor place."

Grinned he dropped his hand, it just barely touching her behind. Stopping at their table he pulled her chair out for her.

"Thank you," she sat.

Sitting down next to her he took the bottle of Champagne that was in the center of the table and poured them each a glass. Holding his glass up to her he spoke low. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"So you haven't told me your plans while we're here," he placed his arm on her chair. 'What are you going to do for 5 weeks in the city?"

"Mmm….the spa and perhaps some shopping and I told your sister that I would help her plan some afternoon tea at The Russian Tearoom."

"Spa, shopping and parties," he nodded. "Got it."

Taking another drink Lily caught the back of a women that looked familiar to her, moving her head to take a closer look, her eyes turned large. "Suz?"

"Who?" Will turned around.

Lily moved again but then Mary Sue walked away. "No one," she shook her head realizing that it couldn't be her. Mary Sue would never be at an event like this. "

"Are you hungry?" he looked around. "There's an Hors d'oeuvre table. I can get us something. Dinner isn't for another hour."

"No, I'm alright," she shook her head.

Will moved in close. "Okay give me the low down on some of the people here. Who's married to whom? Who's having an affair and would have you dated?"

"Will," she laughed. "Stop."

"Come on," he tickled her side. "I like this game. Besides this is your crowd more than mine."

Sighing she looked around the room. "See that woman in the dark purple dress standing next to those two older gentlemen?" she pointed with her head.

"Mm…" he looked around. "Yes…yes I see them."

"That's Susie Anderson. I went to school with her in Santa Monica. I heard that she got married right after high school."

"So who's that man next to her?" he whispered. "Her grandfather?"

"No," Lily grinned. "Her husband."

"Oh….alright then."

Giggling she grinned when she noticed someone else. "Those two men in the corner by the bar over there…"

"What about them?"

"They're gay."

"So?" he shrugged. "Who isn't?"

"Why don't you ask their wives?" she held in a laugh. "They are sitting right behind us. Those poor women are so oblivious."

"Women are always the last to know."

Her brow narrowed. "Trying to tell me something van der Woodsen?"

"Please," he ran his finger across her collarbone. "If you don't know by now…"

* * *

"Something wrong with you and Rufus?" Mary Sue turned to Alison after dinner. "You guys don't seem like yourselves."

Alison watched Rufus and Dusty talking as they waited in line at the bar. "We're fine," she took a drink of water. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Oh please," Carrie shot back from across the table. "You're being cold as ice. No sex for him tonight," she laughed.

"Carrie!" she quickly turned. "Shut up!"

"You're still so uptight," she took a drink of wine. "Perhaps Rufus is just annoyed that you haven't gotten that stick out of your butt yet."

"Carrie shut the fuck up," Mary Sue said from across the table. "Nobody wants or cares what you have to say. You're nothing but a stuck up, bitch with nothing to say."

'Excuse me!"

"Oh, you heard me," she rolled her eyes. Pulling Alison up from her chair they walked away. "God I hate your sister."

"These are the moments I do too." Walking up to the bar she stood behind Rufus.

"Hey," he said tentatively.

"Can you get me one of those red martini drinks?" she noticed a lot women walking around with them. "They look good."

"Sure," he smiled softly.

Looking out at the dance floor she noticed her parents dancing with a few other couples. She doubted that Rufus would ask her. He hated to dance and especially in front of people. After how the night was going he probably wasn't going to ask her to do much of anything.

"Here," he handed her the cocktail as he took his beer.

"Thanks," she took a sip.

Michael slipped in behind his daughter. "May I have this dance?" Alison grinned, recognizing his voice. "Of course," she sat her drink down and turned around. Following her dad out to the dance floor she took his hand and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Are you having a nice time tonight honey?" Michael asked.

"Mmmhmm," she said softly. "Thank you for thinking of us."

"Of course." He was silent for a moment as he danced around with his daughter trying to remember the last time they had sat down to talk. "Mary Sue and Dusty sure clean up nice," he chuckled. "I know he's dying to take off that tie."

She laughed into her fathers shoulder. "I'm sure he is."

"Honey," he said tentatively. "Is everything alright with you and Rufus?"

She was silent for a moment, fighting with her emotions of what she wanted to say. She could always talk to her father. He was the only person that would ever listen to her completely and not judge. He was her rock. "We just got in a fight," she sighed. "He's just away so much. It's hard."

"It is hard to be away from the ones you love," he agreed.

"Sometimes I just…I don't think he ever makes me a priority. She felt tears sting the back of her eyes and she willed herself not to cry. "And then I feel selfish for thinking that he should. "

"Do you feel like you make him a priority?" he asked.

"I try," she nodded. "Its so hard between dance and school. But I try, I do, I try and make time."

"I know," he said softly not wanting to make her upset.

* * *

She stood by the back doorway getting some air while Will was making a call to the hospital. Looking out into the night she noticed the snow was really starting to come down. The trees in front of the plaza were covered in lights and now glistening with snow. Smiling she was so glad that she was going to be in New York over Christmas. Once she got a taste of snow, she hated not having it over Christmas when she was in California.

Walking down the hallway Rufus took off his bowtie and shoved it in his pocket. He needed some air. Tonight was a disaster and it was not going how he had planned. Putting his hand in his pocket he felt the ring box inside. He was thinking about proposing in front of Alison's family and their friends. Now, he knew that absolutely wasn't happening.

As he got closer to the back he noticed a woman standing in the doorway. Something about her looked familiar and as he got closer his breath caught in the back of his throat. "Lil…."

Turning around she was stunned for a moment. "Rufus?"

"What are you doing here?" They both said in unison. They both smiled and laughed softly. "I thought you were in California. I haven't seen you since….Sacramento," he said. "How..how are you?"

"I'm good," she smiled. "Just admiring the snow."

"It's snowing?" he walked closer to her to look out the door.

"Mmmhmm…" she looked at him in his tux. "What are you doing at an event like this. Doesn't seem like you."

"Al's dad's Boss gave us a couple extra tickets. She'd thought it'd be fun….she was wrong," he laughed.

"Is Suz here with you too?"

"Yeah, her and Dusty."

"I knew that was her!" she shook her head. "I just never thought….I just…."

"It's a hundred percent not us," he pulled his tie out of his pocket.

"Rufus," she laughed taking it from him. "Haven't you ever heard," she took his bowtie and wrapped it around his neck. "When in Rome…."

"Yeah….yeah," he swallowed, breathing in her scent and trying to calm his rising pulse. He hadn't been this close to her in sometime. "So you haven't told me. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with Will," she said casually, tying his tie. "I'm in town for a few weeks."

"Will?"

Becoming uncomfortable under his gaze her hands shook a bit as she made a loop in his tie. She could smell his cologne and it was sending her into a tails spin. "He's a doctor I met out in California. We've been seeing each other for about nine months now," she nodded. He's on rotation at Lennox Hill."

"Nine months," he was impressed.

"What? Surprised?" she finished his tie and pulled it tight.

"No," he smirked. "I knew you'd find someone."

She looked up into Rufus's eyes and she could see sincerity in them and it made her slightly quiver.

"Cold?" he reached over her to close the door.

Backing away slightly she felt everything becoming a bit too much for her. Rufus, his smell, the look in his eyes, it was setting her back years and yet she couldn't pull away. The band started to play again and she couldn't tear her eyes from his. It was like a magnetic force was pulling them together.

"_I don't like you_

_But I love you_

_Seems that I'm always_

_Thinkin' of you_

_Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly_

_I love you madly_

_You've really got a hold on me"_

"Do you want to dance?" he asked softly.

Swallowing hard she was fighting every demon of why she shouldn't in her head but she held her hand out anyways and the moment he took it a surge of energy went through her. She leaned into his embrace and they slowly started to sway.

_Baby_

_I don't want you_

_But I need you_

_Don't wanna kiss you_

_But I need to_

_Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now_

_My love is strong now_

_You've really got a hold on me_

He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. It was like the moment he saw her everything flew out the window. The past few years, the fights, the tears, the relationships. It was just Lily and him and everything was okay. The way she fit into his arms was just like before and it felt normal.

_I wanna leave you_

_Don't wanna stay here_

_Don't wanna spend another day here_

_Oh ho ho, I wanna split now_

_I just can't quit now_

_You've really got a hold on me_

Alison was looking around everywhere for him after she finished her dance with her father. She wanted to apologize for how she was acting and wanted to talk to him about her concerns. She hated the rift that was coming between them. And if she was honest about it, she knew he had been acting different for the past few weeks, but he always assured her that it was okay.

"Did you find him?" Mary Sue came up behind her. "Dusty said he hasn't seen him either."

"Do…do you think he left?" she feared.

"No," she shook her head. "Rufus would never just leave you here. He wouldn't."

" I just don't understand." Turning the corner she started to walk down the back hallway.

"Maybe he just…." Mary Sue and her both stopped as they turned the corner and saw Rufus and Lily in each other's arms, their eyes closed, and swaying softly to the music.

_Baby_

_I love you and all I want you to do_

_Is just_

_Hold me _

_Hold me _

_Hold me_

_You really got a hold on me…._


End file.
